Monday, July 06, 2009

Is it a man's world?



This post is very different from my usual posts. This is a post not really meant of those less than 18 years of age. I know many children, especially my friends’ children read my blog (my own two do not, but I’d have absolutely no issues even if they did and I would deal with it) and therefore the warning as I am not sure what their parents might feel. So, if you are below 18, please stop reading now and leave. Also if you’re easily offended by strong language please leave. Sometimes there is no other way to say it. I might moderate comments for this post (something I never do) as I don’t want to entertain frivolous discussions on this topic. Having forewarned and having put the disclaimer in place, here goes:

It is a Man’s world. Unfortunate, but true. If you’re a woman, especially an emancipated modern, free thinking woman, you may scream and rave and rant and deny. You may say that women are equal, there is nothing that a woman is not capable of doing better than a man. I would agree completely with you. But still, by and large, women do live by the rules which men have made. And I am not referring to the Law here which in some countries, is totally against women.(In many countries women are not allowed to even drive a vehicle)

Throughout history and right up to modern day, women have been treated as sex objects first and then everything else later. Men look at women as their ‘possession’ or ‘property’ that they have to guard and defend from other men. You might be a modern, politically correct, free thinking man, but I am sure, deep down you’d agree with what I have just stated. The first thing that a man sees when he sees a woman is how she is, physically.

Traditionally, it has been the duty of the male to protect his family and provide for them. In the Ancient times, when a king conquered a new territory, it was accepted that he and his men got the women of the defeated kingdom. Soldiers, raping the women of the defeated kingdom was common and not unacceptable. When Bahadur Shah took over Malwa in 1535 many of the women burnt themselves to death rather than submit to their capturers, while their men fought till their dying breath. In the 16th and 17th centuries, the men would ensure that their women wore chastity belts made of iron to prevent temptation of having an affair with another man while they were away. For men, the physical faithfulness of women has always mattered, much more than they are willing to admit. In 2004, the USA today carried a news item where a woman’s steel chastity belt had triggered off a security alarm at the metal detector at the airport in Athens, Greece. The woman claimed that her husband had forced her to wear the device while she was holidaying in Greece as he did not trust her to be faithful to him.

The above example may be an aberration of modern day practice and that is why it made news. But the fact is, things have not changed much.

The women may have discarded the chastity belt. But the men still know how to keep a woman in place. They don’t use devices—they use words ,which sadly many women are afraid of, too. To describe a woman’s sexual behaviour, most often derogatorily (you see, women should not have physical needs—that is the sole prerogative of the all powerful, supreme MALE) there are as many many words—slut, floozy, harlot, hooker, hussy, prostitute, tramp, vamp, whore, call girl, concubine, fallen woman, loose woman, painted woman, nymphomaniac, street walker, jade, scarlet, trollop, bitch, to name just a 'safe' few.

To describe a man’s sexual behaviour there is at the very worst, a gigolo, a seducer, a skirt chaser, a ladies man and also Casanova or Don Juan-- all of which are actually complimentary and definitely not as derogatory as the above category of words.

It clearly suggests that if a woman does it, she is a slut, but if a guy does he is a stud.

To all the men in the world, I can say only one thing on behalf of all the women in the world.

“You may have our bodies but you will never have our souls.”

So perhaps, it really may not be a man’s world after all !

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Addendum : After reading some of the comments I want to say that I am not for a moment suggesting that ALL men are sexist pigs. Male bashing is not what I want to do. I am pointing out historic instances as well as difference in language terms that exist when it comes to men and women. My post is full of real references, if you notice and think about it :)


78 comments:

  1. i agree to the point that u r making...things might hav not changed completely..but they r definitely moving in the right direction...it cud b slow and will surely take some time...but it will happen....we have already seen many changes over the last century...

    to make the process quicker..we all need to start on our own...prehaps spread awareness...i don't know how..but we need to do tat

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  2. No denying the fact that the words used to describe promiscuous sexual behaviour for men and women have totally different connotations (at least in the English language). "Casanova" is not offensive at all compared to "slut".
    What you say about men being promiscuous being waived off as "men will be men" is not true. Especially among married people, it's equally detested and looked down upon whether men do it or women do it. And even for single unmarried people, things are changing, I guess. People are a lot more open about "trying out" new people till you find the right person and this is irrespective of your gender. Definitely more so in Europe than in the US and India is getting there too.
    About men being protective or over-protective of their women - true.
    About laws in certain countries being against women - well that has a flipside too. Indian law gives disproportionate amount of power and control over the life of the husband and her in-laws in the event of a discord.
    And many men and women own each other's souls too :) (probably only upto the point of time that they are dating and not married yet :P)
    Women are doing everything these days. From flying aeroplanes to riding stuntbikes. From being movie directors to being heads of states. So it isn't really a man's world. It is fair and equal.

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  3. Diabolic: I don't know--i feel deep down women still pander to men instead of putting their needs first. That is what needs to change.

