Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Over the horizon--writers Island 7

The prompt at Writer's island is 'Over the horizon'. This is what I wrote.The picture I found on photobucket and I loved it as it went so well with what I wrote.

sad turtle
Over the horizon
Over the horizon
Under the sea
The turtle asked the moonfish
“Will you marry me?”
They had known each other
For over an year now
The chemistry was undeniable
Sparks flew and how!

“Unusual I know
For a lady to propose
But if you won’t do it
I must I suppose.”
The moonfish did not answer
Just swam away
Leaving the turtle forlorn
Having nothing to say.
The turtle waited and hoped
And sat by the sea shell phone
Wanting to hear from the moonfish
Feeling unloved and alone.
Moonfish swam away hurriedly
Feeling adult and grown
When the elation gave way
He picked up the phone.
They laughed and they mocked
The Turtle’s tone
While she still sat hoping,
Waiting by the phone.
© Ps

44 comments:

  1. lol..such a lovely tale... but the poor poor turtle!!!

    Over the Horizon

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  2. Absolutely beautiful and it fits very well with my piece! Did the phone ring?

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  3. Ouch! The final lines surprised me. Nicely told!

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  4. What a beauty! Turtle and the moonfish, loved the pic too...thanks for sharing, happy 08 to you.

    UL

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  5. Poor old Turtle...sometimes life's a beach!

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  6. Awwwwwwwww...... Loooved the pic... Soo apt for the poem..... Poor girl, the turtle... Do we see a sequel to this...? When the turtle and the moonfish live happily ever after?

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  7. Who would have thought of a turtle and a moonfish. Very cute.
    The picture fits perfectly...

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  8. Lissa: thanks!

    Preethi: Thanks--But why 'lol'.What made you laugh? I felt really bad for the turtle.

    Keith: my son wanted me to add one more stanza where the phone does ring--but it is not the moonfish--it is the sea horse.

    Tumblewords: Moonfish is a very selfish guy.

    UL:Thanks! Wishign you too a very happy new year.

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  9. Chitra : :-)

    Nessa:Thanks!

    Ritu: The Moonfish is a very selfish guy.(look at the way he treated her)I think the turtle will be better off with someone else.The sea horse perhaps?

    Prats: Thanks!I loved the picture too.

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  10. nice tale... smooth flow.. poor turtle though...

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  11. Xh: Yes--poor poor turtle.My heart goes out to her.

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  12. made me wonder, is it really brag worthy that an woman proposed?.

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  13. Poor turtle :( Sad, but lovely verse adn youa re right, the picture goes so well with it.

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  14. Rambler: Who bragged?!!This isn't about whether the woman proposed or the man--this is about Rejection.And hope.You missed the point (and the focus) completely.

    Bob-Kat:Yes--poor poor turtle.

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  15. Ohh..tht is soo sweet!!

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  16. Wicked moonfish! So much like some people actually over the horizon!!
    But hey.. excellent poem :) abcb :D

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  17. awwww! cho chweet preeti1 I wud have never thought of smthg like this for horizon. how u suddenly turned the whole into a romantic tale, albeit unhappy. well.. me too thinking of signing up for writer's island. i have great standards to match

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  18. Oh! Oh! those final lines carry a whip and lashed the poor little turtle! Well, I love her. Even if I don't wait by the phone.

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  19. poor turtle..desrved better...i wish the phone rings and it is some one better than the moonfish!!!...

    nice one, preeti...

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  20. Thinking aloud: Thanks! i hope the silly little Turtle realises that she deserves someone better.

    Mary Timme: I too am with the turtle.

    Shru: CRUEL moonfish--and foolish Turtle for not seeing through him. Now you HAVE to tll me what abcb means!

    Sam: Thanks!(This time checked to see which Sam you are!)

    Pointblank : If you think mine is good you must see Keith's. It is outstanding.but--hey thanks!

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  21. I feel sad reading this...

    Keshi.

