Fights in a relationship (Blog marathon post 12)

Fighting Pictures, Images and Photos

Like I mentioned before, one of my closest friends is visiting me from India. Her children and my children are really great friends and have a wonderful time together. They can spends hours and hours endlessly in each other's company and never get bored. When they are apart, they crave for each other. When they are together like they say "Life rocks!". I love the easy camaraderie they share and the grand time and amount of fun they have with each other. The best part is they fight too and they make up just as quickly.

This observation led to an interesting discussion between my friend and me. She said she knew people who never fought. I said that if people never fought it means that they aren't one hundred percent complete in that relationship. I always feel that if a relationship matters to you, then fights will be natural. One cannot have a relationship with absolutely no fights. We express anger because we are comfortable knowing that the other person will not reject you or what you are saying simply because you disagree.

Any relationship--be it spouses, Girlfriends, or couples in love or even good friends, will have its share of times when both don't agree entirely on the same thing. If your relationship is healthy enough it survives and in fact grows stronger because you know that fights can be sorted out.

My friend made a very valid point. She said that what can be disastrous in a relationship is indifference. It means that your relationship (and I am not talking about only marriages) has deteriorated so much that you just do not care. You have switched off and it really does not matter what the other person says or does. That is indeed the sound of death-knell of the relationship.

I am really glad and fortunate that I have friends to whom I can unabashedly say what I feel without worrying about hurting their feelings or without them getting judgemental. I am thankful for them.

It is important to fight in a relationship. Fights are good as they help you resolve conflicts or issues.

But I also feel fights to a relationship is like wind to fire. A little quickens but too much extinguishes it.

Don't you agree?


  1. I completely agree, for a relationship to be healthy and understanding one there should be fights. It brings the people more close after that. In relation with distance more attraction with fights more love..

  2. i have to agree. Me and vinu fight a lot, usually about silly things. it usually ends with me punching him as hard as i can :) he gets so upset, if i don't pick up a fight with him and if i am very calm, he keeps pestering me 'what's wrong with you', why aren't you fighting ?

  3. yes I completely agree.
    There has to be a limit to the fighting, what type of fighting and how easily you are able to make up and if you are able to at all.

    Sometimes its hurtful though when you do think you are close enough to express the anger and think the fight is something you can get over only to realise the other person packed their bags and left the relationship - again whether that be a romantic one or not!

    But I agree, you can't be the best of friends UNLESS you have had fights and disagreements and gotten over them!

    Interesting post, loved reading it :)(as usual :P)

  4. Ok, now she is on record that she does punch me real hard, this is domestic where is the law that protects poor men like me :)

  5. yup i agree!
    quarrels are good, there shouldn't be wars! ;)

  6. Hmm..I dont know..Usually I like to fight a lot..Those who are close to me know that..But arent there some people with whom you just cant fight coz they are too sweet?At the same time you feel sooo close to them as well:)All you can have with them is a good argument(sigh)..hehe!!

    But like you said a fight decides where the relation goes next.


  7. I completely agree!! I have not had a relation ship till now without fights being a part of it!! However as you say too much is no good!! Too much of anything is good for nothing as the old saying goes:-)

    And for the camera question you'd asked yesterday, I would say go for a decent model of Digital SLR, it gives you so much freedom to capture anything!! And the quality is unmatchable to the point and shoot digital cameras!! I own a Nikon D40 and I love it!! Check it out!!

    Have a great weekend!


  8. 100% with u on the preeti...if u there no fights at all in any relationship then surely there is some problem atleast one of the person is not giving 100%

  9. I completely agree with u.we will find
    how much we love only when we for meaningful realationship fight is it must be short as and sweet.

  10. I replied to your question in bog marathon post 10.. Its at the bottom of the post. Anyway, coming to this post, I do agree that fights are a part and parcel of a relationship. Disagreements are going to happen when two people are in a relationship...

  11. Anonymous10:52 AM

    I couldn't agree more with you Preeti. It always amazes me; the simplicity with which you put some really important stuff about life. It’s like i know it subconsciously, but then when i read it on your blog, it stikes me suddenly, and i actually start nodding in approval of what you have to say. It’s a gift which very few people have.

    I look forward to reading your blog everyday more than anything.

    Keep up the good work :) :)

  12. Absolutely agree with you. But some people are so conflict-avoiding. They care, but are scared of disagreements leading to fights and the energy wasted thus. Hence they avoid it totally.

  13. If your definition of “fighting” and “disagreement” are the same then I agree with you.

    According to me, fighting with the known relationships is to stress our point of you rather than just disagree. If we want to disagree with known relationships we don’t fight always but express our disagreement. By doing that we don’t stress our point of you, but giving a chance for the other party to exercise the option according to his/her will.

    We fight with unknown people for example road rage, customer service people, or we really do want that relationship for long term to continue, then there is no mask. But when we disagree with people we know, a thin layer of mask for sure we wear, just to keep up that relationship.

    Its just my view. You are free to “agree to disagree”

  14. Oh, I agree completely! Without those fights with your friends, your siblings, your family, life would be so boring! If everyone agreed with everyone else about everything, the world would just end up being so bland!

  15. Yes Disagrrements are good. But sometimes in a relationship one person is indifferent and if the other person is the one trying to keep the relationship alive by fighting ,arguing and cajoling...that also might lead to a disastrous end.

