5 pointers for better friendships. How much can you interfere in a friend's life? #askpreeti

#Askpreeti  had been getting a phenomenal response. Every Thursday, you can ask me anything on my FB page, and I will blog my answer. You can scroll down and read the last two #askpreeti posts, one was on 'Ten things to do when someone does not love you back' and the other was 'How to become a better writer.'

Today I have picked reader Shubha Mallya's question on friendship.
We all love our friends. And yet there are times when we have to make difficult choices. How much should we interfere in a friend's life?  What if they tell you that they do not need your help? Is it wrong if we expect them to lean on us in their difficult times? What if they are  busy  when you need them?


Here are five things that help me when I have to make a decision about my friendships.

1. Respect their choices:  If your friend had told you  that this is what they have chosen because that is what works for them, accept it. You might be as close as siblings. You might be soul sisters. You might be brothers. You might be peas in a pod. You might be inseparable. But at the end of the day, you are two different individuals. You need to respect your friend's choices. If they do not need your help, accept it. Do not interfere till they want you to.


2.Give them space : If a friend needs some time by themselves, allow them that liberty. Do not stifle them by constantly hounding them on whatsapp or chaton or FB messenger. I know, you are supposed to do things together, and you are best pals. But hey, sometimes space is a good thing. It gives you time to think too. And allow your friend to miss you.

3.Nobody is that busy that they can't pick up your call or revert:  This is what I tweeted a few days back:

The true test of friendship is how often they remember to check how you are, when they are really busy.
— Preeti Shenoy (@preetishenoy) November 24, 2014

Nobody is that busy that they cannot take 3 minutes off to pick up the phone and call--or to send a message to say that you are in their thoughts. Nobody.
They may not revert instantly or immediately and that is fine! Nobody expects the other person to be at your beck and call. But if a person constantly is busy, get the message.

4.Your friend is different from you:  Your friend might mirror you in many ways---but he/she is indeed different from you. Take for instance deeply embedded attitudes like your attitude towards money, towards fitness, towards food---There will of course be differences. Every now and then there might arise friction because of this, especially when friendship is close. Sort this out as soon as it arises, as this can pose a danger to a great friendship.



5.Jealousy does exist in friendships: As much as your friend loves you, the ugly monster called jealousy is bound to creep in every now and then. This is what I had said about jealousy in one of my previous books:

Hope these pointers have given you a perspective when it comes to friendships.

If you like what you have just read, you will love my books. There is an underlying thread of strong and close friendships, which run through all of them.

 My new book 'It Happens for a Reason' will be out on December 10th. There are signed copies too, up for grab at great prices. Check the individual sites for terms.

 Buy the book!
Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
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