Skip to main content

5 effective ways to deal with Criticism and put-downs

And so we all come across them--the drains (people who leave you feeling drained) , the prickers incorporated, the damp squibs who can never be happy for you and the ones possessed by the green-eyed monster who scrutinize you from head to toe and actually find something to say to put you down. (Oh yes--there are many like that!)

How do you deal with such people? What can you do to not let their attitude or what they say affect you?


While you do not have much control over what others will say and do, you definitely can control how you respond.

Here  are five things that you can do:

First: Identify where the criticism is coming from. Why is this person putting you down ? Is there substance in what this person is saying? Is it jealousy? Most of us tend to be harsh on ourselves. Don't be! Give yourself some credit!

Second: Recognise that put-downs can be a good thing too. We all feel happy when there is only praise. However, criticism can also make us pause and think. It can make us re-evaluate whether what we are doing is in alignment with where we want to be. Is there a better way of doing what we have done?

Third: Look at the credentials of the 'critic'. Is it a person you hold in high esteem? If so what do you appreciate about that person? Is that person 'qualified' to give you criticism? Has that person achieved a certain amount of success in the field where the criticism is being offered?

Fourth: Remember--it is just an opinion. Like the famous quote goes (it appeared first in the movie 'dead pool')  "Opinions are like a*%#-holes. Everyone has one". At the end of the day, it is their opinion. It is not set in stone or sacrosanct.

Fifth: Mentally list all the stuff you *are* great at! Think of all the things you did right. All the splendid stuff in your life that you are happy about. SMILE. And do not react at all to criticism. Nothing gets a person more rattled than knowing their words did not affect you at all  (if it is 'false' criticism. You are smart enough to figure out when it is fuelled by jealousy and when it is fulled by having your best interests at heart.) :)
 
_____________________________________________________________________
  PS: I will be at Crosswords (alwarpet store, TTK road, Opp IOC pump) Chennai on 19th February at 6.30 pm. Come and say a hi if you are around :)


If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
 And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)





Comments

  1. The Drains, hehe, thats a nice term for them. And ya, I have to agree with your five ways. Critism can make us fall or sometimes push us too high above.

    ReplyDelete
  2. constructive criticism can be good sometimes .. but as you say most of the criticism comes out of jealousy !

    ReplyDelete
  3. WOW...what a way to start a Monday:) This is so true, but I guess we understand this once we mature. Previously comments and criticism from people whom I know and also whom I don't know mattered a lot to me. But now things are entriely different. Your 5-pointers are so thought provoking. I guess you are soon going to be a professional speaker:)
    All the best for all your events!
    Wishes and hugs
    Gayu

    ReplyDelete
  4. thank you mam, your posts really help a lot...these are things that almost everyone knows but it feels nice to be reminded again and again....thank you..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Criticism may act as an antibiotic which may provide you an immediate heal ,but pain recurs.I think it may not be constructive and suggestion is constuctive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I so agree with you Rudraprayaga. Well said! very well said. I never criticize. Even when asked for an opinion i keep my words soft.

      Delete
  6. Timely post! :) Thank you Preeti! I conduct a status meeting on Monday which I dread going to because of one team member. She is nasty and very draining; I feel exhausted after the call. Today, I had a strategy. Just before the call, I jotted down 5 things for which I am grateful, breathed deeply through the entire meeting. Call it manifestation or good luck, today's status meeting went smoothly.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You said it once again Preeti..This balancing act -being the person you are and dealing with the outpours on you genuinely - has to be done with immense care.If one really care about oneself..Loved the entire thing you wrote there.
    (Preeti,sorry that I am not at Cochin now.Have such a longing to meet you.See my surprise)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Preeti,
    Congrats on the superb success of "The Secret WishList".. I loved the book..
    Loved your post...The best part about your blog and your writings is the optimistic and positive approach in the way of thinking... What is said is so true... we all have had experiences of dealing with such drains and prickers... and not all of us can deal with them as beautifully as you suggested in the post.. So personally, I will def try to act on your suggestions the next time I encounter such people........

    ReplyDelete
  9. Loved reading your post. Really nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I always believe criticism comes from jealousy... even i'm a green monster sometimes :D So I know how it works!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Totally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Concur with ur post. For years I mistook this criticism for feedback & was harsh on myself. Then I realized nobody is perfect, so rather than penalizing yourself for the things u arent good at, appreciate yourself for the things u can do better than anyone else. Things u love to do. Then I also realized that often, criticism sprouts out of jealousy. When someone isnt bestowed with the talent we have. An attack on someone's moral is the easiest...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Agree...though 4th & 5th are hard to follow;-(

    The bit which really caught my attention is the 3rd point.....to check whether the person is qualified to dole out advice and criticism....you said it Preeti.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)


Popular posts from this blog

Re-store : A delightful little shop in Whitefield, Bangalore.

All of us are guilty, at least to some extent  of hoarding stuff. We hold on to old things--be it clothes, books, utensils, footwear, knick-knacks or some such, that form the minutiae of our daily lives. Many a time these add to the the clutter too. Rare is the home which looks like the above pic.


I am a huge fan of Marie Kondo, and I highly recommend her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up  which is more than just a book.

It is an entire philosophy, and a new approach. I read the book back to back, and immediately put into use the methods described in the book. I must tell you how wonderful I felt! I never thought that I could be that organised.

Clearing clutter, and the stuff that you no longer have use for, does release 'blocked energy.' There is no scientific or rational explanation for this. I only know that it works for me. Any Feng Shui practitioner and  loads of Eastern Schools of belief will confirm this.

I always make it a point to give away things I no longe…

A few happy things!

Over the last few days, I have been making a portrait every single day, as a part of#Risedrawas well as the May Drawing challenge. Initially I was posting my portraits every single day, on this blog. Then I realised that not too many people read this blog for  my portraits :) Also I do have a dedicatedInstagram page for my art where I post daily!

I didn't see any point in duplicating the same here. Especially because, I also post it on sktchy app. So to post it a third time on my blog, didn't make any sense.

 In case  you do not have an Instagram account, you can still click on the link, bookmark it, and see it from your laptop :)

Apologies to all those who have written to me saying that they are disappointed that I didn't post daily here--this was the reason.



Also a big thank you to all of you who interpreted the 'heart signs' that I had been seeing everywhere.
I want to tell you all, that the heart signs continued the next day too! It was the craziest thing ever…

Are you missing a sign? (or What do you think this means?)

Yesterday, something strange happened to me.
In the mornings and in the evenings, I always take my dog for a walk. Sometimes, we go thrice a day.
Yesterday, in the morning, when I went for my walk, I saw this.

 It was a little rope which was lying in my path in the shape of a heart. I just found it cute and amusing. So I clicked a picture and posted in on my Instagram stories. (I keep posting  throughout the day, tiny snippets from my life.) Those of you who follow me on instagram, must have seen this in my feed. You can see my foot and my dog's paw in the above photo.

Then I walked on. A few minutes later, I found another rope/chord lying on my path--and this one too in the shape of a heart! I clicked another photo.

Here too you can see my foot and my dog's paw.

I had read a lot of posts from Erin Pavlina, as in the past many remarkable coincidences kept happening in my life. Erin has written a very useful piece,where she explains how to tell if something is a sign from the…