Sunday, April 21, 2013

On rapes and child sexual abuse.


If you find strong language offensive or if you are under 18, please do not read this post. I am writing this disclaimer in the beginning as I know many of my friends children, read my posts. This post is definitely not for kids.
________________________________________________________________________________

The recent bestial, horrific and utterly savage rape of the five year old leaves me sick to the pit of my stomach. Try as I might, I can't get over the horrifying brutality which that innocent would have been subjected to.

 How can rape be explained?

Psychologists and Sociologists have differing views. (One of my numerous degrees is a masters in Sociology which also happens to be a subject that fascinates me).

Psychologists say that the  Rapists are mentally unsound and have probably been subject to a lot of atrocities, cruelties, while growing up.
Sociologists feel that rape is about gender inequality. It is about expression of power and  dominance. Men rape,  to 'keep women in their place'. Men are indeed more powerful physically and in many societies economically as well as politically too, the balance tips in favour of men.

Perhaps some men may have psychological issues, when they rape women.  And others may be perfectly sane men. Whatever be the motive, the fact is rape cannot happen without sexual arousal.

 Are men who rape such a slave to their penises and urges? Or is it that they consider women 'unworthy' of being anything but a 'c**t'? Is culture to blame?  Is the upbringing of these men to blame? Have these men grown up watching their fathers and elders beat up women regularly and forcing themselves on women, that they think such behavior is really okay? That women 'deserve' it.

Whatever it is, there simply is no excuse for rape. And when it is a child, it sickens me so much, it makes me want to throw up.

The laws have to be made STRINGENT. Courts have to speed up trial.  Let there be fast-track courts for rape cases where the victims aren't questioned by insensitive brutes, but trained counselors. Castrate the bastards who dare rape. Let them live, but castrate them so they live with the shame of their deeds. Make their faces public. (Why the hell is the face of the rapist of the five year old hidden with cloth?) Do not allow people to forget. Tatoo 'I am a rapist' on their foreheads so they can't hide. Let them be made examples of, so that not a single person will even dare think of rape. There is a strong need for such deterrent action.

As parents however, we have to make our children aware, without scaring them. The statistics for Child sexual abuse speak a horrifying story and this even when most of the cases are hushed up.

Here are some facts about Child sexual abuse:


  • Most children are abused by someone they know and trust.
  • An estimated 60% of perpetrators of sexual abuse are known to the child but are not family members, e.g., family friends, babysitters, childcare providers, neighbors.
  • About 30% of perpetrators are family members, e.g., fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins.
  • Just 10% of perpetrators are strangers to the child.


In the times we live in, all we can do as parents, is to arm our child with knowledge. Knowlege is power.

As a parent, here is what you can do:

1. Speak about sex frankly to your children, in a way that they can understand, depending on the age of the child. There are many books and resources to tell your children about sex, if you feel awkward to do it. Let the child know that sex is ok, only when it is between two consenting adults.

2. Make them aware that their body is theirs alone. Nobody has a right to touch their bodies in any inappropriate way and make them understand what is inappropriate.

3. Do NOT trust anyone when it comes to your child. Doesn't matter if you are considered a 'paranoid parent'. Be safe. Do not send your child alone with the driver or helper or whoever.

4. Teach the child to not trust anyone just because they are an adult. This is true especially in the Indian Culture, where we tell out children to 'respect all elders'. Respect them, but also tell your children that 'terms and conditions apply'. (and it is indeed okay)

5. Make your child memorize your phone number and teach your child to be bold and  SCREAM for help if they sense trouble. teach them to be unafraid. (Do not make them suspicious of everyone though. Children are smart. They do understand much more than we give them credit for).

There are so many emotions running through me, as I write this post.

I say a prayer for the safety of women and children.

Fie upon the demons who rape. May they rot and suffer.

And it is indeed disgusting that in a country like ours women  have to be frightened to step out alone and always need a man for 'protecting; them.

Really a crying shame.
___________________________________________________________________________


24 comments:

  1. :(

    The culprit should suffer like anything and die.

    I'm so SAD and angry!


    ReplyDelete
  2. That tatooing idea is gud mam ..I thnk its high time that our goverment should put some serious thoughts on rapist punishments.Castration nothing less than this!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I feel the same and what happened with the 5yr old kid is shameful. They are barbarians... I fail to understand what pleasure do they get by raping a child...

    Seriously shame on our society, in which the girl is only blamed and tortured after her modesty is outraged. Most of the times it is a woman only who will abuse and blame the girl, by saying that she might have provoked the guy...

