Friday, January 14, 2011

Trying to be equal

just let go Pictures, Images and Photos

It is a holiday for my children (my son who is 13 and my daughter who is 9) and they are playing with each other as I type this. A little while ago, she hit him playfully. He hit her back (not hard enough to hurt--just a small tap). She hit him back again. He hit her back. The volley of taps continued.

Finally, my daughter, tired of the game said "I will hit you once, then you hit me and we will stop. Then we are EQUAL." Of course neither was willing to stop and the tapping continued till the time I intervened and put an end to it. (Being an experienced parent who has gone through it all so many times, I knew that it would lead to a fight had I not)

It set me thinking, as to how many times we try to do this 'we're equal' business as adults. If a neighbour sends over a home-cooked dish, we feel a need to immediately return the favour. If we have called up a  good friend thrice and they have not taken the effort to initiate subsequent contact, we do not call back thinking "It is their turn. Why should I be the one to call all the time?" If someone has given  us a few really lovely gifts, out of genuine love and affection, we immediately feel a need to reciprocate and buy them something back. We consciously or sub-consciously always feel a need 'to be equal'.

Trying to be 'equal' is a never ending process. It goes on and on. At times, it breaks relationships.At times, it leads to misunderstandings. At times, it creates barriers where there ought to be none. The circle continues round and round.

Of course, if you feel like reciprocating expressed love, there really isn't a problem. All I am saying is that the need to 'compete' and 'be one up' (even if it is to reciprocate a gift given) is what needs to be thought about.

If we, for a moment, put our egos aside, if we learn to be gracious in our acceptance, if we learn to let go a little bit and express our love a little more, if we give in, if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes, if  we give a knock on the head to our big 'I' and change it into a small 'i' , then I surely think that there would be less discord, more harmony, more happiness, more peace and above all a lot more love.

Life is indeed so short. So very unpredictable too. By trying to 'be equal' one is only eating into time that should be spent in joy.

So let go and let it be.It really isn't that big a deal as our deluded egos imagine it to be.

Think about it.

29 comments:

  1. Lovely post Preeti

    Like the way the post starts and the path it takes the reader through. I totally agree with what you say. When you care, always be a step ahead in letting them know it :)

    Cheers
    S.
    @sanz4u on twitter

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  2. preeti,
    love the last line - it really isn't that big a deal as our deluded egos imagine it to be - so needed this post today. today i did something very silly, my eog is causing me to be very embarrassed abt it, reading ue line has made me feel better. thanks.

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  3. trying to be equal, trying to live up to expectations that don't come from within...all, as you said, waste time that should be spent in joy. the important thing is being true to oneself whether or not we reciprocate the gestuure..
    Nice post :)

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  4. I completely agree with your thoughts. Nice post!

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  5. Good post. I totally agree with what you have to say. As long as i let go of 'I', i am the beneficiary.
    Loved the flow of the post.

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  6. I totally identified with this post, Preeti. When someone gifts me something, I immediately start thinking of how can I better that gift :( Somehow, it's so ingrained that the thinking happens almost sub-consciously. I need to now be a little more aware of this fact.

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  7. "Why should i be the one to call all the time?"....I have thought this to myself so many times but i made a new year resolution this year to never think like that again. It felt good to read the same words from you and it reiterated my resolution.
    Nice start and end to the post!

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  8. How very true!I have tried but realized that it is not easy turning "I" into "i":)

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  9. Nice post Preeti, Its absolutely true that we always try to make it equal..

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  10. Totally agree with What u have said.

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  11. Rightly said Preethi.. I remember doing those tiffs too as a child with my sister.. :) all the time.. Your posts are always so simple, straight forward yet conveys some message that will ponder your mind.. ! Thank you!

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  12. Well Said Preeti...life is short and you never know what happens the very next moment. People waste time and energy by hanging on to egos etc..Good one..WISH U and YOUR FAMILY a very Happy Sankranthi/Pongal/Lohri...