  16. too much of anything is ill-desired!! and I say this from personal experience... :)

  17. Anonymous7:42 PM

    Agree 100%. But some people prefer to be aloof and indifferent and completely avoid any disagreements. Gradually the passion fizzles out.

  18. Very true..a little helps but too much well said..the biggest happiness is to reconcile after a fight it with your spouse or best friend..

    Great thoughts in a simple format!

  19. It all depends on ppl I think.

    2 egoistic ppl fights : it never ends and turns out to be worse and unnecessarily long. they start somewhere and ends else where.

    1 nice and 1 egoistic : one person always gives in and gets tired/sad of having not heard/considered/understood.

    2 nice ppl : meaningful, beautiful and long lasting.

  20. Well I do agree about your dont care part. Sometimes in a relation you dont care what the other person says so you dont fight. That may be the final nail in the coffin for that relation.
    However, in most of my relation ships I dont fight. I simply love too much to fight. I disagree ocassionally but cant fight. It doesnt mean that I love them any less.

  21. Super post as usual! Fights do mean you are able to share your views without reserve.

  22. Laksh: Thank u! Yes--no holds barred :)

    Brahma: yes--some people do not fight--they are too sweet! I too don't usually pick fights just for the sake of it. And i know what you mean when you say that you don't love them less because of it.

    Fay: Two nice people will have too nice fights! But fight they will!

    Surhuda; Each time you say it my heart swells with pride because I know what a SUPERB writer you, yourself are. Thank u so much.

    Partywithneha: oh yes--worst crime is pretending everything is ok when it is not.

    Aquarius: yes--then the person fighting might get fed up and decide its not worth it.

  23. Maddy: With those that we don't know we really don't have a relationship.Therefore it does not matter if we yell at them (eg:road rage) as we just don't care. And with those we know we can have fights or disagreements or we can agree to disagree and accept each others quirks.

    Meira: Oh yes--i know the conflict avoiding kinds too--wonder why they are so scared!

    Sumit: Some things can never be too much :) I say it from personal experience too ;-)

    Arnab: And how would we make up if we never fought? :)

    amsko: Do u realise just how good you are for my soul?! a big thank u !

    Sushobhan: Yes--i saw that.Had not understaood what u had said, but now when i read it again I did.

    Jyoti ajay: Too long isn't healthy for the relationship.

  24. Monika: i think so too. No fights means no 100% involvement.

    Durga: Nikon D40 it is! I shall remember digital SLRs too. Your pictures are very good. Today i was clicking a rare flower and I thought of you.Must buy that camera!

    Geetha: i agree with you so much that you just can't fight with some people. They are too darn nice. Its no fun fighting with them because they never give back.

    Sucheta: How about battles? Problem is too many battles make a war!

    Torpedo: Law wisely didn't give men those powers too!

    Only one: Oh my God--very very true what you said about expressing anger thinking you were close enough and that person leaving. Its happened to me. That means the relationship was on different wave lengths--that's why it did not last.

    Ranjini: :) :) Best part of fights is making up bit :)

    Sunny raju: Fights help the relationship grow depending on how you resolve them.

  25. Oops. Yeah thats what I meant but guessed I missed out the word "fights" after the firsr combination. Thanks!

  26. Ohhh I'm not sure really Preethi....hurtful words once said r quite hard to take back & there r some people who'll remember it all their lives inspite of the 100 goods acts which are done after that.

    But having said this much....I'd say that I'm the type who likes things a bit complicated & use an arguement to clear the air;-D.

  27. Fight, but don't make war.
    Yell, but don't hurt.
    Throw a punch, but also a hug.
    Disagree, but don't be disagreeable
    Break things, but not a heart
    Read PS's blog, and all will be well !

  28. Ramesh: Wow..You should write poetry; Do you?

    Reflections: Very true..words can hurt much more that one thinks.

    Fay: yep :)

  29. I agree and it kinds of puts your relationship to test.

  30. i think it comes down to individual personalities in the end... some couple maybe able to wake up fresh from a fight with forgiveness in their heart and a smile on their lips.. but for some, the wound remains once the words are out there in the open.. with time, they totally erode the relationship.

    Fights are a part of every fact, I'd say if u ain't fighting, it's likely the relationship is too insignificant in ur heart for the differences in opinion to even matter... always a bad sign.

  31. Confrontation and disagreement are all part of a normal relationship...some couples seem to fight constantly...some never do..but a healthy relationship is as you described it..there is openess and honesty and most important...forgiveness and aceptance.

  32. thats so true! when i compare my past relationships with the Boy - thats what stands not afraid of screaming at the Boy and throwing him out of my room if he has done something that pisses me off...because i know he is just stepping out for a moment and will be back the minute my anger has cooled down and i need him again!

  33. Couldn't agree more....fights/disagreements are almost essential for a relp..i dont blv that any 2 ppl ..can be in agreement with each other at ALL times. so if an argument doesnt come only means the 2 ppl are not being themselves with each other...
    n then so much gets built up..that eventually even a small thing can trigger a very NASTY n ugly fight..
    so its better to get it done wit there n then!

  34. The fighting is fun and the making up is even more fun :P

  35. Anonymous2:54 PM

    Oh absolutely! A relationship without any fights has probably ceased being a relationship..


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