    We should teach our sons to respect girls and teach our girls to stand up for themselves. And, yes, we should talk about sex openly with our kids acc to their age and not treat it as a taboo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was also thinking the same when I saw the newswhy the hell was the rapist hid behind the cloth. He should be infamous to public. People should put his photo on the road and spit on it. Today also I faced such a situation when waiting for my friend. At first I was afraid and retracted myself when the two guys tried to threaten me. But then again I stood up against him mustering all my courage. They left muttering slang and then when my friend arrived we both chased those bastards down and made public to beat them.
    Damn if I had not done this, I would be repenting and cursing myself for being a coward. My mother has always brought me up with courage. She has always told me to stand and fight against the odd. I may be killed or raped down tomorrow but won't die with a burden of regret on my grave.
    Believe me! They only get encouraged seeing the fear in girl's eye. If someone is doing anything wrong stomp down your foot and look straight into their eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sick to the core too. Agree with you, the worst punishment possible, public humiliation and castration. Nishu Mathur

    ReplyDelete
  6. One of the factors I believe is also that rapists believe that they can get away with it due to the stigma people put on the woman/girl who gets raped instead of the rapist

    ReplyDelete
  7. the sad thing is you are not the policy maker and neither i am. At the end of the day we can only display our anger on streets, on social platforms and these virtual worlds..we can pray. We can make people in our surroundings and family aware and if possible help a few. I think unless we come together as a nation none of the reforms will come in to practice.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What I feel is writing stuff in public with an objective to awaken them is useless! Anyone can do it! :/ but what we need to do is 'Act'! When I hear such things, I feel very ashamed to be a guy!
    the main problem in our country is people don't remember what is happening around them for long :/ what happened to people after the nirbhaya rape case? I remember seeing people on tv and it made me feel proud that finally people are acting than just complaining! But after a few weeks I realised, its a trend that people start protesting for every small thing! especially among youngsters its a way of being cool! :/ may be they just dont know shit about the reason to protest!
    my point here is yesterday it was nirbhaya, today it is that five year old kid and tomorrow it can be anyone of us! We need to realise what we are doing! And for men especially, make this country a better place to live in! Its fucking annoying to read about atleast one rape case everyday! Facts say a rape in Delhi happens in every 20 minutes! :/ are we that inhuman or are we that desperate! I just want to make my stand clear that we need to 'act'!
    Nevertheless I have always loved reading preeti's blogs :) and I am posting such a comment with all due respect!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about 'being cool' Hitesh, but fact is we are not policy makers. Therefore we *HAVE* to speak out. It isn't 'annoying' to read about rape but HORRIFYING Hitesh.

      As a parent we need to make our children AWARE. We need to remove the stupid hypocrisy associated with talking about sex. I know a friend whose 14 year old was blissfully unaware of how babies are born and when she asked a doubt after reading her Biology lesson on reproduction, the mother told her that the sperm gets transmitted, 'just like that' , like when you catch a cold. Imagine.

      How can we ACT? Can youngsters like yourself (for example) make patrols and roam the streets to make them safe? Can you educate the men who commit these acts?

      Most men who commit them are migrant workers who have stayed away from home for months together. Sex *is* a natural urge. (I really don't know why the hell these men can't satisfy the urge by masturbating--which is another TABOO topic in the society)

      I really don't know the answers.

      All I can do is raise my voice in a manner that reaches as many as possible.
      Express my anguish and opinions strongly.
      Tell people to educate their children--and to keep them safe.

      Delete
  9. your post made me cry.. its so horrific.. cant imagine the cruelty around ..

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very well said Madam, this is what every single woman of this country is thinking and want to speak in loud manner. This is the high time if we did not wake up now than the day is not far when our nation will be regarded as another 'Congo" ( a notorious country for crime against women)

    ReplyDelete
  11. i wish there was some way we could take the law into our hands. but since that is not possible, the least we can do is raise our voice.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The law doesn't provide safety foe innocence nowadays, because of it lines like CAPE-TOWN is capital of South Africa..
    &
    RAPE TOWN is capital of INCREDIBLE INDIA..!

    I don't understand why people are tuning so brutal where the problem lies? even if punishment is mandatory for such anti- humans but law still treat them humans is the major drawback. where the fucking animals who raped Nirbhaya went, if they would have punished earlier some brutal s might have stopped a bit. More of the things to think is these are happening in metropolitians, is there any link to life style in cities to crimes happening around us whatever the thoughts something has to be revolutionized, such as teaching martial arts, sex education, other safety measures right from the birth of child and specially it is a female child.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have been meaning to vent out in this blog for a couple of days now, but don’t know how should I pour the anger in words? I am numb. Sorry if the language used is harsh, rude and vulgar. If you don’t want to read abuse, please go no further!

    I am enraged to a point that I don’t have words. Is Delhi giving birth to beasts or humans? What is it that is not even letting these bastards think twice before being heinous? Even after repeated protests being held in the city, such crimes are not lessened. I know the whole of Delhi is not to be blamed, but a section of these cheapsters are giving nothing but taint to the capital.

