When a man loves a woman

Satish and I are both movie buffs, though our tastes in the department of what constitutes a good movie might vastly vary. Therefore it was a pleasant change when both of us were glued to our seats the other day while watching a movie, fixed like pinions as the film transported us smoothly from one scene to the other and within the first four minutes, we realised that the female protagonist was exactly like me and the male was exactly like him—heck, even the lines they spoke and the way she sits in his lap and the slightly crazy things she does, balanced by his very grounded-to-earth attitude was almost the exact depiction of us as a couple, and we were hooked from the word go and so we went. We laughed, we cried ,we rejoiced ,giggled, chuckled, felt enraged, nodded in agreement (I with the woman and he with the man) and laughed some more as we watched in delight and shocked surprise, the very lines we say to each other being uttered by Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan. (I never knew we were in such esteemed company or perhaps the script writers did a darn good job of reel imitating real)

Later (after the accusations and justifications had died down along with the charged up adrenalin) he and I discussed what makes a good marriage and what makes many marriages break down. Each marriage is as different and unique as the two people who are in it, and the dynamics of the relationship can be understood by the two alone. A third person is no one to sit in judgement (with due apologies to marriage counsellors) but the more I observe and more I think about it, I am convinced that there are indeed certain basic things that help keep a marriage fun, happening and something to look forward to. I actually wanted to write about what are the things that help a relationship but I think I shall save that for another post.

Satish happens to be at senior level management and in his previous organisation (whose name is a very coveted thing to have on your CV ) he had a huge fan following of twenty something B-school graduates who were taken in as management trainees, all wanting to do a stint under him during their training period. Unlike many people at his level, he is friendly, has no airs, is very jovial and witty as well. He would really take interest in his mentees and there was a long list of people who wanted to train under him. With many of them, he had(and still has) a personal rapport and they would often come home for dinner or lunch and mingle easily with our family and we all had a great time. Almost all of them would say that they hoped to have a family like ours someday and hoped to have as great a marriage. To them we seemed like the perfect couple and the perfect family. (Touch wood)

But I do feel that what many do not see is the amount of work that goes into creating family bonds and a loving relationship with your spouse. It is indeed one of the most fulfilling relationships one can have, provided it works out well.

I think the basic thing that has to exist no matter how long you have been married (and we have been married 14 years now)or been in a relationship is deep, unconditional, absolute love for the other person. You have to just love their quirks, the oddities, the unique (and sometimes annoying) habits that make them them. You have to love their laugh, their smile, their way of speaking or whatever it was that made you fall in love with them in the first place. If this is there, I think everything else will fall in place.

At an office party in Satish’s previous organisation (he handled a large brigade of twenty somethings—so you can imagine how the atmosphere was) which was being organised on a grand scale with a compère, a professional DJ, pulsating foot tapping music , disco-lights ,(you get the drift) the Master of ceremonies picked a very Pretty young thing (PYT) from the audience and asked her to name who she thinks the most attractive man in the organisation is. All the eligible, single guys in the room sat up a bit straighter when they heard that. The PYT blushed and flushed and said she could not possibly name him. Everyone insisted. They all wanted to know. Then finally, being in the spotlight and with a mike thrust in her hand (and therefore no escape) she confessed—and you guessed it—she named Satish! (I was blissfully unaware at that time as it was a party for only the employees). Satish was taken aback (he says and his loyal band of followers support this) and he did not know what to say. (I can just picture his reaction). After the ooh-ing and aaah-ing had died down, the compère had to ask her “If there was one thing that you could change about him, what it would be?”

Everyone was all ears and waited with bated breath to hear what she would say.

“The fact that he was married,” she smiled and answered as collective gasps filled the air.

Needless to say, that evening as he came back and narrated this incident to me, I couldn’t help feeling like the luckiest woman on Earth. :-)


Now, the Monday question for you (see this post if you are new and/or do not know what this is all about ):

If you’re single and ready to mingle, what according to you are the things that you will look for in your future partner, which you think are essential to make the relationship last till death do you part?

If you’re married or in a relationship, what are the things you cherish most in your partner?

I have made three pop-up cards this time. (I am quite pleased with my efforts. See picture above, click to enlarge) I shall pick three responses that appealed most to me and update this post on Thursday (not Friday) at 10.00 a.m my time (2.30 pm IST) and will be mailing them the cards.


Update as promised:

Choosing which three comments will get the cards is the toughest thing in the world! Each time I choose I feel lousy because it feels like I am judging the emotional content of each comment and that is truly something that cannot be judged. So I just pick three that stuck in my mind for whatever reasons.

This time I did not want to do it. I was very moved by almost all comments.

So I solved the problem by asking Satish to pick three. :-) (Clever me) He is not familiar with any of you, and does not know anything about you all at all. (Unlike me--I make it a point to know each one who comments here) He spent more than an hour yesterday evening reading all the comments, after coming back from work. (Poor guy! And he hates looking at the computer after he gets home as he has been working on it the whole day.) Anyway, these are the three that he picked. (In no particular order. Click on their names to be taken to their blogs) { and if you want explanations as to why he picked these three you will have to ask him :-) }

Shades of Grey


Piggy Little

Please send me your postal addresses so that I can send you the cards.

From my last posts, Scotty and Deepti wrote to me saying the cards that I mailed reached both of them. (hooray). The others whose names I mentioned in my previous posts--your cards are on the way. Please let me know when you get them.

For all the others to whom I am not able to send a card, I am soooooooo

I really wish I could!


  1. The movie is a classic and your write up which followed is truer than reality ... it is not easy to have a good relationship last forever ....I am not sure if I am eligible to answer the question....but I shall anyways ....(I am married....)

    a)the ability to realize that she is my best friend and at times she just has to let me be ....in the best or worst of moods

    b)the faith she entrusts in me because I am her best friend and sometimes I have to let her be ...

    c)the patience that she possesses to never lose patience with our 10 month old child and turn around and "not" display any annoyance with the thirty some old man (who is behaving like a child)

    there are so many more things ... but I do not want to hog up your comment space ... thanks for listening.

