Skip to main content

Five rules I broke which changed the way I think




There are several rules that society imposes on Indian women (and men too.). Some of these rules are so  accepted, that nobody questions them. It is how we were raised. It is a part of our culture. It is just how we are.
I have always been a person who questions things. Even as a child, I was constantly questioning why things had to be the way they are. My mother, a strict disciplinarian would not encourage it, and there was no way out, other than just obeying whatever rules she laid down. In retrospect, it helped instill a sense of discipline in me.

In contrast, with my father, I could question everything. There was nothing which was taboo or forbidden. At the age of nine or perhaps ten,  encouraged by my father, I had read books like  'I'm OK, you're OK' by Thomas A Harris, and we would discuss things and analyse our conversation in terms discussed in the book. (transactional analysis)

My father did not believe in following anything blindly. He encouraged me to think deeply and reflect on everything. He always indulged me whenever I came up with hypothetical situations and scenarios. I loved the long discussions and conversations with him.

In my interviews, people always ask me, what is it that I do differently, which helps me succeed.  They make statements like  'You do so many things. You are so talented.'
I don't believe in that. I think it is just hard work! What I believe has been summed up beautifully by Conor Mc.Gregor




Looking back, there are several rules I broke, in my life and it helped me grow. It helped me succeed.
Here are the five rules that I broke:



1. Behave like a lady:  Women are always told to be demure, talk softly, not raise their voices, and to follow the rules. I went to a  women's college in Kerala. Back in the late eighties and early nineties , there was no woman in Kochi who was riding a two wheeler! Can you imagine such a time?  All the other 3000 (or maybe more) young women,  my fellow students,  would come to college by private buses, or would be dropped by male relatives or their parents. My father taught me to drive a car at 16. At 18, he bought me a moped, and I went for my driving test for two wheeler and a four wheeler. I rode proudly to college every day, on my two wheeler. I was interviewed by a Malayalam  TV channel for being a trend-setter! Can you imagine that? If I had 'behaved like a lady' (as was the norm in those days) , I would have never been independent.



2. Be concerned about what others might say:  The first book I wrote was creative non-fiction. They were all true incidents from my life. That genre I chose was almost non-existent, back then. People asked me if I am not concerned about what other would think. Here' the thing: People will always think something. Not everybody will approve of what you are doing. But as long as you are not hurting anyone with your actions, please do whatever you want to! Do what makes YOU happy. Don't worry about what other will think. It's not their life. It is yours.


3. If you fail, you will never live through it : I was rejected more than 40 times for my second book 'Life is what you make it.'. The book continues to top the nielsen charts even seven years after it's release.  Each time it was rejected, I felt my heart was being torn out. I never even thought that it would get published. I thought that I had failed. But I stuck with it. I lived through it. And now here I am, telling my tale.


4. Nobody will like you if you speak up: Myers Briggs Personality test will tell you a great deal about what kind of a personality you are. I had always felt a very strong need to speak up against injustice and unfairness of any kind. When I was younger, I would worry about whether that would make me unpopular. But as I grew older,  I simply learnt to be honest and yet tactful. I also understood myself a lot better when I discovered that I was an INFJ. All the descriptions fit me to a T! I urge you to do the test (linked in the start of this para) and perhaps you will learn new things about yourself too. It was a BIG eye-opener for me.


5. It's a man's world:  Whether I like it or not, just by the fact that I live in India, and I am a woman, I have to take certain precautions when it comes to travelling on my own. I have  now travelled extensively for my books events and I travel alone. To some extent, I would say it is a man's world, in India. Women safety and respect for women is yet to seep into many parts of India.  Many a time, my flight has landed at 11.00 pm or sometimes even later, when it is an international flight. There' s always a risk and a danger. But if you take certain precautions, you are going to be okay. I have taught my daughter that too. We should NOT accept that it is a man's world. We need t speak up, fight, and make our way through it.
_______________________________


If you like this post, grab my new book The Rule Breakers to find out whether Veda carved her own path by following the rules or breaking them. Book releases on September 17, 2018.







