5 major deal breakers in friendships (post 29)

Much has been said about the warmth of friendship and the comfort a good one brings. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

 However, friendships do break, despite your best intentions to be 'forever friends'.

If you are anything like me, I am guessing you would take your friendships seriously.  I do and am fortunate to be blessed with some fantastic friends. But, I have of course, had my share of friendships breaking--sometimes because of bad choices I made or sometimes, because some things are a complete NO-NO for me, when it comes to friendships. They are the deal-breakers.

Here are my list of deal-breakers (in the order of importance for me)

1.Fair weather friend: If a friend speaks to you, only for 'good times' and isn't there for you, when you are down, and need a shoulder to cry on, then he/she is obviously a fair-weather friend. Dump them, You deserve better.

If your *friend* isn't there for you when you really need them and mysteriously reappear when things are fine, time to walk away.
— Preeti Shenoy (@preetishenoy) July 10, 2013

2.Put-you down friend:  Then there is that friend, who plays down all your successes/ achievements. When you share something wonderful that happened to you, they say stuff like 'Oh that's nothing..There is this person I know who.....' and they go on to dazzle you with the brilliance of what this person did. If this happens more than five times with a 'friend' then it is time to move on.

3.I-will-keep-in-touch-only-when-i-have-something-to-say friend : There are some people who remain super-busy and unreachable all the time, that you want to speak to them. Then out of the blue, when they have something to tell you, they call you up to rant/share. You listen to them patiently and then when you want to speak to them about something in your life, they become unreachable and busy again. Not worth holding on to such a friend.

4. The selfish friend: This is a combination of 1, 2 and 3. Awful! Dump!

5.I will-not-share-my-stuff-but-you-share-yours-and-I-will-listen friend: There is this breed of 'friends' who are 'information gatherers'.This especially happens if the friendship is 'professional turned personal'. They want your friendship, as they want to know what is going on in your lives, as it may affect them professionally. This kind of friend is very good at eliciting information out of you. You don't even realise you have told them a lot of stuff. Then, when you ask them about their life, they clamp up and change the topic. They keep their cards completely closed, while you have opened all yours and made yourself vulnerable. Personally I detest people who make me feel vulnerable and powerless. I would run the other way from such a friend.

A friend is supposed to make you feel good. A friend is non-judgmental, supportive of the choices you make. A friend values you, values your time and values the relationship you share. A friend may admonish you, but it would be free of malice, and trust me, you would know the difference between someone who genuinely cares and someone who is just saying stuff in 'guise of a friend' to bring you down.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that life would be simpler and easier, if you get rid of these 'friends' who aren't helping you grow, who are there only to take from you and give nothing in return.

The mobile company sure got it wrong when they said 'har ek friend zaroori hota hai'.

What are the friendship deal-breakers for you?
If you care to share, I am listening. I would love to know.




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