  2. Well guess i'm the first one..(hopefully by the time i've commented no one else has!!) Firstly Preeti, those cards are really nice. I could not stoop feeling happy by just seeing the amount of work your putting into it.. Its been a terrible day for me..no power, temp soaring high, both within me and outside, well lot of things go wrong when you least expect..well lets not waste the space by putting my agonies here,..but your post was just the smile dose i guess i needed since falling ill 3 days back..

    Well as am JUST 22 ;) i am still looking for the IDEAL gal, i dont believe in going out with a horde of girls before you settle down with one, i just want that 1 woman who makes me feel complete, someone who places a lot of value for "the person" that i am and someone who i can take "as she is". A girl who can understand me, care for me. Someone who will accept me for what i am rather than what i have(speaking of material treasures). I want a girl who can you know just make me "ME"..someone with whom i can forget the world, someone who can be the world to me..someone who is sweet, witty, nice and has the very humane approach to things. I never would want to go out with many girls as some may say try out a few before you take one..for me its a STRICT NO-NO..you can call me a 1-woman-man or something like dat(my pals do), actually am proud of it.. well i can conclude here that i'm still confused about the girl i want, but i just want her to be someone who i can love all y life, someone so sweet, that just fills me up with joy and happiness, just to be with her. I dont knw when or where i will find "the girl of my dreams" but i knw i will, somewhere, someday...

    and a million thanks for making me smile atleast for sometime..atleast i got to forget my pain and think about something good for a change...

  3. well guess i was NOT THE FIRST ONE!!! :( :(

  4. //You have to just love their quirks, the oddities, the unique (and sometimes annoying) habits that make them them. You have to love their laugh, their smile, their way of speaking or whatever it was that made you fall in love with them in the first place. If this is there, I think everything else will fall in place//

    Well said :))) If we could accept and folow this It would obviously be the best of relationships :)

    :)) Cute cards again :D

    Regarding my expectations on future partner, I will come back later for commenting :)

  5. I liked the concept of monday question and pop up cards very much...

    Well being single i would like for a Confifent, Independent, Gogetter sort of girl who is filled with humour. and who knows what exactly soul mates are

    And are u taking any legal action against the script writer :)

    So Mr Satish seems to be a Ideal Husband.

    How about a guest post by satish. abt the same will be helpful to those who are single as well as married

  6. wonderful post... The pics were awesome... Looks like a perfect marital bliss.. my wishes that your heavenly relationship lasts till eternity.. :)

    Anyway I would wish my partner to have the following qualities:
    1)Independent outlook with a vestige of unpredictability..
    2)Responsible with an ability to laugh on the silliest of my jokes
    3)Caring with an ability to share even the rudimentary happenings in day to day life
    4)Compassionate with an ability to pacify my short tempered outbursts.
    5)Understanding and a patient listener
    6)Optimistic with that twinkling in her eyes that can bring a smile in the saddest of moments...

  7. You know that I absolutely love your writing :). Here I am, commenting for the first time!

    Being single, I tend to have a lot of such discussions with my friends (married and unmarried). I guess each of us somewhere have a picture of this "dream boy" or "dream girl" in mind. I have been asked this question a number of times and most people say that the guy i am looking for doesn't exist in reality and that I need to wake up and smell the coffee...Needless to say, I am still hopeful :)

    So here's what I am looking for-- A simple guy, slightly naughty and adventurous, honest, understanding and committed. Someone who is a kid sometimes whom I can pamper, at the same time, someone who is mature enough to shoulder responsibilities. Someone I can fight with and know things wouldn't change between us. Someone with whom I could communicate a lot. Someone who completes me and the relationship wouldn't be like lugging a burden of marriage or a relationship rather, it must be a chilled out relationship where we feel a sense of belongingness towards one another amidst lots of talk and fun. Needless to say... someone who is just gonna be there! Someone who is more than my best friend!

    And I must say... I Loved the cards :)

  8. I think deep love for each other is the ONLY thing that a relationship really needs. Yeah, i know it is cliched. :) But i think trust, respect, acceptance and everything else are by-products of love. If there is no love, everything else becomes meaningless, and if there is love, rest falls into place.

    But if you want to reduce conflicts, it is always better to go for someone who shares the same core 'values'. Things like interest in similar movies, music or books don't matter much in the long run. But ofcourse,shared interests or similar sense of humour can make the journey more interesting. And it is important to stand by ur partner at every stage. But like i said, if there is love, nobody has to teach you to stand by ur love.

  9. @ Shantharam,

    Nice to know that we still have guys like this. You are so young and I can sense that innocence in ur comment. I really loved ur comment. And u have plenty of time to find the right time. But with due respect to your opinions, it is always nice to meet girls. Cuz unless u go out with a girl and spend some time with her, how would
    u know whether she is the right one. So good luck with that :)

  10. Hehe...you sure are lucky. There are seriously very few people like him. :)
    The pop up cards are superb.And being recently married and all, I have to answer this one:P
    I cherish the fact that despite the fiercest fights (and the urges to slam the door and walk out, at times) neither of us does so. We've spoken about it, an couldn't come up with anything better than 'dunno, I won't find anyone like you if I leave' :O

  11. Awwwww...
    Aren't you just damn lucky to have him! :p (Praise God!)

    Exactly, at this point in time, I don't want to say anything about marriage, coz some shocks are heard even after 21 years of being together. It's extremely scary when you hear the reasons.

    P.S: Before I scoot, I think Satish is damn lucky to have you too - I guess he being married to you gives him that extra 'Je ne sais quoi' edge :D

    PS1: Love the pop ups, you're so damn creative! Can you like not do anything? :p

  12. finally a forum where vinu's praises can be sung :) below mentioned are the things that i cherish most in vinu (my hubby), though some of them might sound silly :
    1. Bringing me chocolate cakes, even when i vehemently tell him not to, as he knows how much i love it
    2. Everytime he travels, i give him a list of what i want, so he goes searching for items that he has no clue what they are used for, from blush on, to make up brushes to eye shadows, the man is clueless, but he goes searching :)
    3. He wakes up in the morning earlier than me, but he knows i like to sleep late, so he never ever wakes me up, no matter how late
    4. he solves every problem i face, from bees/bats/snakes in the house (yes i've had 'em all). he is my hercules
    5. he laughs at my jokes when they are not at all funny, and appreciates my guitar, even if it is screechy and says i looks like a bombshell (without even asking)
    6. He stood by me, and choose to marry me despite all the pressure he was facing not to and never ever gave up on us, even when i was willing to let go.
    7. He mixes the best Gin & Tonic in the world.

