When a man loves a woman

Satish and I are both movie buffs, though our tastes in the department of what constitutes a good movie might vastly vary. Therefore it was a pleasant change when both of us were glued to our seats the other day while watching a movie, fixed like pinions as the film transported us smoothly from one scene to the other and within the first four minutes, we realised that the female protagonist was exactly like me and the male was exactly like him—heck, even the lines they spoke and the way she sits in his lap and the slightly crazy things she does, balanced by his very grounded-to-earth attitude was almost the exact depiction of us as a couple, and we were hooked from the word go and so we went. We laughed, we cried ,we rejoiced ,giggled, chuckled, felt enraged, nodded in agreement (I with the woman and he with the man) and laughed some more as we watched in delight and shocked surprise, the very lines we say to each other being uttered by Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan. (I never knew we were in such esteemed company or perhaps the script writers did a darn good job of reel imitating real)

Later (after the accusations and justifications had died down along with the charged up adrenalin) he and I discussed what makes a good marriage and what makes many marriages break down. Each marriage is as different and unique as the two people who are in it, and the dynamics of the relationship can be understood by the two alone. A third person is no one to sit in judgement (with due apologies to marriage counsellors) but the more I observe and more I think about it, I am convinced that there are indeed certain basic things that help keep a marriage fun, happening and something to look forward to. I actually wanted to write about what are the things that help a relationship but I think I shall save that for another post.

Satish happens to be at senior level management and in his previous organisation (whose name is a very coveted thing to have on your CV ) he had a huge fan following of twenty something B-school graduates who were taken in as management trainees, all wanting to do a stint under him during their training period. Unlike many people at his level, he is friendly, has no airs, is very jovial and witty as well. He would really take interest in his mentees and there was a long list of people who wanted to train under him. With many of them, he had(and still has) a personal rapport and they would often come home for dinner or lunch and mingle easily with our family and we all had a great time. Almost all of them would say that they hoped to have a family like ours someday and hoped to have as great a marriage. To them we seemed like the perfect couple and the perfect family. (Touch wood)

But I do feel that what many do not see is the amount of work that goes into creating family bonds and a loving relationship with your spouse. It is indeed one of the most fulfilling relationships one can have, provided it works out well.

I think the basic thing that has to exist no matter how long you have been married (and we have been married 14 years now)or been in a relationship is deep, unconditional, absolute love for the other person. You have to just love their quirks, the oddities, the unique (and sometimes annoying) habits that make them them. You have to love their laugh, their smile, their way of speaking or whatever it was that made you fall in love with them in the first place. If this is there, I think everything else will fall in place.

At an office party in Satish’s previous organisation (he handled a large brigade of twenty somethings—so you can imagine how the atmosphere was) which was being organised on a grand scale with a compère, a professional DJ, pulsating foot tapping music , disco-lights ,(you get the drift) the Master of ceremonies picked a very Pretty young thing (PYT) from the audience and asked her to name who she thinks the most attractive man in the organisation is. All the eligible, single guys in the room sat up a bit straighter when they heard that. The PYT blushed and flushed and said she could not possibly name him. Everyone insisted. They all wanted to know. Then finally, being in the spotlight and with a mike thrust in her hand (and therefore no escape) she confessed—and you guessed it—she named Satish! (I was blissfully unaware at that time as it was a party for only the employees). Satish was taken aback (he says and his loyal band of followers support this) and he did not know what to say. (I can just picture his reaction). After the ooh-ing and aaah-ing had died down, the compère had to ask her “If there was one thing that you could change about him, what it would be?”

Everyone was all ears and waited with bated breath to hear what she would say.

“The fact that he was married,” she smiled and answered as collective gasps filled the air.

Needless to say, that evening as he came back and narrated this incident to me, I couldn’t help feeling like the luckiest woman on Earth. :-)

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Now, the Monday question for you (see this post if you are new and/or do not know what this is all about ):

If you’re single and ready to mingle, what according to you are the things that you will look for in your future partner, which you think are essential to make the relationship last till death do you part?

If you’re married or in a relationship, what are the things you cherish most in your partner?

I have made three pop-up cards this time. (I am quite pleased with my efforts. See picture above, click to enlarge) I shall pick three responses that appealed most to me and update this post on Thursday (not Friday) at 10.00 a.m my time (2.30 pm IST) and will be mailing them the cards.

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Update as promised:

Choosing which three comments will get the cards is the toughest thing in the world! Each time I choose I feel lousy because it feels like I am judging the emotional content of each comment and that is truly something that cannot be judged. So I just pick three that stuck in my mind for whatever reasons.

This time I did not want to do it. I was very moved by almost all comments.

So I solved the problem by asking Satish to pick three. :-) (Clever me) He is not familiar with any of you, and does not know anything about you all at all. (Unlike me--I make it a point to know each one who comments here) He spent more than an hour yesterday evening reading all the comments, after coming back from work. (Poor guy! And he hates looking at the computer after he gets home as he has been working on it the whole day.) Anyway, these are the three that he picked. (In no particular order. Click on their names to be taken to their blogs) { and if you want explanations as to why he picked these three you will have to ask him :-) }

Shades of Grey

Mamta

Piggy Little

Please send me your postal addresses so that I can send you the cards.

From my last posts, Scotty and Deepti wrote to me saying the cards that I mailed reached both of them. (hooray). The others whose names I mentioned in my previous posts--your cards are on the way. Please let me know when you get them.

For all the others to whom I am not able to send a card, I am soooooooo

I really wish I could!