Monday, October 28, 2013

Is it okay to wear this?

A little while ago when I was browsing on Facebook, a post titled 'Girl you wear shorts? :-O ' caught my attention. The emoticon at the end of the title struck me as particularly though provoking.

After I read the piece I couldn't resist writing a comment.  (click on the above link to read the piece as well as my comment).

It took me back to a time when I was 23. I had just met Satish. We were to get married soon. Among the many things that I asked him, I remember this the most.
"There is something I want to ask you."
"Do ask," he said. (He would tell me many years later that, by the seriousness  of my tone and demeanor , he presumed I was going to confess that I already had a boyfriend)
 "Is it okay if I wear shorts?"

Reading the post took me back to that time---the time where I was conditioned to think that what I wore had to be *approved* by the guy I was getting married to. It wasn't about my choice--it was about whether he thought it was okay or not. That is what I had been conditioned to believe.

I wonder to this day, how I would have reacted had Satish said that he wasn't okay with it. Would I have stopped wearing shorts? (an attire I was most comfortable in, and which remains my preferred attire to this day)

As women, we all want to look good, attractive, sexy. I guess not just women, even the men want to look great too ( Men as sex objects-- a trend which I saw being reflected  well in a bollywood flick. For once it wasn't about women--I liked that.)

But I don't see too many men asking their wives or girlfriends, "Is it okay if I wear shorts?" It seems to be taken for granted that men  know what to wear, and women have to 'seek approval'. (be it from society or parents or boyfriends or even other women)

I know a lot of married women in India, have to dress in a certain manner (whether it is out of their choice or not) because their  in-laws and husbands will not otherwise approve. This aspect of the Indian society does find it's way into my writing too. In my new book 'The One You Cannot Have', Shruti who is a young urban professional, who wears mostly skirts and trousers to work, faces this issue when her mother-in-law and father-in-law visit her.

I do believe that if you are an adult, living on your own and you are not financially dependent on your parents, you have a right to decide what to wear. You may choose to wear a saree  when you go to a temple and a pair of shorts or a  short dress when you go to a mall. You may decide to wear a salwar kameez when you go and visit an old aunt, and you may decide to wear a short skirt and killer heels, for a night out at the pub. The point I am trying to make it that it is  *Your choice.* You know what is appropriate to wear.

Nobody has the right to tell you what to wear and not wear---not your cousin, not your husband, not your best friend.

And wearing a saree does not make one a great individual, than wearing a pair of shorts makes you 'cheap'. Recently Kim Kardashian faced a lot of flak, for posting a picture of herself in a bikini, after she became a mother.

*Behave like a mother with a baby at home* seemed to be the gist of most criticisms. How does posting a picture of herself in a bikini have anything to do with motherhood?! Does Kim Kardashain become a bad mother because of what she wears? 

Definitely not.

I think it is high time we stop trying to shame people because of their attire. If you don't like it, don't look. And if you think it is cheap or inappropriate, then perhaps it is time to introspect and look within.


Picture clicked yesterday. I am wearing a dress that I like a lot.


Addendum:

I got a mail from a reader which i thought was worth sharing--especially as she talks of women 'Slut shaming' other women. So relevant. So true.  Here is the message I got:


Just read your post "Is it okay to wear this?" Messaging you here as I'm unable to comment from an openid. It really speaks to the double standard that men seldom have to ask themselves that question in the context of moral decency. One particular instance I vividly recall was when I was in high school in and got weird looks and comments for wearing a knee length skirt--from men who were wearing lungis hitched up high and short. This whole chastising people for what they wear thing is just another way of men controlling women, and sadly, women are just as much to blame when they "slut shame" other women. As a friend of mine recently pointed out- there's no male equivalent for "slut". Really appreciate your speaking up on this.

__________________________________________________________________



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Thursday, October 24, 2013

TOUCH Thursday No.4 (and results!)

