Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Will you make a good parent?

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Many mothers (and a few fathers too) wrote to me after my last post (which got an overwhelming response) asking me to write more posts on parenting. So this is a post for all who asked and all who never asked but always wanted to know. :-)

Parenting is a tricky business. More so, as there are really no rules, no guides, no absolutes in terms of right and wrong. Most of us seem to use what our parents did with us, as a ‘good guide’. “Our parents did this—and we turned out okay—so how can it be that wrong?” This seems to the Mantra many follow. But the thing is times are different. The exposure that the children these days have is humongous compared to what we grew up with. Our parents didn’t have to face the Media and Internet invasion like we and our children do. So we need to balance ‘old fashioned diktats’ and adapt them to suit modern needs. (If you are a parent reading this and you do not have a Facebook or Orkut id, please open one quickly! At least you’ll know what it is all about when your child starts to use it—and these days they start as young as 10 even though FB allows only those 14 and over. )

They say Life is the best teacher. Having worked with schools for many years I got a lot of opportunity to observe children closely and also the privilege of discussing a lot of issues with their parents. Writing for 'Times of India' and other publications, gave me plenty of opportunity to interact with so many different kinds of people. Whenever I would come across a well rounded, balanced, smart young person, I would invariably either ask them what their parents did while raising them or speak to their parents directly. I made mental notes as to what these people did right and tried to incorporate that into my style of parenting.

I always look up to older women who have done a remarkable job in bringing up their children and I mostly take advice and tips from them. I have been fortunate to have a few women who are at least 10 years older than me, as my very good friends. When I see their children (who are now in their twenties and are young adults themselves) I hope that mine will turn out as well as theirs. One such remarkable woman is my cousin (and good friend) Gayathri who is a single mum and her daughter graduated recently. This post of hers illustrates so well what good parenting is all about.

There are so many aspects to ‘good parenting’ that I need to write a book to contain it all. (A project that I am seriously considering) A single post won’t do.

But for now, let me share with you an incident which happened to my son’s friend (let me call him Ryan as I don’t want to give away his identity)—and I think most of us can relate to this one.

Ryan is a ten year old who plays with my son and his group of friends who are all in the age group of 10-14. Ryan’s mother is very strict with an authoritarian style of parenting. Her children do not dare disobey her as they are severely punished. (I have no idea what the ‘severe punishments’ involve but I know that the children are petrified of consequences if they disobey). Ryan’s mother, one evening, decided that the weather was a bit cold and she insisted that Ryan wear a sweater and a monkey cap (a woollen cap designed to cover ears. Click on word for image) and only then would he be allowed to play football. The mother was acting in best interests as Ryan had a slight cold and the mother was scared that he would get a sore throat and fall ill which has happened on several occasions in the past. Poor Ryan tried protesting but his mother would not hear of it. She was firm and he did not dare disobey. When he reached the park, he was the laughing stock of all the boys. (And you know how boys can be at that age) They all said he was un-cool and refused to play with him. My son felt sorry for Ryan. He took him aside and told him to remove the cap and sweater and to wear it just before he went home.

Ryan refused. He said “I can not disobey my mother. If she comes to know that will be the end of me.”

My son said “How will she come to know? She is not going to come here to the park and look.”

But Ryan’s fear as so great that he was not convinced. My son is quite popular in his gang of boys and he felt sorry for Ryan. So he convinced the others to let Ryan play with them, despite the sweater and the cap. Since my son advocated strongly for Ryan they agreed.

At the end of the football match, Ryan’s head was covered with sweat. He was profusely sweating all over and yet refused to take his sweater or cap off. My son later told me “Ma—he was stinking because of the sweat. Nobody would go near him. I am sure they wont let him play next time. Why does his mother do that?”

I had no answers.

But I sure know that this is something I’d never do. I don’t think any of my older women friends would have ever done anything like this to their children. (I am not claiming that everything I do is perfect. Nor am I saying that what the mother did was wrong. Something else that I am doing must be seeming so wrong in eyes of others. That's why I say there are no absolute rights or wrongs when it comes to parenting)

I know for a fact that ostracization and peer pressure can be a deadly combination. A child that age has enough pressures as it is. They don’t need parents adding to it.

So if you really love your children, allow them to make mistakes. Trust their judgement. They will learn. More importantly when their own experience teaches them something they will remember the lesson better.

58 comments:

  1. That was such a sad incident.. You are so right, as parents, we need to allow our children to make mistakes..
    'More importantly when their own experience teaches them something they will remember the lesson better.'

