Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sunshine, shoes and other such things (Blog marathon Post 6)

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Apologies if you have come here looking for a post to read. This will soon appear in my 3rd book called 'A 2nd Jar of Bubblegums and Candies'. I had to remove it as making it available online would be very unfair to my publishers who have placed so much trust in me. A heartfelt thanks for your support and understanding. Thanks for continuing to read what I write.

52 comments:

  1. Many of us casually use the word Friend in terming the person whom we just know. A Prof of mine once had asked me how many friends do u have. I said 25, He said u must be crazy. 25 really, do u know the meaning of friendship?
    well nice analogies. :)
    Still in search of a Best Tooth brush which i hav'nt found yet

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  2. Very interesting analogy. Dentists say you should replace your tooth brush every three months to get rid of germs; D

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  3. Wow!! Look at that analogy!! I SO AGREE WITH YOU. I've been thinking about this topic of late, but it's as if you've put my thoughts to words. Friends do change. Friends do move on. It pains me no end when the dynamics of the relationship alter beyond repair. Really don't understand why people would pretend to be your friend when they are genuinely not interested. Anyways. The best way out IS to shrug and move on. Looking for your next bit of sunshine, until the clouds momentarily take it away.

    Brilliant post Ma'm. So needed to read this :) Take care :)

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  4. Oh I love this post, I would say its definitely one of my favorites out of all the ones you have written.
    What an amazing analogy and how true!!
    Its something I think I really have understood in the last 2-3 years and its such a painful experience to actually realise but its the reality of life I guess.
    Its one of those things I hope one gets better with age and life experience....who to trust, how much to trust and when to let go.

    And by the time you realise it, the dynamics of the relationship has altered beyond repair. (I think this line said it all!)

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  5. Very nice. Yes friends ome in all shapes and sizes and that catch all phrase of friend is too catch all. I also have "wine" friends, where the friendship matures over time and becomes absolutely vintage.

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  6. Excellent post.. very good anology..
    Imho friendship is like a jigsaw puzzle... Each friend is a piece.. Some are on the border.. some at the center.. But each piece will fit in your life to complete it in some way.

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  7. great analogy and so true too...I absolutely LOVED this post, preeti

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  8. A truly beautiful post! I was having a bad day and i was wondering what i could do for myself than asking for anyones help and guess what i thought...read preetis post. This post has nothing to do with my day but I still feel great coz it took me of my bad day and got me thinking. Thanks! and i loved the way you sorted them out :)!

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  9. Wow - hats off to your analogies. I can relate to you coz you cherish your friends and I know you would be there for them when they need you. I am the same way. Being in the US since last 9+ years, my friends here are my family. I nurture my relationships and it hurts when I lose a friend. But as you said, you keep moving on and I am amazed at how genuine loving people walk into my life at every stage....and give me more than I can ask for!

    Be blessed!

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  10. Interesting take!!!

    Well I also have all of them in my life. But the line where you said a type of friend may convert reminds me of something.
    I was a sunshine in a very close friends' life. Me and him were like best buddies but then I did sth which actually made us worse than silks :-( I do regret it but sometimes there is no turning back :-(

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  11. My best friends are my family. They have to be 'sunshine' category - ofcourse, there will be cloudy days ( the minor arguments) but the sun always comes out! And there are school friends, we meet probably once in 3-4 years, but can always pick up from where we left off, we chat like school kids - and the clock is turned back so many many years and we all go home feeling younger and ready to take on life with renewed vigour.

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  12. I Seriously like your analogy :)

    Fortunately for me, I do have a 'sunshine'. But I value all my friends, the fact that they bear with me means a lot pour moi.

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  13. I so agree with this.All kinds of people leave their thumbprint on you.I realize this offlate that there can be no one perfect friend- like the BFF that you had in your younger years. There is something unique about everybody.You gotta take that and stop expecting more.

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  14. WOW!!!! Briliant piece Preethi. I have been thinking bout the same thing for quite some time. Just tat I can't express it as well. I loved the comparisons u drew. Will write smthd soon. Nice read :)

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  15. preeti, i loved ur analogy of describing friends as toothbrushes, belts, silks and sunshine. i have had a few friends whi were like fake flowers, with a whole lot of artificiality attached to them both in terms of appearence and content. and then i have friends who are like real flowers. they bring hapiness in your life, lots of color and beautiful fragrance with them. and even when they wither away from your life due to some unavoidable circumstances, their scent lingers on in your life forever.

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  16. Nice way to categorize friends.. Wonderful post..nice read.. some friends that u mention as sunshine are truly rare..:)

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  17. Great analogy.. we all have friends in the categories but ya it turns out to be a really sour experience if sunshine turns out to be a shoe. The most comforting thing that time is to know that there is more sunshine out there and the some of your friends will always be there..shining bright with you no matter where you are and what you are upto.

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  18. Your post struck a cord...I struggle, really struggle in understanding 'friends'. There are very few genuine people indeed. But it takes a lot of time for me to accept that...very well said...the comparisons!

