Sunday, July 18, 2010

Accept what you cannot change

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
This serenity prayer by Rienhold NeiBuhr  is well known. To use a well known Hindi  idiom, it is  truly a personification of  'गागर में  सागर'

(My non Hindi speaking readers please excuse me, I fail to find an English equivalent)

'Things I have accepted'

1. Friendshps break. Even the deepest ones that you thought would last a life time.


2. Even your best laid plans can fail. Things will not go the way you planned it just because you were meticulous in planning them and left no detail to chance.

3. People do not reply back to your mails or  do not answer your calls or texts because they no longer want you in their lives and not because they did not get your mails or did not get your texts.

4.Just because you have the ability to put a fight behind you and carry no grudges it is not the same for everybody. Some people just do not forgive or forget.

5.Something that is extremely important and of value to you  sometimes means absolutely nothing to others. They do not understand  why it matters so much to you.

6.People can stop talking to you for absolutely no reason at all. None from your perspective anyway.

7.Death of a loved one can hurt even after 20 years. Intensity of pain can still be the same even though you think you have buried it deep inside.

8. Not everyone can accept gifts graciously even though the gift is thoughtful and very considerate and has been chosen with a lot of love and care.

9. It is a  'me-me-me' world.  For the other person a minor head-ache that they have will be more important than the death of your nearest ones.

10. I am only human and I too have limited time .I have accepted that  I have to say a no. I truly cannot cater to the  large number of requests I get,  to read fiction, blogs and other things. I also get a large number of requests to write for various 'causes' without any offer of remuneration.  Same for portrait making requests. ( I now do it professionally and yes, you can mail me for rates if you really want me to make a portrait for you. I have explained how I feel about my art here.)

I have been working like a dog,  non-stop over the last five days, getting my 2nd book into its final shape.(It took me about an year to complete writing it)  It would take a few months still to reach book stores. (Wish I had a magic wand to speed up things, but this is the way it works. I have accepted that too)

Somehow this 'intense working' made me think about things that I have to accept and in resulted in this post. Could you connect with the  ten things I mention here too, or is it just me?
______________________________________________________________
PS: To know exact dates of my 2nd  book launch please 'like' my Facebook page as all updates will appear there

43 comments:

  1. Very nice post Preeti. If only accepting wasn't so difficult :( Usually its time that heals all wounds and bruises :) Good Luck for the 2nd book launch!!!

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  2. Awesome post!!!
    I could relate to a lot of it

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  3. Yes. I could relate to everything. On so many different levels. Thank you.
    Makes one realize that no one really is right or wrong in the end...It is just a matter of perspective....Of trying to keep oneself happy without rubbing anyone the wrong way...Even if you have, there is just so much you can or cannot do...
    Have a great weekend. Tc :)

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  4. I could relate to some of the things on that list preeti .Its so true.

    The sooner we understand the futility of fretting about the situations we cannot change, the better:)

    But i somehow cannot deny the existence of a void deep within, with each of these things 'I accept' .

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  5. Could connect with almost all the points Preeti, especially point no. 9. It truly is a 'me-me-me' world.

    If only it were so easy to accept them, though. It is never easy to work on a 'no-expectations' basis with our near and dear ones.

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  6. points 2 and 9 - I can so relate to them !
    Its not easy accepting things or situations and even after you do accept that this is the way things are going to be .. it sort of leaves you aching for what could have been :)

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  7. That prayer is extremely powerful!!! And if you've had to say that a bit too often lately, then I'm sure things have been a bit rough but it's definitely helping, hai na? :) (Trying to use all the positive words ;))

    Oh, I could relate to quite a few of your commandments.
    Preeti, first of all, kudos to all that you've been doing and woman, you should know by now that you're one smart 'superwoman'!

    If some ppl are getting on your nerves, just let it go! Let it go! You don't need 'depressants' around you. Anti them off!

    Waiting to read your 2nd book - just read it. C'est tout!

    Take care and yes, let it go...

    :)

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  8. yes yes!
    could totally relate!

    the busy business will be worth it when the book comes out :)

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  9. hey preeti...profound post.. cud relate to most except 6 & 8. take care.. nice post

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  10. Almost all points relate to me too..
    Especially 1,3 & 9
    Most imp is Be Cool, whatever happens, it diff i know tat..but try...
    I am no way can say these things to you..Since i am following ur blog for some days..I know how much time u spent for these, so.....

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  11. could connect to a lot of things you have mentioned :)
    hope you will get rest soon :)

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  12. i nod to all the points in affirmation

    nicely put!

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  13. I too nod a 'how true' to all the points. Many people can. Not many can put them precisely into words and make an interesting read.

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  14. I too was nodding at most of the things in your list and of course, it was interesting to read.

    I'm very happy to know that your second book is ready and would love to read it. All the best!

