Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's all okay really!

Can you be happy ALL the time? Is it possible to not feel angry, hurt, upset, resentful, annoyed,frustrated, when things do not go the way you planned? Is it possible to always keep smiling and go on 'being positive'? Is it possible to not crib and to be 'accepting' and to 'move on'?

Of course not!  Not unless you happen to be the  smiling clown at Mc.Donalds or the Laughing Buddha, stationed at the entrance to a Chinese restaurant. It is indeed okay and natural to feel down when life throws bricks at you. It is indeed okay to take time to recover from the blow.

Most people I meet tell me that I am one of the most down to earth, friendly and approachable people they have come across. They compliment me about how 'grounded' I am. They say I am an icon to them and they want to be like me. All that is very good and I thank them. (But  deep down, I am always suprised that they want to emulate me!) Then I get the 'You're-my-inspiration-and-you're-someone-i-look-upto' kind of emails. I truly do not mind these either and chances are that if you have written to me, you would have most probably got a  reply.(Unless of course it's been overlooked because of the hundreds of mails that I get. I do read every single mail).

But what really irks me are some of the mails which border on accusations of being insincere. I never pretend to be what I am not and my honesty is something I pride myself on. One of the mails I got said " I am sorry to say, I am forced to rethink about your positivity." Another tried to warn me that my 'market value' will go down if I write books like '34 Bubblegums and Candies' (which has got a lot of praise. My FB page is a testimony) and this person was deeply disappointed because this person expected the book to be like 'Life is what you make it'.

Fact is, it is we  who project our expectations on to people. Then we feel disappointed that 'they did not measure up.' We (and that applies to all of us) mostly want people to behave the way we see them. We tend to forget that they are definitely entitled to their feelings of joy, happiness, resentment, anger or whatever. They are also entitled to express it in any form they wish as long as it is not harmful to YOU.

I truly believe that negativitiy and  unsolicited (but perhaps well meaning) advice is one of the biggest drains on your time and energy. It just gets you down and you truly do not need it. If you are a giver of such advice, I do feel you should introspect as to why giving that advice makes you feel better. If you are a receiver of such advice, just brush it off and move on. Even thinking about it (for 'improving oneself'--please! whom are we kidding here?!) is not worth your time.

Life is precious. Life is truly what you make it.

So do the things that YOU want to do, no matter what others , however close they are to you,say. They can never be YOU. They cannot live YOUR life. It is only YOU who know what makes you happy.

And whatever you think is right is indeed right.(I presume here, you're not a psycho-criminal planning to kill or rape their next victim :-))

It's all okay, really!
_____________________________________________________
ps:  Bookchums had interviewed me. Read it here

25 comments:

  1. //So do the things that YOU want to do, no matter what others , however close they are to you,say. They can never be YOU. They cannot live YOUR life. It is only YOU who know what makes you happy//


    SUPERB...

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  2. What a lovely post !! I love it. I can connect your recent posts very nicely.The same thoughts are going through my mind these days.

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  3. Hey,

    I have been at both giving and receiving ends ...and thought its natural, as all who gave or rcvd unsolicited advices were really closed to my heart...But, after reading this post...i surely shall introspect before any such incidence :)

    Lovely post !!!

    Love n rgds

    Ruchi

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  4. Hark! Who got to you??? Supposedly the buddhist attitude (not including buddha in front of mainland china. there are people around to claim they are emotionally completely balanced but how am i to know which cave they are hidding in? and i fear even the dalai lama eventually may get angry/hurt/resentful due to latest chinese politics.

    nevertheless going through a couple of disasters here and there in your 20ties aswell as 30ties does provide you with a certain laissez fair sorta attitude and calm aquired by expirience in life. a much younger european women called me eerie/scary lately and on probing she explained i sounded like an indian guru.

    enjoy the human experience as long as it lasts!

    P.S. Unfortunately it does include a couple of negative feelings here and there but why not reframe them nicely?

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  5. hi preeti ji,
    just read your article "its all OK really. the article i could relate it to me, yes in life sometimes we feel that yes its really OK , and one should move on in his/her life. just not thinking about results and expectations, one should move in life. this is what one should think, your article makes one thinks and ponder upon in his own life.
    regards
    PRABHASH KUMAR

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  6. I, for one, have always wondered how you manage to exude positivity in every post of yours. It gets the readers' spirits up. Also I have pondered if you ever get angry, irritable or feel low. Maybe you do, but you are careful not to pass it around. Instead, I guess you channel that negativity in seeing some ray of light in it too.

    I have a lot to learn. I need to learn patience, I need to learn how not to let things bother me. I think all that will come slowly. And yes, for that, as an example, I do look up to you. :) I do not find you fake, or even pretender.

    Preeti akka, your simplicity is what I love the most. Be it in your books or the attitude that projects through your posts. It is difficult sometimes to ignore what people think, say or perceive about you. I (and many many others) think you rock! :)

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  7. I think people can have whatever perception of me, but that should not change me against my wishes. Till that is not happening, I am pretty happy and their perceptions can whatever they want to be. :-)

    Even I have a perception of you and anyone else who knows you really or virtually would do too... But then it is for my reference and would only be reflected in a manner I treat you. Isn't it so? Why bother about the drains.

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  8. Hi Preeti,going through a phase where other people's negativity is really bugging me big time! So, really feel connected with what you have stated in this post. Also came across this blog today for the first time, where the author talks of how to just get of others who are affecting your state with their negativity, think you might like this - http://celestinechua.com/blog/naysayers/

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  9. This thought is behind most actions that I take every day. Does this really, truly make me happy? If it does, and is practical under the circumstances, I go for it. I only recently started making a conscious effort to do this.

