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A simple way to diffuse someone's anger

It's strange how many people cannot see the other person's point of view. They are convinced that only their world view is the 'right one'.

As a writer, I have to understand the motivation of my characters.  Always, I have to put myself in the shoes of all my characters and see it from their perspective. In my latest book A Hundred Little Flames, most readers see Jairaj as a villain. Yet, when I had created him, I did not think of him as villainous.  He had his reasons.He does care for his father, as he has arranged for his medical care, sends money and calls regularly.  SPOILER ALERT: (Skip the next line if you haven't read the book) Also, when the Police come, he does support his father.

But most readers identify so strongly with Ayan and Gopal Shanker that any action of Jairaj or Shaila is seen without the lens of empathy.

In life too, we tend to do that. If it's a person we like, we tend to overlook their faults, quite a bit. If it's  a person we dislike, the smallest thing that they do becomes a huge problem.  We turn a huge blind eye to all their redeeming qualities.  Don't you agree?

The next time someone is angry with you or upset with you, try and see it from their point of view, instead of reacting. Just smile and say 'Yes, you are right, and I have been such an idiot.'
And watch them melt!

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Photo by CloudVisual on Unsplash


  1. Agree with your post Preeti but i also feel the more close we are to someone the more expectations we have from that someone and hence even their slightest deviation from the behaviour we expet from them hurts us and makes us furious. I feel Ayan has great expectations from his dad and so did Jairaj from his father shaila from her father and gopal from his son..if the same act of abandoning gopal would have been done by any caretaker of gopal it would have been acceptable but coming it from your own closest dear ones seems so unfair and unacceptable...we don't want to or we dnt give our close ones benefit of doubt as we give to others because we hold our close us to highest standards of behaviour...dnt u agree to this...

    1. That's what causes problems--expectations.

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    1. Thank you for taking time out and leaving a comment.

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    1. Thank you for taking time out and leaving a comment.

  4. You are right madam. While reading the book i also had the same perception about Jairaj.


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Be that man Who looks his woman in the eye when he gets home And says ‘You look beautiful, darling.’ And means it. Because this thing you have going is Sacred
Be that man Who offers his woman a back rub, a glass of wine Or coffee Or simply some time and space Where she can be herself. Because this thing you have going is Sacred

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