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It is never too late to follow your heart (blog marathon post 23)



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Apologies--- have removed this post as it will soon appear in a book. Making it available online would have been very unfair to my publisher who has placed so much trust in me. I hope you enjoy the other posts as much as you enjoyed this one. A heartfelt thanks for your support and understanding.Thanks for continuing to read what I write.
Apologies! Have removed this post as it will soon appear in an e-book. Making it available here would be unfair to my publishers. Thank you for your support and understanding.

Comments

  1. eheh!..I suppose then by Indian standards I'll be 'over the hill' in three years time!
    This is a lovely story which I heard on one of the news programmes recently..ahhh!

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  2. wow!! love in the nineties...sounds cool isnt it? and yeah you were right, Indian societal norms still doesnt like love @ 18 too,so @ 50 no chance!! people,still see young love birds with contempt here(at least most of them)

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  3. Dot on Preeti. In India this would be sacrilege. To each his own .....

    Btw, can you please raise the bar for life being "over" to 60 please. 50 is too close for comfort! lol.

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  4. thats soo true! for ex if i were to tell people that my grandmom learnt driving, english (reading and speaking) and how to use a computer all after the age of 55 and does not regularly visit temples...they would all look up with an expression like she has committed a crime! its ridiculous!!

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  5. how true... there is no place at all for romance after the age of 50 in India.. it would be taboo with a capital T. You're just expected to turn off and become a bhajan chanting, kitchen assisting, story telling grandma.
    I'm glad atleast somewhere people are free to express love, irrespective of age.

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  6. I have always wondered..Almost all of the films based on love stories are super duper hits in India..like Bobby,DDLJ etc to name a few..But when it comes to real life its a BIG No No..!!hmm..

    I am so happy for Margaret and Cyril:)

    G.

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  7. Thats truely exhilirating to witness their love for each other.
    You do have an eye for finding lovely stuff to write about :P

    In india we are still living life of box. Everything is designed to happen exactly like square box - at this age you do this and then that.

    But times are changing the very reason we - Indians writing and talking about these things is good starting point dont you think ?

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  8. hey Preeti ..nice one...!!!
    I agree Indian society didnt even favor love in 20s..@60 no chance..!!
    I agree wid u dat love hs no age...
    i u find it at 80s der shudnt be any reasons for ppl being against it..!!we r d sosity n we only mk norms..nn marriege s nt only abt sex...its beyond dat...the essence of companionship..wich a person needs more aftr he touches 60s...
    God bless d couple n give courage to othr goin who want to do the same,...
    u tk cr..
    n keep writing newer n inoovative blogs..
    KUDOS to all ur wrk..
    Regards
    Nidhi

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  9. Your post reminded me of this kannada movie 'Preeti Prema Pranaya' released in 2003 directed by Kavita Lankesh which portrayed a smiliar story beautifully. Two 60 year olds falling in love. Since you can understand kannada, do watch it sometime. It is available online too. If I am not wrong, the director won a Natinal Award for this movie.

    Here's an overview of the story.

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  10. That is really sweet. I have friends whose grandma, a widow, married a widower a little more than ten years ago. I remember having great respect for them - for their strong support when their folks took up this new phase in their life and refusing to give in to the norm and sacrifice their happiness just to please the public.

    The suprising part is: they are Mallus, settled in Kerala.

    There is another (young) Mallu couple I know who married within a year of their spouses passing away. It was an arranged marriage. They both had a child each from their previous marriage. As a teen, I was pretty judgmental thinking HOW could they move on so quickly without giving themselves time to grieve! Now I realise, both of them had to fill that gap in their lives for the sake of their children, else acceptance would have been difficult at a later stage. Now the two children have a little brother that links them together :O)

    The second one was a digression but I put it in to highlight my short-sightedness :O)
    Kudos to Maggie n Cyril!

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  11. This is a sooper cool story!

    I always think of this - why do elderly people in India give up their life? Even after their daily puja/satsang, household chores, looking after grandkids, etc - they can have time for so much more. But the majority just gives up on life.

    Finding love at this age is simply amazing, but other than that, there are tons of inspirational and recreational activities that can be pursued....

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  12. Bless them. So true with Indian culture! Older ppl especially singles(who lost their partner) are so lonely and they somehow feel they are burden to their children when they live with them...Age should never stand as a barrier for things one wants to do be it love or something else. Nice post!

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  13. True. Its so sad that people think life revolves only around raising grandchildren after a certain age. Though I wonder where the trolls are !!!

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  14. i guess ill end up marrying when i am 90.. if i live a 90 years

    sigh

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  15. Ya it's so true...Why age is such a big factor in everything one feels like doing in life. "Age no bar for anything" should be the mantra of this generation :) :)

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  16. I adore that movie... and I love to see elderly love.. beautiful and almost child like!

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  17. that's a lovely story...if only there could be more like those...

    and the worst case is when the children oppose the single parent remarrying!