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  19. gud one :)very aptly put :) fortunately i do have all of these kinds :) but in the end one herself should be like "sunshine"...Coz people firnds come and go ,some stay there for a while and some will be there life long .... One thing common for all is "Self " so You have to be Sunshine for urself :)

    Nice post ...wonderful concept :) keep bolggin

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  21. the post is really interesting.it made me to think.

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  22. {holding his friend down by the throat and screaming, "Bol mai tera sunshine hu, bol idiot bol!"

    Lol, you are absolutely right there Preeti! We react to different people differently. Even amongst friends, we create our bonds and own set of categories. But it would be nice to be treated as sunshine for atleast a couple of people in this world.

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  23. I even wondered about the same. Coz its not necessary that the person you trust also looks at you the same way.

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  25. Excellent write-up.Very thought provoking and unique - something which every post of yours possess. I think most of my friends are like belts and my wife is my sunshine :-).

    [And, yes the photograph in my blog are clicked by me only :-> You can see all of them in www.flickr.com/photos/amitkdas/)]FlickrAmit

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  26. Wonderful analogy. Loved it. Going by all of them, I think I have had loads of them, mostly shoes!! Sunshine though is rare n hard to come by. to think of it. I think I found one, and yeah she is the best I know. But then, that's what best friends are supposed to be. There wouldn't be a day that goes by where we don't think of the other or the great times we've had. But then, life keeps us all a bit busy at times. :)

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  27. I think it happens with everyone.. no matter how much we want to be perfect, the fact is that in our friendships, we do eventually discriminate.. it's necessary to keep the good ones in and the 'expensive silks' out.
    It's during our bad times that we end up finding out how many of each variety of friends we have, isn't it ?

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  28. Oh its not just you..PS.
    I had many a times felt foolish for expecting a little sincerity from people whom I considered 'friends' and hence 'very close'..!!
    I am still on the learning and categorizing process LOL. But sometimes its very hard for me to just shrug and move on..I wish I had that in me..(sigh).

    G.

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  29. I love the way you have expressed it. I have been struggling with a sunshine turning to silk and as you said struggling with the hurt. Just when I move on it seems fine and then it turns silk again making the hurt start all over again (many times reflected in the mood I am in when I write). So I know exactly what you mean. Thanks for putting into words what I was trying to get a grip on.

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  30. and this is colours, payi etc etc so you are not confused. I thought I managed to change the name but I see it still comes with the same name. Have to explore this more.

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  31. Sruoloc: Yep--got it now.I knwo who you are! The thing is sunshine turning into silk--it happens when u least expect it.

    Geetha: Sometimes I try very hard--and then when i cannot do anything I move on. It is a dead cause. Its not really 'shrug and move on'--it is 'struggle and move on.'

    Roshan: very very true.But sometimes during good times too you come to know who your real friends are.

    Sumit: Touchwood..The funny thing about sunshine--you never know when it turns to silk. It happened to me, hence the post.


    Last Cigarette: my husband is definitely my sunshine too :)
    Went thru your flicker and also sent link to a friend who has started photography. Superb work.

    Yogesh: very rightly said. We may like to think we are sunshine but to the other person we may be silk.

    Neeraj: It wasn't meant to be a lol post. And to be treated as sunshine might actually be a burden as you have to live upto expetations then.

    Jyotiajay: Glad it did.

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  32. Dhanashree: nice to see a snap with the name! Yes--you are so right--we have to be our own sunshine.

    Pretty woman: thank you.

    Gunjan: but it is the process of discovery--who is what-that is painful.

    Sushobhan: true--they are rare. i am fortunate to have a couple of friends who are sunshine. Hopefully they will stay that way!

    I am what i am: They are not artificial flowers--they are weeds! Throw them out before they ruin the garden of life!

    Pointblank:Thank you!

    Shails: true--we all know what we gotta do--its the doing it that is tough!

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  33. Still thinking: I too am fortunate to have a couple of friends as sunshine. But this post came out primarily because someone else who i thought was sunshine turned out to be silk. So you see--even sunshine has no guarantees--as long as it shines wonderful!

    Radha: touch wood and God Bless.. My sunshine is my husband too--and my children are my universe/galaxy/million galaxies--whatever you call it :)

    Prats: see my comment to Still thinking above. It has happened to me too.


    Shachi: very well said! Thank you.That brought tremendous comfort--esp the others walking in bit.

    Suma;Thank you!

    Fay:Thank you! Do you blog? Your profile has no access to blog in case U do. I tried to visit you.

    Siddharth: And sometimes syou lose some pieces and nothing ever fits to make the jigsaw complete.

    Ramesh: the problem with vintage is sometimes the labels are more appealing than the contents. You never know whether you're expectations will be met until you pop that cork.

    Only one; Doubt if it gets better with age. I'm 37 and still learning!


    Stillness speaks:Thank you.

    Nessa: Sadly I replace toothbrushes more often than i should!


    Sunny raju: Your Prof is right. But i never confuse friends with acquaintances with 'just-mets'. I am clear who is where.

