Philosophy of sex
I found these quotes outrageuosly funny, mostly because they had an underlying patina of truth in them! Read them and tell me if you laughed, smiled, were amused or just non-plussed !!
And hey--in case you are wondering--I did not make them up :-)
And like I always tell my friend (you know who you are!) I agree whole heartedly with the last quote!
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"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog, vacation at the taxidermist."--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.’"--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."--Robin Williams
And hey--in case you are wondering--I did not make them up :-)
And like I always tell my friend (you know who you are!) I agree whole heartedly with the last quote!
******************************************************************
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog, vacation at the taxidermist."--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.’"--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."--Robin Williams
Love the new picture of you!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a man (I've tried speaking as a woman but it hurt my throat)I find laughter is the best medicine when confronted with the falabilities of the human mating ritual.Speaking as an artist, I believe in passionate expression and technique. The quotes are wonderful..I laughed like a drain (or should that be a radiator?)
When it comes to you Niall, definitely a radiator! The new picture of me, was clicked just a few hours ago in my bedroom and its already reached the whole world(well, almost!) --The wonders of technology!I never cease to be amazed.
ReplyDeleteOH, those were so funny!!
ReplyDeleteThese are really amazing quotes...I loved all of them.My favorite is the one about bridges by woody allen.... i laughed like anything!
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