Thursday, June 04, 2015

When friends don't respond back (Blog maraton post 2)

So did you do something yesterday that you have never done before? I know some of you did---and left comments in my comment box and those felt good to read, even though I haven't replied individually (yet)--but I did read each and every one.

Today the day started for me with Sheryl Sandberg's very moving post.
Do read it if you haven't--it is worth your while. It reminded me of that last chapter in my first book.

Sometimes we realise how dear something is, only when you have lost it or you come close to losing it. Death of a loved one is something that affects us in ways that just cannot be explained--only experienced. It changes us, leaving a hole in our hearts but we become compassionate because of it.

It is the same when a relationship ends. Or when you lose a friendship. At times the friend just stops communicating with you for absolutely no reason. They just don't answer back when you call. They don't reply to your pings and when you try to make plans to meet, they are always busy. Slowly a cherished friendship becomes a cherished memory.




There is nothing you can do about these things. The 'why it happens' is not yours to solve. What is important is how you deal with it.

I get mails from many who ask me what they can do if a person they like doesn't reciprocate. They don't reply back. They are usually unavailable. And no matter how much of effort one makes, the other just doesn't want to respond.

Now here is the thing--you cannot do anything other than bear it. You cannot make anyone want to talk to you. People go out of your lives because there are new people waiting to enter it. Whatever that person's purpose was in your life, it is over. Sometimes, they will come back. Sometimes they won't.  If they come back, accept them back if it gives you joy. But you may often find that when they do come back you have moved on.

And that is okay.
That is just how it was meant to be.
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21 comments:

  1. I generally like to read something good in the morning, just so that the day goes well. Just yesterday I was thinking about your blog marathons while searching for good stuff to read. But I do understand how difficult it must be for you. You amaze me! Sometimes I wonder where you get all your energy from. Thank you, for the blog marathon and all other posts that you do! :)

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  2. I happened to read 'The one you cannot have' yesterday on my flight. Seeing this video, it reminded me of Aman's mom's garden n her passion for growing vegetables in terrace garden
    You may also visit my blog
    www.iaspaper.in

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  3. Absolutely, i do have friend, who don't respond back to me properly. i stopped complaining that because my friend doesnt like complaining.

    I cannot do anything other than bear it.

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  4. This could not be more timely, and apt. Even though I know this well, this post is a very good reminder.

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  5. I prefer to reciprocate than to bear with and its hard to move on as u say.

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  6. It's like a bitter truth of life that is digested only with the help of time.

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  7. But it also dis-heartening and hurtful when people do not reciprocate. It is a hard phase.
    Good insights though.

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  8. Very apt that you can't force anyone to talk to you, no matter how close you might have been with them. It's better to move on rather than sulking over someone.
    I've experienced the same not once but twice with two of my very close friends. First happened while in school and second happened just last year.
    As of now we are all in contact, share our joys and sorrows the same way that we used to :)

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  9. Wen ur a vry close frnd misunderstnd you, it hurts ... Bt wt to do keep thinking abt dt bcoz u cnt digest it hpnd to me .its nt dt i realy wana thnk abt it bt its jst dt i never expected from a vry close frnd of mine dt she wil nisunderstnd me & aftr dt its really hurting me.. NT able to forget her wrds which hurt me yesterday... Bt no option left ..i wish i cud let go things easily

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  10. Totally Agree with you mam! Really i miss my school life and friends :( even i completed my college two months back i not worried to leaving the college compare to school Because that days are wonderful :-) some of my close friends are vanishing i try to contact them but they not speak much as we spoke that before days Any way WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THE LIFE and MOVE ON ! Looking fwd more from Next Post Happy Blogging Mam :) and we always Happy Reading :)

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  11. Absolutely!! Some people's role in life is special but short like that of guest appearance!! They amaze and amuse you, leaving sweet memory forever and ever!!

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  12. it's hard when someone close doesn't reciprocate or leaves you forever. at one point it feels we can't get over it. but with time, the phase ends. it's just a matter of time. it's easily said than done. but that's how life goes on!

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  13. Happened to me and a perfect blog to share it with my friend :)
    Thanks Preeti :)

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  14. Now I understand when I out myself on the other side of the table. I will have to get back into callings and responding before I feel I have lost my best buddies..!!! Keep going Preeti.. each post is life changing..!!!

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  15. I have done that too a friend. No answers just closed the relation and there was a genuine reason

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  16. I m glad i came across ur blog today. Preeti u r absolutely right! I m one happy follower of urs .thank you

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  17. I am still reading Sheryl Sandberg's 'Lean In'.... I have to find big courage to finish the book. Pure grief it is in her right now. May it be buried in the layers of time and the love of her children. Amen !

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  18. I am still reading Sheryl Sandberg's 'Lean In' and I have to find big courage now to finish it. Pure grief it was in her post and more so in her life. May Lord bury her grief in the layers of time and in the love of her children. Amen !

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  19. This blog inspired me a lot Preeti. I love the image with the boy and girl too. There have been a lot of people who came into my life, and left and I was heartbroken. It took me a very very long time to understand why they left and also why they will never come back. When it happens to others, we console them. Little do we know how much it really hurts when it happens to us. Just be patient and help others get through this rough time.

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  20. U know this might sound dramatic but let me say - While reading,I was thinking of that one person ( a friend,actually a more than a friend) who never reciprocated ,who could never like me the way I had fallen for him/her. And from another blogpost, I could relate that the thing ,people don't reciprocate , has more got to do with THEMSELVES than us. Probably they have their own problems. Or like you said,it is enough to think of a friend once in a month and not to get bothered by so much as pinging.
    So, after reading this post ,when I switched to facebook, that 'friend' has changed the profile pic that doesn't usually happen and it was like as if thinking about this person was not bad enough , his pic came punching through my news feed.
    I'll come to the point.
    To like it or not
    -signing off (in dilemma I did not choose)

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  21. Got my answer. It doesn't matter if I like it or not this time as long as I unfollow ,so that i don't get unexpected

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