You do not own the ones you love (blog marathon post 3)
So I just got back from watching Dil Dhadakne Do. And I must say Zoya Akhtar did not disappoint at all. I had loved her earlier two movies too. (Luck by Chance and Zindagi Na Mile dobara)
This is what I had said on my FB page
Though it deals with many issues like being trapped in a unhappy marriage, pity-sex, doing something even when your heart isn't in it, upholding family values etc the one that appealed most to me was one of the core messages which is " If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy."
I firmly believe that parents, especially in the Indian context should stop interfering in their adult children's lives. Once the children are standing on their own feet, and no longer living with parents, parents need to back off. Respect the choices that your adult child makes--even though you may not always agree with them.
It is the same in relationships. Your partner might be making a choice which is making them happy. You may not understand it. It might not be something that you choose for them. You may not agree with their choice and you may presume that you have a right to express your opinion on their choice.
But you don't. In a marriage or a relationship, the woman doesn't 'own' the man nor does the man 'belong' to the wife. Both are free to make their choices. The choices they make might hurt each other badly. (Like was depicted in the movie)
But if you love each other, you will work towards resolving it. By talking about it. By bringing up issues which you feel deeply about. By opening your minds. And trying hard to understand what it is that makes your loved one tick.
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Check out the reviews of my latest book and buy it:
http://www.preetishenoy.com/books/it-happens-for-a-reason/buy-now/
photo credit: Under the Weather via photopin (license)
This is what I had said on my FB page
Though it deals with many issues like being trapped in a unhappy marriage, pity-sex, doing something even when your heart isn't in it, upholding family values etc the one that appealed most to me was one of the core messages which is " If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy."
I firmly believe that parents, especially in the Indian context should stop interfering in their adult children's lives. Once the children are standing on their own feet, and no longer living with parents, parents need to back off. Respect the choices that your adult child makes--even though you may not always agree with them.
It is the same in relationships. Your partner might be making a choice which is making them happy. You may not understand it. It might not be something that you choose for them. You may not agree with their choice and you may presume that you have a right to express your opinion on their choice.
But you don't. In a marriage or a relationship, the woman doesn't 'own' the man nor does the man 'belong' to the wife. Both are free to make their choices. The choices they make might hurt each other badly. (Like was depicted in the movie)
But if you love each other, you will work towards resolving it. By talking about it. By bringing up issues which you feel deeply about. By opening your minds. And trying hard to understand what it is that makes your loved one tick.
_________________________________________________________________
Check out the reviews of my latest book and buy it:
http://www.preetishenoy.com/books/it-happens-for-a-reason/buy-now/
I haven't watched the movie but yes the message is profound. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteDis post bring smile to my face. Amazingly written and explained so simply as its d most common topic between couple''s for an argument to get start.
ReplyDeleteDis post bring smile to my face. Amazingly written and explained so simply as its d most common topic between couple''s for an argument to get start.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful :) I wish everyone is brought up with this attitude. Life would probably be simpler. We, as in most of our indian population made it tad bit harder. It is not their fault either, they do not know any better.
ReplyDeleteCompletely agreed on that! Looking forward to see movie tomorrow nd for your tomorrow's post as well.. Keep writing :-
ReplyDeleteCompletely agreed on that! Looking forward to see movie tomorrow nd for your tomorrow's post as well.. Keep writing :-
ReplyDeleteabsolutely! talking resolves the issues if both love each other. interference aggravates the issue. so no point in trying to help them
ReplyDeleteNot yet watched movie Soon i will watch :-) " If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy." Totally agree with this line & What you think convey through this post was CENT % Correct :) Looking Forward for NXT Post Mam! Happy Writing :-) Happy Blogging :-) We always Happy Reading :-)
ReplyDeleteP.S " Eagerly waiting For ur's Upcoming Book "
I really wish all the Indian parents get the concept, for we kids suffer when they don't! :(
ReplyDeletei don't agree with you..what to do when the person's choice is just a big mistake...because any choice is not only a choice of that individual only but it also relates with and having impact on everyone's life to whom he or she is well connected...so i think its wrong saying that parents or their wife or husband should not interfere on every choice u r going to make...on some extent u are right...but at what extent its just a matter of probability...pardon me if i said any thing wrong...plz go through my blog dastakofdlm.blogspot.in & ankaheesibatein.blogspot.in for better understanding my views...
ReplyDeleteYes, any relationship needs some space to breathe. I totally agree with you when you say "If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy." It's a beautiful thing to do for your loved ones.
ReplyDeleteI love love love Zindagi Na Milegi Dobaara" and it surprises me that Dil Dhadakne Do is equally good (Music of this film is not as good as ZNMD though)
Totally agree with you.. Awesome movie and great message.. Freedom of speech, work, Life..!!! Communication is the key..!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish, your messages reach to our parents..which I am afraid is not..(at least not reaching to a large (very large) chunk of them..And when we convey the same to them, they accuse us of intellectually overgrown.
ReplyDeleteVery nice thought - " If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy ". .Its very tough especially as parents to do that as we always want the best for the kids and try to hand hold them in every step...!
ReplyDeleteBang on Preeti. True love doesn't mean possessing someone and I am a believer in free love. DDD seems like an interesting movie, reflecting reality.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading a blog post and so many comments on it, I am geared up to watch DDD soon. Love is simply love. It doesnt mean patenting the person. One even can love the nature/ nation/ monument/ animal and so a person. How can you own the formers? Then why own the latter?
ReplyDeleteI agree with this post ,wish people love others unconditionally and let them have the space they need.Most of the people don't realise that
ReplyDeleteI have not watched the movie, but what you wrote in the post is absolutely true! We sometimes care too much for a person, that we don't allow them to make their own decisions. We feel that we own them, but what we should know is that we don't, nor does anyone own us. Love a person and let them be free when it comes to their dreams and passions. Parents may not agree 100% with what their child does, but hope they can at least make it a point to understand why their child wants to do what they think they should.
ReplyDeleteWell said ! Waiting for your new book mam :)
ReplyDelete