How many times have you heard the words 'It's nothing personal,' and then the person has gone on to be very personal?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't mind but...' and then the person has told you something that really upset you?
How many times have you heard the words 'Don't get emotional...' and then the person goes on to attack you (for whatever reasons) verbally?
It happens to me many a time. I think it mostly happens to the 'nice people' (or so I like to believe). Chances are if you are helpful by nature, kind and sensitive, you get pushed around a lot.
If you allow people to pick on you, they will. The trick here is to be assertive, not aggressive. (and sometimes aggressive too if the situation demands) and yet keep your cool. I learnt how to do this only over the years, after dealing with a huge variety of people. The selfishness of some people and the complete two-faced nature, still shocks me. I have now politely learnt to say a no, whenever someone makes an unreasonable request. I have discovered that it is often the easiest and fastest way, to save yourself from a situation where you feel used.
Practise saying NO.
Most of us hesitate to say a no as there is an inherent need to be liked. We fear that by saying a no, we might be displeasing the other person. Most of us are conditioned to put others first and oblige and please others, in the name of being 'unselfish'. This is true especially if you are an Indian mother.
By learning to say no, you are not only creating more TIME in your life, but you are also easing yourself of situations that are going to cause you stress. By saying a no to things you really do not want to do, you are saying yes to the 'positive' things that life has to offer you. And do not worry about being disliked or unpopular. The ones who do not like you, will not suddenly change their minds and start liking you, just because you said a yes to their request. And the ones who like you will understand anyways.
When you say a no, be firm. Do not be apologetic, in your tone. Just say 'Sorry, I cannot do that. I have other commitments.'
After I have become a published author (and because I do interact a lot with my readers) I get unreasonable requests all the time. Initially they used to hassle me, but now I have learnt to manage them and stay calm. Wherever I can, I help and if I can't I just say a polite no.
It has made my life easier.
A small word, NO, but it can make big changes to your life.
photo credit: teresatrimm via photopin cc
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