Friday, February 21, 2014

5 lousy things men do to women.

man woman photo: Man-Woman Man-Woman.jpg




Men and women do communicate differently. Whether men are from Mars and women are from Venus or not, it is important to co-exist peacefully on Earth.
Here are top five lousy things that a man can do to a woman, often without realizing, just how much they bother a woman.

1. Make her feel guilty: This tops my list of the lousy things guys do.Feeling guilty about many things has long been seen as a female trait. For some reason, women try really hard to be 'great wives', 'great mothers' and 'great professionals' all rolled into one. Most women have a well developed guilt gene. We don't need men adding to it. 'Didn't you pay the electricity bill?' or 'Jesus! It cost 3000 bucks?' or 'Baby---Hasn't the house been cleaned today?' might sound like very innocent, matter-of-fact questions to a guy. But this is enough to send a woman's guilt complex into over-drive. Later, if you ask her, 'what's the matter? Was it something I said?' and she says 'No. Nothing', do not blame her.

2.Make her feel that her choice of clothes is not 'appropriate': In a country like India, which doesn't have the best of reputation when it comes to women's safety, making  woman feel like 'she-is-asking- for-trouble-because-of-what-she-is-wearing' reeks of a condescending attitude. You are doubting the woman's judgement to wear what she thinks is appropriate. Don't do it.

 

3.Make her feel like she has to explain how she spends her time:  She definitely has a right to spend her time with her interests without you being a part of it. She isn't rejecting you, by doing so.In fact, scientific research has proven that too much togetherness can be detrimental to a relationship. Don't make her spend every minute that she is back from work, with you.


4.Make awful remarks about her friends/family: This is a big no-no. You have a right to dislike her mother, her friends, her sibling(s)  and her pets. But expressing it is a taboo. Swallow your opinion, strangle it or blurt it out to your chaddi-buddy (or your therapist!)  if it will give you some solace. But don't ever diss the people she likes. They are in her life, because she chooses them and do remember she has chosen you too. If you really love her, be tolerant of her choices. Respect them.



5.Ask her to 'relax' or 'chill' when she is bothered about something: Most men are 'problem-fixers'. Women like to talk about their problems and explain what bothers them. Most guys ask them to 'Chill, it's no big deal'.  Or they tell them that they are making a fuss about nothing. The woman is confiding in you, not because she wants you to fix it. Simply listen to her.(and usually that is enough) Do not judge and definitely do not tell her to relax because it makes her feel that you have not understood how much the issue bothers her.


Ladies, if you have any more to add to the  above list,  do leave me a comment and I shall add them.:)
Guys-- Introspect and see if you do any of the above and if you don't, give yourself a pat on the back from me!
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34 comments:

  1. You have pretty well summed up everything that feels irritating. Believe me, yesterday only I was telling a friend about how certain small things irritate women, now I will share this to him. He might understand. I guess as of now I don't feel any addendum from my side. Will comment again, if I find/experience anything

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    1. More than irritating, I feel it's just not done.
      Please do and thanks for commenting :)

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  2. Since i will soon be entering into that stage of a bachelor's life when every distant aunts and uncles will be asking you to get married and stuff like that, i think i should bookmark this link. Definitely going to come in handy when i do get married.. :D :D Thanks Preeti :)

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    Replies
    1. It's not only for married men--true for any guy in a relationship with a woman.

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    2. True. But i sadly am not in any relationship now :(

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  3. very nice madam

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  4. Thanx perrti maa'm for such a helpful blog. :-)

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  5. nic one...good kep it up

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  6. Well expressed the psychological n practical situations among relationships between women n men.Great in Only 5

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  7. Well expressed the psychological n practical situations among relationships between women n men.Great in Only 5

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  8. i hope you write something for women who are over possessive,control freak, manipulative and make her husband's life miserable.

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    1. Yes Jivan, I will. Please mail me your list on ps(at)preetishenoy(dot)com.
      I intend talking to many men and compiling a post on 'Lousy things that women do to men'.
      Thanks!

      Delete
  9. You need to look at a broader perspective. Why be so woman centric. All men do not behave like that and there may be lot of women who might be doing exactly the same to their men. Men and women are interdependent and need to coexist. I know lot of men who take extra care to make the women comfortable and there are lot of women who do everything to make the men uncomfortable. But this does not mean that all men are good and all women are bad. Every person has individual traits and acts accordingly. Take your own case where you are enjoying the company of such a caring husband..If I may say so. Everyone needs to introspect and that includes men and women both.

