5 things I learnt from someone nice--a birthday post

Today is the birthday of one of the most important people in my life. Last year and the year before that, we had celebrated his birthday in the UK. This year we celebrate in a new home. A few of his closest friends came over at midnight yesterday and it was a complete surprise for him, when he was woken up from sleep and brought downstairs, groggy eyed  to find all his good friends as well as both the kids assembled there, with cake, eats and everything else.He walked into a pitch dark room and the lights came on and rest you can imagine! :-)

We had all planned it all and co-ordinated, down to the last detail, which included minor but very important things like alerting the security at the gate of the vehicle numbers they would be arriving in, so that the security would not call to alert of their arrival. They texted me when they were outside my home and I crept quietly downstairs and let them in. We really made awesome-happy memories last night, which I am sure we will fondly remember for years to come!
A big thank you to the people who made this happen (you know who you are I am really grateful to you guys :-) )

It is a known fact that the people we spend maximum amount of time with, help us shape our thinking, our action and ultimately our destinies. Most spiritual leaders and high thinkers encourage us to seek out positive minded individuals who proactively lead their lives, with their goals in focus and are full of love and warmth. They are above pettiness and focusing on negatives. If your goal is to lose 5 kgs of weight but you are surrounded by people who eat a lot and are really not at all diet/health conscious, then it will be that much harder for you to achieve your goals. Similarly if you trying to quit  smoking but are surrounded by people who smoke at least 6-10 cigarettes a day, it is going to be hard for you.

So how is this connected to the surprise birthday party? In my case, the  person with whom I have spent the maximum amount of time is the one whose birthday it is today :)  I have spent 16 years with him and that is indeed a LOT of time. There is a LOT  I have learnt from him which would be impossible to contain in one post. Here are 5 of the things I learnt from him:

1.If you feel bad about something someone said, no matter whether they intended it as a joke or not, your feelings are indeed valid and you're entitled to them:  This is something I am always grateful to him for. Many a time I used to question myself as to whether I am over-reacting to a comment made by somebody, about something which is sacred, to me. He is the one who taught me to honour what I feel, no matter how the other person intended it. (and sometimes its not even worth analysing why they did/said certain things--but at other times it is)


2.Just because you feel upset and hurt, you do not have to immediately react. I truly admire his ability for this. For me, if I feel hurt my first instinct is to lash out at that person and let them have it. My level of tolerance for such things is far lower than his. At times, side stepping such things is a smarter thing to do, though I have miles to go in that department!

3. What matters most to you does not truly matter that much to everybody . There are very very few people who are genuinely interested in what matters most to you. But that does not mean you must not form close connections. If you are lucky to have them in your life, hold such people close. But also remember that situations and circumstances change over a period of time. Accept this fact and suddenly there is a huge perspective change in your relationships.

4. If someone has not made an effort to be in your life, despite trying many times from your side, walk away. This ability is something I admire him for. He always says  "If that person genuinely wants to be a part of your life, they will  make time to call or initiate contact." This sounds so simple but it is profound if you think about it.


5.You do not have to raise your kids exactly how your parents raised you: Till I met him, I always used to think that raising your kids with a Spartan discipline is the only way you will have well grounded adults.This was the way I was raised and I used to falsely believe that it was the best way. It was completely the opposite of how he was raised and he truly is one of the nicest people I know. That was a huge eye-opener for me.

Happy birthday to a GREAT guy and THANK YOU for being in my life and most importantly thank you for loving me as much as you do, especially during the times I don't deserve it!