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  34. Oh well, the situation has to turn to silk else, her poor fiance wud have a hard time in the future :P

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  35. Lovely analogies....and am I so glad there is a lot of sunshine in my life...and they overshadow the silks and keep the toothbrushes fresh

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  36. lovely post preeti,i am blessed that i have all of them :)

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  37. Hi Preeti,

    Whenever i read your posts i feel its like I’m seeing my thoughts appear here magically. I completely agree with you when you say there are different categories of friends. The bottom-line is the friends who are the first to come running to you or at least call you the moment they know you are in trouble or depressed are your real friends, the rest are just belts and shoes like you say.
    But one thing i know is i never fall into any category while making friends, and be the same with everybody, no matter how the other person might have treated me in the past.

    Great Post !!!!!

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  38. It has been happening to me Preeti...
    My friends who i thought were sunshine have become silks..and it hurts me to no extent to see that heppening...I feel terrible..and really sad...but then i guess what u wrote is so true..i dont have a choice but to shrug and move on...
    im trying to do it...but it hurts to see things like this happening...when u know u have always been there for the person,,,,and the time when u need her,she has gracefully decided to disappear...
    but i guess such is life...
    loved this post...it has actually taught me what i had been meaning to learn for a long time...the analogy of friends...:)

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  39. Very well said. What an analogy. Brilliant. There are phases in which you have all types of friends..in college and school you hve toothbrushes...now in married life you have silks and sunshines...well the best thing i liked iss the way you said you move forward when the silk is ruffled..great preeti.

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  40. It is so true that there are friends for all seasons....to be refered to as 'sunshine' is thereofre a huge honour!:-)

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  41. Ur analogy is VERY impressive! It is as simple and clear s it could prolly ever get...

    n i think MOST times..a friend takes on different roles..of being sunshine,shoes,silk and the toothbrush...
    it kinda does hurt when sunshine or toothbrush turns into anything else...but then it doesnt look so bad..when one realisez that @ every point of time in life..we have sum1 playing a toothbrush or sunshine in our lives!

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  42. I Love this post Preeti!! It is so true that all friends cannot be in the sunshine category!! But when you think some one is and then you discover they are silk, it is hard to accept!! But then you just have to move on!!
    Beautiful and a "full of reality" Post!!

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  43. nice one preeti, what do you do with torn silk? I struggle with that since guilt bites me to pieces

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  44. Revathi:If you find and answer as to how to cope with guilt, please tell me too. i am struggling too.

    Durga: sadly it is easier said than done.

    Pavi: i guess--but sometimes u still miss and want the old ones.

    Niall: Honour is mine. :)

    Tabitha: thank you

    Surhuda: In married life I have toothbrushes too! :) It is hard to move on when silk gets ruffled but not impossible.(I guess)

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  45. Santasizing: It is exactly what happened to me when my dad passed away. i thought I had learnt a lesson--but no--life teaches you something new every single day.

    Amsko: That is really a great ability. No matter how much i try I am unable to treat all my friends the same way. Some are definitely more important than others.

    Monika: touch wood.

    Prats: Glad you have that.

    Sumit: :D

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  46. Interesting analogy for sure. I have a few of all categories in my friend circle, but I would have to say that toothbrushes and sunshine are the best :)

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  47. Preethy, your analogy is a very cute way to explain friendships. I think its not just our friends who change the dynamics but we ourselves too. Probably one of your "silks" thinks of you as her "sunshine". What do you think?

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  48. what a thought .. trust me its cent percent true!! and for your question.. yes it has happened.. Sometimes we judge (or rather trust) people too easily !

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  49. Preeti.. honestly speaking .. friends are just friends for me... either someone is a friend or is not.. I dont have toothbrushes, belts , silk and shoes so far ( I think .. ) .. Sometimes I wonder if i need to have these kinds , cos as you said the sunshine ones take a lifetime to form..

    Thankfully so far I havent had a friend turning from sunshine to silk.. ( I guess that would be worst possible thing to happen ).

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  50. wow!this is such an awesome analogy :)

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  51. No its not just u. It happens to many of us. It has happened to me a lot of times too. The reasons are many- jealousy, misunderstanding, lack of time when the time is right, a slip of tongue, weird sense of humour of one of us, impatience, possessiveness...
    ..and all those may happen due to the first friend, the second, or a third person who is somehow involved.
    I have lost friends. It breaks me to hear u say 'by the time u realise it, the dynamics of the relationship has altered beyond repair'. It makes me very sad to know that the damage and distance is permanent. I hope its not permanent in all cases.
    Look at us. I used to simply love the little talks we used to have, when u'd ask me for bits of info for articles u were writing.. I'd keep hoping that someday I'd really be able to help u but that never happened.. one day u told me u'r shifting and I cant tell u how heavy I felt when I realized that my hopes of meeting u had just drowned. Somehow, we never had a chat after that..
    ..I lost another friend due to jealousy of a third person.. I was in a situation where I had to choose between the two.. so immature..
    Sometimes, it only looks like the end, its actually just a phase. There's guilt, there's regret, but its not often that the feeling is mutual.

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