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    1. Hi Jolly, Please see my reply to Jivan above.
      Nobody disrespected either gender and nobody said all men are bad or all women are bad.
      But many men do these things without realising, as is evident from the comments of all the women who have read this.

      This post seems to have struck a chord and I am glad :)
      Please mail me your list of lousy things women do. (I am speaking to many men and compiling a list)

      Thanks!

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    2. Hi Preeti
      I find enormous negativity in such kind of assertions. As I have earlier stated that no one is perfect and every person has negative and positive traits, this includes men and women. According to individual experiences of different people you will be getting varied responses. I would just say that it is not men or women who do lousy things. We may say that particular individuals certain times do lousy things and there could be hundreds of reasons for such kind of behavior by these individuals. Nature has beautifully defined specific roles of both the genders and let us accept and understand this truth. We need to stop finding faults with each other.
      Thank You

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    3. No--Nature has not defined 'roles' !! Just because a woman can give birth and breastfeed, is that her role?!!

      Glad that this post is making you think and feel and act :)




      Delete
  10. You're nailed the points preeti.I would like to mention a point-- Trying to convince a female that she's not capable of (doing/becoming/venturing into) something just because she is a "woman". This sucks big time and is a definite no-no for a confident, aspiring woman.

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    1. Oh yes! Discouraging men are a big no-no too.

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  11. expected a better article from you:)

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  12. Very true, Arriving from Mars and Venus into earth both the genders are unaware of the basic nature and characteristics of the respective planets. Such posts will help men, to get a reply to the bewilderment's they face when their girls shout at them; which men think is of no reason... ;-) :-D

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  13. When it comes to talks like this, you ALWAYS strike the chord. Very well said! Making someone feel guilty for simple pleasures of life is big no-no! Things like "how can you go for a movie all alone without me?" "How can you enjoy having a lunch or dinner outing alone?" and many more that makes women feel guilty that she's enjoying without having 'his' company.

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  14. It is really sad that in India women are treated in such manner... yes some other countries also illtreat but talking about our country, even educated men treat women as less than them. They consider it as their birth right... thanks to their conservative moms who brought up their boys teaching this only... i as a mother wanna raise my boy n gal with a view that men n women are no different.... both have equal rights!

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  15. Hi Preeti Ma'm :)

    Nail on its head !! Superb post, and you've covered all major points...

    Just an addition to this : Comparing her with other women ( female colleagues, friends' wives, other female relatives in the family , anybody for that matter ) and judging her based on the comparison.... isn't that really sad, too ?

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  16. Hi Preeti♥
    I Too Agree & Support With Above Lines,
    And,Even I Think U Give MORE Importance To Women (Like Writing In Blog Abt Women, In Ur Novels Also) I Like It...Still i Remember The Character name NISHA (Tea For Two & A Piece Of Cake)... All Time Inspiration Novel For All Women, To B Confident & To Over Come from All Sorts Of Problems,,,,,,n
    (MOVE On & LEAD A HAPPY LIFE) ...

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  17. I agree with all the points. Such men breed springing directly from the conservative and patriarchal mindset, should go and get a life. Trust me, they suck and their brains are fucked up.

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  18. Men will go mad if they try to understand women completly..its impossible on earth..women are such special. omly 5 points very ilttle list. :P :P (comment dedicated to my girl)

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  19. Ms. Shenoy, for some reason I feel you are expressing something that your or my mother's generation would have experienced. Yeah unless; it's one of those Ekta Kapoor serials; i don't think today's men do/say any of these things. If they do then, that must be a woman who is not Willing to give it back or someone who is a true DEPENDANT who can't give it back. And then theres no point to blame men... it's her fault that she hasn't become independent enough to make such men shut their mouths.

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  20. This was a nice read. I was never aware of some of those things, say the 5th point :)
    Also loved the picture you selected for the post!

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  21. we expect must more articles

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  22. Nicely written. Loved the guilt one. It's what kills women inside. Keep writing.

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  23. Almost all the things have come here. One thing more make her feel that she is not a good cook and all others are better.

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  24. Dear Preeti,
    I am 22 Sundar from chennai.
    You are making me mad... I cannot let the book down. Now reading the secret wishlist of Diksha.
    Awesome narration..
    I am simply going to give a title to you, You are Indian Shophie Kinsella..
    Pretty shenoy..
    Already read Life is what you make it.. :)
    It is the part of my soul... Simply you are a soul stirrer. Keep rocking.

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