    There is also a list of things that irritate me about him which is quite endless :) i'll save that for another post

  13. Ranjini: Smiled and smiled after reading your comment :) He is soooo sweeeet. Am certain you know about that story when he came home and I insisted he stay for dinner and my famous 'ulli thiyal' which he went and told his mom about :) You know even though I have never met you, I feel I really know you!

    Sparkling :-) I had to look up 'Je ne sais quoi' :) [Satish, please note what Sperlkign says] I was so pleased with the pop ups too, esp as the first two are entirely my own designs. One thing I cannot do to save my life is sing :)

    Meira: i say the same thing to him--that nobody else will love me enought to put up with my moods and tantrums and he has the cheek to agree! :D

    Pointblanl: I agree totally with your comment to shantharam and your oBservations too. Long time since I saw you around. Welcome back :)

  14. Mamta: Happy to see you here! :) me too feeling so pleased with the cards! :) You have written so well about what you're looking for in a guy. After I read your comment (you have written so well) i just realised that this comment box could get converted to a 'poetential match' forum !! :) Now feeling even more pleased with my 'deeds' :D

    Sushobhan: And may you find just such a woman!

    Sunny Raju: Satish had already written a guest post. It was picked by Rueters and featured on their home page. Search 'finding the right woman to marry' in the box on the right side in my blog.

    G3:Thank you for praising the cards! :) Designed the first two myself! :) Third one was adapted from net.

    Shantharam: See pointblank's comment to you. I agree with her entirely. But then--you're so young! U have many many years! :)

    Blogeur: Loved what you wrote about your wife. Of course you are eligible to answer the question--I did ask a question for the married folks too! :)

  15. I look for the quality to talk and talk sense, because everything else may fade but if i can keep talking to my partner when i get old, i think it will be enough for me to make life worth living.

  16. HI didi
    lovely post and video.and yes truly you both look great together.now generally for fun i would have said something like,"i am just looking out for a girl and rest would be bonus." but on a serious note well i would say,"There are a lot of things that are required to make a relationship last but the most imp one for me would be - An ability to listen, observe, understand and speak such that makes me feel peaceful and happy even at times when i have every reason not to be so.and this would be something that even i would be doing for her always."
    Tell me if my expectation is unrealistic

  17. Anonymous7:17 AM

    You always remember a person by the way they make you feel. And thats why when I think of my sweetheart, I always have a smile on my heart. He is childlike as he is reliable. He has this neck dance that he does when he drives which I feel is the cutest dance ever! He is like water when there is an ugly fire in my mind. He is happy when I am and I am when he is and so we are always happy! He is as comfortable with infants as he is with his laptop. Oh I can go on forever. There are a million things about him that make me feel he is the one and will always be the one for me!

    I loved your post and your question too. :D The cards are lovely! :-)

  18. Tough one.
    Can I say "No idea"? :)
    I've had crushes/interactions with tomboys,girlie ones,fair,dark, intelligent and homely girls, and so I can say that it's probably undefinable intuition that leads the way :).I tried, but it's hard to write down the specific characteristics because I could always found an exception which I liked . Maybe I over-analyze:)

    And till now I used to think that only Satish is the lucky one :).

  19. I can't see the video :( Tried IE and Google chrome...which browser do you use?

    Coming back to your question, these are the things I cherish in my husband:

    - Simplicity - he leads a simple life. No fancy clothes, or perfumes, or cars, or anything. He is just so down to earth. He appreciates everything I cook and is not demanding.
    - Patient - My hubby has an ice slab on his head. He deals with things so patiently.....I am the total opposite so I really cherish this in him.
    - He gives me total freedom in how I spend my time, who I hang out with, where I go, what I do, etc. I have seen very few Indian men who give me as much freedom as him. You can argue saying he's not too possessive, but it's very important for me to have this freedom, and I will not break his trust in me.

    There's a long list but these are the top three :)

    The cards are fantastic! You are becoming a pro :)

  20. now that's a wonderful movie. :)
    n meg ryan rocks!! has great comic timing :D

    now for your question... ummm... am not really sure how to frame it up. i once had a nice fair picture but now am not sure if that's being idealistic or more of a 'me only' thing. in fact, i went to the extent of writing a blogpost once listing out 10 traits. Now am not sure if it would be appropriate to get the entire post here, but I'll quote a lil:

    we can imagine and list out a hundred things that we might want of our Mr./Ms. Right, but then we do come across someone, who is the perfect one and yet funnily enough they may or may not be as per the list...... It's all about understanding, love, affection, thoughts, emotions, chemistry and respect.... If you have these in place.. you have found your Right Match.
    And finally, always express your love for beloved as if it was the best moment, the last minute before Apocalypse.... Make that moment last a lifetime... for it's then that she'd realise how much you love her.....

    You can read the post here: I've finally found someone

  21. Now should we say "lucky u" or "Lucky Sathish"..;)
    I think both...
    Nice cards again ..:)
    and this time 3-d too..
    Never done one of these kinds,need to have a closer look!!
    About Aj,well.. the best and worst about him are very close to each other,like the 2 ends of a ear-loop,If you know what I mean.
    Just one instance:
    He understands my Psyche soo well.He knows when I get tensed during a work deadline that he silently does our hate-job..DISH-WASHING and cuts those onions for me and he knows when I have something going on in my head that he kisses my worries off my head (as I call it)and gives me re-assuring pats on my head.lucky me!

    but sometimes its not too good when he hunts for that chocolate wrapper under the bed exactly the same night when I had a stealthy midnight snack after 2 whole months :O and I am in for a nice long lecture :(
    or when he goes to the same shirt for my cuffs for that tiny-winy stain left on after a wash which would never go even afte so much of a scrubbing that I would have decided to leave on and again I get told off..till I get a chance to catch him somewhere else...can you beat it? :O :O
    But this has not come easy for him,being a shy person he is..
    There must have been some conscious efforts to know me so well in 2 years sometimes just by observation.
    I think everyone agrees to'time' as a key factor for a wonderful relationship,But i think it is like nuturing a tiny life..Unless there is no positive contribution regularly,it may not be as healthy as it has a potential to be.
    So lets make it "fruitful time" contribution,shall we??
    Sorry Di,I almost wrote a post here :D

  22. Hi Preeti,

    Delurking :)

    Your question just forced me to comment, so here goes ...