    Ajay: Very good points made! Noted. But except in movies like 'Disclosure' and 'Aitraaz' it is usually the women who are the receiving end of sexual harassment. It is awful when you're talking to a man and his eyes are only at your chest level.

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  4. So, as you say, if men are totally 'checking out' women all the time it still doesn't make it a man's world. If at all it does something is, it turns the power equation the other way round :)

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  5. Its not just abt sex its also about POWER & insecurity!!!!!

    .....while we do admit there r 'a few good men' we can also swear that chauvinism is present in every one of them.

    Like Diabolic I'd like to think things r moving in the right direction but......I'm quite sure its going to take a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time...like maybe by the year 4050;-/.

    But then again I'd say tht the past 100yrs have seen more changes[positive ie] in the behaviour of men than previous 10,000 yrs.

    This topic is a deep one & 99.99% women are going to side with u on this one:-).

    I'm more curious to see what the men have to say abt this;-D.

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  6. I completely agree with your Title and your thoughts...there are so many things which are against women and whatyou have stated is just a sample.

    but i disagree on u on this ....Men look at women as their ‘possession’ or ‘property’ that they have to guard and defend from other men. You might be a modern, politically correct, free thinking man, but I am sure, deep down you’d agree with what I have just stated. ..

    i dont think any men are guarding or defending from other men....

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  7. And oh......SUPER post Preethi;-D!!!

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  8. Reflections: Thaaaank you! :) yes--i do agree that men are changing. And I agree about 'few good men' too but also about chauvinism being present. :) I know exactly what you're saying.

    Sunder: Thank you. I am yet to meet a man who will not hesitate to kill another man who has slept with his wife. That is what I mean by 'guarding'.

    Ajay: 'Checking out' is different--more milder. Women do it all the time too. The point here is when women do NOT want to be 'checked out' at work. For example: In many offices the male boss thinks it is perfectly ok to say 'BTW Nice cleavage' to a woman secretary and actually thinks he is complimenting her! And not all women want to use their boobs to promote world peace. :)

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  9. The world has a history of disrespecting women, and English Language has evolved with the similar evolution that's why I guess so many derogatory words exist for women.

    I agree with what you said and kind of feel sad about it.

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  10. i agree with you, and i also agree with the point that most of the times it is we women who allow men to get away.

    having seen lot of people around me who were in almost violent and abusive relationships and settle down with the same person, i really wonder why would any one want to make choices like that...but they. and at the end of it i realise, sometimes we love too much TOO much to let go. and most of the times, we do not want to let go.

    a known devil as they say, is always better than an unknown one.

    it was a wonderful post, with a lot of anger at the unfairness of it all, just like all other brillient posts of yours.

    neha

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  11. i think lot of it have to do with the conditioning girls receive while they grow up. It is true that the world and men are changing, but as you said, most of the times, women are at the receiving end, and that is an unpleasant but hard truth.
    The change should come from the root level - ie, from the family.

    Recently i was having a conversation with one of my friend (she works for one of the top rated IT company, and have been educated partly outside India) and she was telling about one of her friend who is getting abused at her husband's home. I told her there is no point in being in a relation where the women don't get the respect she deserves, and it is better to get divorced than being in a relation like that to which she responded - how can you think about divorce? divorce is a sin. after marriage, she should never think about divorce - she should try to save the marriage at any cost.
    I was really taken aback - she have her mind conditioned to think that divorce is a sin - and till the time when people have this kind of pre-programed minds, it will be a guys world..sad but true :(

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  12. That's a really interesting post, Preeti (I hope I may call you that - I'm new here)

    I agree that the world has double standards for the sexual behaviour exhibited by men and women but I think calling it a 'man's world' may be a slight exaggeration.

    The modern free-thinking woman understands that nature may have cursed her with a body that is physically frail, but she also realises that the female form is more aesthetically pleasing.

    The modern woman has learnt to use this to her advantage - as a weapon against the relatively simple male mindset - as they say, a man will continue to be ruled by what's in his pants, but a woman will go by what her brain cells tell her.

    I'm not saying that makes up in any manner for the way that women are treated in India and in a few other countries, but it's something to consider.

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  13. After reading the post I felt I should have been less than 18 yr old. I could have skipped reading it and could have bypassed finding out that I will never have a woman's soul :)

    You always come up with right points and it is not different this time either.

    Like everyone above have said already, things are changing slowly and surely.

    To answer your question, It is not at all a man's world. Man would not exist on this earth without a woman. Woman is the one who gives birth to him and is a much more superior species.

    And btw, your current mood, 'Ondra Renda' is an amazing song.

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  14. Sure is a different post than your usual but I agree. Contrary to most commenters here I believe for every emancipated woman around, there are quite a few suffering silently. Not much has changed IMHO. Perhaps my views are colored by what I see around me.

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  15. I attended a training at work yesterday and had a private discussion with the trainer on just this... has the woman's role or her perception by her male counterparts changed in the true sense.

