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Best friends (blog marathon post 18)



When I was younger and  in school, there was always a 'best friend'. It was mandatory. Everybody had a 'best friend', a partner, an inseparable part of yourself, whom you shared secrets about the opposite sex with, whom you told your dreams to, whom you could not wait to meet the next day day, just because within a short span of  12-14  hours (the time between when you saw them last evening and when you would see them again the next morning at school) there would be so much that has happened that you would want to share. Every trivial little thing, every incident, every minor and major real and imagined mishap had to be narrated with detailed precision.

I don't know as adults if people have 'best friends' any more. Do you?

I certainly have 'very close friends' and 'good friends' and 'friends' and 'neighbours' and 'people living in neighbourhood' and now  in the Internet  era 'online friends'  too. (But I prefer meeting 'online friends' and have indeed met most of the people who used to be 'online friends') Today if you were to ask me who my best friend is (and my daughter asked me this a few days back) it would be hard for me to name one single person. One of my closest friends and I had a discussion about this once. She said that for her, her spouse was her best friend. So I asked her if she told every single detail about her life to her spouse. She laughed and said that would be so boring. I agreed and we both giggled over it. (Incidentally she has been married even longer than I have--and I have been married 15 years) Then I told her that even though I am one of her closest friends, if she were to tell me  every tiny detail of her life, I really wouldn't want to know :-)

Kahlil Gibran had once said on marriage

“ Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

 

 I think the same applies to every relationship that you have too.

For a relationship to grow, for the people in it to grow as individuals, for the bond to grow stronger,there has to be  at least a few things  that are separate, which the other person is not a part of. I think one should allow that other person that space and time.


In school, we did not need it. We had not yet evolved as people. We did not have many aspects to our personalities. Therefore we needed that security blanket of a 'best friend' without whom we could not imagine life.We held on to it as tightly as a drowning man would clutch a piece of floating wood which would take him to safety.

 

As adults we know that nothing stays the same forever. 

Not even Best friends.

Comments

  1. How I agree! I think I struggle with the letting go because I have been so used to sharing so much that giving space becomes synonymous with growing apart.

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  2. I would stilllove to have a "best" friend. Its only possible if adults stop judging and anlysing every small thing shared by a friend. Its perhaps that quality of kids to listen and be there without passing judgements that makes them be BEST friends.

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  3. I didn't have a 'Best Friend' for a long time. Then, I got this GPS. She talks to me sweetly but is also highly mathematical -- calculates the need deep in my heart. Doesn't hug me yet, though.

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  4. As children we always have "a best friend", but the concept fades away with age!! "let there be spaces in your togetherness..." That way relationships become healthier i guess!!
    -Durga

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  5. lovely Preeti...This one is one of the blog that make you see the things in different prospective..

    Didn't see "Best Friend" of childhood as a security Blanket... But go to think of it, its true..

    Nice one..

    Neha

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  6. I agree with u..
    In coll/School days we will be having Best frnds with whom we can share anything we want..
    After entering corporate its diff..
    Ur colleagues cant be ur best frnds..We cant share everything with them...

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  7. Nothing Stays forever FTW. :-)

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  8. How true. The 'best friend' was once our lifeline. Now, we all need our own space, in all relationships. Phew! We change so much over time :D

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  9. Yeah you are right that nothing stays forever, even best friends.Very nice post! Khalil Gibran's words are true as ever.

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  10. How true, preeti. Of late though i feel God is my best friend. HE is somebody who you can pour your heart out and share good things too and he won't let out your secret.

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  11. Space actually is necessary in every relationship whether with parents, spouse, children or friends.
    U r right...as children we are willing overlook everything as long we had our security blanket.

    Yet in some ways its a pity we grow up;-P

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  12. I never had best friends in school. I din't even have close friends then. It is only much later that I got them :)

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  13. Wow ... nice post! And yes, except for a certain few things, my sister is privy to my life, my thoughts and my feelings. So she is my best friend! As a child too, I have had multiple best friends in school but I always kept a part of me to myself - so as far as I am concerned my concept of best friends hasn't changed much! :D

    Lovely post Preeti, I enjoyed reading this much! :-)

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  14. Friends are what makes life all that more enjoyable and livable..:)

    Loved the poem :)

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  15. The poem is beautiful! Agree with your concept of giving each relation space and time.

    A bit depressing, albeit truthful post, Preeti. "We know that nothing stays the same forever."

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  16. A little introspection to see who is my best friend & I found that I'm my best friend.

    So yes! I have very close friends, good friends, friends, Xs, online friends but the best friend is still within & happy about it.

    I somehow cherish a few friends who do not expect anything from me & same here. I just love such friends.



    note - don't copy paste from MS Word, it kills the look of blog.

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  17. Rohit: I did NOT copy paste from word. I wrote the whole post here. But after I out that quote blogger started acting weird (and no i am not shifting to wordpress..dont even suggest it!)so I changed the font. I agree so much with you about what you said about being one's own best friend.

    Palsworld: yes--sadly true.

    Sushobhan: I agree. Thanks :)

    Ashwini: Thanks! Lucky lucky you to have a sister. BTW have you stopped blogging? visited you but last entry was ages ago. Or am i visiting the old blog?

    PointblanK: is it?! So surprised to know that.

    Refelcions: yes--space is so essential. yes--wils we could remain kids forever! :)

    Asha: So profoundly said! I agree with you so very much. Aethists are really missing out a powerful thing here which is faith.

    Roshan: yes. thanks :)

    Meira: Yes we do!

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  18. Prats: FTW=? for the win?

    Nischit: Corporate friends/colleagues--rarely will one find a true friend there, me thinks.

    Neha: thanks so much. yes, i guess it was a security blanket :)

    Durga: Disatcne makes the heart grow fonder! :)

    Inferno: Heheh :) When women use it they prefer a male voice and vice versa :)

    Life begins: yes--plus the quality to forget and forgive very quickly which we somehow lose as adults.

    Laksh: Space does not mean growing apart--but yes I guess for some people it is hard to aceept.

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  19. Satish's post is from word.

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  20. A great post. I agree with every word of it. We need our own space as we grow up and we know not as to what life has in store for us. Things change, people change and we keep moving on in life. I agree with rohit that we are our own best friends.

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