    I really really love the fact that is extremely fair and cares a lot about me.. Simple stuff brings smile on his face... He is absolutely opposite of materialistic... Being around him just makes me feel so happy :) and this is after 4 years of relationship.. The value I cherish a lot is the fact that whenever we have any fights/disagreements of any sort, he insists it be resolved quickly (we have never slept over a fight).

  23. A beautiful post!!! I must agree with you on Satish. I haven't interacted much with him but I once had a conversation with him during the Pune Book launch. I had arrived early and recognized him from the pics when I went up to him congratulated him and the conversation went about his role in your blog and the book. I still remember his exact words "Oh! I have no role, my achievement is I am her other half". And till date I can not forget that humbling experience, I wanted to complement him on his thoughts and words but then reserved myself as it would be an awkward moment for someone being complemented on humility. But since that day, I have a great respect for Satish and always look forward about reading abt him on the blog.

    Now for your question-
    I recently entered into a relationship and would be marrying her in coming January.

    When I met her for the first time, and we got talking there was this connect which you don't experience with people very often. I could talk to her almost about everything honestly and I never had the fear/apprehension that I would be judged. The conversations were so free flowing and genuine that I still think that she is a person with whom I can have the best conversations of the world. We did kind of had a perfect wavelength match with each other. Also one thing which I cherish about her and my relationship is that the connect/acceptance/agreement in our ideas of life, values and ethics. I am a person with a very strong opinions but the way we gelled over the basic values and ideas of life that we could actually sit together and could see how we can have a family. All this was possible for her warmth & her ability to accept me as I am without any kind of facade.

    The best part about her is the sense of humor, we can sit together and laugh over things for hours.

    I am not sure whatever is between us can be categorized or mentioned in words....but the essence of our relationship lies in a single sentence that we know we are going to have a beautiful life together.

    You can read my post about her here

  24. i read with rapt attention this post because 'when a man loves a woman' happens to be one of my top movies too :) and it is really so beautiful, the movie and the exasperation of just standing by that you have to go through at times because you know there is nothing else you can do except for letting your partner be.

    about my partner, it is perhaps one of the most difficult things to say what i really like about him. the first time i saw him, it was his smile (the ones which light up your eyes in tiny sparkling dots) and i was like wow. that was the time i had just joined work, where he had already been working for a year.

    in the past two years that i have been here, i can only see the gaps being bridged between both of us and us becoming a lot more closer. but i know the spark is still there. even today when i see him smile a genuine smile, my heart leaps and goes wow. :-) and therefore i agree with you, you have to love their everything- their smile, their eyes, their oddities, their quirks their voice.

    i have rarely been wooed in such a subtle but intense manner. there is hardly the usual boy meets girl thing here, he is very very rare with his compliments too, rarer with gifts and rare further still with dining out etc. but i know i am being complimented, when he looks at me, and i know, his eyes stop to admire the colors i wear.and there are all those moments, when he says something,in a very off hand manner, leaving me breatheless, speechless and wordless (as we call it) about the kind of attention he showers me with.

    at times, when across the desks our eyes meet and twinkle, i know, when i could not see, he had been looking at me. and his looks asks me and tells me, at the same time, how can i have someone as gorgeous as you; but now that i do, i am so glad to have you.

    and perhaps the most important aspect about him that i love is his recognition that i need my time and my space. that he does not impose his advice on me; even when he gives, he states as if hes only outlining the options in front of me and i am the one who gets to pick and choose. he does never tell me: tell me your problems because i want to know. but he says: let me know, if you want me to know. he is accepting and ackowledges the fact that maybe at times i am not prepared to say certain things at certain points of time, or maybe never at all. he says all of it as if, i was the only who was doing the thinking out aloud. and like the vodafone happy-to-help puppy (no offence meant to anyone here) he is just there, to hold me, in the right measure when i need it; to comfort only when it is asked for. never more, never less.

    that makes him, among many other things, a complete man. :-)

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  26. Hey PS,
    Your post says it all. The real reason for a marriage to work is the deep, unconditional love. My husband and I have often discussed it as and when we see the marriages falling apart. We had to put up a lot of fight for our marriage and I guess it was good for us - it had made us value each other even more. We realise that its a priviledge to be together, there were more chances of us being stuck with somebody else :) And hence I cherish everything about my husband. And I do it even more when I get to know some other men a little more. I can't count how many times I've been thankful that I married him against all odds. Most of all I love his optimisim and positive attitude. Whenver we hit the rough patches (and there have quite a few), he keeps his spirits high even while I start to get frustated. He then tells me that we have been so lucky to have been able to marry each other, so we will get our share of bad luck at other places using law of averages. But we are so much better off that the more important things in life are good. Everything else is trivial, it will get over :) And that brings up my spirits too.

  27. :)...very nice post..:) U know wot, last year when i started following your blog..the first post i read was..something about the kind of man/woman u should marry, i guess Satish had a guest post in that!!..My first reaction after reading it was, someone please ask this female where can we find Satish 2..:). Prateek told me also about his meting with satish in Pune!!. Touchwood!! is all i want to say..:))

    I shall soon post my bit to this weeks question..:)

  28. Yup i know the famous 'ulli thiyal' story. I had no clue what ulli thiyal was. I had to search in recipe blogs to figure out what it meant to try to make it.

    BTW, you have met me. I don't think your daughter was born yet, or may be you left her at home, i don't know, i met you in a gruhapravesh with your son, you were wearing a white sleeveles salwar and you had to leave early for some reason ( i don't remember what). I remember you as vinu used to talk about you and satish (before we got married) and i remembered that when i saw you, after we got married. It was a very short meeting though. Funny, i feel the same way as though i've known you for soooo long.

