Why is it important to say 'I love you'?

Is it really important to say the words "I love you?" to your loved ones--your closest friends, your family members, your relatives, your children and your spouse? If actions speak louder than words why isn't 'action' enough? Why do some people say these words easily and why do they choke in the throats of others like a fish-bone or like a large morsel of food swallowed hastily? If you are above the age of fifty you would probably find it harder to say the words, as you're conditioned to think and behave in  certain ways. But if you're not older than fifty (give or take a few years) you probably can say them if you  really want to.

The fact is that three simple words "I love you" when said, when you really mean them, have the power to uplift, to heal, to comfort, to calm and reassure. They are very powerful words indeed. All humans long to hear these words. They show an unconditional acceptance  of the other person and create a powerful shield around their vulnerabilities.

Everyone feels unloved now and then. There is enough negativity, stress, anger and hate in the world. The words when uttered by a loved one, enriches the giver as well as the receiver. It goes a long way indeed in making that person feel wonderful. Think back about the last time that you heard those words. Remember the emotions you experienced. The person you say it to, would of course be experiencing the same emotions. Who does not want to be loved?

Saying "I love you" or "Love you loads" when you really mean it, is in fact, an electrifying form of  communication. You can just feel the energy in those three words.

My friend Gillian says everybody has a cup of love that needs to be filled every single day. I agree whole heartedly with her.By nature, I am very expressive, and I do tell the special people in my life often that I love them. Gillian does too (a lot more than me)  and it is no wonder that she draws so many positive people towards her.

 Why is it so important? Because life is very short and very unpredictable. People die. Relationships die.There may be times or there may be days when you want to say it but you're unable to. You cannot because that person is no longer there. It is one of the saddest feelings I have experienced. I know that on some days I want to hear it very badly. (Perhaps my cup wasn't filled enough that day)

When parents hear "I love you", they feel assured that they did not do such a terrible job of raising you after all. When a child hears "I love you" what he hears is "I am there for you even if you make terrible mistakes. you are not a bad person." When friends hear "I Love you" they feel appreciated and valued and loved. 

So just say it!  Text or mail if you're still shy about expressing it, but it is very important to express it.

I feel  so content when I hear these words from the ones closest to me. I'd much rather have my cupful of love than a pair of diamond ear-rings or an expensive perfume any day! Sometimes I demand it, but it is not the same as getting it unconditionally.

If you're able to say it and if you have people who say it often to you, then you are blessed beyond belief. Consider yourself lucky. Very lucky and blessed indeed.

May it always stay that way!


  1. Hi Preeti,

    I have been following your blog for sometime now, but hadn't been able to post any comment. This post of yours really touched me as I can understand how important it to say that you love them. I have been under such circumstances and just texting my family 'I miss you' made my day which was of course a rare thing to do on my part. You know, people generally take parents and family for granted. But I'm sure it reassured them that Yes I do love them.

    I learnt something new today 'cup of love'... we need to fill it up for the ones we really love.

    But, don't you think, these three words have somehow lost the value because of the overuse of it or may be in a very generic way? Or perhaps just because of commercialization of this?

    Thanks again for such beautiful thoughts. Pleasure reading your posts!

  2. So, I also realise the "cup of love" theory...and I love your blog :D

  3. Very nice post, but what is this rubbish about being 50 ...... :):):) Oh you kiddoes ..... :D

  4. Absolutely totally agree with you on this one.. its one thing to be the stern one who feels there's no need to actually say it, but the truth is that there really isnt a better feeling than hearing those words when you really need to... it isn't always "actions speaking louder than words" and this is one of those main examples

  5. They say oral communication constitutes only 8% of what happens in relationships. It is good to be considerate, it is fine to express love, but when used as a formality, it loses its essence. A smile, a pat, a fist pump or a hug will do just fine.

    And with peers, friendly fights are more effective than all these nice words. I fight so much with some friends that those friendships have turned quite robust over time. Call it immunity or whatever. I sound so much like an India-raised-guy, don't I?