    I guess, sometimes, our interference does more harm than good.. Loved this post!

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  2. Good one. There's a lesson we could all learn, now, isn't it?

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  3. Parenting isnt an easy business. Yes, the tricks our parents used wit us..wont work with our children..times have changed.

    But then agn..there is something we take away from our parents..sumthing that we admire abt them n aspire to be to our children.sumthing we learn n never forget.

    I’m sure as humans all parents have done the right things n then some wrong things. They probably realized some of these things were wrong n prolly never realized some other mistakes. N that I think will be true of any parent.

    Reading, talking to friends all of that will def help with being a good parent.But there surely cant be one right forumla that will work with all kids.

    But its wrong to sit in judgement of a parent over one incident. One never knows wat caused the parent to force their child into sumthing. A past incident cld have been the reason the mother forced. We will never know.
    Like when we grew up to realize that tooth fairies are not for real, I remem us asking mom “why those kids’ parents were so mean n didn’t pretend to be tooth fairies?” Fortunately my mom’s response convinced me to NEVER call a parent mean or sit in judgement of any parent just ‘coz they didn’t do sumthing that we thot should be done or sumthing that our parents did for us. She explained to us that circumstances are different n wat mabbe “right” for me may not be so for another child.There are a few obvious rights n wrongs. But a parent cant do the right thing ALWAYS. Doing the wrong thing doesn’t mean that they can be used to set an example of what not to do.

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  4. Pavi: I never said the mother was mean or wrong. I said it is something I would never do.If you read my post carefully you'll notice that I never sat in judgement but I sure can make my choices and express what I'd do and not do . And didn't I mention in the start of the post that there is a no 'rights or wrongs' or 'absolutes'? The Montessori method of education strictly advocates that children should NOT be read fantasy or fairy tales as they need to be 'grounded' in reality. Many experts do not agree with this view.So its really upto the parents to make a choice as to what works and does not work with the kids.

    Bhavya: I guess so.

    Wordsndreamz: thank you!

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  5. Thank you so much Preeti,for writing this post and am looking f/w to reading more of the kind..I've been grabbing as many books reg. parenting as possible from the library recently. I was a little skeptical towards raising the kid based on whats written in a book, but at times u dont know whom to turn to for advice. If I ask my parents they are too biased towards their grand kid and again times are different, i feel.(All of my friends have kids younger than my son).

    I myself was judging my own parenting style,when my son gave me a card which he himself made for this Mother's day..He had written inside it..'Thank you for letting me do whatever I want..'!!Do I need say it made my day?? We have our differences but at the end of the day am sure everything will work out fine..:)

    G.

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  6. Bang on Ma'm, Bang on!! This is what I tell my parents too! Allow me to make mistakes. I will be responsible for whatever happens, and I will remember it better :-)

    I think once the child knows the pros and cons of everything, he or she should be allowed to decide for himself or herself. That goes a long way as far as self esteem and self confidence is concerned, me thinks.

    After your last post, I had a similar thought. You MUST come up with a book. "Parenting for dummies " or "What to expect when you are done expecting" :D

    And a complimentary book can deal with fitness. I need that more than anyone else :D

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  7. Ryan's mother might have done in his best interest but it was a little too tough on that bloke... And speaking of "severe punishments" i guess it would not include beating the hell out of that kid like my mum used to do...but i used to one naughty kid...10 sec without some mischief and that was time wasted..my mum was always shouting at me!! but for me it was fun.. Playing cricket outside and all were "banned"..because my gran believed there were snakes somewhere in the backyard and if we stepped into the backyard she used be so panicked and would come shouting at us not to go..and we would make a dash to the other end ;)

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  8. sounds really sad...for 'ryan' but how easy it is to feel superior and think 'thank god i'm not that kind of mom, when we probably are 'that kind of mom' i another way!

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  9. hi didi
    so true of what u said abt learning from experience.my mom used to say,"bundled intelligence given doesn't last long,you have to learn yourself."But again experience is what you make out of what happens to you.
    Also am fortunate to have you as a frnd whom i will surely consult for advice in the distant future for parenting.i think u must write a book and spread your knowledge which you are really good at doing

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  10. Just loved the post Preethi.....everyday our children put us to the test for some reason or the other. A method which works with 1 child doesnt work with the other.....a punishment or treat used in a particular situation cannot be used in another.

    This reminds me of a famous example...all of us know tht millions of copies of Dr. Spock's Baby & child care books have been sold all over the world but few are aware tht his own grandson committed suicide.