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  30. You have to be one proud wife. And why shouldnt you be?

  31. Hey preeti

    Rain pouring down my windows, and with such a lovely post. I couldnt help but wonder when I get to be with my love. :) I am so happy for you two. And the lovely family you created. You spread so much happiness and love and I am sure unless u have it in you , its hard to emit those energies :)

    Loved your post(cards) , yes very good effort!

    I still in the process of learninga bout my love and we are discovering each other so too early to comment on it . Blush :P

  32. I've always loved this song by Michael Bolton - and Andy Garcia is WOW! Okay, I think that's enough said about another man by a married woman :D

    Sweet post about your better half Preeti. Sometimes it's really hard not to go overboard when praising someone you hold close to your heart but you have done so beautifully.

    When I watch some of my old romantic favourites I remember wondering to myself as a teen if I would ever find a special someone with the qualities of the leading man. Today, I see a little bit of my better half in every one of them. The honour, courage, knowing what to fight for and when to stand back and allow life to take its course, never buying me a bunch of flowers even for a special occasion but painfully willing to sacrifice his loved ones so he that may spend forever after with me. We've had tough moments but even in the worst of them we knew we didn't want to endure it without each other.

    I think what makes a marriage work is in remembering the little things your spouse has done for you out of love and not making an issue of the things they DIDN'T do.

    Blissfully married me... :D
    (This is only a 5-yr relationship & 6 month marriage talking - by God's grace we will feel the same way for the next 100 years or so.)

  33. @pointblank thanks for the mention..I just wanted to say, I dont wanna go out with a "horde" of girls, i believe in arranged marriage stuff, weird i knw, i guess i'll hopefully find the right girl sooner or later, just want to focus on my job at the moment, just into it really, let me settle down and then if the right kinda girl comes, we will go out and find more but first i'll do some research on her, just to find out.. he he.. oh and u write very well..checked ur blog..

    @preeti thanks for the mention


  34. Wow..Never thought Andy Garcia can be so..well, sexy in such a subtle way :D..!!

    Theres no ideal relationship..you have to make each relationship..ideal..right??
    We've had our differences since the beginning..

    He looovvves sports,me not much into it.
    I am(was) talkative..he talks once in every 1/2 to 1 hr..!!
    so on so forth..

    I used to be the typical 'wifey' wife n wud expect small surprise gifts from him..Not anymore..He doesnt even remember my birthdays lately.His explaination..'I know which date is ur bday..just didnt realize its that date today ':((

    But I know am the lucky n blessed one..Once,2 yrs back or so, an evening it finally stopped raining n the sun came out. I got a phone call from him..He was driving home from work and he asked me to step outside to the balcony n take a look at the sky.
    I did n I saw the most beautiful rainbow I'd ever seen..not just a part of it..a full semi circle in the sky..I was awestruck..!!

    Now I know he wasnt being romantic or anything..Gosh he doesnt even know the meaning of it..But he saw something beautiful n wanted to share it with me..n then n there I fell in love with him,all over again..Typing this,my heart is filling with this feeling for which I cant find a name:)


  35. Hey PS,

    Haven't yet seen the movie. Would love to see it now based on your detailed description :)

    Coming to your question, besides the often quoted honesty, trust & commitment, I would look for someone who will be my friend, my pillar of support & my listening ear. I would like to be able to converse endlessly on any topic under the sun with my soulmate - the conversations between us should be as comfortable & easy as the silences.


  36. Preeti,
    I have visited your blog several times over last few months and have enjoyed. I never thought about posting, even after I read some of your posts about people who never comment! But this one has forced me to break the ice. This made me cry!

    My husband and I finished our 10th anniversary this month and love each other very dearly. Yesterday we had a very bad fight, we were both at it very bad. Very very bad. We know that we love each other, but we fight also. Reading this post today makes me just cry.

    We know our ways to patch up and we will. But still there are these hard times of sadness.

    Thanks for your great blog.


  37. That was the most beautiful post ever... it is so true and it is so real and it speaks to you...

    As always - awesome!

    I have passed on an award for you... (hope you don't mind)


    This time's cards are so awesome, I so badly want one of those - dont know if I will have the time to come back to answer the questions, so will look at the pics - but those are some AWESOME AWESOME cards!!

    Also, my offer still stands, after your series of mailing cards - send me your address and I shall make one for you:)

  38. Lakshmi: Fights always seem like the end of the world to me too. We too fight--but I think it makes the relationship stronger.Have left a comment on your post.

    Palsworld: Very right observation you made there about silences being comfortable.Movie--I loved! :)

    Geetha: Perhaps you can demand a 'surprise gift' like my daughter does :) My friend also does the same..she tells her husband that he HAS to give her a surprise gift :)

    Shantharam: yes--plenty of time for girls later.:) Concentrate on your work for now :)

  39. Shades of grey: :) It's ok--married women ARE allowed to lech at other men :) Glad you found your perfect man.

    Srivtas; i love that weather too. :) U could have praised her a bit! :P

    Rohan : :-) Did i sound that way?:P

    Deepti: :D I just read out your comment to satish and I know he beamed though he pretended to not care :D (He's gonna deny this if he reads this comment!)

    Ranjini: Is it?!! I don't remember at all!! I used to have a white salwar (sleeveless one) so I guess you must be right!! :) We must meet. Will be in India (and also Bangalore) in December.

  40. Just someone: Thanks for that lovely award! Shall proudly display on side panel :) Thanks for the offer too! :)And thanks for the praise!! (Beaming beaming now)

    SS: If a marriage does not have fights, it is a dead marriage--dont u think? Really glad you cherish each other.

    Piggy little: So so so sweeet!! :) Touch wood on the 'complete man'.

    Swathy: No apologies needed for the long comment at all! Hooray for diswashing :) Personally I don't mind dishwashing at all but i hate putting away clothes in cupboards and satish galdly does it for me among a LOT of other things :)

    Sumit: Agree with you completely on expressing love. Will surely read your post.

    Prats: You know whatever you have written about the one you are going to marry and yourself--it was exactly like that when satish and I first met! I am certain you'll have a long long happy happy married life together. Best wishes.

    Shachi: It is visible in IE. I use firefox. Patinece is indeed a big virtue. So is granting freedom. Thaks for the compliments on cards.