    Negativity is unavoidable because we do live in the 'big, bad world'; the important thing is to dilute that with all the positivity we possibly can muster.
    Great post Preeti, once again!

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  10. Nice write up...but sometimes life itself question us on our decision to follow our dreams and live the life we imagine..

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  11. Again as always totally agree with your thoughts. I believe in the same and in fact few days back I had similar discussion with one of my friend.

    you rock..

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  12. yeah very true...we sometimes live and do things to make others happy and most of the times, we dont think or just miss out thinking whether we are really happy doing it.....and the result is that we get frustrated with life.....

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  13. Hi Preeti,
    Just visited your page, and I totallllllyyyy love it.. Like the way you write. Glad I found you on Blogadda. Keep it up oh ya and you are beautiful too...:)

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  14. Hi Preeti,

    I really appreciate your thought regarding being ourselves but what bothers me is that people think we have changed. Its a fact that we have changed as time has gone by and we have become someone else. But is that a crime?? I guess we are allowed to be what we are and we needn't pretend to be someone else.

    Thanks for this post of yours where I could find answers to few questions.

    Abhi

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  15. Happiness is really a state of mind and nothing more than that. There are days when so many things go wrong, but , still it doesn't matter and we keep flashing that smile, hoping things will get better. And then there are days, when the smallest of things make us sad

    It doesn't matter what people thin of you...They should bother about it...You have the love and acceptance of a larger group, your blog and FB page are a testimony to it...So why bother about a handful of losers?

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  16. Hi Preeti,

    I follow your blog regularly, and I love your style of writing too.
    I have heard the same things you have said in this blog many times and do think that it is right to an extent.
    But on a practical side , do you think it is often possible to live your life as you like it without taking others feelings into consideration?
    My husband left his well paid job, because he wanted to chase his dream of starting something of his own. It has been two years since he is after that and till now hasn't earned a single pie.i tried to think about his dream in the same lines you wrote in this blog,but at times i lose my control and compel him to take up a job. But he is quite confident about what he is doing and totally ignore my woes in this matter.He says all the financial crisis that we face now are temporary and we will definitely have a brighter future.
    I am totally confused.. Tell me what would you have done, if you were in my position with a two year old kid and an average salaried job??

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  17. Dazed by life: Will answer your comment in a whole post which i will write soon. Cannot explain in a comment :)

    Akanksha: When people criticise what I write and express, without ever stepping into my shoes and say anything they like, it does irk me.But of course you have a very valid point. I do agree :)

    Abhi: Definitely not a crime. We all change. I am not the person I was last year!

    Sunita:Thanks for a wonderful comment!

    Kurund: Aaww!Thank you!

    Remya:True!
    '

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  18. Sucheta: :-* Sorry--couldnt reply to your text. We will speak soon!

    The thinker: lovely post. read it.Thanks for th link! And such a strange coincidence, Bangalore mirror mentions this post today!

    Prats: Completely agree. Still just because I am fiendly and approachable, when people accuse and write anything and especially when people give advice about a situation in my life which they know absolutely nothing about, it irks me no end!

    Purnima; thanks a lot :)

    Prabhash:Yes true.

    Ruchie:Thanks!! :) somehow I usually am wary of giving unsolicited advice. I used to and realised it was futile really.

    Gemgal: xoxo :)

    Vipul: Glad you could connect.

    Sundari:Thanks a lot! :)

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  19. Hi Preeti...Lovely post and lovely interview.

    After reading your post I was thinking of how even though there is negativity around me I always try to remain positive by just letting go. But on the other hand I also started thinkin that how much of positivity am I really spreading. Lately I have got so busy in my own small world that I am totally detatched with everything else. Time for a change and spread happiness around :). And you are turly my inspiration.

    --Seema

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  20. "it is we who project our expectations on to people."
    U r bang on here....some people who read what you write are probably seeing only one side of it & believing it to be the whole. When it comes right down to it we are all human with each with our own failings. I guess a few people obsess with the small black dot instead on focussing on the white page.

    Its been more than 3 yrs since I found ur blog. I'll be frank here; at first glance ur blog was about a person & ideals too good to be true; it took me some time to believe tht u were what you posted.
    As time passed I began to admire you for the very reasons I raised my eyebrows at, for standing by ur priciples, for living LIFE with confidence, for sharing ur positivity with all of us.

    Your zest for life makes me feel I'm wasting time when I cd be conquering mountains[yes really], makes me THINK about my abilities which I feel I'm not using to their potential.

    Have I gone over the top with this comment???
    Well I can only write what I feel:-))!!!!

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  21. I love what you have to say in this post. We feel that others are doing things to us, while in fact it is our own minds and past experiences and whatever playing those tricks on us.

    What I have learned and still learning is that if such an advice comes from family, I let them know that I find it judgmental and if we can talk about it. If they are interested in holding on to their opinion, I don't let it affect me, and accept them for who they are, in this case, who they are not!

    Good for you, Preeti Shenoy!

    Vidya

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  22. Hello Preeti...

    Absolutely true...sometimes its better to move on....but that really needs lot of courage.

    this is for you:)
    http://gsaptekar84.blogspot.com/2011/07/10-day-challenge-post-7.html

    Hugs
    Gayu

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  23. Hi Preeti,

    Nice post.Having read this post, i got reminded of only one thing that my master had told me. "we are not one but three.What we think we are,what others think we are and what we really are"

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  24. Just Fantastic......... Really nobody can take OUR own place.

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  25. hello preeti mam
    i started following your blog after reading "life is what you make it" before some week. i love all your posts..they all are simple but touching and inspiring . the best thing i like in all your posts that they all are full of hope and positivity.
    you are doing a great job mam. your blogs became the reason of my smile :) just want to say 2 words "THANK YOU":)

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