    Sometimes there r cases where the parents themselves are confusing the child...coz 1 parent uses a particular style & the other may be more lenient

    No method is totally right or wrong but we try our best to teach our children moral values & to take responsibility for 1's actions.....basically try & get the basics in place:-)).....& then we kneel & pray...yeah well, I do tht a lot;-P.

    Long back u had written an article abt bringing up children...some 10 points if I'm not mistaken..maybe u shd put tht up once again. It had made a lot of sense to me when I read it.

    Once again..lovely post...sensitively written!!!!!

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  11. And oh forgot to add.....

    Calvin ROCKS;-D!!!!!!

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  12. Reflections: Oh yes--there are really no rights or wrongs. I agree so much about what works with one child not working with other. I had thought that Spock's methods were a bit cruel :P But to each their own!

    Krish:Thanks for the encouragement. I think your mom is perfectly right.

    Magicalsummer: I guess children (when they grow up to be adults) are the best judge of 'that kind of mom'. Everybody is only human (and it is only natural to feel content with what one thinks is doing 'right'!) and the limits our children push us to always reach new frontiers :) Ryan would be the best judge as to what kind of mom his mother is/was. Not me or you.

    Shantharam: At least you ran away to the other side and had fun!

    Stillness speaks: Thanks--but I think everyone will discover for themselves what will work for their kids! :) Fitness i still refer you to Shilpa Shetty :)

    Geetha: Even I don't turn to my mom for advice simply because things are different now. Thats why I really value what these older mothers have to say.

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  13. reflections: Calvin does rock! :) Actaully Bill Watterson does!

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  14. A good one PS. I too can imagine the effects of peer pressure on kids. It made me feel low when I was in that age group and I can never forget how it feels. The support and understanding of a parent is what gets a child by during this phase. I feel sorry for Ryan as well as his mom (who is so cut from the reality her son is in)

    Its a coincidence that I mentioned the 3 types of parents in my post today(Authoritarian, Autocratic and Laissez Faire)! I would love to say great minds think alike but who am I kidding? ;-)

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  15. @PS: The title of ur post reads “Are you a good parent” and then the way u narrated the story and by having no response for your son’s q about “How a mother can do that”..made me feel that you were implying that that mother did not make a good parent.(atleast wrt that incident)
    I’m just trying to say that there are prolly a few “bad” parents if at all,who do not love their children, who MAY NOT care for their children’s welfare. But most parents are trying to do the best that they can for their children. In the process they may do a few wrong things but that doesn’t imply that their answer to the Q of “Are u a good parent” is “No”. It doesn’t imply that they are a bad parent.
    Most parents are good n bad..they are doing their best for their child and (un)/learning in the process. I’m not sure there exists a PERFECT parent who does EVERYTHING right.
    N anyways what is the definition of a good parent?

    Yes , of course you have the right to express what you feel. I am just sharing my thots with you and getting ur perspective on them.

    I find this topic very compelling..’coz I’ve seen many a parent who are very unsure abt their parenting skills n worry about what others say about them AND then some parents who think they got it all right. I myself am very nervous about becoming a parent, but I know it ll happen someday…n so am expressing my thots on/in ur space.Hope the looooong comments arent too much of a pain!

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  16. pavi: No..I never implied it or even suggested it.I admire older women whose kids are role models for me. I try to emulate them. Titles are like a good copy--they are meant to be catchy.And I dont think there are 'PERFECT' parents simply because there are no perfect human beings. And no matter how many mistakes parents make (and they will make LOADS),their children always give them another chance!! Read the link I have given.(and pls dont worry so much--to your child you will always be a great mom!) :)

    Thoughtfultrain: Heading over to ur blog right now!! What a coincidence! :)

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  17. Nice post Preeti. Parenting is the most difficult and enjoyable job on earth - I found nothing prepares you for this. What's the thin line between "letting go" and not allowing a disaster to happen. Between discipline and freedom. Between wanting to be overprotective and letting the child experience it for herself, between a million such things. My learning has been to trust the child first and trust your instinct next. Won't get it right all the time, but what the hell, such is life ....

    Love your parenting posts. Can I join the dads corner and ask for more ?

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  18. //So if you really love your children, allow them to make mistakes. Trust their judgement. They will learn. More importantly when their own experience teaches them something they will remember the lesson better//

    Waah, what a write up. please do write a book about parenting , there are 1000 ,especially the indian ones who always struggle to keep up with the new age and traditional values need such insights. Your writing can help many childhoods and parenthoods :)

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  19. Not much experience in parenting, but the last 2 years have taught me that communication is the key. I am usually able to use reason with my 2 yr old to differentiate right from wrong and he gets it most of the time. If the kid was not so scared of the mom, he would have told her about what would happen on the field if goes in there with a monkey cap and then probably his mom would have seen HIS reason and let him be.