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  15. hmm... what to say about such a great post! everything is just perfect. and R. Neibuhr's prayer is full of wisdom. yes, i can relate to many of these.

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  16. yes yes yes.. I can relate to almost all points. But how I wish accepting were easier and doesn't leave you so drained...

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  17. This post is very much from your heart and I feel you are trying to accept something painful that has recently occured to you.Hope this bend in the road will soon straighten up for you/
    Even I can relate to so many things that you've mentioned here.I've accepted the fact that life is like a stream where we can only flow along with the current.

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  18. I definitely connect with all the points.....But isn't it that sometimes others have been at recieving end for all the points you mentioned from our side? If your answer is yes, then i would like to share with you this that," life is a circle and our actions form this circle. If we do good we recieve good, if we do bad we recieve bad".
    These are not my words but of a saint here in punjab and were shared with me by one of my friend.... so i simply wanted to share with you...hope you are able to connect with what i shared above.

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  19. i cd totally connect to the 10 things... very nice, hard-hitting post...

    best wishs for the 2nd book...

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  20. Yes, it happens. To everyone of us. People are too complicated to be analyzed for their actions(I have also realised that sometimes their silence is kindness for the truth might just hurt). And I am totally put off by point number 9 too - have seen it happen way too frequently.

    In anycase, to hell with all things painful! Put on your rose tinted glasses and have a ball, after all we've just one life to live! All the best for your book! :-)

    Hic! Have I talked too much? Hic! Sorry! ;-)

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  21. I can relate to almost all of them...but i think i am still struggling to accept all..Accepting is the toughest bit.

    Sounds like its going rough these days...Hang in there..it will be worth it when the 2nd book and then the next and the next...are launched. All the best!
    Smiles :)

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  22. All yes, I could connect to almost every one of them!!
    All the very best on your second book. Looking forward to seeing them on the stores soon!
    And hope you come out of your hectic schedule soon and get to breathe some fresh air!! Have a great week ahead!

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  23. Are you a mind reader?. Most of the things are so similar that i now feel it does'nt happen to me alone. Some times when i wish i had a magic wand those lines are what i repeat.

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  24. Hi Preeti,

    I totally agree with all the points especially 1 to 7 then 8and 9 since I have personally experienced it and it pinches a lot more than words can ever say. About point 10, I totally understand how you might be feeling I think anybody who has some respect and care for an artist should think before asking for a 'small favour'. Warm regards, Rekha
    PS: Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving your valuable comment.

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  25. Friendships break because someone drifts away, both parties don't work upon it or simply because priorities change...

    Things don't always go your way because someone up there has a better plan than yours..Which you will only eventually discover...

    Some people have a major issue letting go. That is their problem. Not yours. An attempt to make up is the best you can do..

    What is important to us, may not be as important to others..Just like what is important to them might be of zero interest to us..

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  26. hey Preeti.. back after a long time... 3 months or so i think.. its been a pain to be away from the online world...

    i have to say i agree with all of the points.. esp 9th one.. it truly is a me-me-me world.. but it also is a MONEY-MONEY world where everything.. almost.. is valued in terms of greens in your pockets... sad thing.. but its one thing i have accepted.. :)

    cheers
    Shantharam

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  27. Seems from this post that its been a difficult time :)....

    I agree with some of the things listed here...

    During such busy times, I just keep my focus on the task at hand and the end result/goal....genuine people who truly care about me will help me get there....and I cherish their presence in my life!

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  28. Cant agree more. Esp. 3, 6, 7 and 9 points.

    Wish you all the luck and love and support for your second book :)

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  29. Hello Preeti, a very apt post....I could relate to almost all of your 10 points. Heartiest Congratulations on completing your second book !

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  30. Yup...did relate to the me-me-me world completely ...when someone paid last respects to my papa standing outside my house and just peeking in.When I asked them to come inside...they said No then wud have to take a bath again!!!! Its been 12 years already...Forgetting is something I need to work on surely:)

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  31. Last year, while searching for Serenity Prayer, I found that someone even created a Wikipedia page for it. Here is the extended version:
    God, grant us the...
    Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
    Courage to change the things we can, and the
    Wisdom to know the difference
    Patience for the things that take time
    Appreciation for all that we have, and
    Tolerance for those with different struggles
    Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
    Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
    Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.


    I don't like repeating what others said here but just once I am joining the bandwagon - this post is a CLASSIC.

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  32. Hey that's a wonderful post.. Very true each and every thing that u have said..:)

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  33. Another good post from you Preeti. You surely have something in you that touches people's hearts. :) I could relate to almost all the points that you have mentioned. Keep writing and good luck for your second book :)

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  34. Dear Preethi,

    Sometimes even putting yourself in someones shoes doesn't completely explain certain behviour. Your anger and disappointment are real and valid. But just as valid are the your friend's hurt. You once accepted this person as a very close friend and that person still has those wonderful traits in them. Only they have a few more that were invisible to you till now.

