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My special friend

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Let me call him ‘K’ and not give you his name, for obvious and the not so obvious reasons. K has always been a part of my life ever since I can remember. Despite the vast age gap between us(he was so much older than me) we got on really well. The age difference between us never really bothered us. K looked so much younger than his age .He had the energy of a man half his age, and the maturity of a man twice his age! He was that rare, perfect combination. He was also amazingly fit, tall and handsome, with a very striking presence.

He was an excellent swimmer. He was the one who taught me how to swim, when I expressed a desire to learn. He would splash water really hard on me, with a swift repetitive movement of his hands and joined my delighted peals of laughter, when I got completely covered in a water jet, created by the sheer power of his hands.(exactly like the picture you see above!) We were like children when we went to the beach. K could run really fast, and I would try to catch him, running as fast as my legs could carry me .I never succeeded. When I could go on no more, sweating and panting, I would stop and call out to him. He always laughed and said “You have to try harder. Never give up!”

I loved him with all my heart. And I think he knew it too—but we never spoke about it. When I was a gawky teenager, trying to find my footing in life, K was there with gentle understanding. After all, he was a man, and here I was, dealing with only silly boys! He listened when I talked. Really listened. I could talk to him about almost anything, except boy friends.But I think he knew exactly whom I had crushes on.

K encouraged me always to reach my full potential. It is only because of his encouragement that I have several academic degrees today. He loved all my paintings and even when others thought they were just mediocre, K would always say they were brilliant. I don’t think he ever lied to me. He sincerely believed what he said because he could not even draw a straight line, let alone paint! And funnily enough, his belief helped me to become better—not only in academics, art or sports, but also as an individual.

K was already married when he came into my life. He adored his wife and I appreciated the way he took care of her. I hoped the guy I married would treat me the same way.

K was there when I got married. It was no surprise that I had chosen to marry a man like K. My husband understood my special relationship with K, and if he was jealous, he never showed it. In fact K and he became good friends and got on really well. K came and visited us when both our kids were born.

Life now took us in different directions. We were in different cities, yet most mornings, after my husband left for work, and after my kids went to school, the first thing I’d do was call K. K was such a positive individual. I’ve never heard him say one bad thing about ANYBODY the whole time that I have known him. K had an infectious laugh, and a vivacious spirit and just talking to him made me feel so much better.

When I moved to this city 5 months back, I wanted K to visit me. He agreed after a bit of persuasion and booked his plane tickets. I was so happy and imagined us having long talks, in my garden. I pictured K lying in my hammock, gazing at the stars. (I have fond memories of philosophical discussions with him, under the stars, during another time) I was counting the days left to see K, when I got a phone call saying K was dead. It left me frozen.Numb.Speechless.

You see, K was not only my special friend, he was also my dad.

_______________________________________________

Ps: My dad, Mr.K.V.J.Kamath, retired as the Chief Area Manager of IndianOil Corporation.He died, all of a sudden, unexpectedly, on 7th September 2006.He was not only a great dad, but also a wonderful human being. To know more click on

'call your parents'

A few people sent me messages after reading this, asking if it is fiction and telling me that I write well.They missed the point completely.Every word written in this post is true.The regular readers would know.This piece, kind of wrote itself. It was not intended as a suspense story. I miss my dad real badly.And writing helps me get over the grief.

Also, thank you from the heart to all those who cared enough to leave a comment.It helped a lot.

Comments

  1. What a beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss, but I think it was great that your relationshop was that close.

    He will always be with you.

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  2. Anything I can say seems inadequate, but my heart is with you...

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  3. Mr fabulous took the words out of my mouth - this is a beautiful post, absolutely!!
    What a wonderful relationship you had and those great memories will never go away. I'm glad he encouraged you and helped you become who you are today.
    And you write beautifully :)

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  4. my condolences...but what a lovely way to write the post.

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  5. Thank you all.I cherish your comments and appreciate it.When someone you love dies, they continue to live on in our hearts.I feel fortunate that I knew him so closely.

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  6. Oh, wasn't expecting that ending. I'm so sorry - what a wonderful man.

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  7. People have already left comments that say what I want to say so I can only echo them.

    This is an absolutely beautiful post. I am so glad you had such a wonderful influence in your life and that you have such fond memories to sustain you.