  41. who m i: thank you for delurking and welcome to my blog! Touch wood touchwood ..may 4 become 40! :)

    Brown Phantom: :-) :-) Will mail you my response :-)

    Thoughtful train: thank you! How good we feel to recall those small things about ones we love, right? :) Makes me smile too :-)

    Kishore:Thanks!I did choose the best pics :) No your expectations are not unrealistic at all. May you find such a person!

    ani_aset: Sometimes I see couple where one likes to talk and other is quiet types. I wonder how they manage! Maybe one talks and talks and other just listens? To me also having a good conversation is very important in a relationship.

  42. I dunno if you have some sixth sense..but thats exactly the kind of couple i think i will end up being with my partner..where i will love to just sit and listen :P

  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

  44. Whoa. Ahem ahem, bow bow. What do I say. Thanks PS for the putting my ugly mug on the net. And thanks all for the very nice comments about me - totally agree with all of them by the way whether or not she does or not.
    I liked the movie too and like Andy Garcia says in the movie (I must say he stole that dialogue from me) and I told PS that she has 600 ways of smiling and each one lights up my heart in a different way. My list of things I love about PS. 1) the nuttiness in her (pressing room bells and running at a hotel on our honeymoon). 2)her kindness and pureness of heart. 3) Loving me inspite of all my faults (which are not many I ust admit) 4) her sense of humour 5) the fighting spirit 6) the first winner advantage (she grabbed me first right) 7) the view that she is wiser than me (false notion - i still win at trivial pursuit though I let her win once in a while - lose a battle to win a war). Yeah overall she is OK and I intend to spend another 50 years with her at the least. Like I told her before to the world you may be a somebody but to somebody you are the world. First bit has become outdated though since to the world too she has become more than just a somebody. Thanks again.

  45. OK...pass the sick bucket!...but seriously, lovely post there Preeti...

  46. ps -- extremely wonderful cards. a hug from me and a slap on the back for a well done effort :).

    an side note, i wonder what's the link between the title and the article itself [the article sees you praising satish, whereas the title seems otherwise]

    the li'le me is silently dying for one of the cards, but the wise that she is she'll justly allow the better comment'er 'win' your card and try to survive.

    *** so, answering your question ---what according to me that will make anything last 'forever' --- love & nurture, being who i am and being who he is, and that one link that links us together.

  47. Anonymous8:53 AM

    The little quirks are the most fun! I am glad it got you smiling too. :-)

  48. Anonymous10:00 AM

    The best part I like about my better half? Ha,ha...You mustn't hit me for this...I like his anger the most (amidst all the other things..)!A child like anger, that I have seen only in a very few! Ours was an arranged marriage, and during our marriage, many of his family members cautiously advised me to 'adjust' with his anger...Initially, I was really scared, then felt irritated, but after 3 yrs now, I have started enjoying that bit,too!!Now I laugh when his angry side shows, and that bursts him into laughter, too(his own brother now says his anger has subdued in tons. Glad we achieved this!)....I wholly agree now, It's only how we take things that really matter!
    Our fights never lasted for more than 30minutes:)...It so happened that once we had a pretty good fight in the morning before we started for work, and he traveled 1hr 30min all the way from his office to mine, to apologize!
    I must also mention that atleast twice a week, he comes home with a surprise- be it my favorite cake or something. Despite that, the tubelight I am, never reciprocated, atleast not at that frequency!

  49. Athivas: Conqueror of Anger with laughter! :) Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

    Thoughtful train: :-)

    EM:Thanks for the hug and ouch that hurt (slap on the back):) Title of the post was same as title of the movie! Duh!(and I thought I was being clever) :) I didnt praise him--you interpreted it that way.I narrated an incident :)

    Niall: Why sick bucket? Because she is an alcoholic in the movie? Didnt get that joke :P Thank U

    Satish: :) :) :) Wish I could give u all three cards but that would be biased :)

    ani-aset: If you like what she says it wont be so bad will it?

  50. Oh but that was a precondition na preeti :D, I will be liking what she says as i admire her speak

  51. ani_aset: :D Win-win situation then! :)

  52. Those are very very lovely cards preeti...

    Wonderful post as well...U and satish are so lucky to have each other...

    coming to your question, I got married recently before 8 months...i am writing the below with this very experience..:)

    "Like poles repel and unlike poles attract" i would have never beleived on this quote until i got married.

    * I am person who loves riding on a 2 wheeler , i like them than going by a car..not sure why may be because in my family i had 4 brothers who were always Vrooominggg...me and my brothers used to often go to ooty from coimbatore in bike...After my marriage i discovered that my husband doesnt know to drive a bike. It was not a shock to me..it was heart breaking actually.

    "How can a guy doesnt know to ride a bike ? " i have framed this question in many ways to him...he always smiles and replies "No i am not interested" .

    * I read a lot, either on a book or something online. daily i read minimum 50pages before i sleep.
    He never has the habit of flipping a magazine also. Only thing he touches the books is to arrange the books which i have pulled out from the shelf and those i scatter on my bed.,sofa, table or wherever i go...

    * I am software techie..always glued to laptop. These days even LKG kid knows to start a system and play a song in it. But It took me around 2 months to make him learn how to shutdown the system ( Just incase i forget to hibernate and sleep off beside my laptop).
    After learning to shutdown the pc he says "oh u guys are doing a very tough job, i thought computers were easy" i feel like shouting O My GOD....i guess he thinks mouse to be a real mouse....i often remind him..it will not bite u..hold it firmly....

    * At a time i can listen to songs, working on a bug, reply to pings on my chat windows..,,,give suggestions to team members to fix an issue. multitasking comes so easily to me. i will be bored if i do only one thing at a time.

    He is 200% opposite to me and admits he will go crazy if he does too many things at a time.

    But above all i love him a lot for all the love he shows me with his little acts.

    He cooks for me, if he is at home...and beleive me he is an excellent cook..

    He Makes sure i dont skip my food..(i always used to skip my lunch before marriage....)