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  22. Keshi: Me too--and so did my son.The turtle and the Moonfish symbolise people I know in real life.

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  23. where can I find Keith's?

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  24. Pointblank: Just scroll up in my comment Box and look for Keith Hillman and click on 'Keith's ramblings' when you get to his profile.

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  25. Niall: And you never know when the next tsunami could strike!

    DM: i agree one hundred percent!

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  26. scenario 1 :

    the phone rang
    moonfish called
    and asked turtle to come over to his pad
    for an evening together and candle-lit dinner
    and then agreed to move into her place since it was bigger and sturdier than his place.


    scenario 2 :

    the phone rang,
    but it was not the moonfish
    it was another turtle from the lagoon
    she had seen him ocassionally in the neighborhood
    always with a bright smile

    he wanted to know if she was doing anything that weekend
    and if she would honor him with her company for the
    art festival by the squids and jellyfish

    she couldn't refuse.

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  27. Awesome but sad!

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  28. NM: thanks!--yes sad..I felt that way too.

    Guru: Scenario 1 proves that moonfish is even bigger a slime-ball than represented. Scenario 2--Who knows what the other turtle wants!
    You like happy endings don't you?!:-)

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  29. Poor little turtle should've given it more time before popping the question on the moonfish.

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  30. Turtle's phone rang,
    She is the finalist for Miss Beach contest,
    With her head held high,
    She walked graciously to win the title,
    Moonfish was smitten, he pompously proposed her,
    She walked past him, into the adulations of her numerous fans.

    P, i am sure the moonfish and turtle are not just symbolic. I can identify them with real people, especially moonfish, selfish, pompous, dont we meet such people so often in our lives. Poor turtle, however, she should get up, move on, afterall, who cares for that haughty moonfish!

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  31. J : I don't think Moonfish would have ever said yes even if she had given him a 100 years--He is a guy like that.He was just toying with her.

    Misti: i am AMAZED you saw through this. Moonfish and Turtle indeed represent(maybe i used the wrong word earlier) people I know in real life and it pained me deeply.(Reflected in the poem)
    The Turtle hasn't yet won 'Miss beach' but yes, she has moved on and is working on her abs, with great results to show [:-)] while moonfish I guess, continues to work his charms on other gullible women.

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  32. abcb.. I was just saying the rhyme scheme of ur poem :)

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  33. That is THE cutest thing I've read.
    How do you come up with such sweetness???
    xoxo
    Gillian

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  34. Awwww Preeti.. This is sad!

    Vidya

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  35. Hi,PS..that was a nice poem,definitely-nice and unusual,if I may say so!Is there a part 2,where the turtle gets a phone call and is happy??

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  36. i agree. turtle should flush the moonfish out of her memory. thats best for her. bus can she do or will she do that?

    i think everybody likes happy endings. even people who like morose or tragic endings find some meaning in it and therein their satisfaction/contentment/happiness. don't you think?

    check this poem which reads like a fantasy story (not mine :) ) your poem reminded me of this one!
    http://blogs.4indianwoman.com/2007/12/08/judgement-day-by-archana-venkatesh-mumbai-india.aspx

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  37. Guru: :-) I don't know.Some people like to be unhappy with everything.shall chk out the link.Thanks!

    AmitL: Thanks!Since the story is a true story, we will have to wait and watch.The turtle is still hoping.Lets us see!

    Vidya:Yes--Sad.(and worst part is true)

    Shru: heh heh!

    Gillian: thank you!!

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  38. a touch sad... but then a tale oft seen and well told... wonderful... come to think of it.. i just posted a poem - soemthingt o do with horizon on my blog.. as for the lady waiting.. again had a short story.. still waiting sometime back!!!!
    not really related to ur post.. just that the poem took me back to those!! :)
    cheerio!!

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  39. What a cute great poem. That picture suits excellent Poor turtle .

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  40. Preeti, your characters were well chosen: moonfishes have very short lives in comparison to turtles, she'll live long enough to watch his decay and she'll still be in her glory years. ;-)

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