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  8. Hey Preeti,
    I feel sorry for the unrecoverable loss. The post is so sweet n with indepth feelings ..friendship never dies it remains alive in our heart and no wonder you are still the best.
    take bestest care of yourself n all ur loved ones
    stay fit,stay healthy n mast jio :)
    cheers!!!

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  9. What a wonderful and special man he was ...I am glad you write about him! I would consider it a to be the ultimate achievement if my Daughter uttered even a few of the things you have said about your Father.

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  10. Mr K was a great man. i admired n loved him a lot too

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  11. Katherine--I wasnt expecting it to end that way too.

    Niall,Preeti:Thank you so much.Your words bring solace.

    Diyadear:Dad was very fond of you too--as you know.Yours was one wedding he would have LOVED to attend.Do u remember once when you were in the hospital we all came to see you.You were very small--still in school.Dad was very moved and very concerned about you.

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  12. he was wonderful person indeed .i used 2 wait 4 my summerholydays 4him.

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  13. very sorry for your loss, what great memories you have. Memories that will last for the rst of your life

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  14. sorry for your loss.. heart felt article

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  15. umesh5:44 PM

    Hi Ps,
    First time on your blog.
    I can understand your feeling for your Dad
    A father's love, unconditional and neverending.
    A father's love, longed for by a child.
    Big or small the love never fades
    But grows with each day.
    Regardless of past, present and future.
    Regardless of what we think is right or wrong.
    No one can replace a father's love
    But a father.
    Cheers,
    -us

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  16. Ushakka: Thanks so much for commenting.I appreciate it.

    Tim,Roshan: Yes, memories are treasures that no one can steal.Do cherish yours.

    Umesh:Thank U for dropping by.and Thank you for your kind words.I have a cousin by the same name as you--dont know how to contact u--hence posting my comments here,hoping you will read it.

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  17. Bharathi12:06 AM

    What a wonderful friend to have had!And having a dad double up as a friend..all i can say is that you truly were blessed!

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  18. Wonderfully written.Like a suspense story.A big surprise at the end,but started getting an inkling who it would be in the last para because of the reference to swimming earlier on.Shows how deeply you were attached to your dad and probably the reason for your insomnia.This post must also have been written at night.

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  19. i feel jealous after finding that you had such a wonderful relationship with your dad and i still can't define mine....i love him admire him a lot ,but there is something missing between us

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  20. my heart and prayers go out to you...this is a beautifully written tribute to your father.
    peace

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  21. Bharathi:Thank you for taking the time to tell me.

    AjitBhai:Thank you.No, this post was written in the afternoon.I did not write it for shock value or for "thriller effect".Every word of it is true.And the insomnia--well,I've had it for 6 years now..and Its only been three months since my dad died.

    Idream:At least your dad is alive.All I have is memories.But you can still make happy memories now.It's still not too late to hug your dad and tell him you love him.Do it.

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  22. Bob-kat,Susanlavonne :Your words bring comfort.I appreciate it.Thank you.

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  23. Oh wow. I'm so sorry for your loss. You were truly blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with your father. Those memories are yours to treasure forever.

    Beautiful tribute, Ps. Just beautiful.

    [[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]

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  24. Thank you stacy.
    A few people sent me messages (via orkut)after reading this,asking if it is fiction and telling me that I write well.They missed the point completely.
    Every word written in this post is true.I lost my dad on sept 7th 2006.The regular readers would know.This piece, kind of wrote itself. It was not intended as a suspense story.
    Stacy, you really understood what I was trying to say.Thank you.
    I miss my dad real badly.And writing helps me get over the grief.

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  25. Anonymous7:26 AM

    This was a touching story. Thank you.

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  26. I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my father. I was much younger when it happened. Two days before my 12th b'day my father committed suicide. The man I saw as strong enough to tackle anything, brave enough to protect me from the scariest monsters, the man who always had the answers, always knew the right things to say and always gave the perfect gifts and could make me feel safe and warm just being in his presence had monsters of his own that finally defeated him.
    That empty spot never goes away but at least now it doesn't hurt so much when I touch it.

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  27. Dear preeti what a fiting tribute to a wonderful person like your dad.Since my husband,daughter & i had the privilege of knowing him we all feel the loss as much as you & feel blessed to have known him. Like you , we have known asked God umpteen number of times" why this abrupt end?" Since I share a great relation ship with my own father,i can very easily uderstand the pain & grief you are going through. But the way you have turned out to be a fine individual like him will always keep his memory alive.

