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8 rules to simplify relationships (post 23)

 

Sometime back, someone had given me a tag of a 'relationship expert'. This person felt that I am extremely understanding, kind and compassionate by nature. I guess I am all of that--but of course, what you see on the blog of my personality, is just one-dimensional! I am extremely restless by nature, get bored by routines and I want to try new things each time, and most of all I detest rules. If there is a rule, you can be sure I would want to break it.

However, there are some rules that I have always followed, or tried to follow. They have stood me in good stead and saved me many relationships. (I am blessed to have tonnes of good friends who love me a lot)

 Here are eight rules (that I follow) to simplify relationships:

1. When you are wrong, apologise humbly: Be gracious in accepting your mistake. It is okay. You are human. You are allowed to err. Say that you goofed up and mean it. Ask the person o forgive you. You will be surprised, how far this simple act can go. (Don't be like Sandeep from The Secret Wish list)


2.Tell them you love them and miss them: Most people presume that the other person ought to know that they are loved. This is especially so, if it has been a relationship of many years. I still feel it is so important to tell the person you love them. (Text if you are shy!) I know it doesn't come naturally to many people, and many are shy of actually expressing it. But the words 'I love you' are powerful. I use them often, and I mean it when I use them. (Akash of tea for two and a piece of cake did the same too though it took him a while to learn)


3.Look at things from their perspective, not yours: You might think that something which you strongly believe in, is the only right way to do a certain thing. It is rarely so. Often, we are so convinced about our 'right-ness' that we refuse to even see the logic or rationale in an opinion vastly different from ours. (Diksha's parents from The secret wish list could have vastly benefited from this one!) Put yourself in the other person's shoes--you will then know exactly where it pinched.


4.When you are hurt, don't blurt: When I was younger (say in my twenties) one of the biggest mistakes I used to make was blurt out things in anger. I have improved a lot since then. (I now stew and blurt out after many days heh heh). Words said in anger can really wound. Take a deep breath and bite your tongue. Let the words stay in your head. Write them down and wait for a few days, and then see if you feel the same way. If you still feel as strongly, by all means, express it. But when you are hurt, do not immediately blurt.


5.Look at it as if it were your last day: Think of this scene..You are on your death-bed. You have a few more hours to live. Will this pettiness matter then? No? Then why should it matter now? By not letting go, you are adding to an emotional burden you already carry. Free yourself. Lighten your load.Let go!


6.Make the effort: If a good friend has got busy with their lives, make an effort to drop a simple mail, or steal a quick chat on the phone. Often if no effort is made from both sides, chasm slowly widens. I have, without realising , lost a few friendships this way. Now if a relationship matters to me, I will go the extra mile and get in touch with the person, even if I haven't heard from them for ages.


7.Accept that things change : Sometimes people change. Things change. Situations change. Just because someone meant the world to you, at a particular point in your life, it may not be the same today. Everyone undergoes multiple experiences, as we go through life, and all of it changes us as people. Accept it. Do not fight change. it is a part and parcel of life.


8.Know when to call it quits: And finally, know when to walk away from a situation. if something isn't working out for you, try all of the above. Try your best. If the situation is still making you feel down and drained, if it is doing nothing to nurture your soul, if all that it is giving you is pain, respect yourself enough to walk away.

These are my rules, and I have mostly followed them.
leave me a comment if you like this piece and would like to see more such, in the future, and I shall consider writing them for you :)

Until tomorrow..Ciao and much love!
__________________________________________


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photo credit: K. Sawyer Photography via photopin cc

Comments

  1. Awesome Post ma'am. Thank you so much. Your words are like soft feathers constantly in touch with the depths of mind and heart.

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  2. Hi. I read with rapt attention all the words all the points. It makes sense but each person can imbibe the very apt experential gems of advice subject to his situation. I have suggestion , whenever he or she is in a typically tight corner one shd write to you or better talk to you to take instant feed back. That alone may generate a train of thoughts appropriate to the real situation on ground. For eg I want to write a book on real experiences of real people. So far the pen has not scrwaled a single word. For this I want to meet you. Will you ?