    If he hears there is some book exhibition he takes me there..stands beside me patiently when i search and
    search for books and walks with me carrying the whole load of whatever i buy..comes home and neatly arranges them.....
    he even maintained a book catalogue so that i dont get confused before i buy a book....do i have this book or not or did i read in a library ?

    I even came to know from his friend that he is learning to ride a bike..( he has not told me yet..may be he wants to surprise me one day )


  53. Aha..
    Nice cards.
    they really tempted me to write in here :)
    And thanks for suggesting a good movie too. I was looking for something good to watch tonight.

    About your question..
    Mine is a arranged marriage.. so I had made a list of desired factors/qualities for my partner. And I had to verify if he fits into it or not.. in just 2-3 meetings :)
    Typical arranged marriage way!
    The most apealing quality about my husband is, he makes you feel comfortable, very fast. Also, he has that loving and understanding nature which you can FEEL immidiately. His nature somehow resembles to my granny - she was witty, smart, loving, friendly, very helpful and charismatic!

    After meeting him for first time, both of us instantly knew that we were made for each other!

    There is one more thing which I observed in him later. Unlike other TYPICAL husbands, he always discuss with me before finalising any small/big thing. He respects me as individual. He encouraged me to take up a job out of India, because that was important for my career.

  54. I cant see the clip in the post..
    Can you post its direct link?

  55. Pressing room bells and running :)
    he he

  56. PS -- that last smile is almost like a devilish grin ;)...writers and their grins. yikes.

  57. EM: I swear it wasn't intended that way!!! :) Smiling at your comment now!

    Sunny Raju: heh heh--Actually satish never expected it. Our room was at the end of the long corridor. I pressed all the bells one after the other (all of a sudden) and ran to the end of the corridor. Satish was stunned for a minute.Then he had no choice but to run as otherwise the people who opened the door would find him standing outside :D WE still laugh when we talk about it :)

    Sanjivani: Does not matter if its arranged marriage or love marriage--what is most important is things you cherish!

    Sundari: He sounds like a gem of a guy! So so sweet!

  58. SanjivanI: Direct link not working as photobucket has some maintainance thing going on. The video should be available in a little while. This is direct link: http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t87/preetisatish/satish/?action=view&current=e79edcc5.pbr

  59. Lovely lovely post! It was interesting to read from line 1. The pop up cards are wonderful too.

  60. Have to comment on this :D

    He still looks at me the way he used to look at me 6 yrs ago. 5 yrs of marriage, a kid, didn't change his attitude towards me. He still doesn't bring flowers/chocolates/gifts and he never did(anyways, that doesn't hold any important to me). He still calls me 100 times a day just to listen my voice.Though our conversation lasts only for few mins (like always had) as we both are busy professionals.
    My best friend whom i can share anything and everything, my partner in crime, my soul mate who knows me more than myself.
    And I know, i will be able to write same lines with same confidence, even after 50 yrs of now..:)

  61. Hi Preeti. Have moved from emgisempire.blogspot.com to happyhoursbeginhere.wordpress.com.

    Pls do update :D

  62. Was there when the office party incident happened. I've never seen a man blush more :) Hee Hee

  63. Ramesh: Heh heh. That's what everyone told me :) I didn't know you were there too.

    Meira: noted madame :)

    Disha: Touch wood and touch wood!

    Gaythri: Coming from you I take it as a big compliment. I love your water melon pop up card.

  64. The cards are beautiful Preeti. But that is not what made me comment here. Like always it is the sweetness, the innocence and the wit in your posts which is irresistible.

    Ok now to your question. I am in a relationship since two years and every moment i have spent with or without him has been different from the first. We have been living apart for a year now and a lot of people have told me that distance changes everything. It is the prime reason of a zillion misunderstandings. I beg to differ. I think the distance has increased our faith in each other and the relationship. But this was not ur question.... got carried away i guess.

    Well the thing i like, love, adore the most about him is he accepts me just as i am. At times he says i am the craziest person he has ever met, and that i am a 5 year old trapped in an adults body. And at times he says I’m way more mature than him. But the fact is he is the one person who i know has never told me, why are you like this, y do u think like this. He always understands when i get irritated by the smallest possible thing or jump with joy like a baby for the tiniest of reasons. He has never once tried to change what i think. He respects my opinion about things most of the times, and even asks me for advice, and actually follows it.
    So i guess that’s the most important thing in a relationship. Acceptance.

    Lovely post Preeti. Keep up d great work.

  65. Hey Preeti,

    Lovely post. Keep up the good work!!:-)

    I'd like to answer your question.

    I feel its quite essential to be yourself,without even an inch of pretense.Its best if you can accept the person as he/she is.Its not necessary that you have to yap away and be loud.Sometimes souls do the talking and if you feel at peace,then probably,you're with the right person.And you know you have to go on with this person forever.

    It might be a little disappointing to know that he doesn't really enjoy reading, that he prefers a long-drive together than being at hangout place, that he isn't quite the roses(any flowers for that matter!:P)/chocolates/gifts etc. kinda guy.

    Yet, I love this man on whom I've had a crush on, since college. But we never spoke it out during the 4 years of my engineering(because we belong to different religions and believed that it'll never work out) and finally, by some twist of fate, declared our love for each other during one crazy moment, which left us with nothing but to discover each other and right now,to get married. (even if it means, going against the world!)Its been 7 years now and there's no one else with whom I'd rather spend my entire life.

    Its his selfless nature, his humility, his goodness of heart and his patience above all which makes me go crazy over him.

    I remember one incident particularly, which I'd like to share - we were talking over dinner at a restaurant. We were talking about a friend and I was saying that I thought that our friend was dominating compared to her husband. And my mischievous self prompted me to start up a fight(which I usually do) saying - hey..do you think i'm dominating? He smiled. (that cute, understanding smile which meant 'here it comes'). I was all the more cranky and a total jerk myself that I asked him - "Tell me. Do you really think I'm the dominating one in our relationship?? Ippo ivide vechu parayenam."..I was like all gearing up for a verbal argument.He gave me that cute, understanding smile again and he asked - "Ninakku dominate cheyyano?"It was more like an invitation.And I went point blank and couldn't help but blurt out-"Venda. Njan chumma chodichatha".He outsmarts me.He impresses me.He gives me my space. He understands my mood swings. He always calls to cheer me up however cranky I am. (for consecutive days).