Hi there,

So here are the results of TOUCH  (The One You Cannot Have) Thursday Number 3. If you are new to this blog, check out THIS post which tells you all about Touch Thursdays.

The winning entry which gets the TOUCH mug is

http://lovingthysoul.blogspot.in/2013/10/what-women-want_21.html

written by Megha Sinha

Hearty congrats Megha! please send me your email id and Westland will get in touch with you.




The other entry which got a special mention (as it came very close to winning)  is

 http://geevika.blogspot.in/2013/10/thats-like-my-man.html

written by Geevika Bhatia.

All the others scored more or less the same marks.

One of the things that the judges (from Westland) observed is that nobody had anything new to say other than trust and unconditional love.(which is what are the foundations of any loving relationship--so I guess all of you were bang on there).



One of the things I observed this time, was that very few men took part. :) I wonder why :)

 In case anyone wants to read what I wrote (some time back) on 5 things women want from men, check out this post of mine.


Anyway, here is the writing prompt for Touch Thursday Number 4. 

Describe your idea of a perfect date. (Who would you date?  You can give a fictional name if you don't want to use the real name. What would you do? How will you make it special? How would it end?)

Go on--let your imaginations run. You can date ANYONE. (yeah, any of these men or any of these women  depending on your sexual orientation ;-)  You can even date your ex.  Or soon to be ex or yet to be Mr. or Ms. Right. You can date a politician or an altruist or a space alien or a character from a  book. ANYONE!)

 Write as much as you want. Or as little as you want.

But write a post that makes us all go awwww and believe in love :)


Leave the entries in the widget below:




Mister Linky's Magical Widgets -- Auto-Linky widget will appear right here!
This preview will disappear when the widget is displayed on your site.
For best results, use HTML mode to edit this section of the post.
Do not link the whole blog. Give only the link to the relevant post.
 Winners will be announced  next Thursday.

Please carry the TOUCH cover if you want Westland to consider your entries:




Good luck and I am waiting to read your description of the perfect date!
Love
Preeti

psst: A confession--this prompt is making me want to write my idea of a perfect date!
______________________________________________________________


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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Wordless Wednesday 39. That which bring me joy.

Often there are no dramatic moments in life. It is the mundane, the little things, the routines that go on to comprise a patchwork, which knits itself into a day that passed. A date on the calendar.

I like to notice little things that make each day special. I write about them (in a private journal) and sometimes I write posts like these--to share things that are made me happy.




 When the weather is gloomy outside, the best way to spend the day is being curled up on the couch :)




On a gloomy day, red can work wonders :)



And yes--these are growing in my garden. Gives me so much joy.



And finally a walk with my 3rd baby. We walk about 3.5 kms every day. She stops to explore the little things.  I notice so much when i take her for a walk--things that I would have otherwise missed.

I am not sure who enjoys it more--she or me.

And even though this was a Wordless Wednesday post, I had to write a few things.
Sometimes, pictures just don't suffice.
_________________________________________________________

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

A matter of interest.



The last two days, I was single parenting as Satish was travelling on work. Handling a hundred things, I realised that i had forgotten to withdraw money from the ATM and I was now out of cash. Not only that, I had selected a 'Pay cash on delivery option' for an online purchase, which would be delivered in the next half an hour.

I told my daugther that I had to rush to the ATM and was grumbling that I was short of time and really tired.

"Don't worry Mama, I will lend you money and it will save you a trip to the ATM," she said. I had forgotten about her 'secret stash'--the money she has been saving from birthday presents and tooth fairies.

"Oh, thank you. Can you lend me Rs.500/-? I shall give it back to you soon,' I replied, relieved and happy at her offer.

"You will have to pay interest." comes her reply.

"No way, You don't pay interest for such a short period of time. I will return back the money, this evening."

"In that case, there will only be a service tax," she says.

Yes--I know :) I am still smiling :) [ and yes, I  took her permission to share this--and there was no service tax for that ;-) ]


 
 ___________________________________________________________________

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   photo credit: mynameisharsha via photopin cc

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Touch Thursday No.3 (and results!)

