Playing hard to get (blog marathon post 27)
From my column Sex and the city that I write for Financial Chronicle every Saturday.
When you are single and trying to get that cute guy or that
stunning woman at the bar, your workplace, the library, local gym or bowling
alley—depending on the things that you typically do during your weekends-- to
notice you, it can be very confusing to decipher if they are truly not
interested in you or if they are playing hard to get.
The thing about playing hard-to-get is that it is a double
edged sword and you have to be adept and a master of the game to be able to use
it to your advantage. One wrong move and it can slip, slicing the relationship
and your heart (or theirs) in the process, killing what could have been
wonderful before it even had a chance to blossom.
There are many people who put honesty above mind-games and
have ended relationships as the stress of figuring out where exactly they stand
in somebody’s life, especially when they have been left guessing a tad too many
times, gets impossible to endure. Then
again there are others for whom the chase is the elixir their attraction
thrives on. They do not want somebody who is predictable, always there and
willing to go out with them at last minute notice on a Saturday night.
According to researchers Dai, Dong and Jia, whose paper has
been published in the journal of US national library and national institute of
health, playing hard to get works only under certain circumstances—where the
partners were already interested in each other and had a certain degree of
emotional investment in the relationship. If one of the parties was not
interested, playing hard to get would not motivate the other person to chase.
Thus only if a potential partner already knows about you, likes you and thinks
you are nice does this strategy have a chance of working.
The thing is each of us are complex individuals with our own
quirks, likes and dislikes, not to mention mood-swings, stress and a hundred
other factors that affect decisions that we make daily. When it comes to
playing hard-to-get, no matter what the research says, one person’s turn-on
might be another person’s passion-killer. Personally if somebody was sending me
‘stay-away-from-me’ signals I would take that at face value and stay away. And
if I was interested in someone, I wouldn’t play mind-games thinking that it
would increase their desire for me. I would instead make it known that they
matter and would ask them out and see if I liked their company. And if they
didn’t return my calls after a couple of attempts I definitely would not ‘chase
them’ as it instantly conjures up an
image of a cowboy with a lasso, trying to loop in something that is attempting
to get away. A relationship has to glide effortlessly, more so in the early
stages.
While there is a whole load of information out there which
tell men how to make her beg for sex with tips like more foreplay, waiting for
the right moment, giving her a teaser of the things to come, kissing her softly
and tenderly, pressing her against the wall and looking into her eyes while dry
humping her and so on, what they forget to tell you is that most women like
guys who are genuinely sweet and sincere. Every woman loves a guy who will
listen to her, converse intelligently with her, treat her with respect, and
admire her mind more than her body and most importantly a guy who keeps up his
word. Thus if you are a guy who has promised her that you will call her on
Wednesday, put a reminder in your phone and make that call. If you have told
her that you would get back to her on something, ensure you do by the said
time. Little things like these are what would make a woman impressed with a
man. No woman likes to be kept on tenterhooks wondering where she stands with a
guy.
My male friends tell me that it is the same for men. Most
guys would hate a woman who doesn’t keep up her promises, who treats them like
her personal errand boy and does not respect them.
The rules of a relationship are simple. If you like them,
let them know. If they say no, let them go.
Now, that isn’t so hard to get, is it?
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it all depends on the two, if they love each other, they won't waste time on playing hard. they gonna confess directly.moreover, playing hard gives negative signal,
ReplyDeleteLike Like Like Superlike the artilce! Thanks for clearing the misunderstandings and making us unsderstand relationships better! :-)
ReplyDeletePlaying with the partner and wooing them to attract towards oneself are two different things altogether. Naive lovers find the hard-to-get phenomenon quite thrilling. Rightly said Preeti, it could act as a deterrent to your love (if they are). Love games are in vougue. But I miss the era of innocent sincere love.
ReplyDeleteI read this article twice because there were a lot of things that intrigued me. Perhaps, I have not been in this situation before, so found it very interesting. Good luck to all the men and women out there in finding their Cupid or Lady Love. Just remember one thing - If they like you, they will do anything to be with you. If they don't want to be with you, there is nothing that you can do to make them change their mind, no matter how much you try! :-) Thank you Preeti for this refreshing article!
ReplyDeleteNice Article..!!! Will have to subscribe Financial Chronicle..!!! :)
ReplyDelete