5 effective ways to deal with Criticism and put-downs
And so we all come across them--the drains (people who leave you feeling drained) , the prickers incorporated, the damp squibs who can never be happy for you and the ones possessed by the green-eyed monster who scrutinize you from head to toe and actually find something to say to put you down. (Oh yes--there are many like that!)
How do you deal with such people? What can you do to not let their attitude or what they say affect you?
While you do not have much control over what others will say and do, you definitely can control how you respond.
Here are five things that you can do:
First: Identify where the criticism is coming from. Why is this person putting you down ? Is there substance in what this person is saying? Is it jealousy? Most of us tend to be harsh on ourselves. Don't be! Give yourself some credit!
Second: Recognise that put-downs can be a good thing too. We all feel happy when there is only praise. However, criticism can also make us pause and think. It can make us re-evaluate whether what we are doing is in alignment with where we want to be. Is there a better way of doing what we have done?
Third: Look at the credentials of the 'critic'. Is it a person you hold in high esteem? If so what do you appreciate about that person? Is that person 'qualified' to give you criticism? Has that person achieved a certain amount of success in the field where the criticism is being offered?
Fourth: Remember--it is just an opinion. Like the famous quote goes (it appeared first in the movie 'dead pool') "Opinions are like a*%#-holes. Everyone has one". At the end of the day, it is their opinion. It is not set in stone or sacrosanct.
Fifth: Mentally list all the stuff you *are* great at! Think of all the things you did right. All the splendid stuff in your life that you are happy about. SMILE. And do not react at all to criticism. Nothing gets a person more rattled than knowing their words did not affect you at all (if it is 'false' criticism. You are smart enough to figure out when it is fuelled by jealousy and when it is fulled by having your best interests at heart.) :)
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PS: I will be at Crosswords (alwarpet store, TTK road, Opp IOC pump) Chennai on 19th February at 6.30 pm. Come and say a hi if you are around :)
How do you deal with such people? What can you do to not let their attitude or what they say affect you?
While you do not have much control over what others will say and do, you definitely can control how you respond.
Here are five things that you can do:
First: Identify where the criticism is coming from. Why is this person putting you down ? Is there substance in what this person is saying? Is it jealousy? Most of us tend to be harsh on ourselves. Don't be! Give yourself some credit!
Second: Recognise that put-downs can be a good thing too. We all feel happy when there is only praise. However, criticism can also make us pause and think. It can make us re-evaluate whether what we are doing is in alignment with where we want to be. Is there a better way of doing what we have done?
Third: Look at the credentials of the 'critic'. Is it a person you hold in high esteem? If so what do you appreciate about that person? Is that person 'qualified' to give you criticism? Has that person achieved a certain amount of success in the field where the criticism is being offered?
Fourth: Remember--it is just an opinion. Like the famous quote goes (it appeared first in the movie 'dead pool') "Opinions are like a*%#-holes. Everyone has one". At the end of the day, it is their opinion. It is not set in stone or sacrosanct.
Fifth: Mentally list all the stuff you *are* great at! Think of all the things you did right. All the splendid stuff in your life that you are happy about. SMILE. And do not react at all to criticism. Nothing gets a person more rattled than knowing their words did not affect you at all (if it is 'false' criticism. You are smart enough to figure out when it is fuelled by jealousy and when it is fulled by having your best interests at heart.) :)
_____________________________________________________________________
PS: I will be at Crosswords (alwarpet store, TTK road, Opp IOC pump) Chennai on 19th February at 6.30 pm. Come and say a hi if you are around :)
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The Drains, hehe, thats a nice term for them. And ya, I have to agree with your five ways. Critism can make us fall or sometimes push us too high above.
ReplyDeleteconstructive criticism can be good sometimes .. but as you say most of the criticism comes out of jealousy !
ReplyDeleteWOW...what a way to start a Monday:) This is so true, but I guess we understand this once we mature. Previously comments and criticism from people whom I know and also whom I don't know mattered a lot to me. But now things are entriely different. Your 5-pointers are so thought provoking. I guess you are soon going to be a professional speaker:)
ReplyDeleteAll the best for all your events!
Wishes and hugs
Gayu
thank you mam, your posts really help a lot...these are things that almost everyone knows but it feels nice to be reminded again and again....thank you..
ReplyDeleteCriticism may act as an antibiotic which may provide you an immediate heal ,but pain recurs.I think it may not be constructive and suggestion is constuctive.
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you Rudraprayaga. Well said! very well said. I never criticize. Even when asked for an opinion i keep my words soft.
DeleteTimely post! :) Thank you Preeti! I conduct a status meeting on Monday which I dread going to because of one team member. She is nasty and very draining; I feel exhausted after the call. Today, I had a strategy. Just before the call, I jotted down 5 things for which I am grateful, breathed deeply through the entire meeting. Call it manifestation or good luck, today's status meeting went smoothly.
ReplyDeleteYou said it once again Preeti..This balancing act -being the person you are and dealing with the outpours on you genuinely - has to be done with immense care.If one really care about oneself..Loved the entire thing you wrote there.
ReplyDelete(Preeti,sorry that I am not at Cochin now.Have such a longing to meet you.See my surprise)
Hi Preeti,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the superb success of "The Secret WishList".. I loved the book..
Loved your post...The best part about your blog and your writings is the optimistic and positive approach in the way of thinking... What is said is so true... we all have had experiences of dealing with such drains and prickers... and not all of us can deal with them as beautifully as you suggested in the post.. So personally, I will def try to act on your suggestions the next time I encounter such people........
Loved reading your post. Really nice work.
ReplyDeleteI always believe criticism comes from jealousy... even i'm a green monster sometimes :D So I know how it works!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.
ReplyDeleteConcur with ur post. For years I mistook this criticism for feedback & was harsh on myself. Then I realized nobody is perfect, so rather than penalizing yourself for the things u arent good at, appreciate yourself for the things u can do better than anyone else. Things u love to do. Then I also realized that often, criticism sprouts out of jealousy. When someone isnt bestowed with the talent we have. An attack on someone's moral is the easiest...
ReplyDeleteAgree...though 4th & 5th are hard to follow;-(
ReplyDeleteThe bit which really caught my attention is the 3rd point.....to check whether the person is qualified to dole out advice and criticism....you said it Preeti.