What being a father means.A guest post by Satish. ( blog marathon post 16)

One of the pieces that Satish wrote will soon appear in Chicken soup for the Father's Soul. He has written another piece on similar lines and I am sharing that with you. Here is a Guest post  by Satish.

 On being a Dad

By Satish Shenoy

 

Why are you not in bed? Do you realise you have school early tomorrow morning?

Why have you not studied today – you need to ensure you do well in life my darling!

Don’t climb that tree. You may fall and get hurt.

Why is this mess in your room? Look at the crumbs on the sofa and your clothes thrown here.

Why did you crawl in the bed between Mum and me last night?

Sounds familiar right? Typical father things, one would say. Mothers go through a lot for the 9 months prior to the birth of the child. They do afterwards too, but a fact often overlooked is that for a father too, the birth of a child is a complete change in life, forever. It is an extremely onerous responsibility which includes ensuring that the children are spoilt rotten and have everything which they themselves did not have as a child, protecting them from the minutest harm possible, trying to ensure they do better than everyone else in life and of course providing the right balance of attention to them.  

When my son was born it was one of the best and definitely the most amazing moment in my life. The 3.4 kg wonder the nurse carried straight from the delivery room to show the proud father (bawling because he had been brought out from the comfort of  Mom’s womb) was absolutely a marvel and I used to spend hours just watching his tiny hands, his movements, the gurgles and faces he made. When he walked a few tottering steps for me it was no less than Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon. When a man playfully manhandled my son and he came crying, I was so enraged and went straight across to this person, screamed at him and asked him to take me on if he had the guts, at that moment coming close to hitting someone physically for the first time in my life.

I was watching a programme the other day on TV which advises parents to let children make their own mistakes and learn from them in order to let them become more independent. I realised that there were quite a few times when I told my children not to do a lot of things and was therefore, probably not allowing them to make mistakes and learn from it. My wife is completely the opposite of me and feels that they should learn their lessons in life and that I should not be so restrictive in my outlook. I tried to understand what caused me to worry so much about them and thought back to when I was a child. I realised that my father had done quite a few of the same things with me and in fact, even now worries daily about me, my job, my health and a million other things even though I am now a father of two and have my own family. At times I do feel that he should let go and let me do things my way and if required, learn lessons the hard way but then it struck me immediately that my son too could be feeling the same way. Make no mistake, I think my dad is the best dad in the world – a caring, considerate and lovable individual and I do love him a lot as my son loves me too no doubt. But then why do we do what we do?

I am very proud of my son and when he gets recognised in school, holds his own with some bully, looks after his sister and someone comments on how well behaved he is then my heart swells with joy and pride. I realise then that I have had the best of both worlds – A great dad as well as a great son. What more could one ask for?

There are some good days when everything works like clockwork – when the homework gets done, rooms are cleaned up, chores are done, Xbox gets switched off immediately when told, food is not dropped on the carpet and clothes are picked up from the drawing room among other things. Then there are some days (though very few) when I tear my hair out especially when I get back from office and find my wife stressed because of a number of things the kids have done and I tell my son that when he becomes a man and has his own family, I as the grandfather will come to his house, throw popcorn on the sofa, send his child to his room to disturb him during the night, pamper my grandson a lot and watch with glee when he goes through what I am going through right now in terms of studies 

I realise that we do all of this because we care about our children, want to protect them from any pain or discomfort and want only the best for them – in short we love them a lot. Life is, I guess, ensuring the fine balance between loving them and ensuring we don’t end up smothering them completely.

Kids will be kids and we should I guess let them be. If they don’t do a bit of mischief when they are small then when would they do it? When they are big?! Naah. But then hopefully my son also realises that Dad will not be Dad if he didn’t do what he did-- worry, care, love and panic with a bit of scolding thrown in here and there. Maybe the realisation will dawn when he reaches where I have and can look back on what I went through and see what my son is going through at the same time. Whichever way you look at it, I love you Son and I love you Dad – I am just a father as my father is and as my son will be in the future. That is life and the phases of the Past, Present and the Future, so don’t judge me harshly.     

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Note: This post is also an entry for Blogadda's  Father's day Contest in association with Pringoo

Number  One

Current Mood Video (see right or click on link): Rod Stewart's Father and Son (I love Rod Stewart's version more than Cat stevens or Boyzone. Absolutely love Rod Stwart's voice. This song makes me want to cry sometimes)