Skip to main content

5 effective ways to deal with Criticism and put-downs

And so we all come across them--the drains (people who leave you feeling drained) , the prickers incorporated, the damp squibs who can never be happy for you and the ones possessed by the green-eyed monster who scrutinize you from head to toe and actually find something to say to put you down. (Oh yes--there are many like that!)

How do you deal with such people? What can you do to not let their attitude or what they say affect you?


While you do not have much control over what others will say and do, you definitely can control how you respond.

Here  are five things that you can do:

First: Identify where the criticism is coming from. Why is this person putting you down ? Is there substance in what this person is saying? Is it jealousy? Most of us tend to be harsh on ourselves. Don't be! Give yourself some credit!

Second: Recognise that put-downs can be a good thing too. We all feel happy when there is only praise. However, criticism can also make us pause and think. It can make us re-evaluate whether what we are doing is in alignment with where we want to be. Is there a better way of doing what we have done?

Third: Look at the credentials of the 'critic'. Is it a person you hold in high esteem? If so what do you appreciate about that person? Is that person 'qualified' to give you criticism? Has that person achieved a certain amount of success in the field where the criticism is being offered?

Fourth: Remember--it is just an opinion. Like the famous quote goes (it appeared first in the movie 'dead pool')  "Opinions are like a*%#-holes. Everyone has one". At the end of the day, it is their opinion. It is not set in stone or sacrosanct.

Fifth: Mentally list all the stuff you *are* great at! Think of all the things you did right. All the splendid stuff in your life that you are happy about. SMILE. And do not react at all to criticism. Nothing gets a person more rattled than knowing their words did not affect you at all  (if it is 'false' criticism. You are smart enough to figure out when it is fuelled by jealousy and when it is fulled by having your best interests at heart.) :)
 
_____________________________________________________________________
  PS: I will be at Crosswords (alwarpet store, TTK road, Opp IOC pump) Chennai on 19th February at 6.30 pm. Come and say a hi if you are around :)


If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
 And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)





Comments

  1. The Drains, hehe, thats a nice term for them. And ya, I have to agree with your five ways. Critism can make us fall or sometimes push us too high above.

    ReplyDelete
  2. constructive criticism can be good sometimes .. but as you say most of the criticism comes out of jealousy !

    ReplyDelete
  3. WOW...what a way to start a Monday:) This is so true, but I guess we understand this once we mature. Previously comments and criticism from people whom I know and also whom I don't know mattered a lot to me. But now things are entriely different. Your 5-pointers are so thought provoking. I guess you are soon going to be a professional speaker:)
    All the best for all your events!
    Wishes and hugs
    Gayu

    ReplyDelete
  4. thank you mam, your posts really help a lot...these are things that almost everyone knows but it feels nice to be reminded again and again....thank you..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Criticism may act as an antibiotic which may provide you an immediate heal ,but pain recurs.I think it may not be constructive and suggestion is constuctive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I so agree with you Rudraprayaga. Well said! very well said. I never criticize. Even when asked for an opinion i keep my words soft.

      Delete
  6. Timely post! :) Thank you Preeti! I conduct a status meeting on Monday which I dread going to because of one team member. She is nasty and very draining; I feel exhausted after the call. Today, I had a strategy. Just before the call, I jotted down 5 things for which I am grateful, breathed deeply through the entire meeting. Call it manifestation or good luck, today's status meeting went smoothly.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You said it once again Preeti..This balancing act -being the person you are and dealing with the outpours on you genuinely - has to be done with immense care.If one really care about oneself..Loved the entire thing you wrote there.
    (Preeti,sorry that I am not at Cochin now.Have such a longing to meet you.See my surprise)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Preeti,
    Congrats on the superb success of "The Secret WishList".. I loved the book..
    Loved your post...The best part about your blog and your writings is the optimistic and positive approach in the way of thinking... What is said is so true... we all have had experiences of dealing with such drains and prickers... and not all of us can deal with them as beautifully as you suggested in the post.. So personally, I will def try to act on your suggestions the next time I encounter such people........

    ReplyDelete
  9. Loved reading your post. Really nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I always believe criticism comes from jealousy... even i'm a green monster sometimes :D So I know how it works!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Totally agree. It has taken me a couple of years to arrive at whatever you have just written. I learned it the hard way.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Concur with ur post. For years I mistook this criticism for feedback & was harsh on myself. Then I realized nobody is perfect, so rather than penalizing yourself for the things u arent good at, appreciate yourself for the things u can do better than anyone else. Things u love to do. Then I also realized that often, criticism sprouts out of jealousy. When someone isnt bestowed with the talent we have. An attack on someone's moral is the easiest...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Agree...though 4th & 5th are hard to follow;-(

    The bit which really caught my attention is the 3rd point.....to check whether the person is qualified to dole out advice and criticism....you said it Preeti.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate your leaving a comment! Okay--I appreciate your leaving a comment if you have something nice to say ;-)


Popular posts from this blog

My TOP TEN books for 2018

I have read 35 books this year. If you are looking to read MORE  in the new year, I have also written a post on it : 5 easy ways to read more and transform your life.

Since the end of the year is a good time to make a list, I thought I would share my TOP reads for this year. (It would be difficult to list all 35 I read, and also I didn't enjoy all)

So here are my top  ten in no particular order. (It was very very very hard to pick just ten).
I am not writing what these books here about as you can easily look them up online,  and read what they are about. Some are non-fiction in this list. They might have been published many years back--but it is just that I read them this year.

1. Nightingale --Kristin Hannah.






2. Childhood friend --Vaikom Muhammed Basheer



3.The Last Email --Mridula Garg





 4. Little Fires Everywhere --Celeste Ng








5. Bad Blood --John Carryrou.

6. Knight of seven Kingdoms: GRR Martin


7. The Little Prince:  Antoine de saint exupéry 

8.Text Don't Call: By INF Joe (a b…

On keeping diaries and journals.

In my book A Hundred Little Flames Gopal Shanker keeps a diary. I have based him on my own grandfather who used to keep diaries.

I too have kept journals and diaries ever since I was a child. This year, I am happy that I managed to write a page, every single day. In addition to my personal diary, I also kept an illustrated journal this year. I found it was great fun. I am sharing three pages from my illusrated journal, to give you an idea of what my journal is like.





You can see the date stamp on the top right corner of each page, and you can see how I have drawn something from my day. Often there is nothing dramatic in my day. They are just ordinary days. But what I like is to find something 'worthy' from that day, and draw it in the journal.
I follow just one rule for my journal--no recording negativity of any kind. I focus only on the positives.

In my personal diary, I write my thoughts--my goals, what I have to do in the future, and generally I record whatever happened tha…

This is how I welcome the new year

Happy happy happy new year folks!!! As I type this, I can hear loud party noises and fire crackers all around.
I dislike parties. I prefer being in a quiet atmosphere with my loved ones, doing something meaningful together.
We always light the lamp at midnight. It's a family tradition. You can see the lamp in the first picture, and my altar, illuminated by the brightness of the lamp in the second.

We thank the universe for ALL the blessings bestowed upon us.
And we welcome the new year with prayers and gratitude.


With this I come to the end of my blog marathon. 31 days, and I have given you all 31 posts!
Leave me comments. I love to hear from you.

 Happy New Year once again. May all your dreams come true.