    Its not just him.Both of us do our part to keep the magic going.Apart for being there for him whenever he needs me,I'm the kinda person who comes up with all sort of cute sayings, poems, letters, talks, gifts etc. which he loves; which makes him feel special.I give him this ultimate power of authority over me,which he loves.And he makes me feel special by just being there for me always, with his patient heart.(You would've understood by now that he's the more emotionally stable one!:P)

  66. Preeti,

    I'm really sorry for another blog itself. I just couldn't stop.

    My humblest (if there's a word, like that!:-)) apologies....

  67. The most important thing that would ensure a long-lasting relationship is accepting each other completely.Each one has an individuality,a uniqueness..and it needs to be accepted fully by the other person.Then only can there be some peace,otherwise it would all be "Why are you like this" thing alone.

    Another essential thing required is expression of emotions.If you don't express your feelings and emotions,how would you expect the other person to understand about you?

  68. He is my B-E-S-T F-R-I-E-N-D: My second self! What more can I ask for?!

  69. hi preethi following ur blogs..though sometimes not commenting. the cards look so lovely i am tempted to participate..

    good interaction u are doing..
    eagerly waiting for ur post on how relationship works.

    hope u will give us a regular dose on parenting and healthy family life.

    take care stay happy

  70. This comment has been removed by the author.

  71. Hi Preethi ..Nice Post..
    Yes, Now to answer your question, I think I would want her to love me in the way I am "Imperfect" ......Overall I think it is understanding that matters in a relationship the most.

    ...Well i guess this is the worst answer here.....


  72. Preeti,
    my card arrived today (Thursday) - loved it - thank you very much.


  73. Well well well..this is one question I have been answering for quite some time now..wat with my parents doing the groom search big time :)

    To be very honest, I dont think Ill ever have the perfect answer. My expectations keep changing and so do my answers. And I guess, that is the key to any relationship..the ability to adapt to situations and to mould yourself according to the situation.

    For starters in the courtship phase i will love a guy who talk a lot, who has a amazin gsense of humour, sum1 who will spend on getting me gifts and treat me like a princess.

    Later in the relationship, I am sure i will look for stability, for maturity that will help us deal with and handle situations and circumstances that come our way.

    More then anything else I would want to have someone who shares the same passions as I do, someone who is on the same wavelenght..bcoz at the end of the day these are things that make us compatible!

  74. yayyyyyyyy!! i won the card :)))yayyyyyyy!!

    i'm sooooooooo happy!!honestly, i wanted it so much :)

    thank you! will email my address.

  75. WOW, does it feel like this to win it?!?! like WOW.

    er yes, my blogger profile view is disabled. blog address is www.iammature.blogspot.com.

    thanks, i am like really glad!!! :) :)

    and yes, i shall mail you my postal address.


  76. Hi Preeti,

    I think Mamta is a new blogger. Read her maiden post though. And m so glad Shades of Grey wont the card. She is a good friend, and m a huge fan of everything she writes - from emails to blogs.

    Keep blogging :)

  77. Pointblank: Do tell her to send her address :) Have not got it yet :)

    Piggy little: :-) got it! Will mail on Monday.

    Mamta: Sending it to you! :)

    Shanu: i agree so much. We are not the person we were 5 years back. As we grow our relationships need to grow too.

    Scotty: Hooray for Royal mail :)

  78. Prabodh: i don't think there is anything like worst answer and best answer! What matters is what you think.

    rm: Will write that sometime--don't want to sound preachy!

    Shalini: Same here! I too would describe satish as my best friend.same pinch :-)

    Anu: doesn't all that you mention stem out of love? When you love someome so much, isnt it natural to express what you feel?

    Renu: Please do not apologise.There is no rationing of comment space! What you have described is indeed wonderful. Blessed you are. Touch wood.And its great that you understood his way of expressing love. (and love is not just chocolates and flowers)

    Amrita: Card mailed :) On its way. Touchwood for both of u having found each other.And really great that distance has not affected it.(touch wood again)

  79. well..tht doggy is chhooo chweet...

  80. Shantharam: I too really liked that doggie :) Glad at least someone noticed :)

  81. Very nice one. Especially I liked the background of your blog. Super. And I have updated my blog after long time. Please check it out.

  82. Cute!The apology :D
    But you know, I've discovered another reason why this is so much fun. We click on the blog links that you post and lo! we've been introduced to new people. So we're using your card-making-and-gifting as an excuse for relationship building :D

  83. Hi Preeti, I was a silent delurker at ur blog n u actually came over to mine n gave ur sweet comments. Really sweet of u.. so i'm going ahead and leaving a comment too ( i was scared to leave 1 the 1st time)

    Coming back to ur question: If you’re married or in a relationship, what are the things you cherish most in your partner?
    I and PC are together for the last 9 years and married for 4. The things i most cherish abt our relationship is our mutual respect. and how our different natures have balanced each other as the years went by. Its how he instinctively knows when i'm down or when i'm looking for support .. it is the silent language that makes my marriage so precious. I'm not too good with words :) I hope i could convey what i wanted to say. Those are lovely cards.. n the gesture is lovelier. :) whoever gets it will be really happy.

  84. i got so busy wid wrk..i cud not post on time...:(((.....anyways..waitin for the next ques.,..:))

  85. Hi Preeti,

    I bet it is never too late to comment / reply to you on your post.

    I am been staying in New York from last 2 years... and in those two years i was party and spending all the time with my friends... the great thing about my group is we are 7 member group(3 couple & me) till six months back it was (10, 4 couple, my friend and me)

    back in India i do have many close girl friend... and that become a topic of discussion every week when we meet up, I am mostly cornered by my friends... :-0... why aren’t you doing ahead with the relation and so on....

    IF you ask me, i would like to have a life partner... who is there to fight / who is there smile / who is there for a hearty laugh / who is there in each endless discussion / who would care for all small things...

    i can wait more time... just to meet her ... :-0

    p.s. The reason i choose "who is their to fight" first is, i assume those couple make a best pair... as they tend to be more natural rather then living for other...


  86. Really enjoyed reading this...u must put this up in ur 'Read this' section:-))


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