    And yes, "men will always be men". A friend who has been physically abused by her husband for 8 years, decided to leave him finally after a 3-4 year long affair that he had came into the open. Yet, her parents ask her to think before filing for divorce and hope for a reconciliation. Her own mother heard her talk on the phone to a much older former colleague who was then helping her find a job and accused her of being the one who made her husband take refuge in the arms of another woman. Because she was "laughing" on the phone with another man!

    I hope that your daughter and mine (should I have one) and their daughters will inherit a world slightly freer from such biases than we did.

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  16. And yes, we have lived in a very interesting time... and will live in more interesting times. In more ways than one we broke barriers our mothers didn't or couldn't for a multitude of reasons. :-)

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  17. i'm wondering what triggered this post!

    i agree with the points you are making.

    i have a slightly different perspective on this... its not always all that simple actually...

    1. i agree that most sexual crimes are committed against women by men and not the other way around... any thoughts on why this is so?
    who stopped women from being as sexually aggressive as the men? (i'm not condoning what the men do... i'm just trying to understand this phenomenon.)

    2. forgive me for being crude here, but for most of the guys its only a physical need and they don't much care about the woman's soul. (not that men don't like the emotions and the love and all the associated things. but any hot-blooded male wouldn't think twice about having a one-night stand with a beautiful woman. as for the guilt and the need to confess, well that's all a post-facto debate!)

    3. and if you think about it, most of the so-called restrictions and taboos and all that are actually imposed on women by women themselves.

    4. and if women didn't want to be stared at and leched at, they would not fuel a mutli-billion dollar beauty industry. sure, the attention from some of the shady elements are definitely avoidable. but who doesn't like looking good and being appreciated for it.

    finally, it takes two to tango... so its not only about men 'allowing' to be emancipated... i think its more important that women themselves realise that they are not trapped under the man's tyranny at all. most of the time they are sitting in their of their own accord.

    there's this line which sums it up for me beautifully - a woman should never try be equal to a man. why should she demean herself and fall to that extent? :P

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  18. Nice post. I really agree. Things are definitely changing now. I see so many men around me, who give THE space and are cool about things. But not much. I don't think it will change ever completely. Some basic nature of people would never change. Like you say , we have no other option than to just accept that " Men will be men". Cannot really run behind a man and change his perspective. Its quite tough. And you think, men will even be bothered reading this? No offense...but I feel nothing really affects them in life :) And its just words here. So, might not make any impact as such...it does depend on men though. I didn't check out the previous comments here. Will check out and see what men got to say about this post :)

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  19. call it conditioning or taboo.there are so many things that are acceptable when Men do it,whereas women are categorized into all of the above(mentioned by you) in the blog.

    and yes most of the time its done by women to each other.sad

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  20. Aargee: see Guru's comment above :)

    Guru: 1. Its simply because of what you stated in point 2.
    2. I know men don care for 'souls'..But u see that is one thing that women have! :P
    3.Disagree--it is by society comprising of men and women.
    4.There is a thick line between being appreciated and being sexually taken advantage of.
    :)
    Lovely points you have made

    Raaga: Amen! And I so completely understand what you're saying about the blame always being on the divorced woman.

    Laksh: What is IMHO?

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  21. Gazal: I dont think women are so judgemental on other women. I think it is the society in general.

    Varun: :) :) Happy you noticed the song..That is my latest craze.I keep changing the songs on that. I put all my fav ones there. Ondra renda is a superb song indeed.

    Cabin Boy Dave: If you were a woman and your male boss does not lift his eyes off your chest while he was talking to you, then I guess you'd know how it feels.See my reply to Ajay. Not all women want to use their bodies.

    xh: Even educated women ar conditioned to 'save their marriage' at all costs. It is horrible.

    Piggy litle:Thank you. Women who stay in abusive relationships really need support and help.

    Prats: Yes--sad.

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  22. I really think it's time women stopped being the miserable damsels in distress, victims, at the mercy of men. Especially the well educated, city dwelling, smart, intelligent, opinionated and progressive ones - the kind that are the usual audience of this blog. Totally agree with Guruprasad's pont number 3 above.
    If a village dwelling woman who has no recourse to law to counter domestic violence was to say this, it would have been very much understandable.
    It's been almost 50 years since the world has been hearing of women empowerment, and women's lib and stuff like that. How long does it take to get your act together?
    The latest, at least in India, is misuse of domestic laws by the wife not the husband. As the laws are over 50 year old, keeping in mind the state of affairs of that time. And what of the women's groups trying to block any initiative to reform these laws?

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  23. Well what to say..i agree on all most all the points i have to say..it may be a MAN's world but i tell you one thing, things are not the same any more, i am not saying women are given the same position as men which they should be..but there is no denying that things are improving.

    One thing that i do like to add is that Women DO expect men to be faithful to them (at least in India).. If men have affairs, they do object and in some cases publicly, and if a man expects women to be faithful to him is not an issue as long as he is.

    and about the slang words, you are spot on there...for man sex is pleasure but our society is such a bigoted shit that it considers women as materials for sexual pleasure and that makes a women's life all the more difficult.

