Sometime back, someone had given me a tag of a 'relationship expert'. This person felt that I am extremely understanding, kind and compassionate by nature. I guess I am all of that--but of course, what you see on the blog of my personality, is just one-dimensional! I am extremely restless by nature, get bored by routines and I want to try new things each time, and most of all I detest rules. If there is a rule, you can be sure I would want to break it.
However, there are some rules that I have always followed, or tried to follow. They have stood me in good stead and saved me many relationships. (I am blessed to have tonnes of good friends who love me a lot)
Here are eight rules (that I follow) to simplify relationships:
1. When you are wrong, apologise humbly: Be gracious in accepting your mistake. It is okay. You are human. You are allowed to err. Say that you goofed up and mean it. Ask the person o forgive you. You will be surprised, how far this simple act can go. (Don't be like Sandeep from The Secret Wish list)
2.Tell them you love them and miss them: Most people presume that the other person ought to know that they are loved. This is especially so, if it has been a relationship of many years. I still feel it is so important to tell the person you love them. (Text if you are shy!) I know it doesn't come naturally to many people, and many are shy of actually expressing it. But the words 'I love you' are powerful. I use them often, and I mean it when I use them. (Akash of tea for two and a piece of cake did the same too though it took him a while to learn)
3.Look at things from their perspective, not yours: You might think that something which you strongly believe in, is the only right way to do a certain thing. It is rarely so. Often, we are so convinced about our 'right-ness' that we refuse to even see the logic or rationale in an opinion vastly different from ours. (Diksha's parents from The secret wish list could have vastly benefited from this one!) Put yourself in the other person's shoes--you will then know exactly where it pinched.
4.When you are hurt, don't blurt: When I was younger (say in my twenties) one of the biggest mistakes I used to make was blurt out things in anger. I have improved a lot since then. (I now stew and blurt out after many days heh heh). Words said in anger can really wound. Take a deep breath and bite your tongue. Let the words stay in your head. Write them down and wait for a few days, and then see if you feel the same way. If you still feel as strongly, by all means, express it. But when you are hurt, do not immediately blurt.
5.Look at it as if it were your last day: Think of this scene..You are on your death-bed. You have a few more hours to live. Will this pettiness matter then? No? Then why should it matter now? By not letting go, you are adding to an emotional burden you already carry. Free yourself. Lighten your load.Let go!
6.Make the effort: If a good friend has got busy with their lives, make an effort to drop a simple mail, or steal a quick chat on the phone. Often if no effort is made from both sides, chasm slowly widens. I have, without realising , lost a few friendships this way. Now if a relationship matters to me, I will go the extra mile and get in touch with the person, even if I haven't heard from them for ages.
7.Accept that things change : Sometimes people change. Things change. Situations change. Just because someone meant the world to you, at a particular point in your life, it may not be the same today. Everyone undergoes multiple experiences, as we go through life, and all of it changes us as people. Accept it. Do not fight change. it is a part and parcel of life.
8.Know when to call it quits: And finally, know when to walk away from a situation. if something isn't working out for you, try all of the above. Try your best. If the situation is still making you feel down and drained, if it is doing nothing to nurture your soul, if all that it is giving you is pain, respect yourself enough to walk away.
These are my rules, and I have mostly followed them.
leave me a comment if you like this piece and would like to see more such, in the future, and I shall consider writing them for you :)
Until tomorrow..Ciao and much love!
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