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  20. you are quite right about our kids having so much exposure in their lives...

    like you said they learn from their mistakes and its only fair to give them that right...

    have you read nineteen minutes by jodi picoult?

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  21. Parenting is tricky.And everyday is different. Your blogs has helped to realise and appreciate a childs warmth which sometimes we overlook in this busy world. I think your narration of parenting itself is a guide to remind us of our duty.

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  22. have earmarked it for future use :)

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  23. beautiful post !

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  24. nice post. Do write more posts on parenting! would help lotsa readers!

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  25. Last line was like the icing on the cake! I could relate to it very well.

    My parents have always allowed me to make mistakes and learn from it.

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  26. I totally agree with you Preeti when you say there are no rights and wrongs in parenting. Although i am not a parent myself, i have a lot of nieces and nephews and have seen them growing up, from the time they were born.

    It is very alarming in a sense to see how differently they think, and even though I’m just a 'bua' to them i sometimes have a motherly kind of feeling for them and shout or give advice. When i do that i say the exact same words my mother used to say to me when i was growing up, and i realize how right she was. Yes i used to feel bad at the time and so does my niece, but i know in time she will understand, just like me. :)

    One thing that i love about my father is that whenever we had a problem he never used to solve it at the first go. For example when i went to live in a hostel for my graduation i was having trouble changing my branch of specialization, as the professor responsible never took me seriously. My dad said "You try and solve the problem yourself first beta. If you can’t do it at all then come to me. You have to learn to be independent"
    From that day i learnt how to tackle a lot of problems myself and a huge part of what i am today is because of this one sentence that my dad said to me.

    So i feel we should let children explore, make mistakes, stumble, fall and learn. Of course there is a limit to this freedom we give them and we have to correct them if they are going way too wrong.

    Good one preeti. Have written a post for my dad here (http://amsko.wordpress.com/2009/05/15/happy-birthday-pappa/ ).

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  27. Nice post and as expected there will always be people who take offence. I like the way you handle dissent.

    I've been thinking on these lines too, that certain things in our parent's generation worked for them because we had not too many outside influences, I grew up without TV.

    This Google generation on the other hand... It's a tough ride and there are no rules.

    The only thing about emulation is that it's very hard to determine which kid is happy/well balanced/succesful based on external appearance.

    As you very well know, there are always those smart children who are two sided, pretend to be "good" infront of parents/parent's friends and indulge in "not so good" behavior behind their backs.

    One can never tell. And it's a really long road, the more rebellious kids who get labeled as "bad" kids can turn out to be happy and fulfilled too. And isn't that what every parent wants?

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  28. A very well touched topic.
    Every parent goes through the phase of thinking whats right and whats wrong. I myself get into that debate every now and then. And i always end up with the same conclusion - there are no rights and wrongs.
    i was totally confused when a friend asked me - What kind of mom are you trying to be - a strict one , a disciplined one or just very cool mom???
    Is there an answer to that ???

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  29. These parents who force things upon their kids.. unknowingly.. should be a little open minded at least, to listen to and consider other parents' suggestions. poor little kids grow up to be disturbed individuals after taking the pressure that they have not been designed to take. ('designed' is not the right word there but still..)

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  30. Ahh parenting sure is a very tricky business... We can never say this is right , this is the wrong way etc as we have to adapt to the changes as times go by....
    Humm i am hoping that i can be a good parent and want my children to hav a different lifestyle from waht i had, But god knows how things will turn out...I Think i might end up being the strict one and my hubby will spoil the kid rotten :)

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  31. Great post as always Preeti!!! Definitely looking forward to your book on Parenting (rules can be applied to one's nieces/nephews as well). And agree with Stillness Speaks - a "practical" book on fitness please :)

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  32. This was such a lovely post Preethi!! and yes! there are absolutely no absolutes...perfect, coming from a mother of 2, I understand the dilemna with which a mother tries to balance the lives of her kids to blend with the present and also not waver away from the value system.

    One will never know what a mother goes through, unless you are there...sometimes its best to let the children fall, and lift themselves up in pride rather than fall and the hear 'I told you so' That could kill their self confidence for a long time. I can go on and on....'cos right now i'm in the midst of parenting a difficult teenager and the younger brat who presumes he is to do the same as his brother....tough life!!! But I love it ...