And here it is..TOUCH (The One You Cannot Have) Thursday Number 3.

If you are new and want to know what TOUCH Thursdays are, read this post which has all the details.

First the winner of Touch Thursday Number 2..

The winner is

Sumanth Naik.

Here is the winning entry: http://sumanthnaik.blogspot.in/2013/10/an-advice-to-mark-about-our-country.html




Sumanth gets the TOUCH mug which can be personalised with your picture. Please send me your e-mail and  Westland will get in touch with you.



Special mentions (the people who came very close to winning)

Aayush Goyal (he heft his entry as a comment on the post)

 Ruminating Optimist: http://ruminating-optimist.blogspot.in/2013/10/writing-prompt-mark-coming-to-india.html

Kavya Mysore: http://kavyamysore.blogspot.in/2013/10/touch-thursday-no2.html

Thank you all for taking part. I really enjoyed reading ALL the entries. (I even left a comment on a few)

Here is the writing Prompt for TOUCH Thursday Number 3.

Anjali is a character in the book. She has dated 6 men and rejected all of them. She is still looking for Mr.Right. She feels it is hard to get what she is looking for.

Her friend Sriram Surve, would say the same about women--that it is hard to understand women.

If you are a guy, write  3 things (or more!) that you really want from women.

If you are a woman, write 3 things (or more)  that you really want from men.

Please carry the TOUCH banner if you want Westland to consider your entry.



Results will be declared next Thursday.

Leave your entries in the widget below. (Link only the specific post, not the whole blog)

If you don't have a blog, leave your entry as a comment in this post.


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This preview will disappear when the widget is displayed on your site.
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Good luck! I so look forward to reading your entries :) ____________________________________________________________________
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Landmark: http://is.gd/TouchLandmark
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Uread: http://is.gd/TouchUread (Uread ships internationally too)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Aman's Facebook Profile! TOUCH

Download  to enlarge and read :) Or right click--open link in new tab--and click again!
______________________________________________________________________
Pre order now!
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Thursday, October 10, 2013

TOUCH Thursday No.2 (and also results of TOUCH Thursday No.1 !)

Thursday again!

Yes-- I know, you have been waiting for the winners of TOUCH Thursday No.1. A big thank you to all who took part. I read each single one, and each one was forwarded to Westland.
The ones that did not carry the banner were also forwarded but not considered.


The results have just come in.. And the winner of TOUCH Thursday No.1 is

SEEMA !!  Here is her entry:  http://myendeavours.blogspot.in/2013/10/touch-thursday-no1.html

Seema--Please send me your email id and Westland will get in touch with you and send you the TOUCH Thursday mug (which can be personalized with your picture).





The following people get a special mention:

Aayush Goyal.   (he had left his entry as a comment on my previous post as he does not have a blog)

Kajol Bramhadande:  ( She has  left her entry  as a comment on my previous post)

Preeti Venugopal : http://tulipsandme.blogspot.in/2013/10/my-forever-friend.html



A big BIG thanks to all who took part! I enjoyed reading your thoughts and I hope you enjoyed taking part.

 
And now, here is TOUCH Thursday No.2



See the picture above. Mark is one of the characters in the book. He is from UK. He has not been to India yet, but plans to visit. He has lived in UK, all his life.

If you had to tell Mark about India, what would you tell him?

You can write Mark an email or just tell him, like you would tell a friend.
It is your choice!

 (To get you started--where will you take him? What will you show him? What do you want him to know about India?)

(Didn't I tell you, it would be fun? :) )

 Write as much as you want or as little as you want! If you want Westland to consider your entry, please carry the TOUCH banner:


Leave your entries in the widget below:






Mister Linky's Magical Widgets -- Auto-Linky widget will appear right here!
This preview will disappear when the widget is displayed on your site.
For best results, use HTML mode to edit this section of the post.
If you don't have a blog and want to take part, use my comment box. Entries close on 16th october 9.00PM IST.

