An open letter to all teens.

I am distraught, despondent and disturbed as I write this. The local newspaper (Bangalore Mirror) for the last three days has been carrying the story of Monali's suicide in detail.  My children (both in their teens) and I were horrified when we first heard about this incident on Monday. In case you haven't read it, click here to know the full story.

The newspaper yesterday said that the school did not even declare a holiday and it was business as usual, and the school denied having anything to do with it. Her death went unmourned at school. Click here to read that story.

And today her father has broken his silence and spoken out. There is also the full text of both letters that the school had issued Monali.  Click here to read it all. I am shocked at the language used by the school. It is made out as if Monali committed a grave crime.

My heart weeps for Monali's parents. What a ghastly ending. A young life, full of promise snuffed out. For what? ! For her 'crime' of hugging a boy? Let's go a step ahead. So what if both of them were 'in a relationship' or so what if they were far more licentious than the newspaper reports. What business is it of the school? Agreed , the school has rules for 'proper behaviour'. But who decides what is 'proper' and what is not?! Why wasn't the boy who was involved suspended? I can only imagine the mental trauma the poor guy must be going through.

I have written in detail about  all of this in my column which will appear in the Financial Chronicle this Saturday (24th Jan 2015) Do read it.

Adolescents today face huge pressures. We as a society, especially the schools and parents need to understand that having crushes and being attracted to the opposite sex is a natural part of growing up! There is nothing wrong in it! We have to be in our child's corner. We need to support our children and stand up for them.

As a mother and as an author whose books have dealt with adolescent love (oh-- how well I understand it!)  this is what I want to say to every single child in India, between the ages of 12 and 19.

Dear Teen,

You parents love you. They want the best for you. They might push you to work hard. They might yell at you to study more. They might tick you off for not cleaning your room and breaking curfews. They may not let you go out with friends because they are worried about your safety. You might get annoyed, agitated and may get furious with them. But remember, nobody in this world loves you as much as they do.
Speak to your parents as equals. Try to make them understand that you are no longer a child and that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. Bring your friends home and introduce them to your parents. Tell your parents where you are going and with whom you will be. Tell them what time to expect you back---and stick to that time. Give your parents reasons to trust you. Show them that you are responsible and capable.

Also, remember you are growing up. It is only natural to be attracted to a single person of the opposite sex. Their presence is going to make you happy. If he/she pays attention to you, you will feel on top of the world. A day without them will seem like torture. You might exchange a 1000 messages in a span of a few hours and still not be bored. You will find that he/she is the only one person in the world who understand you perfectly.

You may not believe me right now when I say that this won't last. You might feel that this is the real thing and it is forever. Trust me, five years from now, you  will know that I was right.

Live in the moment. Enjoy it while it lasts. But also be responsible. Do not rush into sleeping with someone or kissing someone because you are afraid that they will like you a little less if you do not. Please wait till you are 18. And after that, make an informed choice.

You are precious. Your time is valued and precious. Do not squander it on the ones who do not deserve it.

Discipline yourself and put away you smart-phone from 6.00 pm till the next morning. Do NOT check FB, get on snap-chat or google plus. They are big black holes which drain your time, effort and energy and leave you feeling mentally exhausted at the end of it, even though you may not realise it. Take a walk instead. Go get some fresh air. And exercise.

Sit still for a few minutes, doing nothing. Think. Let your imagination wander. Read books.  Read newspapers. Read magazines. Read a lot. It makes your mind grow. And it increases your intelligence.

Discover stillness. Love yourself enough, to be alone for a few minutes each day. Enjoy your own company. As you become comfortable doing that increase the time frame. No contact with outside world.No Internet, No TV, No phones. Slowly, you will begin to savour the stillness. And you will discover facets of yourself that you never knew existed.

If  there is something is bothering you, write it down. If you are afraid of your parents or siblings or friends finding it, make a secret journal online that is visible only to you. Pour out all that you feel out there. Do not ask for advice on FB. Trust me most do not care and what they say does not matter.

In this newly created stillness, you will discover the voice of your heart.
And in the end that is all what will matter.

Always  remember that there are people who love you a lot--they may not always express it the way you want them to. And whatever happens, it is truly not the end of the world. It happens for a reason. (though you may not know it right away. I whole heartedly believe that).

Look after yourself.
You are valued. You are special.  You are cherished.
Take care.
With all my love
Preeti

My latest book 'It happens for a reason'  is about a 19 year old girl who gets pregnant, breaks up with her boyfriend and decides to keep the baby:


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