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  33. I'm not a parent so I don't think I'll be in a position (atleast not right now!) to say anything that'll make sense, coz there definitely ain't any experience talking here.

    But I do believe that every parent has their own right or wrong way to bring up their kids. The only parent I've watched at closed quarters is my sister - in so many ways she's so different than my friends who are parents already, I may not u'stand sometimes but I've seen at the end of the day my sister loves her kids so much and everything that she does is only for their good. And interestingly, I noticed something even more beautiful (as this has at one point in time brought tears in my eyes), however the mother deals with her kids (be strict or over protective), at the end of the day the kids only need and crave for their mother's arms and they just feel better. No one, absolutely no one can replace that!

    I think it's all about balance and working towards growing along together with your kids. Come to think of it, this is exactly how my Maa has been with us (Believe me, even if there was a guide she wouldn't have been able to read it - so there! Parenting is so innate)

    Sorry for the long comment, but this post evokes so many emotions! And Calvin is so right with his question? :D

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  34. Excellent post Preeti. Whole-heartedly agree with you on this. Sadly, in most cases, by the time you think your father was probably right, you have a son who thinks you are wrong.
    On a lighter note, your parents mess you up like no one can :)
    You are very right about trusting children. And that children learn from their own mistakes only. This is true for full-grown wisened adults too :)

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  35. Can't see the pic in your post in office. Photobucket is blocked. Am guessing it's a really nice one from Calvin from the comments above :)

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  36. oops...can i blogroll u :) everytime i come here..the comment section is already full with my points :D :D :D

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  37. //So if you really love your children, allow them to make mistakes. Trust their judgement//
    just curious..interesting as they are to sound..do u really follow this as a parent?? because mine did it the other way round..i still remember my dad telling me..small small things like..not keeping your hand close to the connection point on the rod in the ceiling of the bus while travelling..for they might be loose and sting your hands..might sound silly..but every time when i travel by bus, in standing..while holding to the rod..that is the first thing which comes to my mind..maybe i loved to be pampered..but the point is there are parents who dont want their kids to do the mistakes which they did and however minute it maybe they want to protect them..its like giving them with a user manual full of their experiences from which the kid can benefit..i feel many a times its for the best unless u grow into believing tht u can find answer for all ur problems from ur parents lives :) hmmmm..will i be a gud parent?? :D

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  38. hey, Preethi! Agree AND disagree with you. To some extent we should let our kids make mistakes, I've let my daughter learn the hard way when she forgets to take something to school or her dance class. But I wouldn't compromise with their health. My daughter suffers from asthma and I don't care about peer pressure and ostracising, a healthy kid is more impt in this case...she would stay warmly covered if the weather was chilly or she had a cold.

    Besides, I wouldn't give in on something just to reduce peer pressure or prevent ostracising. What does that teach kids? To give in? It's okay for them to be differently dressed sometimes or have different values or priorities. Tough love is sometimes needed. Kids need to learn how to stand up to peers who mock them.

    Anyway, I love your blog...and stopped by to tell you you've been awarded the Lovely blog award...do stop by when you have time to collect it:)

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  39. You have to be real careful with kids...and the following joke is one such example. Gotta learn a lot after you stop laughing...

    My frnd and his wife had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard sobbing coming from six-year-old yash's room.

    Rushing to his side, my frnd found him crying hysterically.

    He had accidentally swallowed a 50 paisa coin and was sure he was going to die.

    No amount of talking could change his mind.

    Desperate to calm him, my frnd palmed a 50 paisa coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from yash's ear.

    yash was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my frnd's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, dad!"

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  40. Good topic to discuss and exchange our views here..personally I wont agree with your last statement that we should allow our children to make mistakes?!! Doesnt it sounds odd? I feel we can guide them or tell them its wrong but its up to their action they will reap the results...life cant be spent on making mistakes...we learn from others mistakes!!! Isnt not?

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  41. Oh yes...if making mistakes helps a child to grow in wisdom, then my children will certainly be very wise.The difficulty is allowing them to do so...

    I have a really good book which Jan bought me when we had our first child..it's written by Nigel Planer (for those who remember: Neil from tThe Young Ones tv sries) and is entitled " A good enough Dad" and referes to not striving to be 'perfect'...as we a ll make mistakes.The aim is to be 'good enough'

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  42. Niall: Very right. I'll look for that book.

    SRI: it has to be a balance. they have to learn something for themselves. Until they do that they don't really grow.