    And the world might not be full of such evil men Preeti who consider women as sexual objects, am not talking of gays here ;), but also few GOOD men who respect women and understand that women can have sexual pleasures too and there is nothing damn wrong about it..
    Every human has emotions, feeling, desire, cravings, lust and love (maybe few more) and its just natural...so its not an unnatural thing if a women has sexual desires..nothing wrong at all...

    And Preethi dont be offended i have nothing against women, i respect them a lot, but dont you think to some extent women are responsible too??

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  24. I agree to the point that you are making.

    There is a wrong mindset among the women that they are inferior to the men, thanks to the prejudices that has been long around. Many women still believe that.

    I believe women have more importance over men somehow the society norms have been changed in such a way that they have been reduced to feeling inferiors.

    I would say its a women's world but they have not realized that yet!!

    Hope you are back to your chirpy self after venting out all that anger :)

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  25. Ajay: Nobody says women are 'damsels in distress'--and even when you say 'the kind who are audience of this blog' --the fact is it is society who 'brands' a divorced woman--not other women. Other women are usually supportive. But most men look at her as an easy target. I have a friend (a single mom, a widow) who is a woman entrepreneur (one of the best business women I have met) who had to invent a fake husband just to get the men she dealt with, off her back, when she went to meet them on business deals. Most men she met were like animals (and my friend is good looking, conventional, does not look like a mother of two and she dresses very traditionally in sarees )
    See--what is the percentage of the 'educated women' living in cities having access to Internet as against their rural counterparts? (Maybe 2 or 3%?) Sex ratio in India is skewed. Female foeticide is very much prevalent even in cities. there is a pressure to produce the all important son.
    I agree with you completely about misuse of laws against men.Male bashing should stop--I agree.
    But suppression of women should too.
    Only then can we be termed an 'equal society'

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  26. Oh Preeti - I wonder what brought on this post. I sort of agree with you, but knowing my husband, dad and brother I also know that we have come a long way.

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  27. All men are chauvinistic - the extent depends on the environment they grew up in. Now that out of the way, I think we gals too know how to keep our guys in the place we want them to be. Barking out orders is not our style. We do it discreetly and the guys don't even know it is our wish that rules the house! ;-)
    As you commented earlier, I agree with you that we women tend to pander to men too much. I thought it was because the men don't use their grey cells too much?? :-P
    On a serious note, ever since the fight for equality began, Women lost a little focus and got into the fight for superiority!! :-)
    Good post PS. Got me thinking, thought for a bit and then commeneted. :-)

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  28. BTW, I realize my above comment is applicable to men in our lives, For the colleagues, passersby and the others, it would be wise to set his thoughts right then and there!! Either we lech at him to the point that he feels discomfort or giving him the hiding of his life!!

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  29. Wooow..this is the 4th blog im reading today which is dealing with the issue of wat a raw deal we women get. n I JUST sent you an email with a link to one of the blogs and my views. Talk about coincidence!!! Would like to hear back from u rgdg that.
    So yes! The verdict is that we women get a raw deal MOST of the times from MOST people. That is the fact. Yes, we are modern n intelligent n capable of doing anything n everything that men can do (n mabbe better than them) n wat not...but that doesn’t take away the fact that we have to struggle for some basic things n more.
    I think, thanks to the way times have been, we(men n women) have grown up trained to think in a certain way about wat is okay and not okay for women to do. Some of us have modern parents also are not too different coz we could not have not noticed the reaction of various aunts, uncles, neighbors etc etc when our mom was the brave woman that she was. So ya, we learn to ignore the taunts people give us...but yet we KNOW it’s a struggle and that we don’t have some things as easy as the men do.
    Yes, times are changing, women are becoming more brave. They are being more open about having living -in relationships n wanting to have sex before the decide on their partner(whether that’s right or wrong is a discussion for another post), they are learning to voice their sexual needs...but this type of women is a clear minority and also there are SEVERAL men AND women who ridicule the type. Who talk in a hush-hush manner about them and who criticize them openly. Do men receive the same kind and amount of reaction/ criticism as women do... most definitely not!
    How many wives are "So proud, glad n thankful" that their hubbies help with baby-sitting, laundry, cooking etc etc...women feel that way 'coz they themselves blv that it is not a man's job BUT their husbands are such wonderful men that they help them with all that. Does anyone ever give a woman exaggerated credit for doing these tasks or other tasks that are suppose to be done by men xclusively like mabbe change the car tire???(cant seem to think of any other eg!)

    I could go on n on n on...i donno how one defines who a world belongs to..but most definitely women continue getting the raw deal and keep having to put up a struggle.

