Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Learn to say a firm NO



How many times have you heard the words  'It's nothing personal,' and then the person has gone on to be very personal?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't mind but...' and then the person has told you something that really upset you?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't get emotional...' and then the person goes on to attack you (for whatever reasons) verbally?

It happens to me many a time. I think it mostly happens to the 'nice people' (or so I like to believe). Chances are if you are helpful by nature, kind and sensitive, you get pushed around a lot.

If you allow people to pick on you, they will. The trick here is to be assertive, not aggressive. (and sometimes aggressive too if the situation demands) and yet keep your cool. I learnt how to do this only over the years, after dealing with a huge variety of people. The selfishness of some people and the complete two-faced nature, still shocks me. I have now politely learnt to say a no, whenever someone makes an unreasonable request. I have discovered that it is often the easiest and fastest way, to save yourself from a situation where you feel used.

Practise saying NO.

Most of us hesitate to say a no as there is an inherent need to be liked. We fear that by saying a no, we might be displeasing the other person. Most of us are conditioned to put others first and oblige and please others, in the name of being 'unselfish'. This is true especially if you are an Indian mother.

By learning to say no, you are not only creating more TIME in your life, but you are also easing yourself of situations that are going to cause you stress. By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you. And do not worry about being disliked or unpopular. The ones who do not like you, will not suddenly change their minds and start liking you, just because you said a yes to their request. And the ones who like you will understand anyways.

When you say a no, be firm. Do not be apologetic, in your tone. Just say 'Sorry, I cannot do that. I have other commitments.'

After I have become a published author (and because I do interact a lot with my readers) I get unreasonable requests all the time. Initially they used to hassle me, but now I have learnt to manage them and stay calm. Wherever I can, I help and if I can't I just say a polite no.

It has made my life easier.
A small word, NO, but it can make big changes to your life.

Try it.
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photo credit: teresatrimm via photopin cc

 
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21 comments:

  1. I liked what you wrote. Ir is very difficult saying a simple sounding "no". Many a times, I have found myself saying a yes when I did not want to. I can be firm with people who are not too close to me, but the ones who are close to me... well that is a bit tricky.

    I hope I learn to do it tactfully.

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  2. yes learning to say no, learning to differ is necessary, but i feel learning when to say so and when not so, is also equally important.

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  3. Lovely post :)!

    What I am dealing with right now: when a friend is going through a tough time, they call me like crazy...need my input for every little happening....bad news are easy to share. The moment things change and something good happens, I am out of the loop. Superstitions suddenly set in and good news becomes personal/private. Indian folks (atleast the ones here) all have this mentality and I find it difficult to tolerate.

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  4. I have been practicing this for sometime now it does help

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  5. I liked it when you said "By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you"

    Saying a NO is really difficult but it's good to learn to say a NO politely. Nice post!:)

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  7. Very true!! many a times i have made mistakes by not saying no to save myself from being called selfish. But hello! from whom? those who don't even think once before making unreasonable demands. Nice post, Preeti :-)

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  8. We should not hesitate and refuse politely if we can't accede to someone's requests.

    Nicely said!


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  9. Saying NO is really a difficult task.
    Thanks for this worthy post!

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  10. Nice post:-) something that all the nice people in the world need to learn! So true!

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  11. I think successful people like you face more situations like these. Just because you interact openly, some might feel that they can bombard you with requests. And then keep badgering you about replying.

    I see so many examples on the various online platforms with other writers too. People being so rude.

    I really wonder how you guys manage to handle it and not lose your cool.

    Shankari

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  12. Even I want to try to say NO.... :)

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  13. Here is how to do it
    http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/say-politely-093556224.html

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  14. That's a tough word to say for a hundred reasons. Gosh I need to practice this.

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  15. WOW!! very well said..It happens to me everytime when I m "forced" to do things I just don't have an inclination for..Later I wonder why I did it and wasted time when I could hae utilized those precious moments reading a gud book or writing a post.. But its difficult to say a NO when the person concerned is your in-laws and in-laws side relatives..because if u say so then there is the fear of being branded as a "bad bahu"!! especially when you are married jus 1 n half years..Waiting for my time when I could just put my foot down and be busy with the stuff I WANT TO DO..

    http://shilpikarnani.blogspot.in/

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  16. Perfect, I completely agree to it especially the "Indian Mother" part.

    I used to think a lot previously and accept everything, but now I have learnt that I am harming myself by strecthing more. To say NO is our right. and there is nothing wrong in it.

    Looking forwward to Friday..!!!

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  17. A NO is much powerful than a yes

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  18. Truly, it feels awkard to say a no. But a yes can hit back hard too. I think it depends on requests, if we can help someone with the points that it is not going do us any harm and it is not going to waste any time of us, then we should try.

    P.S : the request must be easy too.

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  19. Good One! I guess that's the price one have to pay for being nice and naive :)

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  20. Happen's wid me many a tym..people ask for help wich dy cn do thmslv nd i help! bt i'm learnin to say no!

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