    Krish: if its a true story, its sad!

    Starry eyed: Both mine had severe asthma.I have spent as many many sleepless nights in hospitals watching my child struggling to breathe and countless nebulisations.It kills you. Esp when every child can have ice creams and I had to say no to mine--esp at parties where they SEE others having but they cant have as it will mean another four nights at a hospital..Don't want to go into details here. I know what you're saying. Bu i differ on ostracization and peer pressure. Esp when they are in teens. They have to be strong enough to hold their own but they should also not be complete freaks.

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  43. Gils: i always practise what i preach or blog :) Honoured to be blogrolled.

    Ajay: The right way to say it would be "They f**k you up, your mum and dad." :)

    Still thinking: Of course for each child their parent is the best. But I have met many adults who HATE their parents too. And Calvin is TERRIFIC. I bow to Calvin! :)

    Prats: i can only imagine how hard it is..I am getting there too :) soon i'll also be in the same boat.

    palsworld: Will write a post on fitness or what I feel about it :)

    Enigma; U'll be a great mum. All the best!

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  44. Shruti: That is exactly my view too.

    Life begins: i think all of us at some point are a combination of all that you mention--isnt it?


    Poppins: These young people I talk about are my good friends. So i know what they really are like because they tell me stuff which they would never tell their parents. So i know their 'other' side and am not judging on external appearance. In case you want to read a post about one such young man, please search for 'real life hero' in my search box. To me, that is what is true parenting. Blind emulation is of course foolish.

    Amrita; A very important point you have raised. (about not solving every problem) I agree so much about that.

    Varun: your parents have done a great job!

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  45. Hunter: Will do

    Swati:Thank you.

    xh:Ok

    Rm : Thanks.happy to help!

    Suma: On my list now. If you recommend it has to be good.

    SS: I agree fully. Communication lines--keeping them open is so important.

    Srivats: thank u for your very kind words.

    Ramesh; thanks. I agree 100%

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  46. it is fictional based on the school shootings, the ending was unsatisfactory but she's touched upon quite a few issues rather well: the pressure a child of today is under, from peer pressure to bullying to wanting to be with the 'it' crowd...

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  47. I wonder sadly what sort of a parent Ryan will become :(
    parenting is a hard lesson. Unfortunately no school/college can teach it :(

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  48. ..there are too many parents like this. a mother can be so fetish about a clean house that she has prevented a child who loves painting to first ensure that the paint does not touch the floor and to paint second !
    the woman proudly says, that my son knows " i speak with my eyes". and she lives in the old world of taming the shrew - her kids and she parents her husband too !

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  49. wonderful post, preeti... Really liked the way you narrated the incident of Ryan.... :)
    Anyway that calvin photo strip is kewl...

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  50. I have nothing new to say Preeti...definitely a very nice post:) It's been interesting to read the views in the comments section too. Oh and it brought back memories of my childhood during the '80s when I'd rather be dead than be seen wearing a monkey cap! Strange, how some things never seem to change.

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  51. it reminds me of this cute quotation-

    before i had no kids and a couple of theories on parenting.

    now i have two kids and no theories!

    :P

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  52. Hi. Great advice. I can personally say that parents who mean well can cause much pain for a child through their good intentions.

    It's been awhile (I have not been well -surgery, medication etc.) but I'm glad I popped by :)

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  53. Wonderful post Preeti.I work with students and have come across many situations where parents impose so many things on their children and such things pain me. My vote is for you.

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  54. All I wanna say here, "Mom, I love you because you never bought me a monkeycap." ;)

    By the way, lovely post, Mrs Shenoy !

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  55. Good one :)
    I love my parents and I know they want the best for me but sometimes they do/say things that I mentally note so that I don't repeat them when I become a parent,eventually

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  56. Nandana: Oh yes--I too don't do somethings that i hated that my parents did, albeit with my best interests in mind.

    Mayank; Thank you Mr.Mittal!

    Chitra: i did not know you work with children.Thank you.

    Bob-kat: hope you're doing much better now. I have now relocated to UK and am closer to you geographically. :)

    Guru: heh heh heh--that makes two of us!! :)

    Mini;Thank you!

    Sushobhan: i love Calvin too. Thank you. :)

    Anrosh: So sad for her husabnd and kids.

    Suma: Will see if I can get it in lib here.

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  57. It helps when parents just give direction at right time than dominate the way their child should be..letting a child fall and recover makes him learn...may be the child will come up with a solution as to how not to fall?

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