Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A journey of fifteen years--what we learnt.


Fifteen years is a long time in the lifespan of an individual, by any measure. After all, even a life sentence lasts only 14 years. So today, I cannot help feeling a sense of achievement, a sense of wonder,  a sense of quiet accomplishment and a deep joy on completing 15 years of marriage. Yes! Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. A big thank you to those of you who called me and wished me. It was really sweet of you. I felt moved.  Somehow, the effort that goes into making that International phone call always moves me. I am delighted when I get any call from India. To be honest, very few bother calling and any phone calls from India are treated with same reverence as a call from the Prime Ministers office. Not that the Prime minister’s office calls me either. :-)

If I claimed that all the fifteen years were ‘picture perfect’ I would be lying. There were a lot of ‘pictures’ yes, but they were far from perfect! I was 23 when I met Satish, fell  totally,madly and completely in love and threw away my job in a multinational in Mumbai to follow him to Gwalior, (where he was working with Cadburys) without a moment’s hesitation, just 40 days after meeting him. (yes, we got married within just 40 days of meeting each other!)

I remember vividly the sights and the sounds, when I  got off the Comfortable AC train along with Satish, which we boarded from Mumbai and how scorched I felt arriving at Gwalior railway station with temperatures around 45 degrees, as it was peak summer! It was the first time I had set foot in this city and the only person I knew there was my husband whom I had just met forty days ago!

Coming from a sprawling, bustling busy Metropolis like Mumbai, Gwalior felt like a bygone era and the contrast between what my life had been in Mumbai and what it would be like in Gwalior hit me like a ton of bricks. More so, when I was welcomed as a new bride in the Punjabi tradition (with all the accompanying rituals)  by our very kind Punjabi landlords who took it upon themselves to make me feel welcome and make me feel a part of their family which was indeed very kind of them. There was not a soul in Gwalior (at least within miles of where I lived)  who would speak English, which was what I spoke to most of my friends.I polished my book learnt CBSE hindi and tried hard to make conversation with ‘bhabhi’ who wanted to know how many suits my ‘maike’ had given me. It took me a while to decode what she was asking (as I had to rack my brains to remember what 'Maike' and 'Sasural' meant) and when I did, my reply shocked her as much as her question shocked me—“None,” I had replied  as we do not gift ‘suits’ but ‘kanjeevaram sarees’  I smile now at the memory. 

I remember how I had brought my collection of books with me and how happy I was to see his collection. Then we arranged our books together (his and mine) and he made space in the wardrobe for my clothes. He had a remarkably well kept house for a bachelor and all his colleagues’ wives used to wait to see whom he would get married to and would comment that the ‘Girl  who gets him is lucky indeed’. Of course, I am  fairly certain that the countless ‘adjustments’ that an independent   working woman from a huge metro like Mumbai  made when she moved bag and baggage to the very Historic Gwalior city, would not have occurred to the well meaning wives of the colleagues who had made that statement.:-) (just saying)

After that, we have lived in six more cities. We have moved houses about eight times. Each new place has been an adventure. I have grown along the way. So has he.

The road has sometimes been rocky. The path has not always been smooth. But when I look back, I have had more joy and more happiness than I could ever hope to have from anyone else. I am truly not the easiest of people to live with and be close to. (No one who calls themselves as artist ,writer and a poet is. Trust me on this or ask their spouses :-) )  It might be hard to believe how offending I can be, when provoked. I have my terrible rages (yes I do, you do not see it, that is all!) and my black destructive  moods.

But the fact is, he has been supportive of me, as much as I have been of him. (It is not easy to give up your career, move bag and baggage to another city for the sake of your Husband’s career).

We have together learnt a lot in these fifteen years. We have learnt when to take the driver’s seat and when to be navigator. We have learnt when to let go and when to hold on. We have learnt that sometimes it is best not to say anything and to hold back your words, especially when you are angry.  We have learnt that sometimes, when the other person has withdrawn into an angry shell you have to chase and poke and prod and pursue till they come out, yet sometimes you have to let them be.

But most importantly we have learnt that if a relationship is important to you, it is worth doing just about anything to make it work and to keep it going. Especially if you have invested so much time into it, spent time together laughing, enjoying, having fun, then you should never neglect it. One should weed out discontent right at the roots.Stamp it. Kill it. Feed the positivity. Express what you feel. Make it grow.

In the end, it will be truly worth it.

74 comments:

  1. Aww a very happy anniversary to both of u Preeti :)

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  2. Congratulations ! A very happy anniversary and a lovely post !