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  18. aww thats so sweet and brave of them...ya its so true abt the indian way of thinking...talk abt remarraige and all after 50, thats a no no and people think life shouyld revolve around, dhyanams, churches, temples and wat not...

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  19. You're right about it. It can never happen happily in India. If it ever did, there'd be people mocking and taunting the couple all their lives. So bowing to society, even if someone wanted to do it, they wouldn't do it!

    I liked the movie Cheeni Kum too! But sadly movies in India hardly ever have the power to bring about a revolution. At best they become case studies for the IIM grads :(

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  20. Its true one must always do what your heart tell you to inspite of what age you are at. In India, the incident would have been looked down upon but then there are such things regarding other things in other countries as well.

    I am not defending this part of India, I don't like it myself but the point that I am trying to make is that something different even if its beautiful and harmless is always looked at in a contemptous manner. The important thing to remember is we must never get disheartened by this and do what our heart truly wants, no matter who we are, what we do, or where we belong.

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  21. Love conquers all! :)

    I totally agree with you on this one, Preeti! Totally! I just can’t stress enough now.

    Even when I was in 8th grade I could see my Mom was lonely (it ain’t easy being a young widow) and I always wanted her to have a companion. She just smiled then and of course, the extended family’s luggage of opinions don’t help in a society like ours (though I'd like to believe that we can change) and I felt so helpless then. I still keep telling her to get married you see and then she tells me s’thing that totally cracks me up! Can’t tell you here coz it’s a mother-daughter secret :)

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  22. That was a wonderful story indeed... and you're absolutely right, this can never happen in the present-day India.

    Wish things were different here though, so that people aren't forced to live life in loneliness by the very society they are a part of - a society who's main purpose is to ensure that people are not alone.

    Wonderfully written... cheers...

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  23. this is such a beautiful story... you are right, you will ont find such stories in india... but stranger things do happen here too :)

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  24. Reading this comments' page reminded me of Pink Floyd's song Paranoid Eyes where David Gilmour says "Laughing too loud at the rest of the world With the boys in the crowd."
    Surely there must be some merit to the 4 ashrams of life preached in the Indian scriptures - Brahmcharya, Grihastha, Vanprastha and Sanyasa. While the west is aping Indians by adopting Yoga and Karma philosophy, many of us are mindlessly aping the west.
    I am not pro-religion. In fact I despise all religion. I feel all religions have been corrupted by following the letter more than the spirit. Extremism is bad whichever way. All rules are man-made.
    I think the whole world is moving towards one uniform culture and discarding the obsolete and superannuated traditions in each culture which is very nice.
    This pursuit of love and happiness which we are appreciating here is I think also central to so many failed marriages and singly parented children with disturbed childhood and distorted family values in the West. The Western audience of this blog, plz pardon me if I have stepped on somebody's toes.

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  25. Ajay: Indian scriptures also talk about these four ashrams that you mention being applicable differently to four different classes namely Brahmin, Kshatriyas, Vaishyas and Shudras. Only the Brahmin class is 'permitted' or 'compelled'to go through all four stages--the others are not.(How much merit is there in that? You decide.)
    I am not for aping the West blindly at all.
    I have worked closely with SWAP (Society for Welfare of Aged and Poor) and also volunteered with Helpage India --and therefore have talked to a lot of elderly people. Most feel constrained. Most would like to have a life free of caring for their grandchildren. But since they live with their own children, they are unable to escape it and sadly have no courage to speak up.Loneliness is the BIGGEST problem of old age. Sad fact is India society does tend to typecast the old in rigid roles.

    And it is definitely not the pursuit of love that leads to failed marriages. Divorce rates are on the rise in India too. One of the causes is perhaps 'instant gratification'. And by the way in India, the society is so rigid that many older couples (who are in their forties or older) even though have no love left in the marriages choose to stay together simply because of 'what will people say'.

    Guru: What stranger things? Do say!! :)

    Arnab: thank you. Sometimes old people are lonely even when they live their children.

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  26. Still thinking: Do mail it to me please! :)

    Thinker: but many do not have the courage to do it.

    Stillness speaks: It did not bring about a revolution. i don't think any movie can. But it did make a point.

    Enigma: I agree completely.

    Suma: oh yes. Do read what 'still thinking' said.

    Aathira:Old folk are lovely. Sadly neglected too.

    Life begins: Yes--forty i guess is new thirty :P So wher does that leave the poor things int heir twenties? :P :)

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  27. Chriz: hope it is to Renu :) :)

    Meira: Didnt get that about trolls..What did you mean?

    Fay: thank you.

    Shachi: thank you. Yes--sadly very few are there who LIVE life. i look up to those people.

    Shades of grey: very heartening to read that it does happen in India too. I guess we really cannot sit in judgement till we have live in their shoes.

    Varun: thank you for the link. I had indeed heard of 'preeti, prema, pranaya' but I didnt know it was award winning.

    Nidhi: thanks so much for the encouragement

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  28. Srivats: yes I guess we are slowly breaking out of the box. Thanks for the compliment on writing about lovely things!

    Geetha: See comment by shades of gray.Gald that it happens in india as well.

