A matter of perspective
Last night, I lay in my hammock staring at the star studded sky, lost in thoughts. My 5 year old daughter was lying on top of me with her arm around my neck. She loves to do that and never misses an opportunity to lie with me in the hammock. Both of us lay there in silence, looking at the night, engrossed in thinking, dreaming, ruminating, and pondering.
Suddenly she breaks the silence
“Mummy?”
“hmmm”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Hmm-hmm”
“Are you scared of tarantulas?”
“No. I am not scared of tarantulas”
"How lucky you are mummy. Does that mean grown ups are not scared of tarantulas?”
“Well, I don’t know about others but I am not scared because tarantulas live only in rainforests and I don’t see how a Tarantula can creep up here into our house”
It took my daughter a minute to think about what I said. Then she asks
“What ARE you scared of mummy?”
Well, that really set me thinking. What am I scared of?
“I’m scared of what will happen to you and your brother when you grow up. Will you turn out all right? Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing a good job of parenting? Am I disciplining enough? Am I loving too much? Will you do well in life? Will I be there for you?”
Those are the thoughts that came to my mind and wanted to say, but of course I didn’t say them.
Instead I simply said “Oh. I am not scared of anything”
“Not even snakes mama?”
“Not even snakes, darling”
“Wow! You are super Mummy. You are the best mummy in the whole world”
And she gave me a big hug and a kiss. The happy-warm feeling for both of us remained for very long and still makes me smile when I think of it.
Suddenly she breaks the silence
“Mummy?”
“hmmm”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Hmm-hmm”
“Are you scared of tarantulas?”
“No. I am not scared of tarantulas”
"How lucky you are mummy. Does that mean grown ups are not scared of tarantulas?”
“Well, I don’t know about others but I am not scared because tarantulas live only in rainforests and I don’t see how a Tarantula can creep up here into our house”
It took my daughter a minute to think about what I said. Then she asks
“What ARE you scared of mummy?”
Well, that really set me thinking. What am I scared of?
“I’m scared of what will happen to you and your brother when you grow up. Will you turn out all right? Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing a good job of parenting? Am I disciplining enough? Am I loving too much? Will you do well in life? Will I be there for you?”
Those are the thoughts that came to my mind and wanted to say, but of course I didn’t say them.
Instead I simply said “Oh. I am not scared of anything”
“Not even snakes mama?”
“Not even snakes, darling”
“Wow! You are super Mummy. You are the best mummy in the whole world”
And she gave me a big hug and a kiss. The happy-warm feeling for both of us remained for very long and still makes me smile when I think of it.
AAAAWWWWW sweet... one bit stuck out for me. Of all the things that went through your mind one was Am I loving too much? Can someone love to much, to love a child means that that child will have a great upbringing even dicipline can be done in love.
ReplyDeleteWe can't know the future so we just havve to to do our best and love other the best we can.