  6. I


    Our electrical connections here do not take away from the validity of our friendship. I've made true and lasting friendships through this medium. (You, Joe, Tara)

    So happy that you gleaned a snippet from my ramblings...and it is YOU that touches so many on a daily basis with your own lovingness that eminates from here each time you post.

    Where you say that kids need to hear it, I agree. It never hurts to reinforce their security at every opportunity.

    You are valued, by me. xoxo Love to you, LOTS!

  7. so sweet of you..it was really a heart-touching post.. n I say a 'Lub u...' in a banarsi style :)

  8. Initially I also thought that action speaks more than words. Inspite of doing lot of things to show my affection to my loved ones they never felt that I love them so much. But when I started telling them that I love them & explicitly mentioned that I miss them when they are not near me they really felt happy & it brings a feel in them that I care them more...

    So sometimes words take precedence over actions... :-)

  9. Preeti,

    I am such strong believer of this that I at times ending my close people 'Love you' messages like 2-3 times a day... which makes me wonder whether I really am bugging them.. but I know when I type out that message.. its like from the bottom of my heart :)

    Love you and your blog

  10. Aathira: Same here!! I also totally mean it too! If they truly love you and understand you why would they get bugged? I would love hearing it :) thank you I love your attitude too.

    Prakash B: I am sure every person would love to hear the words, as long as they are sincerely meant AND when they are backed up by actions to prove it :)

    Aish-Nini: Why Banarsi?!:P :) Thank u!!

    Gillian: Lots of love to you too! (and u know I absolutely love u too! :) I agree about it not taking away validity of friendships--simply because we're not saying it just for the sake of saying it. It IS important.

  11. Inferno: Ask the woman in your life if she would like a fist pump or whether she would like to hear the words. If she says 'fist pump' who am I to deny?! To each their own and whatever works for them! :)
    I too am 'very Indian' but the older i become more i realise the value of those words. I would never say 'I love you' unless i meant it totally from the heart. As a formality it loses all meaning. Statistics about oral communication etc is all very good to quote but oh the feeling when you hear those words! That is hard to beat! BTW I too fight with my closest friends..but i express my love too.

    Dr.Roshan: Even the sternest ones need refill on their cups of love and i am sure deep down they feel just as good too when they hear it! All the 'stern face' is just a mask to hide rejection/disappointment. Now I have a doctor's endorsement on my views too!

    Ramesh: I take back the fifties bit!! :)But you arent fifty! *hides* and most people above fifty wouldnt agree to whatever i said here :P :)

    Ashish: thank u thank u :)

    Abhi: Thank you for de-lurking. BTW one of the main chracters in my new book is called Abhi. :) If you use these words in a generic way and you do not mean them at all, then yes, they lose their value. But I never say it when I don't mean it. I do not agree with commercialisation too. You can just say it and it would make all the difference..But having said that, I must also add that a friend sent me a pink teddy bear holding a red heart on my b'day and each time I look at it, I feel so good!! I guess I am not above 'silly commercial sentimentality' too :) Bottom line is we're all human and we all long for love--whatever way it is expressed. That is what i believe.

  12. Nice post :) I also have thought about it many times esp coz there is a sharp contrast bn my mom n my mema (mom's sis). Mom was always this strict type who believed showing affection to ur kids will only spoil them but mema was always generous with her pats and kisses. So you can imagine who I was close to as a kid n mom used to feel offended ;)

  13. Very nice post....! :)

    Got so inspired that I texted two friends of mine how much I love them. :)

  14. Until I started blogging few years agai,it was like Fishbone in the throat to say these days,but not anymore.

    Of course I am reading this blog at a time where and to whom it is due from my end.Today I am going to say it loudly.

  15. Anu: Lucky friends! Thanks!! :)

    Dhanya: Yes--i can relate to what you say! We naturally gravitate towards those who show us love as we can all sense when it is genuine. Somehow I am not an advocate of 'tough love'. To me,the motto 'if you love somebody, show it' makes sense!