    Roshan: See comment by shades of grey.

    Sunshine: i like your grandmom--i think she is super cool :)

    Ramesh : lol :)Just follow your heart--you're never too old for anything Shantharam: Especially true among GSBs in Kerala, right?

    Niall: Can just picture you in India :) :D (couldnt help picturing that)

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  29. Lovely post. I am so happy for them.Goes to reiterate that love has no age.And why only love, the elderly should be able to do anything they want, without us judging them. After all, they have seen much more of life than we have and so they know whats best.
    My grandpa expired a few years back. I look at my grandma now and she looks so lonely.She has engrossed herself in cooking and watching tv(yeah those saas-bahu serials, which irritate the hell out of us, but thats another story).Nowadays she'd got a broken leg, so her life is only watching tv.We try to encourage her to talk, to do stuff but it seems she has totally let go and immersed herself in grandpa's memories.

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  30. Woow..tht is a wonderful story…Very beautiful !

    Sumhow as a couple grows older Indians start assuming that they don’t have their own life anymore..We start expecting that they lead their lives in a manner that our needs are all satisfied…we start thinking that they as a couple don’t need privacy anymore..that they don’t have the necessity to share a bed or more. From childhood we see our parents’ lives revolve around us children n we think the same will happen around the grandchildren too! N that I think is being very unfair to them. Over the generations one gets conditioned to thinking tht thts the way they are suppose to behave in old age n so they follow the crowd! Even I am very much against parents having children and leaving the grandparents to raise them. I sooo don’t agree wit that! Grandparents are meant to be visited during Dusshera and summer hols.the rest of the time.. the kids should be the parents’ responsibility…

    Now having said all that….

    I think old or young…Indians are generally shy of romance..by birth!. PDA (public display of Affection) is not sumthing we feel comfortable with. N so in india , u will not be able to “see” the kind of love that u see old ppl sharing in the west! But then again that doesn’t mean the love doesn’t exist. We have different n more silent n subtle ways of showing how much we care.

    I like n agree with Ajay’s point of view…specially the one abt failed marriages. In india prenup is not a popular concept..we don’t get into a marriage expecting to get out of them. In the us every 3rd person has a had a 2nd or 3rd wedding..its so common that most people think its natural. For us ..Marriage is a once in a lifetime event. I’m not suggesting that (like some in India) one should stay in a marriage out of fear of wat society will say or just ‘coz that’s wats expected of one…BUT I don’t think the attitude in the west is also correct. The Midpath is the best..n mabbe our generation of Indians are almost there, though we are greatly influenced by the west!


    Ooppps…this comment got freakin long..sorry!

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. @Sunshine : Most ppl..old or young will respect and look up to ur grandmom for developing the skills she did @ her age!
    The temple bit..i agree...some ppl may scorn upon...n its awesome that shes able to give a damn to such ppl !!

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  33. Such a nice post and a great Love story getting more better after they exchanged vows...

    India Culture is still away far away from accepting anything close to it, where we still have issues relating to re-marriage.. and people are forced to live alone in gloom just to avoid the fear of the so called society... which is never going to look after when you are suffering...

    Best would be, follow your heart and at time listen to your heart... its like u are what you are..

    /Anish

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  34. That's a nice story. I think we need love,courage and responsibility to sustain a relationship. We cannot break something just because our mind wanders but we should also have courage to stand up to what we believe in. Remember the old couple in Life in Metro? I think the mindset in India will change with this generation....

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  35. Lovely post! I sincerely hope things would've changed enough so that I will be doing much more than being thrust with my grandchildren to look after.

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  36. Nice Post... Ya sometimes its get too suffocating for the elders to follow thir heart in India due to the societal norms...

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  37. I believe all that Human Minds are conditioned by the society they live in .
    So,every society has its positive and negative factors.
    As the Time goes by things improve.

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  38. Guru: i agree.See ajay's comment above.he too says the same thing.

    sushobhan: yes..not sometimes--most of the time.

    Mini: u cam always refuse! :)

    Joy:I so remember the old couple in Metro. i think that was lovely.

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  39. Anish: but many dont have courage to. That is the problem.

    Pavi: thank u.Yes--what u say is very right. I agree with ajay too :) we had a long discussion about it.

    Partywithneha: sometimes people need time to grieve too.

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  40. Anish: but many dont have courage to. That is the problem.

    Pavi: thank u.Yes--what u say is very right. I agree with ajay too :) we had a long discussion about it.

    Partywithneha: sometimes people need time to grieve too.

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  41. Trolls: People who leave nasty comments on blogs. Don't you get them? People who are jealous of your writing skills and your views and have to act like the Shiv Sena:D

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  42. Veena: hmmm...

    Meira: yes i do know what trolls are.Wondered whether this post had something to tempt them :P I dont allow annonymous comments anymore. I used to--that was when trolls had a field day. Now i delete if there are comments i find offensive--thats all!

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  43. I think a second marraige is a great idea. I till date don't understand why it is frowned upon in India

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