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  30. In total agreement with your views Ma'm. Like you said, even though "times have changed", for the fairer sex little has changed. Earlier they'd say it out aloud, now it's the unspoken rule. A line women aren't supposed to cross. Even when a woman is raped, someone, and surprisingly at times even another woman, always comes forward and says that the woman must have provoked the man! Isn't a man supposed to behave himself? In Public and in private? Isn't there anything like respect for the womenfolk in his mind? No matter how a woman dresses or behaves,to a man, whether, he admits it or not, she is seen as an object which is meant to satiate his desires. And there is no controlling his behavior. Which is outright disgusting. He can do what he wills in the name of love, but if a woman as much as expresses her desires, she is labelled loose. Someone who can be used and thrown. And when she is the way the world expects her to, she becomes a doormat. For people to wipe their dirty feet and leave. For men to dominate manipulate and leave when they set their eyes on the next seemingly unattainable goal. Which is so very demeaning to say the least. There is a very minuscule population which sees woman as equal. A man has unlimited freedom to do as he wishes. Not so for the women. If only men could behave themselves, give women the respect, that they'd want given to their sisters and mothers, think of them as equals and not subordinates,and stand up for the women they claim they love, I guess we wouldn't need things like reservations for women.
    A strong post Ma'm. Looking forward to many more like these.

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  31. You have a good point here Preeti. I recently moved to the States and I learnt that even here, there are communities where women are not allowed to work and the business of their life is to bear and raise children.

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  32. After reading the post and the comments here, just wanted to add a few things. We women are also to be blamed for our status. Our mothers and mothers in law have not treated us equally and have not given us the same freedom they gave their sons.
    Watch the Ekta Kapoor serials. I read all the time that women are the largest viewres of such trash.
    But I know women have become more empowered and progressive these days and the thought fills my heart with hope.
    After all I am bringing up 2 daughters myself.

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  33. Aparna: I don't watch Ekta Kapoor serials..I agree with you about women watching such trash. But sometimes I think that is the only 'escapism' they have in their sad lives.

    Bhavya: I am amazed it exists in U.S too.

    Stillness speaks: i agree with you about rape part. But not all men are so bad!! There are of course excellent human beings--and just as there are wonderful men, there are wonderful women too.

    Pavi: A perfect point yo made there about women being 'grateful' for men helping with laundry! I already replied to your mail :)

    Thoughful train: Ummmm..dunno about women being manipulative.May be you have a point there--I never thought about it.

    Pink Dogwood: Men like your brother, my brother, your father and my father are a very small minority in India.May their tribe increase.

    Survivor: EH?!! As though I have to write only chirpy posts ! Whatever gave you that idea? --And I was NOT venting but making very specific observations. My blog is definitely not for venting and I don't think I treat it so. I think you missed the point entirely.

    Shantharam: Ok. :) Noted.

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  34. Your current mood song is too good. I just love this song and vaseegara ( zara zara behkta hai) to the core. Had a lovely time listening to this one :)

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  35. I am curious to know what brought about this article?

    I could not relate to it as much; hence.

    -em-

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  36. ...Can't generalize as much na? ...Like the saying goes, a stinking fish can kill the pond, but that don't mean the pond is full of stinking fish ;)

    [maybe i am being too kind on the male gender, but reality is they are one bunch of truly misguided souls ;)]

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  37. ...and before i bring out more wrath from all kind, let me hastily disclaim that souly women are misguided too :)

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  38. To answer your question - "Is it a man's world" - my answer would be YES. The points you made are true, and I have several experiences that relate to this topic.

    I came to the US at the age of 21, and I was single for 7 yrs before I got married. I was in a relationship (long distance though) for some part of those 7 yrs, but the people (not friends) around me did not know much about it. And if you ask these people, you will sure hear tons of rumors and I would not be surprised if they used some of the bad words you have described in your post for me. All that is BS!

    However, I continue to fight it and live my life - sometimes its hard but mostly I am okay.

    I face similar issues with my husband as well....he assumes that I am supposed to do certain things for him/in the house and usually those assumptions are incorrect....considering that I work 10 hour days on an average and do a lot of other activities as well. So I explain to him my perspective and make him understand that he needs to REFORM coz he has married a working professional.

    The point I am trying to make is - agreed there are issues but I try to work on those at a personal level to live a content life.

    Looking at my friends here in US and their spouses, I find men and women are equally to blame for not trying to make it an equal world. Men need to change - agree - but more women need to voice their opinions more. Since we want the world to move from a man's world to an equal world, I feel women will naturally have to work a little bit harder to achieve that.

    I know this comment is long but hope that I could get my point across.

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  39. EM : I agree--one can't generalise. There are of course a few 'good men' (and women) :-) Majority of population lives in villages in India. Their lot is sad. U have to read some of the horrors perpetuated. And about deregatory words that exist in the English language--it is true.

    Aargee; i too LOVE zara zara :) and this one too!

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  40. The youtube video looks to splinched!! just reduce the width in the widget section and it should look fine ;) u seem to be a fan of Tamil songs ;) i too love them..my fav romantic number is vaseegara...absolutely sensuous and too romantic..i have too little vocabulary to describe the feel of the song..
    and Ondhral Rendhral is also 1 of the top of charts for me

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  42. Hi Preeti, it is really nice to see a very strong voice and hearting topic which you have posted....

    i would say people should not be running away or should feel shy to discuss such a topic...

