Every morning, my mother sends me a good morning message. Sometimes they are photos she clicked. Of familiar objects in her house, of a familiar road in her village in Kerala, a tree where we used to sit talking, a flower which bloomed in her garden. Each image evokes a myriad memories and a nostalgic feeling so deep, I ache for beautiful Kerala.
Sometimes she sends a message, a forward that she found interesting. Today she had sent one with the picture of a Buddha, and it read "Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life and your behaviour decides who stays in your life.'
I replied back to her saying sometimes it is their behaviour. That people leave for no reason, even though you did nothing. There are other things going on inside their head. Things you don't comprehend, because they have not shared it with you, for reasons known only to them.
Even the closest of friends may hold back many things. This might be because of the way that other person behaved in the past, or because of some insecurity that if you shared this then it might lead to an outcome you want to avoid.
A relationship thrives best on openness. Many a time, in a close relationship such as a marriage or a relationship with deep commitment, the couple learns how to 'tip-toe' around the other, being careful not to press the 'trigger points'. Issues get swept away.
Not talking about it, will not make the problem go away. It only builds up resentment deep down. if the other person is non-confrontational, they quietly walk away, leaving you puzzled, wondering what you did wrong.
I talked to my mother about it, later in the day,via a phone call. She said 'We cannot change other, Preeti. The best is to focus on things which make us happy.'
She is right.
If you have a committed relationship, think about it. Think about what you are holding back, and how best you could express it.
And after you are done, go do one thing that makes you happy today. Only if you are happy can you make the other person happy.
Tell me in comments what you did.
And come back tomorrow for a new post.
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