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  3. Okie .. I wanted to be the first to wish u here and so ended my comment with just that wish ;)
    I just luved this post .. the moving places, arranging both ur books together, making space in the wardrobe .. it imparts such a warm feel :) God bless u both and may u find joy in life now and always :)

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  4. Loved it! Not just the places... you guys have explored each other in these 15 years! Isn't this what people call "growing together" in a relationship?!

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  5. Hey Preeti ... Wishing you and Satish a very very happy Anniversary and wishing you gazillions more of the same love and togetherness!

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  6. Lovely post!
    Wishing you both a wonderful day!

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  7. Happy Anniversary to you and Satish :)

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  8. A very happy anniversary to you and Sathish

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  9. Dear Preeti,
    Wishing you and Satish A Very Very Happy Anniversary ..... Wishing you both a very Long and Happy Married Life Together....
    Lovely post and so absolutely true...no wonder u two are truly made for each other....bcos u both have grown together.....
    Best Wishes and Lots of Love

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  10. Congratulations Preeti - wish you an Satish lifelong of fun and new discoveries.

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  11. Hey! congratulations and best wishes to both of you..

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  12. Wishing you a very, very happy Anniversary. Congratulations!

    And such a lovely, lovely post! Here's to many more of these.

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  13. Your writings make me smile :)

    Heartiest Congratulations to both of you!!!
    Here's to decades and decades and another dozen decades more! :D

    Cheers!

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  14. 1.5 decades!!
    Wow and congratulations. May you both see more such decades together.
    :-)

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  15. Hey a very happy anniversary to both of you :) Let there be many more :)

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  16. It felt very nice reading this post :)

    Congratulations for the 15 years that have been, and wishing you both lots of love and togetherness for all the many more years to come...!

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  17. It is a sweet, lovely post!
    Cheers to both of u celebrating one and half decade of togetherness! :)

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  18. 15 years!

    that is more than 70% of my stay in earth...

    Congratulations for the sweet and successful marriage...in the age of break-ups and divorces and heartbreaks :D

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  19. A very Happy 15th anniversary to you and Satish sir. I wish the two of you countless years of happiness together :-)

    If a relationship is important to you, it's worth doing everything for. I agree with you, and I shall take this advise from you too :)

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  20. Heartiest congratulations and happie happie anniversary!

    You said it so well here - "if a relationship is important to you, it is worth doing just about anything to make it work and to keep it going."

    It is very hard to let go of our ego and opinions but when we do, it's so much worth it. Each one of us learns from our own experiences, and others' as well ;)

    Wishing you and Satish a very blessed future with the kiddos!

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  21. Happy Anniversary Preeti & Satish! So, where's the party tonight? :)))

    I don't remember Preeti, but, if you haven't, you should write a post on what it is about Satish that struck you. In this era of couples meeting umpteen times before taking a decision, your thoughts would really help.

    Cheers,

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  22. Wish you a very happy wedding anniv..and many more years of togetherness..:)

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  23. Wish you a very happy wedding anniv..and many more years of togetherness..:)

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  24. Wish you a very happy wedding anniv..and many more years of togetherness..:)

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  25. Preeti,
    Congratulations to you and SAtish on your 15th wedding anniversary. Its a wonderful achievement indeed in these times when patience is a short lived virtue!

    Have a wonderful day :)

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  26. One of ur best posts Preeti :)... And wow! Married in 40 days... how and where did u meet him? Please do a post on that. Its not everyday that u make a right judgement of someone u know for 40 days. How did u manage to do this??? And Happy Wedding Anniversary!!!

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  27. Pointblank: thank you! Met him in Mumbai :) Somehow it was meant to be. It was like a 'click' which happens which you read about in books and they show in movies! But more than anything I guess we have worked to make it succeed.

    Sanjini:Thank you so much! :)

    Deepti: Thank you x 3!! :)

    Palsworld: Thank you! i think once a basic attraction is there and once you share some common interests you can make any relationship work. It just takes effort and time :) It is not about the person, but how much love you have and how you decide to use that love.

    Shachi: Thank u!Oh yes--worth sacrificing egos for the sake of relationship.

    Tranquility speaks: thank you! :)

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  28. Ashish: :) :) spoken like a true Mathematician :) Thanks a lot :)

    SS: Thank you! :)His initials are SS too :)

    MS: happy you liked.:) Thank you!

    Dhanya: thank you. Amen, :)

    Dev: Welcome to my blog and thank you!

    Sparkling: And your comment gives me joy :) Thank you!

    wordsndreamz: Thank U thank U..beaming now :)

    Mihir: Thanks!

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  29. Colours: thank you!

