Seven lies we tell ourselves

Almost all of us are guilty of lying to ourselves. Why do we do it? Why do we fool ourselves?
Mostly because it is a easy way out. The hard hitting truth is, most of us are lazy. We want the path of least resistance. We want things to happen easily. The second reason we do it is out of fear. Most of us are so afraid of change. We fear the unknown. We fear rejection. We fear failure.

Over the years, I have discovered that many a time I too have been guilty of telling little white lies to myself--but that does not definitely make it okay! I am happier when I face the truth and take action on what I can act upon.

Here are seven white lies we all tell ourselves:

1.If only __________(fill in suitably) came back to my life, I would be happy : After my books became best-sellers, hundreds of people have written to me lamenting over a love lost. Sometimes the person would have walked out. Sometimes they would have dumped somebody. They keep feeling that if things went back to what they used to be, they would be happier.

For me, I faced my biggest personal loss when I lost my father(who meant the world to me) all of a sudden in 2006. There had not been a single day when I would not have spoken to my father on the phone. He was hale, hearty, healthy. And then in a moment he was no more. For nearly two years I was totally stricken by grief, so much that I felt debilitated. I kept thinking that if only dad was around, I would be happy.

Even to this day, I cannot deny that there are days when I miss him a such lot that it almost hurts physically, especially when I achieve so much success and he is not there to share it, but I also now recognize, how my life has changed because  he was no longer around and because I learnt to ACT, and not keep lamenting.

2. I  would do it if only I had the time: Many of us fool ourselves saying 'I really want to do it, but I do not have the time."  That is a big lie. Truth is time is just an excuse. If you want to do it that badly you will always find the time or make the time. If it is that important to you, you will! You can cut out on your TV viewing time ! (personally I do not watch TV at all and I only watch movies and that too after reading up on IMDB) Or perhaps the time you waste gabbing on the phone? (I do not know what works for you, but when I am writing I do not answer the phone and I do not answer the doorbell too) .We can get up an hour earlier (yeah ,it is okay to get just seven hours of sleep--you wont get any dark circles under your eyes!) if we desperately want to do something.

3.It's okay to be a little bit overweight and to have a beer-belly or love handles, especially if you are married/middle aged/older : It is definitely NOT okay! Personally I know many people who are in their forties,fifties and even seventies who are in TERRIFIC shape. I know a seventy year old who could any day give a twenty five year old stiff competition in fitness.I truly want to be like him when(and if)  I reach his age.

Being healthy and fit does work wonders when it comes to self-esteem (especially in the jealousy department!) It is indeed important to work out and adopt a healthy lifestyle.

A friend of mine once told me "But you are married and a mother of two. You can afford to put on weight." I could have murdered that friend. It is AWFUL to let oneself go, just because one is married or has become a parent.

4. I will get around to it someday, just as soon as ____________ (fill in suitably): This is another lie we tell ourselves.I am guilty of this too.Many a time when i do not want to do something, I find that it is easier to just lie to myself saying I will eventually get around to it  'someday'. The 'someday' never comes and suddenly one finds that YEARS have gone by and now it is impossible to do it. Procrastination is indeed the biggest thief of time. If you want to do it, do it today..Do it now! And no it cannot wait! :)

5. If  only ___________had not happened, I would have been better off: This is again a 'wish it could have been' lament. I was guilty of this too. But then I realised that certain events happened and only because they happened did certain other events happen and though it did cause me a lot of pain, it also helped me GROW, as a person. I learnt so much from it about myself, about people,about life. Today I am more accepting and less resentful about those things that happened which caused me so much grief but which I could do nothing about, but bear it.

6.I have to do  _________________ (fill in suitably)else my partner will get mad at me:This is probably a lie we so cleverly believe that we might find it hard to even accept that we are lying. Fact is we do have a choice. We have a choice to make our partner understand. But it involves confrontation and explaining. Most of us like to avoid that. I have broken off friendships (which caused me pain) simply because I felt too much pressure from the other end to conform to their ideal view of how I should be. I did try (a LOT) to explain, to make the other person see it from my perspective. But I did not succeed. I am happier today because I have been true to myself.
Please realise that I am in no way advocating break-ups just because your partner does not see your point of view!! It would be really foolish to be so presumptive. But I do think that certain things, one HAS to stand up for, if it means a lot to you.

7.I am not talented enough: You are! All it takes is constant practice.Some might argue that how can it be when they do not have even one artistic bone in their body.I would say to such people that you have not found the right teacher. Yes, there is a difference between a natural gift and one that is cultivated..But definitely it CAN be cultivated. For example I am not musical at all. (Satish is very musical and he has a ear for music, he sings well too and can pick up tunes on his own and play the keyboard and guitar). But I did learn to play the key-board and since I did not have a natural gift, I had to work doubly hard, but play it I did.
Same goes for drawing portrait, playing a sport--anything really.
You CAN , if you work hard enough!

So what lie are you going to stop telling yourself today?  If you care to share I am listening.

You can interact with me on my Facebook page.  I reply to almost all comments and I check it very regularly. I do read all the comments left here too  and manage to reply most of the time even if slightly late :)


  1. I need to stop procrastinating something important. My goal is to start tonite and get it done by noon tomorrow. I set this goal before I read your post, and will ensure that I execute as planned :).