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  13. OH yes, the need to be "equal" seems to be a primeval thing. We aren't always very good in accepting gifts, praise etc with grace without the need to be able to reciprocate immediately. Something hardwired into our genes perhaps ?

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  14. Agree, agree, AGREE;-D

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  15. SO SO true :) things to ponder on,as always Preeti
    Happy Pongal :)
    Sona

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  16. Nice thoughts Preeti.

    If someone is making any kind of efforts for us, we should not take him/her for granted and IMO we should take care that we are not becoming taken for granted for others.

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  17. thats beautifully said. loved how you have related it with your kids ...

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  18. Yes, right u r..we all do this in our day-to-day life. More than the need to be 'equal' or better, it should remain just a kind gesture of'reciprocating expressed love' as u rightly put it...then the egos wouldnt play a part at all!
    Lovely thought!

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  19. Lovely Post..
    Yeah generally we lost many good relations while fighting for equality.

    But I think sometimes fighting for
    equality can be good too. Because sometimes u don't know where this relationship is going and if u keep bugging the other person after keeping aside your ego; maybe it will end up with break-up....

    So you need to be careful about that too..

    Nice read :)

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  20. That is a nice thought.

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  21. Very Thoughtful post..made me think actually.

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  22. Sundari: Thanks :)

    Firecrystals: thank you :)

    Vipul:Well said and a good point made. But I think if a relationship is heading the 'down path' one always comes to know. Then one should not pursue needlessly if it is a one sided thing and the love is dead from the other person's side.

    SK:Thanks so much :)

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  23. Rajlakshmi: thanks :))

    Piyush: I agree 100% with you about not taking loved ones for granted.

    Sona: Thanks :) happy pongal to you too :)

    Reflections: Please please please come back to blogosphere. I genuinely miss your posts.

    Ramesh: Not so sure if it is hardwired. I think it is a learnt behaviour.

    Justbecause2ppl: Thanks a lot and wish you the same.

    Manasa: Yes--I do keep my writing and thoughts simple :) (it takes work) Glad you noticed :) Thanks!

    Ishtdeep:Thanks :)

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  24. Rajlakshmi: thanks :))

    Piyush: I agree 100% with you about not taking loved ones for granted.

    Sona: Thanks :) happy pongal to you too :)

    Reflections: Please please please come back to blogosphere. I genuinely miss your posts.

    Ramesh: Not so sure if it is hardwired. I think it is a learnt behaviour.

    Justbecause2ppl: Thanks a lot and wish you the same.

    Manasa: Yes--I do keep my writing and thoughts simple :) (it takes work) Glad you noticed :) Thanks!

    Ishtdeep:Thanks :)

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  25. weourlife: Welcome to my blog :) yes, we do, don't we?

    Prathima: No, not easy at all. But not impossible either if we put our minds to it.

    Sheila: But do see Vipul's point too. he is also right.

    Palsworld: i guess most of us are like that.

    Aneesh: thanks so much.

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  26. Pia: thanks :)

    Sucheta: Do see Vipul's point too. I agree that one has to be true to oneself. there is also a fine line between letting go and chasing too much, don't you think?

    Aparna: glad it did.Hope whatever it was is sorted out now.

    Sanjay: thanks so much for some nice things you have said :)Cheers!

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  27. Pia: thanks :)

    Sucheta: Do see Vipul's point too. I agree that one has to be true to oneself. there is also a fine line between letting go and chasing too much, don't you think?

    Aparna: glad it did.Hope whatever it was is sorted out now.

    Sanjay: thanks so much for some nice things you have said :)Cheers!

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  28. Yeah. but sometimes it is really difficult to judge the relationship status.;)

    Anyways nice read. Like the way you write your posts. Becoming a fan of your blog :)

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  29. The battle of egos is ageless n i don't think its really tht easy to let go either...i hv this battle everyday with my husband over really silly things...but when i read the title i actually thot it was about the battle of sexes where women r always trying to be equal to men etc etc...

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