    Rujuta: thank you so very much. I really dont think there is anything as 'made for each other'. I think it is just that couples who are together WORK at it! :)

    Sundari: thank you!

    Aathira:Thank you!

    Life begins: thank you so much!

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  30. Thoughtful train: thanks a LOT :)

    Mamta: thank you thank you! I guess we have learnt a lot and become 'wiser'. :)

    Swaram: So sweet! And yes you were FIRST :) Thank you so much!!

    Swati: Thanks a lot!

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  31. was an absolutely lovely read..
    Happy Anniversary both of you

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  32. A truly touching, moving post Preeti :) Congratulations to both of you..here's to many more such years of happier times and togetherness. Cheers!!

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  33. 15 years is like a generation passed, Pritj...Great going!!

    Congratulations to you and Satish and the kids too!!

    Have a blast!!

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  34. Happy Happy Anniversary to you & Satish.

    Best Wishes
    Chitra xx

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  35. A very Happy Anniversary to you and Satish!!

    " But most importantly we have learnt that if a relationship is important to you, it is worth doing just about anything to make it work and to keep it going."
    I think this is what most happy and successful couple have realized.
    When you feel like killing him, think about a life without him and things fall into place :-)

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  36. Happy Anniversary Preethka and Satish. Hope you guys had a great day.

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  37. Dear Preeti,
    Wish you a very very happy anniversary and more years of togetherness!!!!

    Cheers,
    Dhanya

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  38. Hi Preeti,

    A very happy anniversary!!! May you be blessed with peace and joy and lead a contented life

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  39. a very happy anniversary to both of you..
    Here's a toast to the two of you
    As you celebrate together;
    You're the poster kids for happiness,
    In sunny or stormy weather.


    Your love continues, warm and bright;
    May it shine throughout the years;
    You’re an example for the rest of us,
    So here’s to you: Three cheers!
    - Joanna Fuchs

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  40. Many many congratulations for reaching this milestone
    Best wishes for the upcoming silver, golden anniversaries
    Regards
    Lohit

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  41. Wishing you a very very happppppy anniversary :) May you have many more happy & cheerful anniversaries :) Lovely post Preeti :)

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  42. preeti n satish,
    a very happy anniversary to oth of u, n hoping for even more joy & togetherness in the years to come.

    cheers,
    aparna.

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  43. preeti n satish,
    a very happy anniversary to oth of u, n hoping for even more joy & togetherness in the years to come.

    cheers,
    aparna.

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  44. very nice post(as usual)..

    15th anniversary!!!! sounds great!!!
    Congrats!

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  45. Congrats Akki...wish u both complete 100 years :)

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  46. Happy Aniversary ! Lots of hugs coming your way from Delhi !!
    psst... u share ur anniversary with my parents and they completed 43 yrs together today !! Heres wishing you and Satish many many many more years of togetherness and may those years be filed with nothing but happiness :-)

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  47. Congratulations to both of You. Wishing more of happiness & togetherness for the future :)

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  48. Congratulations for your 15th anniv. and all these sweet memories. Hope your marriage lasts a 100 years. :)

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  49. lovely post` happy anniversary preeti :) May this love bring lots more of bliss in the comin decades... god bles`

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  50. Many many congratulations to you and Satish!! This was a beautiful post.

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  51. Wish you both loads of luck n joy ..To the first 'fifteen'th of the many more to come.. :D
    *clink champagne glass

    Got tears in my eyes reading about 'what you have learnt'from each other..
    touching post..
    :D
    do visit me sometime @ my new adress..:D
    = swat -hanging n floating btwn earth n sky.

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  52. hi ps -- happy anniversary!

    your smile is certainly the widest..ear to ear. :). I COULDNT help smile even more!

    good luck and god bless,

    warm wishes,
    eera

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  53. Cheers Preeti and Satish, for you happy married life.... the way you started is just amazing... "Life sentence is of only 14 years".

    Take care,
    Anish

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  54. I loved your last para.
    true indeed.
    Wish you a happy 16th year

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  55. Happy 15th.. :) May you two live longer and longer and may I be alive to comment on ur half century.. ;)

    U married him in 40 days?? :O :O Amazzzzzing!! height of Love if u ask me.. :)

    What a wonderful post on love.. :)

    Love,
    Nikhil
    www.madrascentral.wordpress.com

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  56. good learnin' indeed :)
    wish you many many more such years ahead and wish you more joys than rocky roads ;)

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  57. Hi Preeti

    Ive been reading your blogs now for quite a while & this is the first time i felt like leaving a comment. Not that your other posts were bad otherwise i wouldn't be following you, just that this moved me to goose bumps & made me soooo want to write. "Realistic & warm" are the words that came to my mind when i read the post. Hope to read your post on your silver & golden & diamond annvs as well. Keep writing.

