Skip to main content

Learn to say a firm NO



How many times have you heard the words  'It's nothing personal,' and then the person has gone on to be very personal?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't mind but...' and then the person has told you something that really upset you?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't get emotional...' and then the person goes on to attack you (for whatever reasons) verbally?

It happens to me many a time. I think it mostly happens to the 'nice people' (or so I like to believe). Chances are if you are helpful by nature, kind and sensitive, you get pushed around a lot.

If you allow people to pick on you, they will. The trick here is to be assertive, not aggressive. (and sometimes aggressive too if the situation demands) and yet keep your cool. I learnt how to do this only over the years, after dealing with a huge variety of people. The selfishness of some people and the complete two-faced nature, still shocks me. I have now politely learnt to say a no, whenever someone makes an unreasonable request. I have discovered that it is often the easiest and fastest way, to save yourself from a situation where you feel used.

Practise saying NO.

Most of us hesitate to say a no as there is an inherent need to be liked. We fear that by saying a no, we might be displeasing the other person. Most of us are conditioned to put others first and oblige and please others, in the name of being 'unselfish'. This is true especially if you are an Indian mother.

By learning to say no, you are not only creating more TIME in your life, but you are also easing yourself of situations that are going to cause you stress. By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you. And do not worry about being disliked or unpopular. The ones who do not like you, will not suddenly change their minds and start liking you, just because you said a yes to their request. And the ones who like you will understand anyways.

When you say a no, be firm. Do not be apologetic, in your tone. Just say 'Sorry, I cannot do that. I have other commitments.'

After I have become a published author (and because I do interact a lot with my readers) I get unreasonable requests all the time. Initially they used to hassle me, but now I have learnt to manage them and stay calm. Wherever I can, I help and if I can't I just say a polite no.

It has made my life easier.
A small word, NO, but it can make big changes to your life.

Try it.
__________________________________________________________________
photo credit: teresatrimm via photopin cc

 
If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
 And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)


Comments

  1. I liked what you wrote. Ir is very difficult saying a simple sounding "no". Many a times, I have found myself saying a yes when I did not want to. I can be firm with people who are not too close to me, but the ones who are close to me... well that is a bit tricky.

    I hope I learn to do it tactfully.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yes learning to say no, learning to differ is necessary, but i feel learning when to say so and when not so, is also equally important.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lovely post :)!

    What I am dealing with right now: when a friend is going through a tough time, they call me like crazy...need my input for every little happening....bad news are easy to share. The moment things change and something good happens, I am out of the loop. Superstitions suddenly set in and good news becomes personal/private. Indian folks (atleast the ones here) all have this mentality and I find it difficult to tolerate.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have been practicing this for sometime now it does help

    ReplyDelete
  5. I liked it when you said "By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you"

    Saying a NO is really difficult but it's good to learn to say a NO politely. Nice post!:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very true!! many a times i have made mistakes by not saying no to save myself from being called selfish. But hello! from whom? those who don't even think once before making unreasonable demands. Nice post, Preeti :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. We should not hesitate and refuse politely if we can't accede to someone's requests.

    Nicely said!


    ReplyDelete
  9. Saying NO is really a difficult task.
    Thanks for this worthy post!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice post:-) something that all the nice people in the world need to learn! So true!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4:52 AM

    I think successful people like you face more situations like these. Just because you interact openly, some might feel that they can bombard you with requests. And then keep badgering you about replying.

    I see so many examples on the various online platforms with other writers too. People being so rude.

    I really wonder how you guys manage to handle it and not lose your cool.

    Shankari

    ReplyDelete
  12. Even I want to try to say NO.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Here is how to do it
    http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/say-politely-093556224.html

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's a tough word to say for a hundred reasons. Gosh I need to practice this.

    ReplyDelete
  15. WOW!! very well said..It happens to me everytime when I m "forced" to do things I just don't have an inclination for..Later I wonder why I did it and wasted time when I could hae utilized those precious moments reading a gud book or writing a post.. But its difficult to say a NO when the person concerned is your in-laws and in-laws side relatives..because if u say so then there is the fear of being branded as a "bad bahu"!! especially when you are married jus 1 n half years..Waiting for my time when I could just put my foot down and be busy with the stuff I WANT TO DO..

    http://shilpikarnani.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  16. Perfect, I completely agree to it especially the "Indian Mother" part.

    I used to think a lot previously and accept everything, but now I have learnt that I am harming myself by strecthing more. To say NO is our right. and there is nothing wrong in it.

    Looking forwward to Friday..!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous2:40 PM

    A NO is much powerful than a yes

    ReplyDelete
  18. Truly, it feels awkard to say a no. But a yes can hit back hard too. I think it depends on requests, if we can help someone with the points that it is not going do us any harm and it is not going to waste any time of us, then we should try.

    P.S : the request must be easy too.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous6:41 AM

    Good One! I guess that's the price one have to pay for being nice and naive :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Happen's wid me many a tym..people ask for help wich dy cn do thmslv nd i help! bt i'm learnin to say no!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)


Popular posts from this blog

My TOP TEN books for 2018

I have read 35 books this year. If you are looking to read MORE  in the new year, I have also written a post on it : 5 easy ways to read more and transform your life.

Since the end of the year is a good time to make a list, I thought I would share my TOP reads for this year. (It would be difficult to list all 35 I read, and also I didn't enjoy all)

So here are my top  ten in no particular order. (It was very very very hard to pick just ten).
I am not writing what these books here about as you can easily look them up online,  and read what they are about. Some are non-fiction in this list. They might have been published many years back--but it is just that I read them this year.

1. Nightingale --Kristin Hannah.






2. Childhood friend --Vaikom Muhammed Basheer



3.The Last Email --Mridula Garg





 4. Little Fires Everywhere --Celeste Ng








5. Bad Blood --John Carryrou.

6. Knight of seven Kingdoms: GRR Martin


7. The Little Prince:  Antoine de saint exupĂ©ry 

8.Text Don't Call: By INF Joe (a b…

On keeping diaries and journals.

In my book A Hundred Little Flames Gopal Shanker keeps a diary. I have based him on my own grandfather who used to keep diaries.

I too have kept journals and diaries ever since I was a child. This year, I am happy that I managed to write a page, every single day. In addition to my personal diary, I also kept an illustrated journal this year. I found it was great fun. I am sharing three pages from my illusrated journal, to give you an idea of what my journal is like.





You can see the date stamp on the top right corner of each page, and you can see how I have drawn something from my day. Often there is nothing dramatic in my day. They are just ordinary days. But what I like is to find something 'worthy' from that day, and draw it in the journal.
I follow just one rule for my journal--no recording negativity of any kind. I focus only on the positives.

In my personal diary, I write my thoughts--my goals, what I have to do in the future, and generally I record whatever happened tha…

This is how I welcome the new year

Happy happy happy new year folks!!! As I type this, I can hear loud party noises and fire crackers all around.
I dislike parties. I prefer being in a quiet atmosphere with my loved ones, doing something meaningful together.
We always light the lamp at midnight. It's a family tradition. You can see the lamp in the first picture, and my altar, illuminated by the brightness of the lamp in the second.

We thank the universe for ALL the blessings bestowed upon us.
And we welcome the new year with prayers and gratitude.


With this I come to the end of my blog marathon. 31 days, and I have given you all 31 posts!
Leave me comments. I love to hear from you.

 Happy New Year once again. May all your dreams come true.