    It a matter of persons integrity and self respect... but as always said things can be changed and people approach to this topic will also shift....

    I would say it is a matter of time...

    cheers and as always i do admire your post and do support the topic discussed.

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  43. Very well said Preethi. Women have been treated as a sex object always in history with a few exceptions like Razia Sultana. We have immortalised those woman who committed jauhar and died with their husbands. Why?

    Btw chastitity belt in 2004? It's still avaialble? Wow!!!

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  44. A strong post preeti ji

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  45. I am giving you a standing ovation for this one Preethi!! What you said is very true....while things might be slightly better in a few of the cities, most of India still thinks of women as objects of pleasure- either for sex or the benefits they get from other "services" they render like cooking, cleaning, washing clothes etc- a free maid, who satisfies the sexual needs is the ideal woman for most Indian men, even though they might have more polished ways of putting it....

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  46. I would like to clarify that the last line was not meant as an offense.

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  47. Agreed. I am glad you wrote a truth thruthfully.

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  48. Yes very truthful and shameful! I am just wondering what made u write such a serious post :(

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  49. Well, this could have been a longer post...seems like were not in a good mood when u spurt this out...Even i am told the exact same things by my girlfriend a lot of times...but the fact remains that i love her and will do so till the end of my life...

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  50. Cachememory: Nobody doubts or disputes your love. But facts are facts! :) I was perfectly in a good mood--this is not a 'vent' post. Merely making some observations.

    Srivats: Every post can't be sweet right? :) Promise a less disturbing one next time. :)

    rm: Beautifully structured sentence--made me think.Thank you.

    Survivor: i over reacted as i felt strongly. Apologies. I am sorry.

    Ida: You could not have said it better!! Esp about the polish bit.I sooo agree. But i don't think a man will ever understand.

    Vinay Pandey: Please call me preeti! Don't give me that much respect also unless I have earned it :) Usually my posts are light and happy.This one is different. Thanks for visiting.

    SMM: Yes very much available. But they're used as a sex toy in BDSM games. :) I do admire the courage of the women who committed jauhar. I would never have that much courage. Most of us would take the easy way out.

    Anish: thank you.

    Shantharam: Yes! Even I wanted to reduce the width but didnt know how to. Will try to do it.Not sure if it will work. :P I do like some Tamil songs. But now I am not in touch anymore--so my tastes are a bit frozen in time :-) I like vaseegara too.

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  51. Shachi: What is BS? I hear you completely when you talk about men and women taking equal responsibility for chores in the house.

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  52. Preeti its very simple..After clicking on edit widget you get some code..html and stuff right..somewhere in that you will find width="123" height="321" not exactly these but something like it..just change these values dats it...if it still doesnt work..mail me the code..i'll see if any other parameter is there, but i dont think it will be there..But i dont think that will be needed. Any doubts ping me...always happy to help..
    cheers
    Shantharam

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  53. ah!! shit!! how stupid of me..i see you have already changed it...silly me..sorry for commenting pointlessly... :(

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  54. Shantharam: i had already figured it out before u told me and changed it too :)
    Didn't you notice?!!
    Thanks for the tip though :)

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  55. It's ok! wasn't entirely pointless :) U made a point :P (or maybe i did!) :)

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  56. Well Said post Preeti.. I totally agree with you..

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  57. I agree that it is indeed a Man's World. Do you ever wonder that chastity belts way back then were more because a man did not want to father another's child rather than out of actual love for his partner? Of course those days condoms and paternity tests were unheard of and an heir eventually inherits everything. Was shocked to hear about the 2004 chastity belt incident though :O How awful!

    I feel a hundred other questions surfacing in my mind so I will stop right here. :O)

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  58. You may have our bodies but you will never have our souls...True & Amen :)
    very rationale post & hope it will not be a man's world always.

