Skip to main content

Learn to say a firm NO



How many times have you heard the words  'It's nothing personal,' and then the person has gone on to be very personal?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't mind but...' and then the person has told you something that really upset you?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't get emotional...' and then the person goes on to attack you (for whatever reasons) verbally?

It happens to me many a time. I think it mostly happens to the 'nice people' (or so I like to believe). Chances are if you are helpful by nature, kind and sensitive, you get pushed around a lot.

If you allow people to pick on you, they will. The trick here is to be assertive, not aggressive. (and sometimes aggressive too if the situation demands) and yet keep your cool. I learnt how to do this only over the years, after dealing with a huge variety of people. The selfishness of some people and the complete two-faced nature, still shocks me. I have now politely learnt to say a no, whenever someone makes an unreasonable request. I have discovered that it is often the easiest and fastest way, to save yourself from a situation where you feel used.

Practise saying NO.

Most of us hesitate to say a no as there is an inherent need to be liked. We fear that by saying a no, we might be displeasing the other person. Most of us are conditioned to put others first and oblige and please others, in the name of being 'unselfish'. This is true especially if you are an Indian mother.

By learning to say no, you are not only creating more TIME in your life, but you are also easing yourself of situations that are going to cause you stress. By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you. And do not worry about being disliked or unpopular. The ones who do not like you, will not suddenly change their minds and start liking you, just because you said a yes to their request. And the ones who like you will understand anyways.

When you say a no, be firm. Do not be apologetic, in your tone. Just say 'Sorry, I cannot do that. I have other commitments.'

After I have become a published author (and because I do interact a lot with my readers) I get unreasonable requests all the time. Initially they used to hassle me, but now I have learnt to manage them and stay calm. Wherever I can, I help and if I can't I just say a polite no.

It has made my life easier.
A small word, NO, but it can make big changes to your life.

Try it.
__________________________________________________________________
photo credit: teresatrimm via photopin cc

 
If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
 And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)


Comments

  1. I liked what you wrote. Ir is very difficult saying a simple sounding "no". Many a times, I have found myself saying a yes when I did not want to. I can be firm with people who are not too close to me, but the ones who are close to me... well that is a bit tricky.

    I hope I learn to do it tactfully.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yes learning to say no, learning to differ is necessary, but i feel learning when to say so and when not so, is also equally important.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lovely post :)!

    What I am dealing with right now: when a friend is going through a tough time, they call me like crazy...need my input for every little happening....bad news are easy to share. The moment things change and something good happens, I am out of the loop. Superstitions suddenly set in and good news becomes personal/private. Indian folks (atleast the ones here) all have this mentality and I find it difficult to tolerate.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have been practicing this for sometime now it does help

    ReplyDelete
  5. I liked it when you said "By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you"

    Saying a NO is really difficult but it's good to learn to say a NO politely. Nice post!:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very true!! many a times i have made mistakes by not saying no to save myself from being called selfish. But hello! from whom? those who don't even think once before making unreasonable demands. Nice post, Preeti :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. We should not hesitate and refuse politely if we can't accede to someone's requests.

    Nicely said!


    ReplyDelete
  9. Saying NO is really a difficult task.
    Thanks for this worthy post!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice post:-) something that all the nice people in the world need to learn! So true!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think successful people like you face more situations like these. Just because you interact openly, some might feel that they can bombard you with requests. And then keep badgering you about replying.

    I see so many examples on the various online platforms with other writers too. People being so rude.

    I really wonder how you guys manage to handle it and not lose your cool.

    Shankari

    ReplyDelete
  12. Even I want to try to say NO.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Here is how to do it
    http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/say-politely-093556224.html

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's a tough word to say for a hundred reasons. Gosh I need to practice this.

    ReplyDelete
  15. WOW!! very well said..It happens to me everytime when I m "forced" to do things I just don't have an inclination for..Later I wonder why I did it and wasted time when I could hae utilized those precious moments reading a gud book or writing a post.. But its difficult to say a NO when the person concerned is your in-laws and in-laws side relatives..because if u say so then there is the fear of being branded as a "bad bahu"!! especially when you are married jus 1 n half years..Waiting for my time when I could just put my foot down and be busy with the stuff I WANT TO DO..

    http://shilpikarnani.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  16. Perfect, I completely agree to it especially the "Indian Mother" part.

    I used to think a lot previously and accept everything, but now I have learnt that I am harming myself by strecthing more. To say NO is our right. and there is nothing wrong in it.

    Looking forwward to Friday..!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. A NO is much powerful than a yes

    ReplyDelete
  18. Truly, it feels awkard to say a no. But a yes can hit back hard too. I think it depends on requests, if we can help someone with the points that it is not going do us any harm and it is not going to waste any time of us, then we should try.

    P.S : the request must be easy too.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Good One! I guess that's the price one have to pay for being nice and naive :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Happen's wid me many a tym..people ask for help wich dy cn do thmslv nd i help! bt i'm learnin to say no!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)

Popular posts from this blog

Preeti Shenoy--New novel releasing soon!

Preeti Shenoy--Cover releaseCountdown
There's some exciting news for you :) My new novel is releasing in November. The pre-order link will be up on October 7th.

The cover  (and the title) will be unveiled for the very first time in Birmingham UK.
I am a keynote speaker at the Birmingham Literature Festival.



Desi Blitzwhich is Britain's  award winning, leading  Asian web-magazine, has been co-ordinating the whole event, and have been corresponding with me over the last many months to make this happen.




I am very very excited about it. I will be travelling to UK in October. I used to live in UK, andone of my novels features Norwich, the place where I used to live.
(Yes, I will be travelling to Norwich too, later, after the cover release).

You can watch the unveiling of the cover --LIVE by following myFacebook author page. (Hover over 'like' and enable 'see first' to not miss any notification)
You can also follow the page as there will be a lot of fun stuff happenin…

Greetings from Cherrapunji --A heart shaped rock and other true stories (post 28)

We began our day with a trek down the mountains, through the pine forests. We didn't have a guide. Satish and I decided to explore the path on our own. It was slippery in many places, and we had to be certain of our footing, else we would have tumbled down. Tall coniferous trees formed dense canopies, through which sunlight couldn't trickle down. Ferns, spider-webs, mushrooms and pine-cones dotted the path. It was dark, damp, green and oh so pure. We walked down slowly, and a magnificent sight greeted us. I am sharing a picture I clicked.


We climbed back, contented happy souls. We found a vantage point from where we had a view of this very lake that we had trekked down to. I stood there and made a painting.


After breakfast, we left forCherrapunjee.

Just before we reached Cherrapunjee, we took a diversion went to The Garden of Caves in Laitmawsiang. The sight is mesmerising, stunning, fascinating. It is a must-do if you ever visit North-East. The main attraction is the natural…

Meghalya --kissed by the clouds (post 26)

Greetings from Meghalaya. True to it's name, it is a place kissed by the clouds. As I type this, from my picture window, the rain falls gently outside making a pitter-patter sound. It feels like I am living inside a poem.

We drove from Shillong to Mawlynnong, which has earned the moniker of Asia's cleanest village. The drive itself was arduous, as the mountain roads are terrible. Since I ave been so many times to the Western ghats in South India, this just seemed like a poor cousin in comparison. The roads in South India are much much better. After a bone-rattling torturous car ride, we arrived tired and hungry. We ate at a small restaurant (sticky rice, watery dal and some kind of delicious chutney made of onion, tomato and green chillies loosely pounded). Then we began our walk to see the living root bridges.

That was AMAZING. It is a sight worth seeing. I felt the forests in Avatar movie had come alive from the sets and had been resurrected here. I couldn't help marve…