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  28. Anonymous3:15 PM

    Hi PS

    Finally got along to read your blog. Not sure which comment number I shall figure as but am sure as usual would be at least 30+. Honoured that you felt that you had married someone like K - not sure of that is true!! The piece about our daughter too was great. Will try and figure out ways to find time to read more of your blog.
    Bye for now and must admit you do write very well !!!
    S (Guess who ?)

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  29. Dear Preeti,

    Very touching blog and really very well expressed..having lost mummy (Malathy Mai)in 2003, I think I can relate to your feelings and what you must have gone through. I remember my mother always saying that Kamath mam was like a kind friend and brother to her when she just got married and joined my Dad at Bombay. In fact, since she had absolutely no cooking skills, she used to always tell us that it was Kamath mam who taught her cooking and made her feel comfortable around the kitchen. I also know that Pai mam shared a great relationship with him and Kamath mam was probably the only one who connect well with my Dad when it was most needed...all my memories of him seem so very fresh and pleasant...and I think he was a great dad and you are his well deserved wonderful daughter

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  30. S: How many other people do i have a daughter with?!!Of course It is you, my love!Wait till you get home!

    Vineeth:I'm so touched by your words.Dad used to talk about your mom and dad--and the time he stayed with them.He had a good friendship with them.He hated to see your mom suffer.When someone close to us passes away they continue to live in our hearts.

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  31. I am so sorry for your lost. Mr. Fabulous pointed me in this direction. I understand your grief, because, you see, the loss of my dad is what caused me to start my blog, for the very same reason that you wrote this post. As a way to deal with my grief.

    God bless you!

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  32. This is very touching. And very well written.

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  33. This is very touching. And very well written.

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  34. Here via Mr. Fab - this is beautiful. I am very sorry for your loss - your Dad sounds like he was a wonderful man, the kind of man I want my daughter to marry.

    Keeping you in my thoughts.

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  35. very sorry for your loss. losing a parent is very hard, I know from experiance. I lost my mom at 17.

    hugs...fab sent me

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  36. Got here by way of Fab. Took his recommendation and am so glad I trust that man. Your story touches me so deeply, Ps. We grieve less those who impact us less; more those who impact us more. I am sorry for your great loss. But happy to have heard about him. He gave you never giving up. And that is useful here.

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  37. Here Via Mr Fab.

    All I can say, quite simply, is this.

    No father could hope for a greater epitath, than the one you have written him here today.
    To know that he brought such great joy and love to your life is to know that he lived his life to the fullest.

    This is beautiful. The memories are beautiful. And as long as they stay that way he is alive forever.

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  38. Also here via Mr. Fab - What a beautiful post about your Dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I dread the day when this will happen to me as I have a similar relationship to my father. I truly feel with you.

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  39. Here from Fab's. This is very worthy of the Perfect Post award.

    I'm sorry for your loss and I understand so well.

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  40. What wonderful fulfilling memories you have of your dad..... how wonderful a man he sounds..... Im so sorry for your loss... he will be a part of you forever with your memories....

    Always hold them close to your heart and soul...

    x

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  41. What wonderful fulfilling memories you have of your dad..... how wonderful a man he sounds..... Im so sorry for your loss... he will be a part of you forever with your memories....

    Always hold them close to your heart and soul...

    x

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  42. A wonderful tribute to your dad. I'm glad Mr. Fab pointed me here.

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  43. That was so perfect.

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  44. Oh my god. What a post. Why didn't I know you better in college? Your dad would have wept even in heaven. Bless you P. The person you are makes people around you want to be the best they can be.

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  45. Dear P,
    That was very very touching... Wish I knew u personally in STC.

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  46. Dear P,
    That was very very touching... Wish I knew personally at STC.

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  47. Hi Preeti,
    Its beautifully written prose and made more beautiful by the feelings that have inspired it...

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  48. Hi Preeti,
    Its beautifully written prose and made more beautiful by the feelings that have inspired it...