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  59. Interesting post. Happy you are willing to concede exceptions in men :-) I agree that by and large, women live by the rules men have made. Completely agree that language used against women's sexual behavior is unforgiving and highly abusive. Ironically, like you point out, it is rarely derogatory in men's case. But, with due respect, do we really have enough base to be sure men still look at women as their property? I also wonder, how true does it hold the other way round? Would a woman take it easy and alright if she observes an increased presence of another woman in her man's life, emotional or material? Is such insecurity a part of either gender or in the nature of the relationship itself? And once again, about the amount of attention men pay to women's appearance ... agreed most men notice a woman's looks first. No offense meant, but I wonder how many women we come across who do not do it at all . I agree that in general, men are more attracted to good looks. But, how much of it is just because of the way men are? Like Guruprasad pointed out, is there more reason for the thriving beauty industry? I personally do not give too much for looks but is it wrong to be judgmental about looks when we can be judgmental about someone's background, income, & "social status"? Having said that, I agree again with you that there is a thick line between abusing and appreciating. But, in general, aren't women more concerned about their looks than men are? I'm not saying it is silly or wrong by any means. They have every right to their wish without a need for explanation. And, honestly, I think women are gifted with beauty. Like they say, God probably made a man first and then made a woman, proving practice makes perfect, even to a God. But, if we are concerned about what men see in women, doesn't it reinforce the attention paid to their looks? Should the women community itself turn to focusing on other qualities they are gifted with? Should change begin at home first? Imagine a women community that cares more about their individuality, freedom and independent security and gives much less damn about glamor or sex appeal and does it without hypocrisy. Would that be a favor? Would that make it much harder for all those lousy men seeing women as mere sex objects to still treat them that way? I'm not tossing the ball into women's court but like I said, I believe the women community needs a change in itself. Applies to any community that feels exploited (if they do, that is :-) ). The best way to get justice done is probably to help ourselves to every possible extent in putting an end to the crisis. Like Nagesh Kukunoor brings out in his wonderful movie 'Dor', we (yes, including the oppressed brotherhood of men :D) need to learn and snatch our rights back from the society. With an increasing number of women developing an educated outlook, I do not think it sould be too far before we reach a society where women share an esteem equal with men.

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  60. Very well said, Preethi.
    As for those who say women also are to blame courtesy their behaviour, I guess they are missing the whole point. How many women do they think will go after a man if he behaves provocatively?
    The only way we can change this is the way we bring up our kids, teaching them to respect individuals irrespective of their gender.

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  61. Oops ... just realized my comment was almost a post in itself :-) Apologies if the size was rude.

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  62. I agree, PS.
    I sometimes wonder how this whole 'it being a man's world' came into existence. just because men were the breadearners once? And since we're all so conditioned (have you heard about Pavlov and his dogs?) that we still haven't been able to shake it off. It shows at home too. When awe get back home together from work, I am expected to cook and fix the coffee, while the guys turn on the playstation. It irks.Yes.

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  63. Quite a nice post! Well written. I agree on most accounts. But I have observed that men do NOT take women for granted like before. I know women who are home-makers, yet their husbands share the house-work too. Ultimately it all depends on the upbringing and outlook towards life.

    For ex- a married colleague (aged about 35 with 2 kids) passed a frivolous comment when his son was born - 'I am now really a father!!', because his first child was a girl. So we are still a long way from a radical change in men's attitude and society!!

    I often wonder whether things would've been different if roles were reversed in the olden days. Definitely food for thought and can be debated over for hours.

    cheers,
    rohitha

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  64. Lostworld: I agree not all men are like that. But read the comments above. And the cheek to make such a comment (That he is really a father only when a son is born) Disgusting.

    Meira: of course I know abt pavlovian instincts. Next time you go home from work, you should put up your feet on the centre table and demand that cup of tea, me thinks.

    Raghu: :-) No apologies needed. Noted. Dor is a wonderful movie.I realy liked it.

    Wanderlust: Completely with you on bringing up kids right.

    Kanupriya: Is it really a man's world? i dont think so :P

    Shades of grey: the thing is why did the woman agree to such a stupidity? She should have been stronger right? Many questions come to my mind too! :) Maybe they were doing some weird sexual game for kicks and she cooked up a story when the detectors went off?

    Neverending memories: thank you.

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  65. Normally I would agree with what the boss says but in this case I agree and disagree. I agree that there are a number of issues as regards men treating women and that things should improve. I disagree that women are not equal -Indira Gandhi was ruling India as the PM and India is considered a male dominated country.
    In most offices today one has to be extra careful in dealing with a woman since you could have a suit slapped against you and I think comments on cleavage are a thing of the past. Also there are a number of instances where the men slog but a female does not put in as much effort in office and that is condoned. I have also seen a number of instances where females use their charm on a gullible male and go up faster. Then there are others who cannot take pressure when given negative feedback on work and cry.
    It is therefore difficult to generalise here too and say this is a problem with all women. I think there is a fine balance here and
    a) if a woman wants to be treated as an equal then it should be earned in the same way as others e.g. effort, intellect and dedication.
    b) I think it may be unfair to only say the man is possessive. When a man talks to a woman females too get possesive and also there is a second woman involved here too so one cannot blame only the man.
    c)men too have a lot to improve on.
    Overall therefore it is an issue and needs to be worked on by both men and women.

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  66. I agree with what you and most of the commentators say. Yes, women do seem to get the raw deal. A lot has to do with the way society perceives a woman. The parameters it sets by which a 'good woman' is defined.. Funnily - there are hardly any standards for men.. And as you say, most of the 'bad language' in a male context has a complimentary feel to it.. So entrenched is this attitude that it is even part of our language !

    And the only way out is for women to be aware of their self worth. Stand up to abuse and for parents tobring up children in a fair way.

