Yesterday I told you that I would write about things that you can do, so that you feel a little less disappointed in your relationships. It is easy to say 'Have no expectations and then you won't be disappointed'. But how is that possible? Of course, it is only human to expect. I do expect those I love to be supportive of me, understand me and be there for me. I would do the same for them. That is natural. You have to be Buddha or Mother Teresa to not expect anything at all, out of a relationship and to exhibit supreme patience.
What can you do if the other person is not responding to you? What can you so if things are not going the way you want them to? How do you rid yourself of the burden of expectations.
Here are 5 things that will help you to make your relationships better.
1. Stop making excuses for the other person: If the other person wants to call, they will make time and call anyway. Nobody--not even a top notch movie-star is that busy. It is a matter of priorities.If you are important to that person, then they will make time. Do not make excuses for them, saying that perhaps they are too busy. How much time does a text message take anyway? 15 seconds? How much time does an email take? 5 minutes?
2. Be willing to let go: We cling on to the relationships we have because we are so afraid to let go. We hold on so tight, as we cannot imagine our life without that person being a part of it. But sometimes, when we move away, we are giving space to ourselves to grow. Maybe you will discover new people. Maybe you will break out of a pattern you have set, and discover new skill sets. Maybe when you let go, the other person will realize what you mean to them, and will make an extra effort.
3.Be open to a little introspection : Be willing to look inside yourself. Why do you want the person to do things your way? perhaps you are a person who expresses love by wishing your friends on their birthday, getting them gifts, calling them up and going to see them. But maybe that person doesn't express their love that way. Maybe their way of expressing love is coming over with hot soup when you are unwell. Or listening to you moan and groan when something bad happens. Just because that person doesn't do things exactly the way you would do, it doesn't mean they don't love you. You are the one who has to take a call and decipher the meaning behind their actions---and then look inside to see if that is in alignment with what YOU want out of the relationship.
4.Communicate : Sometime back I came across this visual, which i had set as my Display Picture on my BBM, for a while. I think the visual says it all. Open and honest communication is so important in a relationship.
However, after having said the above, you should also know when to take a hint and back off. If you have called 6 times or more to make plans and the person keeps finding excuses, then you clearly know where you stand in their list of priorities. Accept it and back off!
5. Change : You have to accept that change is an integral part of every relationship. People change. Things change. Situations change. You do grow apart. Unless you are willing to embrace change and go with the flow, and change so that you are still able to find a common ground with the person, you are likely to drift apart. If you do slowly start drifting apart, take the above mentioned steps and see if it works out. If it doesn't that is just how it was meant to be.
It will definitely cause pain when you let go. It isn't so easy. But if it has to be done, you have to steel yourself and do it. I see no other way.The pain shall pass. And you will grow because of it.
New post tomorrow.
Bye for now!
ps: My new novel 'It happens for a reason' is a story that deals with complications that come with relationships. The book will be out on Dec 10th!
Pre-order it at a great price: