How honest are you in your relationship?
Hello there you wonderful person!
I must admit this lockdown is hard. It is Day 18, and I can't help thinking that though we were told it is 21 days, the fact it is the outbreak is hard to contain. Extending the lockdown seems imperative. India is fortunate that compared to US and Italy we have relatively tinier numbers. However, given our population, and how densely we're packed we need to be extremely cautious. So let's all stay home, stay safe, follow all precautions and send a silent prayer and thank you to so many on the frontline.
This morning, when I was walking my dog, I was thinking about 'honesty' in relationships. How honest do we want to be with our partners, our loved ones? By honesty I don't moral honesty, like cheating on them. That is not what I am speaking about.
What I am talking about is the question of how open do you want to be, if you know it will hurt their feelings? And yet, sometimes we as their closest friends and well-wishers, do need to tell them.
Here I make a distinction between what we think is good for them (don't smoke, exercise, eat healthy) and what they think is good for themselves. (It's okay to smoke, I will exercise but not daily, I don't always have to eat healthy). I firmly believe that if you are an adult, the choices you make are yours alone. If spouses or partners try and nag the other person to change, they never will. They will have to feel a need to change themselves.
At times, the person doesn't realise how they have changed. Example: They used to read a lot, and have stopped reading now, because they are spending a lot of time on the phone. In such a case, I would point out gently , saying 'You used to read a lot, and you love reading. What's going on now?'
You may substitute reading with anything else, in the aforementioned example.
Sometimes, I think we all need a nudge. I would appreciate if my closest people noticed something about me, which I hadn't noticed, and brought it to my attention.
Yet many people are afraid of confrontation or telling close people what needs to be told, as they are afraid of rejection or reactions. They brush it under the carpet, not willing to talk about it.
A close relationship should be such that you have the liberty to talk about anything under the sun. If you fight, it is important to fight the issue, not the person. if you get too angry, please let the other person know you need a timeout and will be ready to talk when you feel better.
I think honesty in relationships makes it richer, deeper and more meaningful.
Do you agree?
Tell me your thoughts in comments below. If reading in your mail, do head to my blog and talk to me in my comment box. I do love hearing from you. When I hear from you, it makes me feel like I am having a conversation, and that you care enough to reply back to me!
I will see you here tomorrow.
Till then, be honest! :)
Lots of love
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash
I agree with you Mam. What I have noticed is that my husband and children listen to me more when I tell them in a nice way. But I don't have the patience to be nice all the time as sometimes I will be tired doing all the housework (I don't have any maid) or some day my health may not be great. But can't help. Sometimes things happen, words come out which actually we don't like to tell. Then I tell myself that all days are not the same and I just move on. 😄ReplyDelete
Of course everyone gets annoyed once in a while, and that's completely okay.Delete
Yes Mam! 😄Delete
You always ignite sparks which make the mind active. During this lockdown I've been spending a lot of time with my wife and mom. And honestly i did not know a lot of things being married for 8 years and being a son all my life. I realize that its more due to my introvert nature than other things. But now that you gave an example of using mobile a lot, I am guilty and havent really been communicating well with people around me. If the lockdown continues I think i will gradually reduce the screen time and involve myself more in strengthening the relationships. Thanks PreetiReplyDelete
I am really happy that my blog posts are truly impacting people's lives for the better. Thank you so much for sharing and letting me know.Delete
I usually try to be very very honest in my relationship esp hubby but my hubby is very reactive.He gets irritated very soon .in those situations I don't say.because sometimes it's better if the person gets an Handson experience. It is always true that a man learns only by experiance.the knowledge that he/she gathers will stay with them forever.ReplyDelete
I guess everyone who wants to say something which is not pleasant, needs to be tactful. I can write about this..It is called 'sandwiching'. You tell them one good thing about them (which is true and sincere). Then you tell what you want changed..then finish it by praising and thanking for what they have done right.Delete
I'm just 21. I hope that it'll be useful for me in future.ReplyDelete
Haha..This can be applied to out closest relationships with family as well..not just for partners.Delete
A derivative (in the stock market) derives it's value from an underlying asset (stocks,bonds,gold etc.). Similarly a relationship derives it's real value from the underlying asset,in this case,trust and mutual respect.Once that is in place the other person is assured that you always have their best intentions in mind.ReplyDelete
With this feeling amongst two people honesty can easily be maintained and both people would come out winners .
Mam you keep smiling and stay positive as it brushes onto all of us.
Thank you so much Preetiji.
What do you do Sourabh? Curious to know. You phrased it really well!Delete
Preetiji Congratulations on completing 25 years of togetherness.💓❤🌷👍👌 Stay Happy Always.🙏🙏ReplyDelete
Thank you so very much! <3Delete
Hi Preeti. I believe honesty is a very important part of any relationship. There are certain things that my husbsnd does which he never used to do. I do not nag him about it. I tell him in a nice way. When he uses the mobile a lot, he tends to get headaches. So I reminded him in a gentle way that it would be better if he wears his glasses. Ever since I told him, he has been using them! Sometimes, I lose my patience, and he will not listen if I am very hyper. So I will wait till I cool down. There are many things which people have come and told me about myself. It hurt me at first, but later on I realized it was better they told me because I learned a lot out of it and it made me a better person.ReplyDelete
I hope they ere tactful when they told you. Whenever someone tells me anything about me, I first examine where it is coming from and why they are saying it. I am very analytical that way.Delete
Faith and love will keep the relationships intact!!! Every single day, we see that we develop our love because it is limitless. The more you develop love, the more you become stronger a person.( small note- love is different from affection. And developing or growing affection is adversary. Where as love isn’t one)ReplyDelete
Obviously Honesty is one of the most important criteria in a strong relationship. Often I have heard and experienced that truth can never be hidden. One day or other your partner is going to know that you are lying to them. So why lie and cheat. If you have done something unknowingly or knowingly, confront it. Realize your mistake, apologize and make your relationship stronger. Committing mistake is okay but doing it again and again just because your partner is trusting you blindly is a crime.ReplyDelete
And Preeti ma'am you truly strike a chord in my mind with your words. So enlightening!