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Sometimes we need to learn to take (blog marathon post 5)

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Sometimes you need to tell it like it is. There is no other way. If you do not like something, you just have to speak up. Swallow the discomfort. Risk the anger. Wade out of your comfort zone. Let go of the need to please.
'Yes, I was upset about you doing_________' instead of 'No, I didn't mind.'
'Yes, I think you were uncaring, But it's okay.' instead of 'No, I didn't even notice.'
'Yes, I wondered why you have suddenly stopped communicating. I thought I was important enough for you to make time for me,' instead of 'You must be really busy.'

Must you always be blunt and honest and direct?
No, not always---only when you feel hurt.

Because, you need to respect yourself, value yourself.
You need to sometimes show others how to treat you and what you will take.
You need to stand up for yourself.
You need to explain your point of view--because only you can see the view that you do, from where you stand. For everyone else it is a different view.

You have to do it, because you deserve better.
You have to do it because if you do not speak up, there will be tiny cracks that seep in. Cracks that will grow with hurt and confusion. Cracks that will expand to breaks. And slowly, before you realise it, the relationship will fall apart because you have been giving and giving and giving.

There is only so much you can give.
You need to learn to take too.

________________________________________________
 
Nielsen bestseller .No. 7. Read it yet?
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Comments

  1. Nice one ma'am. Its a timely advice for me so i couldn't leave this page without leaving a comment. Great work!! Eagerly waiting for your next posts too:)

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  2. Hey how can you write so wonderfully mam. I mean was it from early years itself or after being a matured writer. A wonderful advice. It's a small brother of life is what u make it in inspiring:). Thank you

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  3. True said. Thank you for superb writing. Which inspires me to learn English, so i will be able to read maximum books of yours and others. Gujarati are very poor learner of English.

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  4. This is one of your best blogs. Best ones. I could absolutely relate to it. So many times we feel if we say things others will feel bad but we forget what about me feeling bad. I am going to stick this article of yours to my wall at home so that i can read it everyday and remind myself everyday that i matter my views matter.
    love jas

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  5. Nicely said mam.Thanks for inspiring us.Will be waiting for your next post.............

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  6. The content of this post is wonderful preeti ma'am! I always voice out my views and opinions when it comes to my family. But people misconstrue that I am being a complain box. I know I do not complain all the time. But when people take me for granted, I do explode.That too with elders at home I feel whenever I voice my views they do not like it and correlate how they mastered the art of being silent and take whatever elders said then! Though I reiterated life was very different couple of decades back, it fell in dumb ears.Now I am clueless as to remain silent for whatever people say or to keep voicing my views. The former has the advantage of not creating any issues and the disadvantage is one gets frustrated for not expressing what he/she feels. The latter gives one a complete satisfaction that he/she enjoys freedom of speech at the cost of creating a rift between the relationships. In the end I am a confused soul!

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  7. Thanks a lot mam. U r a saviour . It's strange but everytime when i am feeling low and need someone to talk to, u come like an angel and cheer me up through ur posts. The contents relate me many times as if they r written fr me only..U make my day every morning..Thanks a lot. :)

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  8. Well said Preeti ! It makes a lot of difference in saying something negatively and conveying the same massage positively.
    Best post :)

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  9. yes, i too agree to you.we need to air out our rage and discomfort.otherwise it will keep boiling inside and it will burst like a lava in the end

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  10. True.If we don't respect ourselves who will do that?

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  11. Yeah.. Because it's we who can let others know what we feel.
    I wrote a poem regarding this as well.
    Words from the Heart of a Celebrity....
    So many e-mails appreciating me,
    For my glorious talent.
    I prefer the one,
    Who would make me correct my flaws.

    A number of criticizers,
    Hating whatever I do.
    I’m indebted to one,
    Who let me know how much my act appealed to them.

    Innumerable fans hovering around me,
    Asking for a single autograph.
    I admire the one,
    Who would let me know where I am at fault.

    Thousands want me as a friend,
    Because I have great talent.
    I appreciate the one,
    Who would love me for all that I am internally.

    It feels good having lots of fans.
    It feels good receiving lots of love.
    But it’s a little better to be a little more ‘perfect’.
    It’s a little better to serve all the fans in a little better way.

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  12. The bitter truth. Most of the time we keep on adjusting,compromising with the opponent either friend , lover or partner. A small crack later breaks the relationship and they get to know the reality of our self. Instead of compressing our emotions we can simply express what we don't like and what we want to be. As you said " We deserve better". One of the best article from you mam.

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. When you try taking and finally end up giving just cause you don't want to spoil the relationship.. :(

    Happens a lot with me..!!! And can't do anything as the people you are giving, are the one who are part of your heartbeat..!!!

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  15. This post could not have come at a better time, Preeti. I read it several times and realized that there are times we need to convey what's in our mind instead of just saying 'No, I didn't mind' or "It's okay' I have been a person who likes to keep my feelings and opinions to myself. When others may argue with me on things, and I feel that I have not done anything wrong, I have a habit of keeping quiet, because I am always concerned about not hurting other people's feelings. But if I continue this, it means, I am not respecting myself. Another inspiring post! Thank you.

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  16. Anonymous10:16 PM

    Agree, Preeti. At times, I feel it tough to do so because of conflicts that may crop up but if we don't speak, people may take us for granted.

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  17. Yes I am learning this art of speaking up too !!!

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  18. Absolutely correct mam

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  19. Absolutely correct mam

    ReplyDelete

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