The results will be declared next Thursday and one lucky winner gets the TOUCH mug :) !
 Good luck!
I can't wait to read what you  will write :)
________________________________________________


You can now pre-order The One You Cannot Have from any of the links below :






Monday, October 07, 2013

TOUCH. (The One You Cannot Have) Meet Aman and Shruti.



"How Can women do this? be in love with one guy and marry someone else?"

Meet Aman. He is in Norwich UK, but is all set to come back to India now. Little does he know what lies in store for him.




"Everybody says that things change after marriage. But they lie. Marriage does not take away your memories. Marriage does not change your past."


Meet Shruti. For four years she was in a *perfect relationship* with Aman. Then she married Rishabh. Why did she do it? Is she happy now?

 Find out soon!
 Also watch this space to meet the other characters in the book. The book will be out in November and pre-order links will be up soon. And yes, a limited number of  pre-ordered copies will be signed by me.
__________________________________________________________________________


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 Buy my books (pay cash on delivery)  on Amazon.in  Click HERE
Buy my books on Flipkart (pay cash on delivery). Click HERE
Buy my books in India,  here

(You can pay cash on delivery. You don't need a credit card)
   

Buy my books on Amazon, (outside India)  here - See more at: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/#sthash.fHoKqIwI.dpuf
Buy my books in India,  here

(You can pay cash on delivery. You don't need a credit card)
   

Buy my books on Amazon, (outside India)  here - See more at: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/#sthash.fHoKqIwI.dpuf

Thursday, October 03, 2013

TOUCH (The One You Cannot Have) Thursday No.1

As promised in my last post, here it is,  *drum rolls and bugles please* :)

 TOUCH (The One YoU Cannot Have)Thursdays  in association with my publishers Westland Limited.

In case you are new and don't know what I am talking about, starting today, for the next 6 weeks, every Thursday, I will be putting up an interesting, quirky and a fun writing prompt.

What do you have to do to take part?

You just have to answer the prompts on your blogs, and leave a link (linking the specific post), in the widget at the end of this post. (Do not link your whole blog, link only the relevant post. Any irrelevant links will be promptly deleted).

 If you do not have a blog, but still want to take part, please leave the answer as a comment in my comment box

Westland will pick one entry every week, and will send them an AWESOME personalised 'The One You Cannot Have' mug, like the one you see here ! (The reverse side can be personalised with any picture you want!)





Westland will also tweet the winning entries  plus mention the names of the winners, with links to the winning entries,  on the official Westland blog, at the end of 6 weeks.

If you want your entry to be considered by Westland, please include the TOUCH banner (given below) in your posts, and please link to this post or the Facebook page of the book.





 Here is the prompt for  TOUCH Thursday no.1:

If I could have anyone I choose as my 'forever friend'/ 'life partner' , I would choose..................................................

(To help you get started---Who , according to you would make a PERFECT partner or a perfect friend? Describe him/her. What are the qualities you would want? What makes them special?)

You don't have to name that person. You can even make up an imaginary person.

Write as much as you want or as little as you want.





So put on your thinking hats, get out your creative pens (or keyboards) and join the fun!

 I  sure would love to read :)
_______________________________________________________________


Buy my books in India,  here

(You can pay cash on delivery. You don't need a credit card)
   

Buy my books on Amazon, (outside India)  here - See more at: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/#sthash.fHoKqIwI.dpuf
 Buy my books (pay cash on delivery)  on Amazon.in  Click HERE
Buy my books on Flipkart (pay cash on delivery). Click HERE
Buy my books in India,  here

(You can pay cash on delivery. You don't need a credit card)
   

Buy my books on Amazon, (outside India)  here - See more at: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/#sthash.fHoKqIwI.dpuf
Buy my books in India,  here

(You can pay cash on delivery. You don't need a credit card)
   

Buy my books on Amazon, (outside India)  here - See more at: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/#sthash.fHoKqIwI.dpuf