Take responsibility for your happiness today!

This is a mail which I got from a reader after my previous post--It's all okay really and I felt very good reading this.(This is being published with her permission of course! She wanted her name withheld )

Hey Preeti!

Hope you are doing well!

This is V. I am a regular reader of your blog for more than 3 years now.  I also leave my comments sometimes.

I was reading your most recent post 'It's all ok, really' and couldn't stop myself from hitting the Compose mail button on Gmail to write an email to you.

It has happened several times, that whenever I am confused or worried or happy or in any mood, your most recent post always has answers to my questions! One can call it fluke, but I would like to call it telepathy and leave it there because it makes me happy ;) :)

Some such incidents that I remember are:

1) I have a loving boy friend and your post on the importance of saying "I love you" and being vocal about one's feelings changed my life, dramatically.

2) "A letter to my 25 years old self"- I just turned 25 then, and your post had everything I wanted to hear or know.

3) Another post- "Yes, you can, Act now"

I fortunately got to read that when my life was taking another major turn. It's a long story. I work in UK in a big financial services company. I have been working for 3 years now after my graduation from a presitigious institution in India. My parents wanted me to study well, secure a job that pays in lakhs from day 1, move to foreign countries, earn more, gain the 'NRI status' and live happily ever after. (I don't blame them, because this is what parent do and expect because they are very protective about their children)

I was never happy with that life, there was something always missing. I earned more and more with every quarter but it made no difference. The charm started fading away a lot more from last year. I moved to UK to see how I like foreign country and the life that everyone craves for. In a month, I realised that I definitely don't want this either.

I was tired off all the corporate drama and finally quit my job yesterday! For once, I did what I wanted. I was not this happy when I secured this job. It was liberating!! :)

I have always enjoyed and wished to spend as much time as I can around philanthropic activities, but everyone looked at it as a good thing but not a practical career option! I was allowed to keep it as a hobby but was taught that middle class people are not allowed to dream big. They have limits.

But guess what, I've broken all those shackles and crossed all those boundaries!! I'm going to be back in India next week and start working towards my dream! It was tough to convince everyone, especially my parents but with the support of my boyfriend and my sister I am taking my next big step.

I'm finally gonna live MY dream, not anyone else's but mine, Preeti!! :) :) :)

Your today's post- "It's all ok, really" again was up there when I really wanted it. I was getting all scornful looks and nasty comments for thinking that I can change the world from many at work today. It was very painful to go through it and continue to feel confident. Self-doubt is the biggest killer! Your post helped me overcome that fear!

I won't say that I wish to be like you, but I must say that I gain the inspiration from you to define, or should I say- "redefine" myself according to my choices, likes and dislikes. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's highly rewarding and overwhelming!

I don't know what future has in store for me but I'm truly excited and very eager to twist, turn and shape it as per my wish!

Life is what I make it, right?! :)

Keep writing and posting such wonderful posts, Preeti! You must know that your writings make a difference in my life. They inspire me everyday! And I'm sure there are million others like me out there who admire your work :)

All the very best, Preeti!

Love

V

Here is another comment which was left by a reader on the same post:
Hi Preeti,

I follow your blog regularly, and I love your style of writing too.
I have heard the same things you have said in this blog many times and do think that it is right to an extent.
But on a practical side , do you think it is often possible to live your life as you like it without taking others feelings into consideration?
My husband left his well paid job, because he wanted to chase his dream of starting something of his own. It has been two years since he is after that and till now hasn't earned a single pie.i tried to think about his dream in the same lines you wrote in this blog,but at times i lose my control and compel him to take up a job. But he is quite confident about what he is doing and totally ignore my woes in this matter.He says all the financial crisis that we face now are temporary and we will definitely have a brighter future.
I am totally confused.. Tell me what would you have done, if you were in my position with a two year old kid and an average salaried job??

                                          ----dazed by life



To the first mail I say a big thank you. I am truly happy that V is chasing her dreams. But most importantly what stands out in the mail is the fact that V has taken responsibility for her own happiness. She has the courage to throw away a corporate job which pays her so well. Not an easy thing to do at all.
Another thing that clearly stands out is that money is not what makes everybody happy. Happiness truly does not depend on how much money you are making. Happiness comes out of fulfilling the deeper needs of the soul.
Yes, we do need money for material comfort--but how much is enough really? One has to determine that first.So many studies of people who have won the lottery clearly show that  after an year the mental state of the winner is same as what it was before winning. After a couple of years of getting used to their situation, lottery winners as well as paraplegics are surprisingly close to being equally happy.

So to the second email writer, who calls herself 'dazed by life', this is what I have to say:

Dazed by life, I need to ask you something--Is your love for your husband conditional? Will you love him more if he takes up a job which makes him miserable but earns a whole lot of money for you and your child? At some level, you seem to believe that giving you (and your child) a comfortable life is his duty and by not earning a single  pie, he is somehow neglecting you.  Your husband is indeed aware of this situation and he is confident about a brighter financial future. I am sure he must have done adequate research before jumping into this venture. Most ventures (startups) do take on an average, about 18 months to just break even.

I need to ask you one more thing--Is it not possible for you to change your job from an 'average salaried job' to a 'well paying job'? What is holding you back? Educational qualifications? Skills? Get them! Lack of opportunities? Create them!!
Why depend on your husband to give you a better life? Why not accept action and responsibility on YOUR part. What are YOU doing to better the situation other than complaining that he is chasing his dreams and not earning enough?

So, either you have to be patient and supportive to him, and BELIEVE in him that he WILL make it BIG tomorrow and all success will be yours (I wish you both the very best from my heart) or you have to act now and make a change to your life.

Satish and I were talking the other day about how our situation was when we first got married. At that time, we could not afford to buy a car and we used to travel everywhere on a motorbike in the freezing north Indian winters. (I loved that but that is a different story ;-) ). We used to look at other couples who would arrive in their fancy cars to office parties (when we shivered and got wet on the bike) and used to wonder if we would ever be able to buy a car. Today, by his sheer hard work, by God's grace as well as by blessings of the Universe (I do believe in it) we can afford many luxuries. We have indeed come a long way.

But one thing is that we were as happy then as we are now! I am as close to him today, as I was back then. He worked hard (really hard--there were days when I used to long to be with him, but he had to be at work) to get where he is today. I stood by him then as I will stand by him tommorow, no matter what.

So I do believe that persistence pays.

Work hard, chase your dreams, laugh with your friends, keep up your promises, exercise, eat a good diet, be thankful for the things that one has (even being healthy is a BIG blessing) and go LIVE your life. It is so short to be spent in regrets! One minute wasted is one minute gone forever!
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ps:  If any of you have any advice for 'Dazed by life' do feel free to express it here.