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  58. Beautiful, wonderful, warm and moving post Preeti!!!!

    Its tough to squeeze in all the things u want to say into one post but u did so well:-))

    Wishing U both the very best Life has to offer!!!!

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  59. belated 'HAPPY ANNIVERSARY'!!!!

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  60. Magiceye: Thank you!

    Reflections: thanks so much!!

    DJ: welcome to my blog and happy that it moved you so much to leave a comment! Thanks so much.

    Sucheta: yes--if joys were lesser, car would have been abandoned long back ;-) :-) Thanks for the wishes!

    Nikhil: thanks so much :) Yes--40 days was all it took :)

    Aarthi:Thanks a lot and welcome to my blog!

    Anish: I copied that sentence from satish :)

    EM: thank you thank you..wide wide grin now :)

    btwnearhtsky: Thanks a lot. U moved?! This is same swati from australia right?

    sandhya: thanks a lot!!

    Sulo:Thanks so much! :)

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  61. Beta guy: Thanks! we'd probably have to be reborn for it to last 100 years! :P But i do appreciate the wishes.

    Aksha:Thanks a lot!!

    Ruch: Your parents are lucky to have a daughter like you! Do convey my regards to them. And thanks :)

    Praveen: Thanks so much! :)

    Hunter: thank you!!

    Aparna;Thank you thank you

    Mridula: thanks!!

    Lohit;Thanks so much

    Aish: That was truly a lovely verse. Thanks so much for sharing! Much appreciate the wishes too :)

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  62. Dhanya:Thanks a lot! There is anoher dhanya too who comments on my blog and whom I met. Initially I thought that sh has changed her display picture :)

    Anusha;Thank you!

    Sandya: THAAAAAANK U..the photo you sent was truly priceless!! :)

    Wanderlust: oh yes--i agree. Many times I have indeed felt like killing him :) but then I cannot live without him too :D

    Chitra;Thank U!!

    Manish: thanks so much!! :) You comment only when a post has touched you and so i feel good knowing this one has :)

    Nandana:Thanks a lot!

    Dr.Roshan: thank you so much! :)

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  63. Yikes! My comment disappeared.

    I wanted to wish you both a happy fifteenth...you both chose very well.

    xoxo
    (I said a lot more but I can't remember it now. :(
    xo! Love to you both...!

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  64. hi preeti ,
    wishing u both a belated happy anniversary n many more 2 cum .....The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life......
    my life sentence is goin 2 b over in a few months .....

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  65. hi preeti ,
    wishing u both a belated happy anniversary n many more 2 cum .....The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life......
    my life sentence is goin 2 b over in a few months .....

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  66. I guess , i will be the last one to comment :)
    nice post .. belated happy marriage anniversary Preeti :)

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  67. I guess , i will be the last one to comment :)
    nice post .. belated happy marriage anniversary Preeti :)

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  68. Happy 15th Wedding Anniversary Preeti. May you both have many more adventures together. God bless!

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  69. Happy Anniversary, Preeti.

    :)

    Was in a slightly depressed state of mind due to some academic reasons as I came here, but realized 15 years is an awesomely long time on reading it. So I am not going to be remembering any exam I flunk now in 15 years. :P

    Once again, you live the good life. May you continue living it, for a long long time. :)

    ~~Raouf~~

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  70. Hey - first of all big congrats to both of you.

    One thing, i really liked in your writing. it is often taken for granted that a woman aligns to her husband, i always wonder why?

    while i always like pulling Satish's leg, but i think he has always appeciated this.

    and i think good that you left your career, we would have not got the "Not just a mother of two" preeti shenoy otherwise

    loads and loads of luv to both of you.

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  71. Hi Preeti, Wish you and Satish a belated but Happy Anniversary :)

    Really nice post, I always admire the fact that you state your life experiences and truthful tit-bits in such a simple and graceful manner and the same goes for this post!

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  72. belated happy anniversary.

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  73. Hi...I'm a fresher in the blogging world...Happened to pass by your blog n should say I really got impressed with your writing...It's really interesting...But sad to say,I'm not able to read your 2006 blogs...It's getting closed saying
    "Internet Explorer has encountered a problem n needs to be closed" :( ... Any solution?? By the way,Belated Anniversary wishes...hope u njoyed the day...

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  74. Koncham late inge...

    Ungal iruvarin illara payanam inthaaga,magilvaaga...inaipiryaamalirukka endrendrum vaazthukkal.

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