Things change you see.

Things change you see

Sickness in the pit of my stomach

Spreads outward like spilled wine

Tipped carelessly on a white table cloth

Holding in the pain

Tightly knit

Sewn lips

Even though dying really

To end it all.

Desperately seeking closure (not susan)

So memories long held (now meaningless)

Can be obliterated

Without loss of further face (Eternal sunshine anyone?)

But the pain , all pervasive

Like cancer spreads

To all parts of the body

Till the head numb with grief

Finally stops pounding

And succumbs to silence.

Suicide-  a causal word now

Causes not a stir

And what pierces most

Is that he still does not know.

Care

Or

Even remember.

Things change you see.

© 2011 Preeti Shenoy

For more poems click here. Some poems have already appeared in print. Kindly do not reproduce without permission.

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This is a poem I wrote a few days ago. Most of my poetry is dark and sad, very unlike my posts which are peppy and so full of life (usually). Mostly the lines in my poems just 'come to me out of nowhere' and I scribble them down quickly on a piece of paper before they vanish from my head. If I do not write it down immediately, the moment passes and they are gone forever. 

Poetry, like Art , cannot be explained. It just can be interpreted in any way you like. Either it moves you or it doesn't. That is the beauty of it.

Today, a news item in Times of India, prompted me to post this poem on my blog. Sometime back I had blogged about growing apathy  in urban environments towards suicides and how we can do our tiny little bit. 
(Please read the post if you haven't read it before continuing further)

On Sunday night, Bangalore city claimed yet another suicide victim. Ruchi Shandilya who was just 25, ended her life by hanging herself from the ceiling fan, in her apartment, near Ulsoor lake. She has worked with manoviraj Khosla for three years. He is holidaying abroad and when he heard of her death,  he was shocked and   completely shattered.  She had been married for the past three years  to Prashant Kumar and her marriage had run into rough waters. There were constant fights. On Friday, after one such fight, Prashant stormed out of the house and moved into his friend's place.Ruchi later constantly tried to contact him but he did not answer her phone calls. On Monday morning when he returned home, the sight that greeted him was Ruchi's dead body hanging from the ceiling.


What truly breaks my heart in this story is that Ruchi repeatedly tried to reach out. I can empathise completely with her pain and her desperation (Please read my poem again now, it may make better sense.) Can you imagine her agony for her to have taken this extreme step? It is easy to say "People have fights all the time, why should anyone take their life for that?" Fact is it is not that single fight which would have caused her to end her life. It would have been the last straw that broke the camel's back.


The strongest signals which a person likely to commit suicide gives out is "I cannot go on anymore." They may not say so in so many words, but they may reach out. Suicide is rarely a spur o the moment decision. It is not like how it is shown in the movies. For more information about clues and warning signals click here. 

Suicides can definitely be prevented by talking about issues. And for talking one needs a trusted friend, a confidante and sometimes just somebody who cares enough to listen.


Had Prashant picked up Ruchi's calls, her death would probably have been prevented.
If Ruchi had a close and trusted friend whom she could have called when Prashant did not respond,  her death might have been prevented.
If someone who knew Ruchi cared deeply about her, her death could still have been prevented.

What I feel most hurt about is, nobody really cares..For most people, this just a story in today's newspaper which will go into trash pile tomorrow.

In any relationship, fights are inevitable. In life problems are inevitable. But what is needed is talking about it. One cannot cut off from loved ones, the way Prashant did just because he was angry. The least he could have done was pick up her calls. He owed her that much. After all, they must have had something between them, for them to get married. 


But things change you, see. (and that was meant sardonically).
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PS:
1.The protagonist in my second book, 'Life is what you make it' survives two suicide attempts. It is based on a true story and hence suicide prevention is a topic close to my heart.

2.If you have even one single dependable friend and a true friend, hold on to them. They are worth their weight in gold. (I will blog about what makes a dependable friend in my next post).