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Take care of yourself. (post 29)


Most of us have been raised to 'be nice' to others. We have ingrained it to such an extent that we know no other way. Even when someone puts us down, we second guess and say to ourselves 'Maybe they didn't mean it that way..Maybe I am over-reacting'.

Here's the thing: If you felt bad about something that someone said, what is important is not how they meant it, it is how YOU felt about it.  People make disparaging remarks, out of envy. Sometimes, they are veiled. They are not direct references.

I remember one time when I had made an extra effort to dress up well, to meet a friend. She greeted me and enthused about how stylish I looked. Then in the very next breath, she went on to tell me about how my ear-rings did not match what I wore as a pendant or some such thing. I told her it was my choice, and that was the way I liked it. I closed the topic. Another time, I was telling  another friend, about how I wore only sarees to an International lit fest, as I was representing India. That person immediately made a reference to her friend, who did that at an international conference and someone told her that 'It was too much and she was overdoing it.'   I found that veiled reference  and indirect put-down interesting.
I don't think anyone has the right to comment upon other people's choices! How they dress is upto them.  If you do not approve, you can look the other way.
I detest unsolicited advice on the sartorial or any other  choices that I make.

Comments from close friends are one thing. But when someone you barely know, puts you down, it's time to 'not be nice'. Just walk away.
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Comments

  1. Several incidents made me realize that being extra-nice is stupid. People start taking you for granted and start believing that they can say anything to you. It's really hard but I am learning that I need to speak up firmly, sometimes. People must understand that they can't say/behave as they like just because you are nice (and don't say anything in reply).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I give it back :) I don't keep quiet. I cannot be taken for granted. Not by anyone.

      Delete
  2. You are right madam.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My life my rules my choices.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really don't like it when others put me down with their rude remarks. I am a person who keeps quiet because I don't want to ruin the friendship. Also, I am not a person who will comment about others dressing style, talking, mannerisms, etc. Each person is a unique individual and it's not like everyone can behave just like the other right? I am sorry to hear that someone made a remark about your earrings. To me, you look great in whatever attire and accessories you wear and what really matters is your personality and how well you gel with others - It's should not be about whether you are a fashion diva or not! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This post was definitely NOT about my ear-rings or my sartorial choices. I do LOVE my accessories and I *am* a fashion diva :) (modest too :D )
      Thank you for the lovely comments you have been leaving on my posts Prathima. Much appreciated! <3

      Delete
  5. Yes I also feal bad anyone juj me in any sence .some time I choose profile pic which I like.and when juj and say ur profile pic is not gud I feal very bad

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes I also feal bad anyone juj me in any sence .some time I choose profile pic which I like.and when juj and say ur profile pic is not gud I feal very bad

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's cheap how some satisfy their insecurities by making comments on others sartorial habits. Good article to identify this set of people and not let them affect ones confidence.

    ReplyDelete

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