Why is it so hard to accept sincere praise? And why is it so hard to praise something whole heartedly?
This is something I have mulled over a lot. As children, we accept praise without thinking. We believe people do not have any ulterior motive when they praise.
As adults, we become cynical, suspicious, guarded.
To me, praising others whole heartedly for something they have done comes as naturally as breathing. When I appreciate something I speak up from the heart, if I feel it is deserved. I have seen varied responses to praise.
Everyone likes to be praised, but how they react is so different.
Some of them don’t accept a compliment and they throw it right back at you. It usually disguises their discomfort at being praised. It makes the giver of the compliment, feel foolish and small—but of course the recipient , for whom it was intended does not realize it.
Then there are others who accept it—but grudgingly. They say “Thanks, but…..” and they go on to elaborate why what they did was nothing great after all. It makes the giver wonder if they made an error in judgment.
The third kind is the best. When someone praises them, they accept it gracefully and say “Thanks.” If they are genuinely nice, they also add “It was sweet of you!”
Chandni Pai is one of the biggest radiators I know. I have met her a couple of times, but only fleetingly as we used to live in the same city and have common friends. Recently however, after I moved to this place, I have been in regular touch with her—thanks to my blog and Orkut.
She is a person who encourages others WHOLE HEARTEDLY. It is hard to beat that kind of enthusiasm. Each morning, when I open my Orkut, I unfailingly see a cheerful 'scrap' (messages in orkut are called 'scraps') from her, wishing me good morning and hoping I have a great day. In the beginning I used to wonder why she sent those scraps—but funnily, as days went by, I realized that spreading cheer does work! It was hard not to get affected by such an enthusiastic person! Chandini has about 208 friends on Orkut and not surprisingly 108 of them are her fans. She is one of the very few people I know who is genuinely interested in others, asks unfailingly about them and keeps in touch with almost all of them, cheering, encouraging, talking and just being there! She is also a wonderful mother to two lovely boys (aged 17 and 13) and a great wife too.
I was so impressed by her radiant personality that I just had to ask her, her secret! This is what she had to say.
Q:You are such a positive, vibrant and a encouraging person. Not surprising that you have more than a 100 fans on Orkut. How do you feel about that?
I love making friends and I keep them for life. I still am in touch with many of my school and college friends. As regards the fans in Orkut--.well, I love them as good friends but didn’t know I would have so many ‘FANS’! Whatever I do, I do with my heart.
Q: How do you manage to remain cheerful most of the time? Is the ‘happy face’ sometimes a mask?
One thing i have learnt in life—whatever happens, being sad or keeping a sad face doesn’t change the situation. I know that if i keep smiling worries will run away. It is by experience that I’m saying this . Always be positive. It sure helps. When I’m in a bad mood I just keep quiet. I read something or listen to music. Chaar din ki zindagi.muskuraate raho...khush raho!!! (Life is short. Keep smiling and be happy)
Q:. You are into a lot of things like alternate healing. Can you tell us what courses you have done and how it has helped you?
I have done a course in Alternate Medicine. I have learnt Acupressure, Shiatsu, Su-jok, and Reflexology. I also know some homoeopathy and Ayurveda. I treat patients around my house free of cost. I will soon be a part of a trust which will have a hospital for Alternate medicine. I will be treating people there--hopefully by mid 2008.
Chandni reminds me a lot of my dad. He too was a great radiator and people used to flock to him. He too was genuinely interested in others, optimistic, cheerful and it was a real joy to be around him.
The world needs such people. I am so glad people like Chandni are a part of my life.
Do you have any radiators in your life? If so, hold on to them. The older I get, the more convinced I am that they are more than worth their weight in gold.