    A small heart-to-heart candid conversation can go such a long way in resolving conflict....but most people avoid it, and they rather lose people (whatever relation) than confront - baffles me!

    Brilliant thought-provoking post!

  2. As @Shachi said. it is a brilliant thought provoking post.

  3. I will stop telling all the lies, it will take a lot of hard work and time, But I will do it. And I know I feel so much better. Thank you for such a lovely post, Preeti. :)

  4. Anonymous12:43 PM

    My score was 4/7, well for me I just got tired of the lies and stopped them :)

    thanks for the post

  5. True....I am guilty:( I need to really wok hard on all the mentioned points. Confronting a situation needs lot of courage. I have done it once, you know very I need to work on other areas too.

    Thanks Preeti for this post. You made my day and I hope that everyone who reads this is able to ACT...and stop telling or at least reduce the lies.

    Take care

  6. Wow what a nice post.
    I think you need to add this question also, " If I get one more chance I could have done ________".

    Very good post Preethi :)

  7. This is very nice article. It is accepted facts by any person. Nice way of articulation . Just one more point to add to this , every one who cannot do the accepted work ,always puts burden on almighty which is not fare . Fact is ,we ourselves do not try to do it or spent time to complete it .

  8. So true – a lot of people do these things.
    A good friend is currently in the process of moaning his lost love and lamenting on lie no 1 a zillion times a day – I think I need to fwd this post to him :P
    The only one I have been guilty of is If only ___________had not happened, I would have been better off – But time has taught me not to moan on what could have been but to be happy with what is :)

  9. Positive and thought-provoking post indeed!:)

  10. Preeti this is EXACTLY i find myself guilty of!!! So True!!!

  11. Hey Preeti,

    I would think of something and I have the answer in your blog! How is this possible? :) Well, I am very lazy I excuse myself saying I don't have the time or weekend is the only time I get to relax so let me do what my mind asks me to do and blah! But only yesterday, I decided that I will not excuse myself for being lazy and plant myself in front of the TV over the weekends! I got a canvas to renew my old lost hobby - painting! And today I got a Oxford French Dictionary and joined a French class. :) And most of the time, No all the time I believe in following my heart and I find great contentment by doing so! But few of my friends feel that's stupidity. what do you think Preeti?

  12. I am guilty of 3 things :(( Im going off to do the thing I planned for today RIGHT NOW :)

  13. Hi Preethi,
    Nice post and as usual the right timing. Recently I was at awe when a aunt of mine told me that I can put on wight and need not to worry about working out my extra calories since am a Mom. Really couldn't find in what way it helps to keep those extra calories.

  14. A very candid post. Yes, we all tell these lies to ourselves at some point of time. But as we grow an mature we tend to take responsibility for our decisions and choices made and not blame others.

    Your post has made me think that i need to be work on my FITNESS!

    A lovely morning read :)

  15. Preeti, such a thought provoking post!! All the seven points needs to be pondered over by me!!
    Thanks for this wonderful post!
    GOod day!


  16. xcellnt post ..i am guiltty of 3 things(2,5nd7th)..i wil try to stop lying...thank you..:)

  17. ha ha nice post.... :)

  18. Excellent post to look ourself and introspect...honestly I am also guilty of 3 lies you mentioned...and yes now I want to mend it all over...positively....Thanks very much!!!

  19. Loved it Preeti....more than I can describe here. Ur posts always create a mini whirlpool in my mind.....
    And I sooo admire U for ur zest for life.

    Wishing U all the best always!!!!

  20. Nice post. You have presented real facts (generally not accepted by self). Thoughtful feature for those who love to introspect and move ahead in Life.

    Great service...keep it up.

  21. I must confess i'm guilty on most points :(...though have tried rectifying a few. Some really hardhitting points out here Preethi...loved the fact that you've brought something out into the open what we normally just ponder but hardly ever act upon

  22. Prats: thanks :) I am guilty too :P

    Santosh:Thank you!

    Reflections : :-) I admire you too!

    Anand, Sree, Nikhil: Thank you :)

    Durga, Abha:Thanks!

    Deepins:Is that aunt over weight? Maybe thats why she wants everyone else to be :P :)

  23. Eve:Thanks!

    Gayathri: I always follow my heart! (except when it comes to adultery :P) heh heh...jokes apart, i do think it is important to do what one wants to REALLY do.

    Priyanka, tarang:Thanks!

    Ruch: okay to mourn a loss as long as one moves on.

  24. Shaik, rama, Gayu: thanks! i guess all of us are indeed guilty upto some extent--else we would be saints :P

    Surreal, Karthick, Shachi: Thanks..I too tend to procrastinate and then tackle the HUGE mountain :P

  25. u are great and very motivating....

  26. Hi Preeti, :)

    Nice blog and this post esp good and makes me to feel guilty, when I could find few of the white lies you mentioned in me.

    Anyways, I' have staretd to follow your blog today and you made it.

    Thanks for such good posts.

  27. I have my list ready.. What I need now is to stop wanting to do them, stop thinking of doing them and just start with one of the activity(hv done a bit of first two for the day already)..

    learn oil painting
    learn technicalities of photography
    complete that jigsaw
    sitting for meditation


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