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  49. Hey Preeti, I am totally at a loss on what to say - am really sorry about your dad. What you've written is a fitting tribute to a beautiful relationship that you've shared with him.
    Felt really touched reading the last part. I wish that he had at least come to visit you at your house, as u had dreamed & looked forward to ...life can be so deceiving at times...why take away someone so close to us??? why should it happen at all???
    Whatever said, time cannot erase those wonderful memories that we cherish...and u've given him an apt homage for all that hes done to you by being what u r today! Cheers :)

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  50. What a wonderful piece about a wonderful man!!!! I must say that I was lucky enough to know K. I knew him before he became a husband or a father. He was a dear friend of my mom's and dad's. I had the privilege of being carried around by him , riding his motor bike with him, and also learning my first bad word from him, and making him sooooooo proud when I repeated it!! I was 2 back then and he was my dear 'Jayannu'. He then got married and had a family and came visiting us once in a while, bringing his infectious laughter with him. Then I was all 'growed up' and got married and left for adventures of my own life. Then life turned upside down for me and dear Jayannu came into my life again. He would log on and wait for his daughter to come online and if I was online in the meantime, would encourage me to dream big dreams and to have the courage to be myself!!! He silently walked with me for a while helping me to peel away the many layers of fear to reveal my potential to myself. He was like a daddy, an uncle and a big brother to me. I know he is still with us all, silently nudging us to stay positive and keep laughing!!!
    Dear Preeti,
    I see your dad in you- in your smile, in the way you encourage people, the way you accept them for who they are, and the way you are a good friend to so many, just like he was..... He lives on in you. I know he is proud of who you have become. After all, his love shaped you and how could such great love create anything less than perfect?
    Love, Babiakka

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  51. When you read about such wonderful people, all you can do is sit back and wish you too had a chance to know them personally.

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  52. This was a beautiful tribute to your father.

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  53. My God that was a beautiful read.. makes me wish I had more of a father figure in my life. *hugs* Your strength and honesty is admirable.

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  54. My first visit here P.

    I went through quite a few of your postings, including the last. I too started blogging when I felt pain and needed to vent out my feelings at that time (that's another blog which isn't made public really). Subsequently I started this blog. Glad to meet people in this blogosphere who sometimes become friends, slowly but surely, over time.

    In this posting (which reminded me of my post "Vera" especially the way it ended), you have written a great eulogy to your father. It's one of the best awards you could give him under the cirumstances.

    celine:)

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  55. My first visit here P.

    I went through quite a few of your postings, including the last. I too started blogging when I felt pain and needed to vent out my feelings at that time (that's another blog which isn't made public really). Subsequently I started this blog. Glad to meet people in this blogosphere who sometimes become friends, slowly but surely, over time.

    In this posting (which reminded me of my post "Vera" especially the way it ended), you have written a great eulogy to your father. It's one of the best awards you could give him under the cirumstances.

    celine:)

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  56. U've been lucky to have shared such a beautiful relationship with ur dad.. I cant help comparing and envying. How touching!
    Today, I tumbled into ur blog.. saw u on a friend's page. Never been here before.. but henceforth I'll make it a point to regularly walk in. Its an impressive blog

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  57. Offering condolences so late might not be right.but a relationship with your father which you have described expresses the deep impact he had on you right thru your growing up.While his physical self has disappered into the Pancha Bhootas,his soul would be guiding thru your life with all the happiness you rightly deserve,
    Take Care
    CU

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  58. God bless such a wonderful human being. Dont know what to say but he will always be there with you in your heart.

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  59. Very positive and affectionate relationship you had with ur dad. Sadden me to know you where missing ur dad now. Hugsss…. Take care, be happy for get such a best dad.

    Came through Ponniyinselvan blog

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  60. P, Thanks for stopping by my blog. I realized that I never added a comment to this one, even though this my favorite post on your blog! Better late than never :)

    HM

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  61. Hi Preethi, sorry abt ur loss, I very much understand what you went thru.....i have the same feelings towards my Unbelievably Super dad....and i can never get thru the shock...take care, we have to move on because our life with kids has started on full blast

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  62. I am really sorry for ur loss...u have expressed ur love for him bfully..cudnt have put it any better...

    also loved the poems on ur site..its really bful that u sing them to ur children...

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  63. Seeing from the post, I can see that he was more than a lovely father. He was a perfect man. He never left you. Right now he is in you. You are doing what he was best at. Being a great parent. My sincere wishes for the next generation - your son and daughter. Make your dad proud by being the best mom ever....

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  64. Your post just made me think of the wonderful times we had with our dad when we were young. we take things like these for granted and just forget about them in time. Thanks to you i realized that i have a opportunity to spend some quality time with my dad.
    God bless u

    regards vikram pai
    vickypai@gmail.com

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  65. Preethy..
    I know, it's been 2 and half years since u posted this. May be it's too late; still let me tell u - I am very sorry for u.
    It really made my heart feel heavier :(

    --Shalini

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