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  67. Wow, I am amazed by the length and breadth of the comments, is it the subject or the experience which has aroused so much interest. well my reply to this post would be
    http://sunnyrajuspeaks.blogspot.com/2008/03/she-has-come-long-way.html

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  68. Nice new mood video. Trip down memory lane. I always thought it was a girl who was singing the song - had never seen the video.

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  69. Oh! Quite a discussion here. Here is my 2 cents.

    Is it a Man’s world? The answer is YES because it was created, imposed, followed from time immemorial As few people commented here, it is changing for sure, if not rapidly but atleast to an extent. I don’t know if I am correct in saying, our social system or mentality should change, especially in India. From the childhood, we train kids based on their sexes. When a boy cries, he is told “ don’t cry like a girl”, we don’t accept that as an emotion. Likewise when a girl does something a boy normally do, immediately she is told, “ behave like a girl. I would say, engage boys in household chores and whatever a girl child can do ( whatever consider as boys domain) let them be allowed to do.

    Suppression, overpowering not only happening because Men feels that they are superior. But to an extent women are submissive. In India, we are seeing, reading news that women goes to work and earn for their family whereas men folks drink and enjoy their wives earnings. Abuse of any kind either physical or verbal need not be tolerated at any cost. Of course, immediately one need not jump into conclusion of divorce. But when it is intolerable, if divorce is the solution, then go for it. Be yourself and live peacefully.

    On one end, I see there are improvement. These days certain men share the responsibility of not only earning but also engaging themselves in household work as well. On the other hand looking at few songs in hindi movies I wonder, Where are we leading to? Is it only because of Men’s world? Are not the actress also responsible for vulgarity? Is it not possible to walk out of the project if their conscience doesn’t permit it? Whom to blame?

    Also I feel certain section of women misunderstand Empowerment of women, they go overboard and do the same mistakes of what is so called male attitude or behaviour. Wonder why there are conflicts generally in family? Is it not instigated more by women ( MILs and DILs) than men.

    Preeti, on a positive note, be happy that there are changes happening. There are men accepting not only women’s body but their soul as well. If I rack my brain cells for solution, I could say, from childhood treat boys and girls equally where ever gender should not be a problem. Education and awareness is another key for Women( I am talking about rural area) so that they are atleast independent financially and mentally.

    Oh! Its become a very long comment.

    Cheer up lady, its not that bad and there are some positive signs

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  70. Absolutely Preeti; things might be changing for the good! Yet.. sadly it is a mad mad men’s world!

    Like I overhear at the lunch table, “Look at HER ATTITUDE, she thinks she is walking along the ramp!” “Wow.. Look at HIS ATTITUDE, he knows how to carry himself!!”

    Looking forward to more interesting posts like this!

    Cheers,
    Shalini

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  71. hehe...I do that a lot. And the guys do help out. What irks me is that they have to be asked (yanked from their seats and pushed is more like it :D) while they just sort of expect me to potter around and work. I have promised myself that I'l change that, at least in my household. (though the MIL disagrees. That, ofcourse, is another story altogether:D)

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  72. shalini, just curious... is it women who normally pass those comments? or are they usually guys?

    i wonder... :)

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  73. Guru - They are MCPs (mostly) of course! lol..!!! :)

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  74. shalini, they sound like a bunch of completely insecure and loser kind of mcps... :)

    most of the regular guys would have just 'ogled' in a good way! (is there a good way of ogling... yeah i think there is!)

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  75. Guru: i agree with you on that--there is 'appreciative ogling' and 'derogatory ogling' :)

    Meira: Mil to Dil se mila lo :P Win her over with ur charms :) It is possible. :P Ask her how she makes some dishes that her son likes so u can cook that for him :D (Whether u cook or not is a different matter but it will surely win you brownie points) :D

    Shalini:Thank you :)

    Maddy: I am not sad or angry :) It was merely a post different from my usual ones. What you have said is very valid. I agree completely. Thank you for a lovely comment.

    Ajay: :) Thank u. See the carpet in the video.We used to have the exact same carpet.

    Sunny Raju: Will see :)

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  76. wordsndreamz: Completely with you on bringing up children right.

    Satish: You're very right in your observations. :)But what I have said about language being like that is correct too. So i too agree as well as disagree :) Honoured to find you on my humble blog and even humbler comment box ;-) *bows low* ;-)

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  77. Hi Preeti,

    For a decade i have debated this very topic. My conclusion today is that it depends on how we define our "World". If this "World" gives significance to people who irritate us with their chauvinism then yes, its a man's world because such chauvinists are aplenty. After wrecking much heart-burn on myself, i finally decided the path i to take and i am sure it will make you smile -

    http://forevermanasi.blogspot.com/2009/01/female-of-species.html

    -Manasi

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  78. Great post. Though this topic has been beaten to death, unfortunately there is no way to address the issue.

    We can hope that next generation will learn to respect women and not look at women as sex objects.

    And, with the way things are working, it comes out as if Indian men are just too horny and may be its true. I had written about this (http://blog.achilles-punks.com/2009/06/are-indian-men-just-too-horny.html)

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