    Firstly, It is very difficult to accept a friend's success. This sounds cheap and of course it is. When your friend becomes a Hero, you are automatically a sidekick. This blow to a person's ego is not easy to take. This person is not willing to acknowledge this basic fact and tries to put you in the wrong. Actions you do and don't do take on sinister shades and a breakup is emminent.

    It takes two to make a relationship. If you've done your part and are not able to get through her barrier, then just relish your memories and give her time to lick her wounds too.

    Yasodha.

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  35. I guess the reason why this is such a great post is that you wrote from your heart.

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  36. Hi Preeti, great to read that your second book is in the making.. almost!! I agree with you on most of the points. Except that.. not only friendships, but marriages break too and it hurts as much as the death of a loved one.
    Gagri or gagar means pot.. saagar means ocean.. gagar mein sagar means an ocean in a pot.. i think it means 'bountiful' if I'm not wrong. :)
    Cheers, Punam

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  37. Looks like this post sab ka dukhti rag pe haath rakh diya...pls excuse the rashtra bhasha but whenever I get emotional only Hindi movie dialogues seem to pop out of my mouth;-D

    I thought Yashoda put across her point rather well;-P

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  38. Reflections: <3 :)

    Punam: Yes i agree about marriages and friendships breaking. With death it is finality. You cannot do anything. But what hurts more in friendships and marriages is 'what could have been'. Yes, I did know the translation--but it takes away the impact :) It doesn't have the same effect in English :)


    Aswathi: :) Thanks. Most of my posts are 'from the heart' only :)

    Yasodha:deep and powerful words. But here it is not about anyone becoming anyone else's side kick.But yes--you do have a very very valid point there.

    Poornima:Thanks a lot!

    Sushobhan:Thanks :)

    INferno: yes--I too had gone through the wiki article before I wrote the post :) Thanks!

    Pooja: Truly incredible the selfishness of some people is.

    Chhaya: Thanks a lot! Chhaya is one of the chracters in my next book :)

    Nanfan:Thanks so much

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  39. Nandana: Sorry for the typo in your name :P

    Shachi: Yes--it hurts when you people who you think 'truly cherish you' do it! :)

    Shanthu: hope u're doing good!

    Tranquility: Last point you mention here is very valid.

    Soulspeaks: My pleasure!

    Asha: Same pinch! :)

    Durga:Thank u! I sooo neeed that :)

    Life begins: I truly hope so! Thanks--your words did bring me comfort.

    Thoughtful train: That really made me smile! Sooo true! Putting on my glasses now :)

    Sulo Badri" Thanks a lot

    Gagandeep: i have never ever consciously done any of the points I mention from 1 to 10..Perhaps that is why it hurts as I expect others not to do them.

    Ariel:Thanks a lot. U're right about it being hard times :) Yeah the bend will straighten out :)

    Dhanya: yes!! Accepting is so hard ! :)

    Roshan: powerful prayer indeed.

    Swapna:Thanks a lot!

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  40. Anita: What you have just said is music to a writers ears. made me feel really good.Thanks!

    Aparna:Thanks!

    Rajlakshmi: yeah :) I deserve it! Thanks :)

    Nischit:Thanks so much :)

    pointblank: Thanks! :)

    Sucheta: hope so hope so! Thanks!

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  41. Sparkling: Did I tell you I love you?!! :) <3 Do I have to say any more?!

    Ruch: i agree sooo much!

    Palsworld: Agree 100%

    Aashi: Very rightly said and observed about deep void

    Choco: You too! Thanks :) yes--nothing much one can do bu accept

    Prats:Thanks :)

    Lostworld:Time does heal but scars remain. Thanks!

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  42. Absolutely Preethi! can relate to each point of yours. Esp point 7... the pain is always intense!!
    It takes time to accept though. In fact it takes longer to realize these in the first place. Thanks for writing.

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  43. Hi Preeti,

    I know I’m very late in commenting on this post of yours, but somehow I had to.

    I didn’t believe in some of the things you have said here, but today I had a conversation with my guy about this. I am going through a phase where one of my very good friends (or so I thought) has not called emailed or replied to my calls or emails for almost 2 months for no reason or explanation of any kind. She did not even call when I was leaving the country to go to USA for a year or more.

    I am depressed to state the least, because we used to think of each other as soul sisters.

    And then "HE" reminded me of this post you had written, about people not calling you back because they don’t want to. Yes it does hurt, but after reading this again, I now have started to understand that I just have to accept the reality no matter how hard it is.

    We are regular followers of your blog (you sent him a card once too :) ) and although we don’t comment so much any more (sorry for that) but we still believe in a lot of things you say here.

    I just want to thank you for writing this post

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