What to do if a friend betrays you (blog marathon post 10)
Pedro de Sousa
Today, I received this mail from a reader. (shared with permission)
I just read your blog on friendship.
You have always portrayed friends in a positive light... Except for the one in the novel 'tea for two and a piece of cake' . Personally I have like the worst kind of experience when it comes to this ship 'friendship' .. I do not know whether it is because I go out of way to help people.What would your advice be in the following situation?I was very close to this girl. And we became close because she was going through a bad phase in her life. And I was always there, no matter whether I had an exam or whether I was sick. And she never cared what I wanted. And then finally I came to know that she used to talk bad about me.... I was very hurt. When I confronted her she chucked it off.. I went under depression. She now treats me like it's my fault. I also said sorry.
Now I guess she doesn't need me anymore.Hope you doing well with your books.. Looking forward
At some point or other, all of us have been betrayed by friends. We place all our trust in a person who we think is our good friend. Then they betray us. Sometimes they talk ill about us. Sometimes they completely stop talking to us for reasons best known to them. Sometimes they get offended and even as you stare horrified at how terribly your friend misinterpreted your words, they lash out at you, or worse, walk away.
No matter what you do, you can never take an 'insurance' when it comes to friendship. There are simply no safety nets. If you open yourself out to people, you make yourself vulnerable.
Does the answer lie then in not opening yourself? No!
It's about choosing the right people as your friend.
If you are the kind of person who cannot say no to unreasonable requests from friends, I would highly recommend the book 'Don't say yes, when you want to say no' by Herbert Fensterheim and Jean Baer. Internalise and practise the things they say in the book.
The thing about friendship is that it HAS to be a two way street. If you find yourself constantly chasing your friend, and hey are too busy for you, stop doing that. If you get a feeling of being 'used' by a friend, give he friendship some space till the friend gets the message.
I too have had friends who have talked behind my backs. For me that is a MASSIVE no-no. It is a deal breaker. I have walked away from such friendships. Cut them out of my life completely.
It's better to be alone than have friends like those.
And yes---there are always books, podcasts and your family for company.
Most importantly, learn to enjoy your own company.
Do you agree?
Do any of you have any advice for this reader? If so, please leave do leave your thoughts in my comment box. Your words could be of solace.
Check out my books: http://preeti.io/amazon