    There is one section-the aam aadmi, who is out protesting on the streets, one-the bastards who are committing the crimes and one-the lawmakers, who are doing nothing to improve the conditions! The 16 December case is still in the Supposed-to-be-fast track court! Why are their balls not just pulled off?? Why can’t they be castrated?? Why can’t they be given a public hanging?? May be these ways can only deter the inhuman beings! What does fucking inserting a bottle and candles in a 5 year old have an explanation to? How can someone be so darn brutal and senseless!!! What is rape being construed as?!!! And on top of that the police are asking the parents to take money and SETTLE the case! Fucking nonsense! All of this in the capital which is ruled by a Woman!!! I have no comments to this!

    Soon people will be apprehensive of having a daughter, not because of the fear of dowry but because of the fear of rape!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. women themselves need to be aware,alert,active against rape cases...we should not depend on govt that govt will do some thing to curb rape..more over main thing which is responsible is gender ratio...states where rape cases are reported almost every week are delhi(821),rajasthan(922),maharashtra(922) in bracket gender ratio 821 means over 1000 men there are 821 women,which is very less if it is scaled over 1 crore then there are around 82 lacs women for 1 crore men.so we are only responsible for this.we need to stop female foeticide...

    ReplyDelete
  15. A nice point.In indian culture,"respect your elders" or so prevalent,that somewhere respecting ourselves and our bodies,is forgotton.RESPECT GOOD HABITS OF ELDERS ,NOT ELDERS.Being courteous is more than enough (like wishing them when we meet,etc).Respect is unnecessary amd uncalled for. On the other hand,change in paradigm is called for

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good analysis.Not only that five-year-old, but numerous tiny tots are victimised in this way.After going through the news papers one adds melancholic weight to his heart. What is the difference between a beast and those so called men? How should they be addressed-rogue or ruffian or villain of the society,words are insufficient?Poor little innocent minuscules! Punishment should be instant and tantamount to the suffering of the infant.What a country! mother, you bend your head ashamed of the fiends for taking birth in your womb.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi preeti ... m truely glad that you brought out this topic. I would like to add on a very important point regarding this issue. I am a mother of two bright male kids. And after seeing such horrendous acts happening all around us every single minute i feel that apart from imparting sex education to our kids it is our duty to make our sons sensitive and responsible towards others daughters and their prestige. Not only it is our morale duty to raise mentally healthy sons also we have to work towards making our sons respect the being, of a girl child. We as parents are responsible that our child becomes a 'HUMAN' and fights for humanity and not become a 'BEAST'.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The whole of India must be wondering what more atrocious and despicable crimes must happen for our lawmakers to bite the bullet and institute a) castration b) death penalty via public hanging! Perhaps the answer is not too far to seek...both the criminals and our policy makers do not have the balls to take issues head on - the criminals their repressed sexuality and our policymakers, their emasculation on such issues! Instead, the case goes on and forever on in our already mired courts! We have become a laughing stock in the eyes of the world for our collective hand wringing and incompetence. Perhaps we are unfit to rule ... perhaps there was better law, order and fear under our former rulers!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Preeti i feel your anger.
    Sometimes i feel it is best not to let such accused go to court. the bastards will come out way way or the other. Citizen justice should prevail. Swift. Horrific. Scary.

    ReplyDelete
  21. that's true....most of the abusers are known to children and their family members.it doesn't depend upon the gender.most of the abusers might have gone through the same kind of traumatic situations.....nothing can be done except educating children.

    ReplyDelete
  22. There is no point talking about this. It is going to be an endless debate and rapes will continue happening. when the nirbhaya case protests happened, i actually thought things would change...but then alas!!! i forgot we live in a shithole country with a shithole leader and his foreign lass who are more interested in creating more states for political gains and feeding people with Rs 12 a day...

    There is just one solution to this problem. Physical castration. nothing less then that. and forget the fucking courts of law (which by the way give out justice after years, sometimes the accused dies of old age) but should be taken into the public hands. look at what Saudi arabia does. look at the rape stats there, its almost zero.

    these sick basterds will not change coz our laws are the most lax. we have made it a habit to shout about these issues for a few days, burn a few candles and then forget about it. unless people "act" nothing is going to happen. the attitude and chauvinism that our male population carries needs to be crushed. people need to think atleast 100 times about the consequences of such a crime before committing them. I cannot forget the horrific murders of keenan and reuben. we have had this male superiority thing for ages now so these basterds think its their right to treat women the way they think its right. its time to treat them the way we think is right.

    God, please dont show even an ounce of mercy to such people. every single minute of theirs should be a living hell. they should rot for 1 thousand years.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)