To get a flavour of the book, you  can also read  the first chapter here:
http://preeti.io/therulebreakers












Pic credit of the first photograph in this post: Aditya Saxena on Unsplash
Pic credit of Conor Mc.Gregor: Business Insider
Pic credit of me: Satish Shenoy.

Comments

  1. Thank you so so much for this blog ma'am. I went through the personality test. Till now I just thought I was a worthless person who can not make any decisions or is always insecure about everything. I'm an INFP and I got to know myself better. I hope things will change now.
    Thank you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very glad it helped! The Myers Briggs test does give an excellent insight.

      Delete
  2. Lovely to see you post after a gap...I cannot agree less with each para of the post. Would love to see read more. And waiting for sept 17 _for the book

    ReplyDelete
  3. I BROKE RULES TO HELP PEOPLE......i was helped people by breaking rule either for their study or for social life.....i never expected in return but when i need people no one was there i was fighting alone throughout but as god says don't expect return and just do your karma for people and your book " RULE BREAKER" actually i lived once in a life. i am a constant follower of your books and your writings. actually i was recovered from life to read your book and that's why i am living. such pleasure to read your books and thanks a lot to your book which helps us to recover from life which is stand on thin layer where death and life are on same distance.....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love this blog.... looking forward to your book...

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Preeti, your story is inspiring and rules are made to broken to giving wings to the persona. I enjoyed reading about your experience.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)


Popular posts from this blog

Daughters are so special. Post 3

Hello dear friend :)

This is my third post in this blog marathon. Those of you who are  here because of my Instagram post do hit subscribe that you see on top of this page, and you will receive my posts in your inbox.


Writing this like a letter, feels very nice. It is as though I am pulling up a chair, sitting down in front of you and having a chat with you. I read all your comments in my last two posts, and I have replied too! I think that is the nice part about blogging--that we can connect one-on-one, through our words.



Today, I went out with my daughter, and we had an amazing time.When she and I go out, I always drive my car and she plays her choice of music. It's a girls trip, and we cherish this time that we spend together. (you can see stories of our day on my Instagram handle)

I come from a family and background, where women never worked or drove a car. My mother has never worked, neither had my grandmother nor had my great-grandmother. None of my aunts-- either on my m…

A few books I LOVED reading this year. Post 13

Hello there,

It has been twelve whole days since I started my blog marathon. Time has sped by so fast. In fact, the whole year has sped by so fast. It feels like just yesterday that I was preparing my 'reading wall' which I do a the start of the year. I started this two years ago.
If you want to know what a reading wall is, clickHERE.

It's basically a list of books that I read the entire year.

Many of you have been asking me to recommend the 'best books'. I am reluctant to do so, because tastes vary. It is like  person asking me to  recommend what they should eat. The recommendation would  depend on whether they like South-Indian, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Japanese , Singaporean or any other specific cuisine. It would be meaningless to recommend Idlis to someone  who hates South Indian food.

This is the reason I do not recommend books. My tastes tend to be eclectic. What is outstanding for me might me egregious for you. So, unless I know the person very well, I …

A quick and easy DIY for clearing charger clutter. Post 4

Hello!

How are you doing today?

The one thing I dislike very much is clutter. Clutter bothers me, and messes with my mind. I am a huge fan of the Konmari method. If you do not know what that is, and you want to get rid of clutter in your life,  do read Marie Kondo's Life Changing Magic of Tidying. I highly recommend it.

Here's what I did today.



Neat, isn't it?

It isn't hard at all. I made it myself. This is how I did it.

Step 1: Find a suitable box. I used an amazon box.



Step 2: Make a neat slit in the side.



Step 3: Place your extenion plug inside the box, and take out the wires through the slit.


Step 4: Decorate the box! I used washi tape for the edges to make them neat.




And oh--I also made extra hole for the phone charger wires to come out.


Since that side is against the wall, I didn't bother to decorate it, as it is hidden.


I was mighty pleased with it. :)

Like it? Tell me in comments.
_____________________________
buy my books: http://preeti.io/amazon