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  3. Indeed Mesmerizing !!!!! Every point is imp to live a cherish life ...at this moment personally I feel like I need to follow almost al the points ....thanks a lot for this post mam....loads of love...

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  6. thanks a lot ma'am !

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  7. All your posts which deal with emotions are reaching us at the right time .( or may be there is no right time,we just need them day in and day out)I find them very useful.Thanks for giving us these simple lessons of life which we choose to ignore,most of the times.

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  8. Just perfect...very nicely said!!
    In some ways it is nice to age, it brings wisdom along with it.

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  9. Hi Preethi, I am Sindhura, a gal in her early 20's working in deloitte and an avid food blogger. I dnt knw to write fancily neither does my brain think so much. I loved this post so much and when i was assigned my own cabin the other day, your post was the first one that I took a print out of and pinned up on my desk. I follow most of the things and the remaining things also I wanted to follow just because my favorite author does that. I am totally in love with all your books and suggested your book to a guy who was looking for gifting options for his newly got girlfriend.
    Love you

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  10. loved it preethi ... thumbs up !!

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  11. Loved the post Preeti, I think I'm going to do what Sindhura did:-)).

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  12. i just love it.Need more preeti!!!!

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  13. i just love it.Need more preeti!!!!

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  14. Hi Preeti,
    I read almost all your blogs and feel that relationships are really important in your life. I also understand that egos and expectations should not survive for a healthy relationship. But, there are relations which are made by blood and not by choice. You respect all these relations from core of your heart till the time you realize that these relations are more suffocating than the ones which are made by choice. And suddenly, you realize that egos and expectations do survive. If you break these relations and move on, you find yourself peaceful for a second(a moment of relief) but then it hurts more when you realise that you have been putting so much for these relations and you have got mothing when you expected the most.
    1) I have tried apologozing humbly or tried making up things many times- but now i don't feel like!
    2) I do miss her (its my mom) and love her. I have expressed it too many times - but now I dont feel like!
    3) I have tried looking at things from her prespective. I still think that I am right and she is wrong!
    4) When i was younger, i used to blurt out everything at one go! Now, since I have been married, I keep things to myself and now she doesnt understand! Now, i think I should have continued blurting out the way i used to do it! Atleast she knew I am hurt!
    5) If i consider it as a last day of my life- I know she will be here even if I am in pain but why should I wait till the time I get hurt! Why cant she come and talk to me?
    6) I have tried making efforts many times earlier- now I dont feel like !
    7) I have accepted things have already change ; and
    8) I have quitted from the relationship! :'(

    I am 6 months pregnant and I dont find her around me to even talk to me or even ask me how I am feeling. I need her the most at this time and shes not around. she asks my dad, brother, grandma to call me and check on how I am doing, but she herself never asks about me. I spoke to her last on 30 May 2013 and since then none of us have called back. My husband keeps telling me to talk to her, he is even ready to take me to her place to sort out things! But then, I feel that why should I do, why cant she do! I dont feel like forgiving her for not being with me in this period!

    Now, i wonder why the hell should I even consider this relationship as relationship! I would defintely keep the above 8 points for any other relation in my life but not this one!

    Just felt like sharing it with you!
    Thank you for reading it!
    Stay blessed :) keep smiling! Keep shining ! :)
    All the best!

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    Replies
    1. Let go of the grudge you bear against your mother. When you say she asks your dad or brother to check on you, it clearly shows that she cares for you. Swallow your pride and go meet her! Her expecting you to make the first move and you expecting her to apologize... this cycle will never end unless one of you makes the first move. Just think of all she has sacrificed for you and forgive her. She is your mother, after all.

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    2. Just imagine! The day next to when I wrote all that, dad called up and said that they all are coming over to see me! Everybody came including my mom! She didnt hug me and all( it was anyways least expected) but then we spoke to each maturely without even talking about our grudges. She asked me many things which she was not aware in this time frame and gave me suggestions. Now, I wonder, I should have written all that a little more early! :):)

      Delete

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