  16. Ahem...ahn...errr...oh yeah! You're right, it's a bit difficult to say the words and I'm not anywhere closer to 50 :(

    But I shall try to change. I shall try very hard :D

    But you do know right that I totally love your writings! Yes. I do. :)

    Thank you. It's a very reflective post.

  17. Hey Preeti! I have recently started following your blog and now I'm an avid follower!

    Interesting post this! I do agree that these words need to be articulated but I guess there are a lot of factors that condition one's behaviour - specifically culture and personality!

  18. Great post Preeti. And, I learnt a new concept today "cup of love". We all need to have our cup filled daily, whether we admit it or not. Thanks for reiterating the importance of these three words :)


  19. Lovely post and yes it is very very important to express love with words even if we feel the other person knows it. Getting to hear it makes a world of difference.
    I did a post about this bucket of love, you might want to read :-)

  20. very nice preeti,loved the cup of love concept.plz post articles about parenting.

  21. Because I live in varanasi so I am banarsi... :)

  22. read these lines would like to share..the tounge affects the ear ..the ear affects the soul..the soul affects the entire body..n these magical words leave a deep impression on the listener..loved ur post..

  23. I'm really embarrassed to tell any one directly, be it close pals, parents or sis... If I try, it will hardly be warm and emotional.. it will end up being all awkward.. Texting or mailing is the way to go.. BUT, with most people it has become a norm... people end their mails with "love u loads", though in reality u are just another friend...But yeah, it is soo difficult for me to say smthg like that when I really don't mean it..

  24. I absolutely agree that it is important to say these words and not just show it with actions :) Also loved the cup theory :)

    Its not just ppl above 50 who have a problem... I have even noticed a difference between guys and girls. Girls probably say this much more easily than guys :)

  25. Wish I could have said it more times to my mom..
    You are correct that those three words bring in a sort of power and a feeling that some one is out there.

  26. Nandagopan: yes..there is power in those words.

    MS: Oh yes. Men seem to think that the moment they say it they have been imprisoned or something!

    Pointblank: Awful when people say things that they dont mean!

    Shaggy: lovely lines indeed. Thanks for sharing

  27. Aish nini: Ok :) :)

    Jyoti ajay: thanks!

    Sandhya: will peep! :)

    Palsworld: my pleasure!

    Thinktank: i agree so much about culture conditioning--but they can be unlearnt too if you break out of your comfort zone and are not afraid to 'seem crazy'! Thanks for following!

    Sparkling: wonder why some people find it hard!! Really wonder.because to me it comes so easily! is it because one is acknowledging a 'need' when one says 'i love you'. Do you equate 'I love you' with 'I need you?' Trying to understand--please dont be offended by this gestapo questioning!

  28. Agree, wholeheartedly agree with every line. I used to find it very hard earlier but being away from everybody has taught me a lot of things:-).

  29. :) That bought a smile to my face. So much of earnestness :)

    I wish I'd an answer to that, Preeti. I don't know really, it easy with some and not that easy with some others though I feel so much s'times. That's all I can say now.

    And hey, I don't mind you questioning at all! :D

  30. Preeti: Good to know that one of ur main characters name is Abhi in ur new book... I had always found so many ppl common to my name that I felt so common.. now i feel lucky :P

    Gifts given with love would always remain close to ones heart.. i still have gifts given to me since childhood.


  31. लेकिन हम भारतीयों के साथ यही कहना सबसे मुश्किल है।

  32. I agree and I really like to concept of cup of love. For some people your cup of love just overflows! Such people are truly what you'd call radiators and give out the feel good vibes. You can't help but love them. Unconditionally :)

  33. That was a lovely post, most needed in these hard times.

    Hey, I object to the 50s bit too! I know any number of them who say the words easily, me included :)

    But I agree with Abhi that they are in danger of becoming too superficial and meaningless when voiced all over the place by everyone and sundry.

  34. I love it...!!!!!

    Really enjoyed this post.

    Vashikaran Aghori Baba


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